I sincerely hope wanting equal women's rights isn't a UO!
Talking to some women these days it seems they think feminists are "man hating". Young women I worked with, my 16 year old niece and some of her friends and some relatives, they all think feminism is unnecessary. It is sad, and scary.
In response to the feminism thing I'm just going to leave this here... youtu.be/gkjW9PZBRfk Emma Watson (Hermione) is a badass
Talking to some women these days it seems they think feminists are "man hating". Young women I worked with, my 16 year old niece and some of her friends and some relatives, they all think feminism is unnecessary. It is sad, and scary.
In response to the feminism thing I'm just going to leave this here... youtu.be/gkjW9PZBRfk Emma Watson (Hermione) is a badass
I should encourage my niece to watch, it is a good start.
I don't mind at all being called Mrs. Husband's Lastname. That's my name. I dislike being called Mrs. John Smith.
And I would love to be called mommy by someone, but that person doesn't exist yet.
Honest question: is it disrespectful to address a woman as "Mrs. John Smith"? I try to stick with formality when it comes to things like wedding invitations, etc., but I would hate to offend someone. Do you think it's just personal preference?
And yes I totally get your point about the person calling you momma not existing yet. There's a little boy I take home from school everyday and the kids all call me "[name]'s mom" (he looks a little bit like me), and it's cute and all, but sometimes when I'm feeling hormonal it makes me twinge a little bit because I'm not actually someone's mom yet.
I don't think it's disrespectful, I just think it's getting a lot less common so you'll have a lot of people in the younger generations that don't like it. I believe etiquette sites have updated their language to list both options as acceptable.
For me, Mrs LastName and Mrs FirstName LastName are equally acceptable and I'm happy with either. I personally just don't want to be called/referred to as Mrs DH'sFirstName LastName.
Ugh, a bunch of people still send Christmas cards to us as Mr. & Mrs. H's First Name Last Name. Um, you came to our wedding. I did not take his name. We did not walk in announced as The Somethings. All of our Christmas card return addresses have both of our last names on them. Please stop acting like I am now his property.
Ugh, a bunch of people still send Christmas cards to us as Mr. & Mrs. H's First Name Last Name. Um, you came to our wedding. I did not take his name. We did not walk in announced as The Somethings. All of our Christmas card return addresses have both of our last names on them. Please stop acting like I am now his property.
So correct them or tell them to stop sending things.
This is really simple shit people. And it means nothing unless you let it mean something.
Coffee. Flavored, unflavored, dark roast, light roast, I want it all! FWIW, I do prefer my dark roast DD coffee with my own creamer or flavoring, just so I can control what and how much I'm putting in there.
My UO: I think standardized tests should be revoked. Especially for graduate school. There is so much more that potential grad students are capable of than what bubble they fill in on a scantron. The only thing is, I am not sure what the alternative would be.
I completely agree with you about standardized tests. The graduate school I applied to does not require them for my program. What they do instead is that you have to pass the three required classes that all students of the program have to take with a B. If your grade is a B- or under you can retake the classes once to reach the B, but if you don’t you are out of the program.
Me: 30 DH: 29; Married: September, 2010 TTC #1: April 2013 Benched: May 2013 Cancer(DH) Off the Bench: September 2014 July 2015 ER low sperm count and motility(radiation side effect). FET September 1,2015. BFP 9/9/15.- 3 on the way.
Coffee. Flavored, unflavored, dark roast, light roast, I want it all! FWIW, I do prefer my dark roast DD coffee with my own creamer or flavoring, just so I can control what and how much I'm putting in there.
My UO: I think standardized tests should be revoked. Especially for graduate school. There is so much more that potential grad students are capable of than what bubble they fill in on a scantron. The only thing is, I am not sure what the alternative would be.
I completely agree with you about standardized tests. The graduate school I applied to does not require them for my program. What they do instead is that you have to pass the three required classes that all students of the program have to take with a B. If your grade is a B- or under you can retake the classes once to reach the B, but if you don’t you are out of the program.
Yeah, we had no standardized tests in grad school? GRE to apply - that was it. So, not everyone is pushing these tests on grad students.
Also, I agree with ghostmonkey - if you have a problem with the name your family is using for you, then TELL THEM. Communicate for goodness sake.
Ugh, a bunch of people still send Christmas cards to us as Mr. & Mrs. H's First Name Last Name. Um, you came to our wedding. I did not take his name. We did not walk in announced as The Somethings. All of our Christmas card return addresses have both of our last names on them. Please stop acting like I am now his property.
So...if I took my husband's name, I'm now his property?
Number One: Born 06.16.2009 BFP: 01.17.2014 / MC 02.05.2014 BFP: 03.08.2014 / MMC: 05.07.2014 Dx: Partial Molar/GTD. Benched until 01.2015 Number Two: Born 07.22.2016
Ugh, a bunch of people still send Christmas cards to us as Mr. & Mrs. H's First Name Last Name. Um, you came to our wedding. I did not take his name. We did not walk in announced as The Somethings. All of our Christmas card return addresses have both of our last names on them. Please stop acting like I am now his property.
So...if I took my husband's name, I'm now his property?
Nope. The discussion above was about how Mrs. H's First Name Last Name makes a lot of women feel like their husband's property. I was just agreeing. The fact that I didn't take my H's last name at all just makes it more obvious as a blunder.
ETA: Full disclosure, part of the reason I didn't take my H's name is because of my career, but yes, part of it is because I do feel like it's a very patriarchal tradition. Why else would a woman keep her name in a culture that encourages her to take her husband's name? It was actually a hard choice to make, and people get confrontational with me about it all the time. And it's important to me, though I realize most women don't see it this way. I'm the only one of my friends who's kept her "maiden" name, and I don't think any of my friends (some of the smartest and most independent women I know) see themselves as owned by their husbands in any way, shape, or form - they are perfectly comfortable with their name changes and don't see it as a threatening thing at all.
Many of my friends and family said their last name wasn't ever that important to them, that they thought it was a nice tradition, that it was really important to their Hs to change it, and/or that they wanted their future family to all have the same last name. I listened to all of that and considered it. But for me, it was like losing my identity to a custom that has always favored men, and I just couldn't do it. This has no bearing on whether that choice is right for other women, including my dearest friends, or anyone here on GBCB. Even my mom thinks I'm weird, and my dad, who doesn't even like our last name, has no idea why I'd want to keep it forever. For the record, my H was one of the happiest that I kept my own name, so maybe it's just us being weird. In a way, I'm a hypocrite anyway, because I got married in a white dress, so if I'm really opposed to patriarchal tradition, why would I do that? All I can say is that changing my name was a boundary for me.
All that aside, I still agree with lots of women in this thread that having your H's first name AND last name stand in for your name on invitations does make me feel like I'm being erased or turned into his property, much more so than taking his last name would have, and that's what I was referring to in my post. If you become Mrs. H's FirstName LastName, his name (Mr. First Name Last Name) hasn't changed a bit since he was born, while yours (becoming a Mrs. not a Miss, plus having not only the Last name you took, but also his First name, stand in for your first name) is totally changed.
Again, this started as an UO, and obviously it remains an UO. Less than 10% of married straight women in the US keep their last names, including zero of my own family and friends. <shrug>
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