Basically, I'd want to be in command of the time my kids spend with me and with their dad above all else.
But....that's not the reality of a divorce when kids are involved.
Right. Assuming my partner was willing to fight harder for money than kids, I'd pivot my goal to be in charge of the time and in control of the schedule/legal/educational/medical decisions.
Grumpy - that visitation sounds like a lot of stress for you and the kids. He's not implying that if you give up the stake in the house that he'll give up any type of visitation/custody, is he? (because if so, then yeah, screw him and don't worry about it)
Could you take the local offer for now and look at other options? Maybe just another town in CO would be a better fit for you vs. going to another state?
I always think about dying my hair and always chicken out. I have a weird shade of red and I'm irrationally afraid of not being able to ever get it back to what it is.
Plus my hair and eyebrows are exactly the same color and I can't imagine anything else going well with them.
If I was dealing with a partner who wanted access to kids as much as I did, then I also want 50/50.
But you tell me that if I hand you $500K and I can move out of state...I think I'd react differently.
This was basically our situation. SD's mom didn't even pretend to fight for custody when she moved. The only thing she fought was child support. Fuck her.
This is my sister's ex. He only gets them 8 days total a month and anytime my sister offers him an extra day he refuses unless he can lower his child support for the month. And when he has them they usually get dropped off at his mom's. He has no desire to spend time with them he just doesn't want to have pay more child support. It's heartbreaking for the kids.
Walking away from 500k at age 43 is also giving me pause just because like... Do you really have your retirement so funded you can do that in good conscience? I guess that's NOMB but I think that's huge.
To me, I'd think of it like $500k that never was yours.
Assuming you were able to save for retirement in the normal course of your marriage, that this house didn't limit your ability to save, and that you got a fair distribution of the amount of money you invested to fix the house...I'd treat the real estate appreciation like a winning lottery ticket that the person right in front of me in line bought.
It's just money. Life's too short to fight about it.
Where is the $500k mentioned? What is the situation in which Grumpy walks away from it?
she can move out of state with her kids if she allows her ex to take all profits from selling a house they own together that has appreciated $$$ since buying.
I would be so angry that Ex even suggested that as a negotiation.
Like fuck you, fuck your face. I'm ripping the copper pipes out on my way out.
That's like this house on the far edge of my neighborhood, people in over their heads and it was foreclosed on. Before they moved out they took that house apart, all the light fixtures, plumbing fixtures, water heater, all appliances, even all the interior doors. Anything they could take out they took out on their way out. out.
I would be so angry that Ex even suggested that as a negotiation.
Like fuck you, fuck your face. I'm ripping the copper pipes out on my way out.
That's like this house on the far edge of my neighborhood, people in over their heads and it was foreclosed on. Before they moved out they took that house apart, all the light fixtures, plumbing fixtures, water heater, all appliances, even all the interior doors. Anything they could take out they took out on their way out. out.
Well.... no.... not the same. I mean, I see where you were going with that but newp. Those folks didn't Carrie Underwood that shit. They were just assholes.
If I were in your shoes, I'd let Ex have the profit AND I'd stay in CO. Stay physically close enough to your Ex so that your kids can see their dad, but in a new place, a new neighborhood, where you can start rebuilding a new non-Ex-centric life.
That's like this house on the far edge of my neighborhood, people in over their heads and it was foreclosed on. Before they moved out they took that house apart, all the light fixtures, plumbing fixtures, water heater, all appliances, even all the interior doors. Anything they could take out they took out on their way out. out.
Well.... no.... not the same. I mean, I see where you were going with that but newp. Those folks didn't Carrie Underwood that shit. They were just assholes.
They lost everything so they took anything they could and sold it to be able to move someone else and have a roof over their kids heads. So yeah it may be asshole move, but it was amazing the number of things you can take out of a home and make some cash. Like even the window screens, garage door opener, shower curtain rods, everything. They sold to friends, neighbors, craigslist.
The realtor that went in afterwards for the bank said it would take the bank a shit ton of money to replace all the stuff and make it marketable or would have to dump it at auction.
If I were in your shoes, I'd let Ex have the profit AND I'd stay in CO. Stay physically close enough to your Ex so that your kids can see their dad, but in a new place, a new neighborhood, where you can start rebuilding a new non-Ex-centric life.
Fuck that. If she is staying local and not moving away with the kids, take his ass to the cleaners.
lol. I'd rather have primary custody and control of all child-rearing decisions and not have to consult him ever again if I didn't feel like it.
Not as a means to limit his time with them, but so I didn't have to deal with his opinion ever again.
I would be so angry that Ex even suggested that as a negotiation.
Like fuck you, fuck your face. I'm ripping the copper pipes out on my way out.
THIS. All of this.
Like what.the.actual.fuck?
I'm still confused though, @wineonice, would he get the profit plus you would have to pay for the extended visits with/for the kids and such because you left the state?
I've just seen so many women get screwed over financially because they want to be done with the marriage that I just don't want that to happen to you. Since you're going back and forth on this anyhow, I would take a step back. Find a lease on a condo for a year, sell your house and get some of that profit because you no doubt put work into it, and see how the shared custody goes. Then a year from now re-assess if you want to make the move or not.
I guess I would give up the profit and stay close to give Ex a chance to be a dad. To gain and retain control over my own life and future decisions.
I just wouldn't want my kids to be angry at ME because I moved them away from their dad before dad had a chance to fuck up his own relationship with them because of neglect or bad parenting or selfishness of whatever.
I would seriously talk thru all of this with a very good divorce attorney. Him asking you to basically pay him off doesn't look good on him for having anything to do with the kids, ya know?
Basically, I'd be willing to pay $500k to take his influence out of my life.
Blackmailing her so she can move to TX does not mean he's terminating parental rights though. I'd be afraid he'd come back next year and throw everything into a tailspin and what's her bargaining tool then?
Basically, I'd be willing to pay $500k to take his influence out of my life.
At one time, I would totally get behind this.
Now I'm afraid of dying and that $ covers my kids' college educations.
Luckily, DD got a lot of scholarship money and has leftovers bc we planned well.
But, fuck knows what could happen in the next 15 years.
Not to sound morbid, but your kids would be entitled to SSI survivors benefits. You've worked long enough that your kids would get a chunk of money every month that you could legally direct be set aside to fund their college education.
And perhaps you can introduce a funding of a 529 for your boys as part of your "you can have the house but..." plan.
I need to find a light cotton jacket for DD1. All of her's are 3T... oops.
me too. I found DD a nice windbreaker rain coat type on clearance but I cannot find anything like that for DS. He's got a giant puffy vest and two giant puffy coats but nothing light.
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