TTCAL 10.4.16

[akraus2015]

How are you doing? Good! Although I'm being a very bad TWWer. Cannot quit the caffeine this week. And had a glass of wine today and yesterday.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, 8DPO on IUI #2

Diagnosis (if applicable): You guys know my story by now...

Updates/questions: Just hanging out in the TWW, trying not to test. I'm traveling for work until Friday, so I know I can at least hold out until then. Saturday, however, may be a different story. I'm reeeeally going to try and wait.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Nada.

QOTW: Who is your biggest supporter though your loss? Who cold you throw into Niagara Falls (no barrel) after your loss? I'm pleasantly surprised by the number of people who have stepped up and supported me with kind words and thoughts. It's those that are closest to me who I sometimes want to TP.

[ironbaby]

FX so hard for you, akraus2015!


How are you doing? pretty terrible

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): NA

Updates/questions: 12DPO on IUI#3, BFNs all around. We'll move on to IUI#4, then IVF.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I am in a pretty bad place, and this week has just been back-to-back great news for people I love. Which I am really happy for and wouldn't have any other way, but I am getting really dragged down by trying to put so much positivity out into the universe and still getting handed shit for luck.

QOTW: Who is your biggest supporter though your loss? Who cold you throw into Niagara Falls (no barrel) after your loss?
H and I somehow kept each other afloat, and I have one friend who knows everything and never says anything hurtful.
My mom, though, says some terrible things that I think she thinks are helpful...but I am wishing she knew less.

[akraus2015]

ironbaby, big hugs to you girl. This is such a shitty and frustrating process.

I can feel period cramps coming on strong. Which is weird because it's early still, but at least I'm not tempted to test.

We won't move onto IUI #3, at least not right away. We're completely out of savings, so we'll go for #3 when my little Stella blue card can pay for it. Which will be a minute, if my recent sales are any indication of future success. :/

[doodler]

akraus2015 I'm rooting so hard for you. For me period cramps are also a sign of pregnancy so it's an extra big mind fuck every month...
ironbaby I'm sorry. I know exactly how you are feeling. It can be exhausting trying to keep your happy face on. Even when your happy face is genuine, it is hard to balance with the shit storm you are feeling inside.

How are you doing? Not good my friends, not good.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): I don't even know.

Diagnosis (if applicable): RPL, AMA, Unicorn Uterus

Updates/questions: Loss #5 is in the books. HCG still isn't totally down so I go back next week for another draw. I don't even know what I want to do right now. One minute I think that I'm done, and we won't be having another child, then the next minute I think well, we could try again.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I feel like my life is a debbie downer right now. My anxiety is through the roof. I had a panic attack this weekend and that hasn't happened since my first loss over a year ago. I caught some sort of two day virus and was feeling like shit yesterday but tried to go to work. I got there, burst into tears(thankfully only one other person was there), and then left. I went home and laid in bed all day.

I am feeling better today and I am back at work, but I am consumed by thoughts of all of this. I had an AWFUL experience the last time I tried to see a counselor, but I think I might need to try again.

QOTW: Who is your biggest supporter though your loss? Who cold you throw into Niagara Falls (no barrel) after your loss? I have some amazing friends. AMAZING. Every time this happens, I get flowers, wine, food, etc in the mail and they are so great about checking in with me and saying the right things. Both DH and my families have been great as well.
There is one person who really gets under my skin. She is not a close friend, but she is the sister in law of my best friend and lives in my neighborhood so I see her frequently. She has said and done some really obnoxious things to me over the past year.

[ironbaby]

doodler, I can't imagine the agony you're in right now. Remember you don't have to make any decisions immediately. I am so happy you have good friends to lean on. Please take care of yourself. I think a counselor is a fantastic idea, but I hope you can find a better one.

[rosey06]

Sending hugs all around ladies

[rosey06]

How are you doing? Ok I suppose


Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): ttc 9dpo, throwing caution to the wind and very first cycle after the loss


Diagnosis (if applicable):


Updates/questions: it's been one month this week since my miscarriage. My endo told me to get my tsh rechecked in one month. I can't decide if I should go this week.. or next week (one month after my hcg went negative). Its only a difference of a week so it's like splitting hairs but I just really don't want to start a new cycle on Monday without knowing if my tsh went back down.


Debbie downer (a place to vent): I feel zero positivity for this first cycle. None. My boobs aren't even giving me post O soreness, let alone a pregnancy soreness. Boo.


QOTW: Who is your biggest supporter though your loss? Who cold you throw into Niagara Falls (no barrel) after your loss?
My husband is def my biggest supporter. Outside of each other, no one else really talks about it to be a supporter or someone I want to toss in Niagara Falls lol. I guess that could be a good and bad thing.

[wannabmama]

akraus2015 fx for you!! (I am such a bad TWWer...I have cut my caffeine and booze way back in general, but I can't function without my morning jolt, so I still have my coffee...and sometimes a bit of vino...)

ironbaby boo hiss on the BFNs, I totally know what you mean about the positive stuff into the universe. I keep thinking, wait, isn't it supposed to come back around at some point?!?!

doodler take your time to make your decision, I think it would be great if you can find a counselor you like. I only went a couple times because the location was so inconvenient for me...but I really enjoyed just having someone not actually connected to me to talk things through with. Hugs, girl.

@samrs22 I am so glad you and YH are more on the same page now, I agree that sometimes it takes trying to communicate a few different ways to get through to them, I am glad you guys found a medium that works! And of course stay active even if you are TTA, it's going to be on your mind even if you aren't actively cycling I'm sure! Venting things out here is a great way to reduce stress, IMO!

[wannabmama]

How are you doing? OK


Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): CD11 of IVF#2


Diagnosis (if applicable): old


Updates/questions: going back for my next monitoring appt tomorrow, things have been moving slowly so I am really really hoping for a little good news tomorrow, a few more measurable follicles, a nice high e2...I'll take anything I can get!


Debbie downer (a place to vent): Just trying to focus on this cycle and not think back to the other ones, or focus on what it means to have a few quick losses. Just saying mantras to myself to focus on the here and now and the future...we'll see if it works as the TWW goes on (assuming we have enough follicles to get to retrieval, of course, which is not a guarantee at this point).


QOTW: Who is your biggest supporter though your loss? Who cold you throw into Niagara Falls (no barrel) after your loss? MH has been great and not so great, ha. Mostly great. My mom only learned about it all sort of late in the process, but she has been a surprising support. One great girlfriend has also been a big support, always asking for all the details of my appts, calling and texting nonstop as I went through beta hell, etc.

**TW OPP/LC Mentioned**
One other friend has been terrible, just insensitive and dumb...and she got KU by just thinking about it one day on her honeymoon, which was a year into us trying, and now she has a baby, so...yeah.

[rangie]

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): NA

Updates/questions: 7DPO on first cycle after a CP. Didn't wait at all. Ovulated a couple days later than normal and went for it.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I'm completely unable to concentrate at work. I'm pretty down I guess. I was going to try to not test until next Friday but that seems highly unlikely.

QOTW: My people have been pretty good. No complaints, but I had only told people who I knew would be good. There are one or two I haven't told about the loss yet, as I'm hoping by the next time I see them I'll be pregnant again. I guess that's playing with fire.

[wannabmama]

rangie I'm sorry for your loss. I hated being at work and having to just pretend nothing happened, I had some crazy, "need to get out of this building," moments for sure. Hang in there!

[akraus2015]

Not pregnant. This was our last IUI cycle that we can afford for quite awhile. I broke down sobbing in the middle of my communications meeting today. It wasn't pretty. I hate this so much.

[wannabmama]

Oct 6, 2016 14:57:14 GMT -5 akraus2015 said:

Not pregnant. This was our last IUI cycle that we can afford for quite awhile. I broke down sobbing in the middle of my communications meeting today. It wasn't pretty. I hate this so much.

I'm so sorry.  I hope you can do something nice for yourself soon? Start with some wine. xo

hugs for you

[ironbaby]

akraus2015, sending you so much love right now. I'm with you on the breakdown.

[rangie]

akraus2015, I'm so sorry. That really sucks.

wannabmama, @samrs22, thanks for the welcomes. Sorry to see you here.

[jayhawk84]

akraus2015, I am so sorry you are going through this, hugs

[jayhawk84]

How are you doing? pretty good


Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):TTC


Updates/questions: none really


Debbie downer (a place to vent): AF started on Tuesday, so this cycle is a bust. I go back and forth between very "it'll happen when it happens" zen to sadness/anger


QOTW: Who is your biggest supporter though your loss? Who cold you throw into Niagara Falls (no barrel) after your loss? My friends and family have been great. I don't think there's anyone I would throw into Niagara Falls, but I could do without a certain OPP coworker. I think she honestly is trying to be sensitive and not mention her pregnancy, but it still sucks and is a constant reminder of what I want and don't have.

[doodler]

akraus2015 I've been MIA cause of my own shit and I just saw this. I'm so sorry love.

[rosey06]

It's pretty sucky when someone announces on Facebook with basically the same announcement you were going to use in just 1 wk

[jayhawk84]

I'm so sorry rosey06, that would be so tough

[diamondsndaisies]

akraus2015 I'm so sorry dear. All the hugs for you.