I Fell in Love with a Foster Baby

[14joa31]

Ladies - I am going to let you in on a little secret - I fell in love with a foster baby. My daycare provider took in a beautiful, chunky foster baby girl in September. This girl has been with her foster mom since May, and she is a January 2016 baby. She was actually due on DD's due date - Jan. 17th, but DD came out on Jan. 12th via RCS. We will call the foster baby "Baby M." I was so stoked to meet her - and I was sure that she and DD would be besties at daycare until they started kindergarten together. And they were born five days apart - and they look so similar to each other! And the foster mom lives so close to me that I can walk to her house.

The Friday after Baby M started at our daycare, the foster mom called my daycare provider and said that Baby M was would be out sick. On Monday morning, Baby M was a no-show and the foster mom did not call.  Social services came knocking that afternoon and informed my daycare provider that Baby M had broken her leg sometime on Thursday and did my daycare provider know anything about it? My daycare provider knew that her leg had not been broken at daycare.  So Baby M was taken from her foster mom and is now with another family. I don't know if her foster mom accidentally dropped her or what, but the whole thing is just so tragic.

Baby M is now with at least her third family since she has been born.  It's so hard for me to think about when I look at DD - that she could have already had three different families by now.

I told DH that I want to foster Baby M.  It's all that I can think about.  I have her social worker's telephone number. Maybe it's a pipe dream, but I cannot stop thinking about it. I told DH even before we got married that someday I want to foster to adopt. We would have to get licensed, yadda yadda yadda, but I at least want to call the social worker and offer to do it.

The whole idea scares the crap out of DH. He thinks we are at our limit, he wants DD to stay the baby for a while longer, he thinks we should wait ... it's breaking my heart. I am praying that he has a change of heart. I just feel a very strong karmic connection to Baby M - she looks like my daughter, she was born on my daughter's due date, and DD is a HUGE extrovert who hates being left alone for even a second. She would LOVE having a "twin." We are planning on buying a larger house this winter anyway!

So I made a deal with DH - I found a house listing in a new construction development and I had emailed the listing to our realtor yesterday. I said "if this turns out to be our dream house, would you reconsider fostering Baby M?" And he said that he would.

I am a person of faith and a huge believer in karma. I feel like if you put good energy out into the world, it will always come back to you. So I put the good karma out there - we will see.

[crimsonandclover]

How sad and exciting at the same time! I hope that it all works out for you. Way back when we were dating I told DH I would like to consider adoption in addition to biological children, but he was never excited about it, and I don't think it's in the cards for us. I really hope it works out for you, though!

[14joa31]

If I had never met her, I wouldn't be this fired up. But I did and I am. And DH is such a softie - I know that if he met her, his heart would change in an instant ...

[14joa31]

And there's the highly likely chance that the social worker would either not call me back or else tell me that there's no chance ...

[silverspoon]

Wow. That's so sad for the Baby M. I think of J and to imagine him with no stability or someone hurting him... just no. Her story is so heartbreaking.

I hope it works out for you and for Baby M.

[scorpioscuba]

That is so heartbreaking to think of that little girl with so many different families. I just can't even fathom that. I hope you find a bigger house and can make this dream come true. That connection must be there for a reason!! 🙏🏻

[kcrkcs]

You are a good person. I hope everything works out.

[tinydancer]

What a tough start for baby M. I'm so glad that she has you in her life, and I really hope it works out for you.

[nikiswimr]

Oh I so much hope this works out for you and baby M!

[chimomma19]

I love this!! I hope it works out!!

[14joa31]

Meh. DH is about 99% opposed to taking in Baby M. He thinks that we are stretched to the limit as it is. We spent the weekend with my friend who has three kids, and on Sunday night he said "Everything about this weekend makes me think we aren't ready for Baby M."

However, he gave me his blessing to call her social worker and inquire as to whether a random couple could request to foster her. I left her a message on Sunday. So far no response. She probably thinks I'm cray-cray.

It's just incredibly frustrating that DH can only see things from his point of view. He admitted as much. He needs to think about things from her point of view.

Ugh. Men.

[crimsonandclover]

Any news? I've been thinking about you and Baby M!

[14joa31]

Her social worker never ever called me back. And since DH is about 99.9% opposed, I don't think that I'm going to pursue it

I just pray that she got placed with an awesome forever family!!

Although, I may call one more time ...

[14joa31]

My neighbor is a foster mom and I'm having coffee with her on Friday morning to talk about her experience. I also left another message with Baby M's social worker on Monday.

Maybe I can at least drag DH to a informational session on foster care ... that may get his heart in the right place!

[dizzycooks]

14joa31 www.eatingwell.com/recipe/253027/stuffed-eggplant/

[14joa31]

Final update: Baby M's social worker left me a lovely voicemail yesterday. She said that it was so nice and sweet that I wanted to take Baby M. However, she stated that it wasn't a possibility - and she seemed happy about that. So I can only take that to mean that Baby M has likely found a place in a forever family. And I'm relieved because DH really, really was opposed to the idea.

I had coffee last week with my neighbor who is a foster mom, and she told me that it took her family six months to get licensed. They had to do 30 classroom hours and have a home visit, etc. So this is something we will likely explore in a few years. I'm glad I looked into it - and I hope I can do it someday.

[scorpioscuba]

One day you'll change some child(s) life and they will have Baby M to thank! This is just the beginning of your journey!

[icequeen]

14joa31, i know im just tuning into this but i would have done the exact same thing as you. I would have done everything possible to take baby M home with me. Stories like this just shake me to the core. I really hope she is ok and im glad things worked out for your family too. I would love to adopt from the US foster system at some point. SO important. Good for you!