PGAL/PAIF Check-In (10/11 - 10/17)

[caer]

Pregnant After Loss / Pregnant After Infertility (PGAL/PAIF) check-in is posted once a week (generally on a Monday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss or a history of infertility and are now pregnant. Anyone who participates may start the thread each week.

Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning or spoiler if you decide to talk about any living children.

PGAL Mantras

SPOILER: Click to show

Today I am pregnant and I love my baby.



I am pregnant until someone tells me otherwise.



My past does not dictate my future. A previous m/c does not mean I will have another m/c.



Just because something sad is happening to another poster, does not mean it will happen to you. We all know m/c and complications are not contagious!



Hope does not make bad things happen" You cannot jinx your pregnancy by creating a ticker, getting excited, or telling someone. Live in the positive!



There is nothing I can do to prevent a m/c from happening. Worrying yourself sick doesn't prevent a m/c. And if (God forbid) it were to happen again, I know I will survive"

How far along are you?

How are you doing Physically/Emotionally?

Any upcoming appointments or tests?

Updates/Questions/Rants/Raves:

GTKY: Any fun plans for Halloween?

[mosdub]

*holy crap I needed pgal this week, sorry for the huge vent*

How far along are you? 15w4d

How are you doing Physically/Emotionally? Physically I feel like I'm not even pregnant and that's messing with me emotionally. This morning I tried to measure my fundal height and I think it might not be as high as it should be? It's not quite half-way to my belly button. But, then again I also tried to measure after my ute was hard (heh) so maybe it was contracted and was smaller than it actually is. I also took a bump pic last night and compared it to my 13 week bump and I'm actually SMALLER - noticeably so. Someone on here said it could be because my bloat has finally gone away so I have more of a "real" bump. I'm obviously spiraling and I'm thankful my ultrasound is on Monday because this is torture. It doesn't help that I was poking around on forums yesterday after researching dumb stuff and saw someone who had a miscarriage at 15 weeks. I'm so scared that I am letting myself believe this is happening only to be told the baby stopped growing. I've been evaluating every twinge in my abdomen because I know that I could feel movement (even though in reality I probably wouldn't feel it for a few more weeks since I'm a ftm).

tl;dr I have an irrational worry that my uterus isn't growing as fast as it should and SINCE I'M A DOCTOR (I'm not) I MUST KNOW THESE THINGS, OBVS.

Any upcoming appointments or tests? MONDAY. I will have an ultrasound tech. I have a negative association because the only time I've ever had an ultrasound not from the doctor was the day we found out about our 20 week loss last time. And she was kind of a bitch (when we walked in the room and got ready she was rude and not very welcoming, once she saw there was a problem on the screen she ran out of the room to get the doctor).

Updates/Questions/Rants/Raves: Well I think I covered that up there.

GTKY: Any fun plans for Halloween? We are hosting a party! I made the event from 7pm-10pm so hopefully people leave and go to the bars instead of drinking until the wee hours of the morning at my house.

[muskiefan]

mosdub I'm sorry this has been a tough week for PGAL brain. Your feelings/thoughts are real and this thread is especially important. Fundal height doesn't reach your umbilicus until 20 weeks, so 15 is between your pubic bone and belly button. Also, it can feel more or less prominent based on a lot of factors... Time of day and fullness of your bladder are two.

I can imagine the association with the u/s tech and your loss is very difficult. I'll be sending you huge t&p that the appt goes great and your association can be a happy one this time.

[mosdub]

Thank you muskiefan, that was really helpful to read ❤️

[callmeKD]

mosdub - I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. My anxiety is out of control this week too. I'm so worried and anxious for Friday's U/S.

[caer]

All the (((hugs))) mosdub.

*LC mentioned* I had a similar freakout this week. I'm still wearing all regular clothes and haven't moved beyond that "is she pregnant or did she eat a burrito?" stage. But I looked through my photos with my pregnancy with DS and I was always small with him until 20-something weeks. I remember measuring a few weeks behind when my OB took fundal measurements as well. The OB wasn't worried and said that those measurements tend to be unreliable. DS was fine and a healthy 6 lbs 14 oz when he was born at 38 weeks. So those measurements don't mean much!

FWIW, I think a lot depends on body type - if you're naturally lean, if you have a long torso, etc. I'm not trying to minimize your concerns - believe me, I'm the queen of spiraling! - but there really is such a variety of bump size at this stage of the game. Sending lots of good thoughts your way.

[caer]

((Hugs))) callmeKD. Thinking good thoughts for your ultrasound on Friday.

[caer]

Sending you good thoughts for your A/S renegadewhit!

[caer]

How far along are you? 15w6d

How are you doing Physically/Emotionally? I'm good. I'm down to one diclegis a day and that seems to be going ok. The Doppler has been helping me so much emotionally.

Any upcoming appointments or tests? Not for a couple of weeks.

Updates/Questions/Rants/Raves: I'm feeling flutters consistently now. I love it. ❤️

GTKY: Any fun plans for Halloween?
We have friends that throw a big themed party every year. This year it's a Game of Thrones theme. I got a sorceress costume but if it doesn't fit, I have a Mother of Dragon bump shirt as a backup plan!

[skk]

mosdub Hang in there. Sending all the good thoughts your way for your scan on Monday. Hugs!

callmeKD and renegadewhit Can't wait to hear all about your scans on Friday! Sending positive thoughts to both of you.

caer Yay for feeling all the flutters! Mine aren't consistent yet, so I'm thankful for the doppler too.

[skk]

How far along are you? 16w5d

How are you doing Physically/Emotionally? Physically I'm feeling a little beat up. I've still had bouts of nausea and fatigue when I was hoping second tri was going to be much easier on me. I think my expectations are just too high. I've also started getting sciatic pain on the right side. Emotionally I've relied on the doppler to keep me sane.

Any upcoming appointments or tests? OB check next Tuesday, and u/s on Friday.

Updates/Questions/Rants/Raves: Anyone else dealt with sciatic pain before? I've been doing some stretches and will go for a massage next week, but I'm not sure what else to do. Sometimes it's pain, and other times it's numbness.

GTKY: Any fun plans for Halloween? No fun plans. I'm sad that it falls on a Monday this year. Why can't it be a holiday that is always a Saturday?

[caer]

I'm sorry you're struggling physically skk. (((Hugs))) I have no experience with sciatica but I've heard it's painful. I hope you can find some relief soon!

[callmeKD]

skk - I think I'm having sciatica pain too (or some sort of pain in my tailbone and hip.) I'm rotating weekly between yoga, massage and chiropractor.

[mosdub]

callmeKD thinking of you and your ultrasound, let us know how it goes.

[mosdub]

renegadewhit I think I missed it- are you and your H finally living in the same place?? Yay!!!

[mosdub]

caer I wanna go to the GoT party!!!!! So glad you're feeling flutters, I can't wait to feel them too!

[glb30]

mosdub huge (((hugs))) I feel like we are having the same week. I have the exact same fears. FWIW, I have no bump, have lost 5 lbs since second tri started and cannot feel my ute. I called yesterday and they said all of that was okay, but let me come in. Baby's heart was beating at 152, and they found it right below my belly button (or where I can't feel my uterus.) I know it's scary. I hope Monday comes fast. If you are really anxious, and your doctor isn't far, I'd see if they let you come in tomorrow. Mine essentially let me stop by when I said I've had 3 losses and I'm freaking. (Ps- I don't even know what fundal height is.)

renegadewhit I hope the a/s goes well!!

callmeKD good thoughts for Friday!!!

caer ah! Excited for your flutters!

skk I'm sorry you haven't been feeling great I've been having pain and numbness and a massage helped me A LOT.

[mosdub]

glb30 I'm so glad you got in and got to hear a heartbeat!! That's so cool your doctor lets you drop in. My doctor is literally 2 blocks from my house, but it's a really busy office so I feel bad asking to come in just because I'm feeling worried. I already got Monday's appt. switched from a doppler to an ultrasound so I'm happy about that.

I may have overreacted earlier. I just took a bump pic and it's noticeably bigger than my 13 week one (but also way bigger than the photo I took last night) which leads me to believe that the majority of my bump is really still dependent on bloat and other factors.

Seriously thank you all for being so supportive of my crazy brain today. Your responses made me smile and take a breath throughout the day. Love this group

[mosdub]

Oct 12, 2016 17:57:59 GMT -5 renegadewhit said:

Oct 12, 2016 15:32:31 GMT -5 mosdub said:

renegadewhit I think I missed it- are you and your H finally living in the same place?? Yay!!!

yes! We drove out here the first weekend in October. Mh is looking for s job here and we're still trying to sell our house, but other than that we're getting pretty settled here!

AWWWW  I'm so so so happy for you guys!!!  

[mosdub]

Just a little bump to say I love you all, and I'm so sorry for our shared histories but glad we can lean on each other.

[mosdub]

Last year on this day I made my profile pic one with the blue/pink ribbon and recognized pregnancy and infant loss month. I hadn't posted about my pregnancy or my loss on facebook, so I'm sure for many people it was their first time connecting dots that 1) I was pregnant and 2) I experienced a loss. The amount of love I got from people was incredible.

Just having a moment of reflection looking back and knowing one year after sharing that photo I would be pregnant with my *hopefully* rainbow babe.

[caer]

I was just coming to post the same thing mosdub. Love to everyone here today.

I "came out" on FB today about my loss by posting a picture of the ribbon and the following message: "Today is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. While I'm thrilled to be expecting a little one in March, I haven't forgotten the path it took to get there or the pain of empty arms. Today my heart is with anyone who has experienced a loss, especially those still waiting for their rainbow. ❤️"

Everyone has been overwhelmingly kind. The loss community truly is the best.

[madameovary]

Love to you all. Cheers to cherishing these rainbow babies in March.

[glb30]

Hugs to all of you. ❤️