Therapy sesh

[DVMmomma]

*poof* because I got self conscious when no one said anything.

[nomnom]

It's much quieter here on the weekend.

[schmella]

Aw hon this group is definitely quiet on weekends. And I'm always on tapa- I swear it's a little delayed. What's up?

[Squishy622]

Yes please come back and share again! It does get quiet here sometimes but we are an amazing, supportive, non-judgmental bunch if I do say so myself

[DVMmomma]

Thanks everyone! I'm already feeling better today. The gist was that we were not prepared to find out we are expecting twins and I wasn't as excited as everyone seemed to think I should be and it was making me feel like a bad person. We wanted two kids and we were going to be done. Finding out the universe decided 3 was actually what we were supposed to have was/is a lot to take in since I'm a crazy planner and this now means things like needing to buy a bigger car, needing to (most likely) give up working overnights at my job, one baby on each boob, losing a guest bedroom in our house, and other things I just never pictured happening.

But then I spent the morning googling twin cuteness and I feel better.

[nerdykitten]

DVMmomma it is completely normal to have less than excited feelings at first. There is a lot of anxiety with multiple pregnancies as it often does throw curveballs into your life plan. I mean being a SAHM was never the plan for me, but triplets changed that for now. It meant having to take all of the student loan money possible to just be able to pay the bills since going to work is not possible currently. Plus a bigger vehicle, which ended up being covered by an insurance check as someone hit and totaled my little mazda. Eventually you will make new plans and get comfortable with them. I totally get where you are coming from though cause I was always hearing triple the love, hugs and kisses while I was thinking yup and triple all the stressful aspects too.

[schmella]

I. Was. Terrified.
DH and I cried in the parking lot after the ultrasound. We both freaked out about all the expenses, I mourned the loss of my minimal intervention, natural pregnancy, worried about bonding and breastfeeding, you name it. It's ok.
They are the best thing to ever happen to us and I wouldn't change a thing. You get different moments, that's all.

[callmeKD]

+1 to team terrified. I sobbed at my prenatal yoga class about it last week. The poor teacher. We wanted a 2nd baby so badly and now I'm going between excitement and grief (that neither baby will have my full attention). But I would also be devastated to lose them. So yeah. I'm right there with you!

[richzep]

When our son was a year old we did ivf again and when the doc said two heartbeats, DH and I were more pissed than happy. Which is crazy because it took us forever and a lot of money to get to that point. We should have been grateful but we were both like wtf do we do now? I'll have 3 kids under 2. We have to get a new car. We have to buy a shit ton of more things. We have to hire help.
But the twins came last year and somehow it worked out. I bought everything used and super cheap. I did buy a bigger car but it was cheaper. I did need help the first few months so we had to budget for that. None of them are in school yet so it's me with my two year old and twin 1 year olds all day every day. Husband travels a lot.
It's manageable. It becomes your new norm. The kids will cry. But they'll also smile. And they'll laugh. And they'll play. It's all going to be ok.
I still look at others with envy when they only have a toddler and one baby. I think how easy it is. But then I look at my kids and remind myself that the difficulty is temporary and we have a lifetime of incredible memories ahead of us. Plus the twin connection is seriously so cool!!


Congrats to you! Let us know if you have any questions or just need to vent. This is the perfect place.

[DVMmomma]

You guys are the best.

[LydiaDeetz]

I'm still more terrified than excited ((hugs)).

[thesportsgal]

Oct 3, 2016 12:23:19 GMT -5 DVMmomma said:

Thanks everyone! I'm already feeling better today. The gist was that we were not prepared to find out we are expecting twins and I wasn't as excited as everyone seemed to think I should be and it was making me feel like a bad person. We wanted two kids and we were going to be done. Finding out the universe decided 3 was actually what we were supposed to have was/is a lot to take in since I'm a crazy planner and this now means things like needing to buy a bigger car, needing to (most likely) give up working overnights at my job, one baby on each boob, losing a guest bedroom in our house, and other things I just never pictured happening.

But then I spent the morning googling twin cuteness and I feel better.

TOTALLY NORMAL.  I freaked out so hard my OB uses my reaction as an anecdote for some of her other patients (especially twin ones!)  You are not a bad person at all, you just got the shock of your life!!  Getting out numbered quickly (we had 3u2, soon to be a more "normal" 3u3;) is a challenge but totally doable.  You probably WILL need bigger car sorry to say (stick with Diono car seats for 3 across), but don't worry about the guest room just yet!  Our twins still share one room so we still have the guest room  

Now that they are here, I can't imagine not having both of them in our family.  They definitely completed us - I guess the plan was to just have our family completed at the same time! 

So it's totally okay to freak out and ask questions, we are here to help! 

[schmella]

Oh yeah, my b/g twins will share a room until they request their own or it becomes developmentally necessary - which, based on what I've heard from other twin mamas, will be somewhere around 5-7yrs.

[nomnom]

Oct 4, 2016 9:54:04 GMT -5 thesportsgal said:

Oct 3, 2016 12:23:19 GMT -5 DVMmomma said:

Thanks everyone! I'm already feeling better today. The gist was that we were not prepared to find out we are expecting twins and I wasn't as excited as everyone seemed to think I should be and it was making me feel like a bad person. We wanted two kids and we were going to be done. Finding out the universe decided 3 was actually what we were supposed to have was/is a lot to take in since I'm a crazy planner and this now means things like needing to buy a bigger car, needing to (most likely) give up working overnights at my job, one baby on each boob, losing a guest bedroom in our house, and other things I just never pictured happening.

But then I spent the morning googling twin cuteness and I feel better.

TOTALLY NORMAL.  I freaked out so hard my OB uses my reaction as an anecdote for some of her other patients (especially twin ones!)  You are not a bad person at all, you just got the shock of your life!!  Getting out numbered quickly (we had 3u2, soon to be a more "normal" 3u3;) is a challenge but totally doable.  You probably WILL need bigger car sorry to say (stick with Diono car seats for 3 across), but don't worry about the guest room just yet!  Our twins still share one room so we still have the guest room  

Now that they are here, I can't imagine not having both of them in our family.  They definitely completed us - I guess the plan was to just have our family completed at the same time! 

So it's totally okay to freak out and ask questions, we are here to help! 

A caveat I found with Diono car seats is that they don't work nearly as well if the seat in the car is flat instead of tilted down towards the back of the car. The angle adjuster (foam block) can only do so much. In both my RAV4 and our surburban that replaced the RAV, the Diono Rainier was as reclined as an infant seat even with the angle adjuster. It was also difficult to install securely because of the stiff part of the seat belt buckle. If at all possible, try installing any car seat you get before you buy or make sure there is a good return policy. I ended up going with a couple of Britax Boulevard car seats and putting the Diono in storage. I'm not sure yet if I'll keep it until one of our kids can face forward or if I'll just sell it.

[thesportsgal]

Oct 4, 2016 11:23:33 GMT -5 nomnom said:

Oct 4, 2016 9:54:04 GMT -5 thesportsgal said:

TOTALLY NORMAL.  I freaked out so hard my OB uses my reaction as an anecdote for some of her other patients (especially twin ones!)  You are not a bad person at all, you just got the shock of your life!!  Getting out numbered quickly (we had 3u2, soon to be a more "normal" 3u3;) is a challenge but totally doable.  You probably WILL need bigger car sorry to say (stick with Diono car seats for 3 across), but don't worry about the guest room just yet!  Our twins still share one room so we still have the guest room  

Now that they are here, I can't imagine not having both of them in our family.  They definitely completed us - I guess the plan was to just have our family completed at the same time! 

So it's totally okay to freak out and ask questions, we are here to help! 

A caveat I found with Diono car seats is that they don't work nearly as well if the seat in the car is flat instead of tilted down towards the back of the car. The angle adjuster (foam block) can only do so much. In both my RAV4 and our surburban that replaced the RAV, the Diono Rainier was as reclined as an infant seat even with the angle adjuster. It was also difficult to install securely because of the stiff part of the seat belt buckle. If at all possible, try installing any car seat you get before you buy or make sure there is a good return policy. I ended up going with a couple of Britax Boulevard car seats and putting the Diono in storage. I'm not sure yet if I'll keep it until one of our kids can face forward or if I'll just sell it.

Oh, let the record show I freaking HATE the seats, think they are ridiculously heavy and impossible to install.  But the Radian is the only one that would fit 3 across, including 2 rear facing, in our Honda Accord.  Were you able to fit 3 across in a RAV?  I've tried and not had any luck so I moved to the Highlander, where I can fit 2 Britax and 1 Diono.  No way would the Accord fit 2 Britax.  

[nomnom]

Oct 4, 2016 14:02:15 GMT -5 thesportsgal said:

Oct 4, 2016 11:23:33 GMT -5 nomnom said:

A caveat I found with Diono car seats is that they don't work nearly as well if the seat in the car is flat instead of tilted down towards the back of the car. The angle adjuster (foam block) can only do so much. In both my RAV4 and our surburban that replaced the RAV, the Diono Rainier was as reclined as an infant seat even with the angle adjuster. It was also difficult to install securely because of the stiff part of the seat belt buckle. If at all possible, try installing any car seat you get before you buy or make sure there is a good return policy. I ended up going with a couple of Britax Boulevard car seats and putting the Diono in storage. I'm not sure yet if I'll keep it until one of our kids can face forward or if I'll just sell it.

Oh, let the record show I freaking HATE the seats, think they are ridiculously heavy and impossible to install.  But the Radian is the only one that would fit 3 across, including 2 rear facing, in our Honda Accord.  Were you able to fit 3 across in a RAV?  I've tried and not had any luck so I moved to the Highlander, where I can fit 2 Britax and 1 Diono.  No way would the Accord fit 2 Britax.  

I didn't try to fit more than one in the RAV because either my knees were in the glove box or MH could barely fit in the driver's seat (MH would not fit in the passenger seat and I fit reasonably okay in the driver's seat). I'm sure we could not have fit three across in the RAV because the center "seat" in the back is something like 8" wide.

[schmella]

Oct 4, 2016 14:23:36 GMT -5 nomnom said:

Oct 4, 2016 14:02:15 GMT -5 thesportsgal said:

Oh, let the record show I freaking HATE the seats, think they are ridiculously heavy and impossible to install.  But the Radian is the only one that would fit 3 across, including 2 rear facing, in our Honda Accord.  Were you able to fit 3 across in a RAV?  I've tried and not had any luck so I moved to the Highlander, where I can fit 2 Britax and 1 Diono.  No way would the Accord fit 2 Britax.  

I didn't try to fit more than one in the RAV because either my knees were in the glove box or MH could barely fit in the driver's seat (MH would not fit in the passenger seat and I fit reasonably okay in the driver's seat). I'm sure we could not have fit three across in the RAV because the center "seat" in the back is something like 8" wide.

The design of the RAV4 makes it actually impossible to do 3 across. Which is why we traded it in for our T&C

[Squishy622]

So glad you're feeling better! Reading your story I felt like you were telling my own. It is hard to admit it even now (mine just turned 1), and I do have a bit of guilt over it, but I did go through a period of mourning our news before I felt any excitement. We had planned on 2 kids total as well and the surprise 3rd literally had us changing everything in our lives (we couldn't afford to continue living where we were so we moved across the country).

I am tearing up as I write this because that bonus kid was probably the best thing to ever happen to us. It's hard and it's not what we'd planned but it's amazing.

Your feelings are totally valid. Especially coupled with the challenges of a twin pregnancy. But I'm telling you, from the other side.... completely worth it ❤️

[DVMmomma]

Squishy622 I have too many hormonal feels these days! Don't make me cry. Thank you for sharing that. Deep down I can absolutely picture it- this third baby is the one to really just make this family feel complete and perfect. I can't wait to see how it plays out.

[Deleted]

@dvmomma- exact same scenario as you. Had a 3yr old and said lets have a second....nope twins. Wasn't prepared at all for that since no twins in the family. I still say it's "awesome/awful".

Personally I still have days that I struggle with this. Today LO 1 was hard to get ready and out of the house. Cried on my way to work thinking how the hell will I do this with 3!!??!!

No one here will judge - it's a huge range of emotions coupled with extra hormones for us!