Real life?

[heartpresidents]

Do you ever just sit back and think "Is this real life? Did my baby really die? The most horrible thing that can happen to a person...it happened to me?"
Seriously?
How can it be?
Over 2 years later and I just can't wrap my head around it.

[iheartbroccoli]

All. The. Time.

I still expect to wake up and find this to be a nightmare. Sometimes I wonder if I the pregnancy was just a dream, because that makes more sense than Theo dying.

Big hugs. ❤️

[fikafairy67]

I absolutely feel this way, like I'm in some alternate reality.

And then all the "why me" starts, and it just doesn't feel fair. I know that everyone here may or may not feel this way, but we don't even know if we will ever be able to safely bring home OUR baby someday.

I feel very fortunate that we have had no fertility issues, but to have such a severe isoimmunization issue that will probably have a 50% chance of affecting any other children just doesn't seem fair. On top of that, it was the daughter we had so desperately hoped for...

It still doesn't feel real.

[wrenofthesea]

Yes, yes, and yes. Especially lately I have been feeling this way. This past week was what should have been her second birthday and it was just a real struggle this year. I have also been having trouble recently with accepting that this will always be my life, it just seems so tiring and overwhelming.

Lots of hugs.

[heartpresidents]

Thanks ladies. There's some comfort I guess in just knowing I'm not alone in it.

And wrenofthesea, yes! The thought of this being forever just doesn't process and feels impossible. How can I possibly live the entire rest of my life without my Lincoln? It's exhausting.

fikafairy67, it definitely isn't fair. There's no way around that, and it sucks. It makes me crazy when people try to make it better with "Well, at least...". Sometimes it's just not fair, and it's ok for you to feel that way. Sending lots of hugs!!

[professormcgonagall]

Yes, yesterday was 1 month since Alex was born and died and I can't even fathom that this is my forever now.

[rslh10]

((Hugs)) to you friend. This is my every single day. It's absolutely heartbreaking knowing it's going to be our forever. I just can't some days.

[heartpresidents]

rslh10, Agreed. Ugh. Can't even.

[mommytoava]

Everyday. It was two years at the end of August. We still can't believe this is our lives. I'll never understand how my smiley girl isn't here.

[shandorfml2]

Yep. Three years later, still hits me sometimes like this is my life....I am so different than I was.

[bananas22]

Since we're coming up on his due date (Nov 1st), it's been hitting me hard. I should having a newborn at home or very shortly and instead I'm wondering if I'll even been able to get pregnant again due to complications from his birth. It feels like a bad dream I just can't wake up from.