Wills and other adulting things

[LadyNymeria]

We don't have wills at all yet and that's something we obviously need to fix now that DS is here. We did take out life insurance policies last year when we were TTC and I have an email out to our rep to ask about how to add DS as a beneficiary (and anything special we should do in case proceeds were to be paid out before he was 18).

My grandparent in-laws want to contribute to a college fund/brokerage account for DS so I need to look at the paperwork they gave me and get that started. Their health isn't great so they want to make a big contribution ASAP.

[LadyNymeria]

We haven't talked about it with them yet, but I imagine DS would go to my parents if something were to happen to both of us. My ILs are perfectly capable, but my parents are a bit younger and seem like their lives would handle a young one better than my ILs.

[mustloveerica]

We haven't done ours yet but we have talked about setting my mom as guardian. But setting DHs mom as financial executor or whatever it's called. That way it's kind of like an unbiased person that would control our finances. So the majority of our finances would be put in a trust for our children and MIL would be in charge or handling the trust rather than letting the guardian control the trust. But like I said we haven't done this yet so I'm not sure if it's actually feasible.

[marshian]

We set up our life insurance before we started TTC (since they do health exams, etc), so that's all set up but will need to be updated to go to the baby/trust/etc in the event something happens to both of us.

As for wills, we knew we wouldn't make those until a child was imminent, so we'll have to get moving on those eventually. We have already talked a little about who should be the guardian for our future kid(s) and we're having a bit of a debate. I have two sisters, both of whom I trust completely and would be great guardians. One is married, so that's another plus. However, my H brought up the idea of choosing guardians who have our same mindsets, outlooks, lifestyle, etc, and in that scenario our college friend and his wife are a better fit. Trying to figure that out now.

[hpnegirl]

We have multiple life insurance plans on each of us- two through our employers, one private that was done when I was 9 months pregnant with DS.

Guardians- we went with a family member that has raised children already but is still young enough to raise another child. In this case, they had another child that's the same age as DS even though their kids are 11 years through 23 years old. We went with the family members who will make sure he grows up well rounded and won't try to force him to follow strict gender norms (I have one aunt and uncle who wouldn't even let her son have a stuffed doll because it was too girly and they're completely against the majority of women's rights)

Savings- we have multiple 529s. One is specific to DS and is done through the state for the tax deduction. We'll be opening a second for this baby soon and just naming one of us as beneficiary until baby is born. We also have one tied to our credit card that gives the % back by putting it in the 529- that'll be split among all kids when the time comes

[ThankfulSnail]

I'm only on the ball on one of your questions, kind of. Need to work on that.

We picked BIL & SIL to be DD's legal guardians if something happens to both of us (and this baby as well, by default). We didn't want either of our parents due to age. They live relatively close to us and it wouldn't be a whole whirlwind of a lifestyle change for them to take in DD. Of all of our people close to us who have kids, we also agree with their parenting style most.

[emilie]

We got life insurance and will do wills and a trust for the kiddo once she is here. We have several siblings between H and I that we would grant primary and secondary guardianship to.

As for savings, think of this what you will, but we are focusing on maxing out our retirement and saving adequately for that before we start a college savings for the kiddo. Remember, you can borrow for college but you can't borrow for retirement. We both have baby boomer parents who we worry about in regards to aging and financial assets, and we never want our daughter to have to worry about that stuff with us. That said, if anyone gifts us money for the baby we will put that in a college savings for her as that is her money.

[wildflower810]

Oct 19, 2016 12:58:31 GMT -5 mustloveerica said:

We haven't done ours yet but we have talked about setting my mom as guardian. But setting DHs mom as financial executor or whatever it's called. That way it's kind of like an unbiased person that would control our finances. So the majority of our finances would be put in a trust for our children and MIL would be in charge or handling the trust rather than letting the guardian control the trust. But like I said we haven't done this yet so I'm not sure if it's actually feasible.

Totally feasible. There was an inheritance sort of situation on H's side and the respective aunts were made the trustees of their nieces/nephews funds. That way there was more family communication and the parents didn't have control of their own kid's money. Each kid aged/ages out of needing a trustee at age 25 and then they are in control of their own accounts from then on. It was sort of a pain at tax time when there was stuff to sign and mail, but that seemed to be the only downside. 

[ellabee]

We have a will and living trusts set up. All of our assets are in those trusts, or have the trusts listed as beneficiaries should something happen to either or both of us. I gather that using trusts prevents things from going through probate when settling an estate. There are also tax/inheritance benefits.

We have life insurance through our employers as an optional benefit.

We asked DDs godparents if they would take DD should DH and I both pass. They agreed, so no surprises there. We picked them due to a number of factors - including martial stability, financial stability, lifestyle and value similarities etc.

We also have a healthcare proxy (DHs dr brother), who we discussed our wishes with in the event that we are not in a state to make a healthcare judgement.

We also started a 529 for DD. Research the plans - just because you live in a certain state doesn't mean that state's plan is there best or right one for you.

Adulting is hard, but it's sooooo much better to set all this up in advance rather than scramble (or leave loved ones to scramble) should the unthinkable happen!

[hpnegirl]

Oct 19, 2016 18:32:05 GMT -5 emilie said:

We got life insurance and will do wills and a trust for the kiddo once she is here. We have several siblings between H and I that we would grant primary and secondary guardianship to.

As for savings, think of this what you will, but we are focusing on maxing out our retirement and saving adequately for that before we start a college savings for the kiddo. Remember, you can borrow for college but you can't borrow for retirement. We both have baby boomer parents who we worry about in regards to aging and financial assets, and we never want our daughter to have to worry about that stuff with us. That said, if anyone gifts us money for the baby we will put that in a college savings for her as that is her money.

A big yes to the retirement. We both do ~10% (mines split between a state employee equivalent of 401k and Roth IRA with my previous employer's 401k rolled into a regular IRA, DH does an employer matched 401k-- he contributes 8%, his employer 7%). DH has a Roth IRA as well. While ideally we'd both do 15%, we have some big bills to pay off at the moment and I also have a pension plan I pay into that takes another ~4.5%

Our state 529 (for us, it's state tax deductible and we like the bank) gets $25 per pay check from each of us while our credit card one gets $25/month in addition to the 2% back.

[goldenlove3]

We both have life insurance that we'll need to update the beneficiary to the baby. We're also planning on creating a will after he's born.

For a college savings, we're going to be opening up Michigan 529 plan. H explained all the details to me recently but I don't remember it all. Apparently you can open an account in any state but luckily Michigan was rated as one of the better ones so we're just sticking with it.

For regular savings, we've been budgeting for baby stuff for a while now. Most of it has been going towards nursery and any other things we need to get ready but soon it'll go towards diapers or whatever else we need.

We actually haven't talked about who would take him if we were to pass away but I think the best option would be my parents. Definitely something to talk about when we create the will.

[moutonrouge]

When we bought the house in April, DH and I both took out life insurance policies. When we found out I was pregnant DH took out a larger policy. But that's been the extent of our adulting to date.

We need to have wills made soon. Most likely we would have my mom as guardian for now, as none of our siblings are in a position to care for a child and DH's parents still have his younger siblings at home. As my mom gets older, we'd probably change to one of our siblings.

We also need to open a 529 plan. I've tracked out how much we should contribute each month to reach our expected family contribution (with some assumptions about our incomes and assets in 18+ years). But first, opening the plan. The capital gains and tax deduction benefits of 529 plans make them appealing to us, so that's why we settled on opening that type of account.

I think between funding our own retirement, paying off the house, and saving for college we likely won't be in a position to save extra money beyond what we like to have on hand in an emergency/general savings fund. But if we ever find ourselves in that position maybe we'd open accounts for a child; it's not really on my radar.

[peaseblossom55]

We have life insurance, and we plan to set up college savings for her as well, once she is here. If I could just have a normal week of pregnancy, I could have time to set up a meeting with lawyers to set up and adjust our wills and pick out guardians if something were to happen to us both. I think it might default to my sister & her husband. Our parents are getting older, and SIL doesn't have kids. My sister has 2 daughters ( 9 & almost 2) and lives about 1/2 hr away. It would make the most sense to have her despite the fact that can she be a pita of a sister sometimes.

[lola]

We are in the process of doing the will/guardian thing. I'm not sure if this is legit or not, but I read somewhere that it's actually best to name one person the legal guardian vs. a couple, just in case they end up getting divorced or something weird happens. Basically, it can turn into a bigger headache or a custody battle. We're naming my mom the guardian, and my dad the executor. In reality, there's no way my dad would fight my mom for custody of a kiddo if they split up for some reason, but I guess it just takes some of the "if" out of the equation. I also want to know if you can set up a waterfall. Like, "Guardian is X. If X is no longer living, guardian is Y."? Also, we did tell my mom about this, but didn't tell my in-laws becuase we didn't want to hurt them unnecessarily. Hopefully it's a non-issue.

[ellabee]

lola - we did as you said and specified one person in the couple we intend to care for DD if anything happens. I'm not sure if it's standard, but we also set up a "waterfall" or "backup" for most things. Like, if x is not living or unable, y is our next choice for guardian.

We also had to specify what to do with our assets should our children not survive us. So, if all of us die at the same time, our assets get split evenly amongst our siblings - and should any sibling not be alive, would their share pass to offspring etc.

Oye. Tough mentally to digest all the scenarios for sure, but I'm glad we have it all spelled out.

[LizInFL]

Lola great point about choosing one person v. a couple, I've always heard the same. For that reason, we named my sister as guardian (as opposed to my sister and her H). I love BIL, but if anything were to happen between them, the kids would stay with my sister.

[LizInFL]

My husband is a planner so he does a good job of making us adult.

Definitely consider advanced healthcare directives and a living will, too, when meeting with an attorney/estate planner. 

We are fairly heavily insured a) due to the nature of H's job (Navy pilot) and b) because I'm a SAHM and he is our sole source of income at this point. But we do have a good amount of life insurance on me, since DH would need to pay for childcare if anything happened to me. So that is something to consider. 

We named my sister as legal guardian, for a variety of reasons...I think she/BIL would raise our children most similarly to how DH and I would. My parents are the back-ups simply because they are older; they would do a wonderful job but saddling them with young children in their 60s or 70s would not be my first choice. All our assets would go into a trust, to be administered by the guardian until the children reach adulthood.

We have a 529 set up for DS that we contribute to monthly (DH actually did this with our financial advisor before I ever got pregnant, lol); we throw in money from tax refunds, bonuses, grandparent gifts, etc, as well. I'm expecting DD next month, and we are currently debating whether to do another 529 for her, or our state's prepaid college plan. My husband also has the GI Bill, which will cover college and basic living expenses for one of our kids since he did not use it.

[moutonrouge]

I'm curious if any of you would do this: A family friend and his wife do not travel together (e.g., on the same plane) if they are not with their children. Similarly, if the parents and the guardians were going away on a trip, they would not travel together. I was never sure what to think about that - I understood the rationale, but I know they would drive together at their destination. And to me driving is riskier than flying, in terms of the outcome they seemed to be concerned about. So then it seemed like a lot of hassle (finding 2 flights and coordinating getting to the airport and all that) for the risk they avoided.

[agm04]

Oct 21, 2016 7:37:23 GMT -5 moutonrouge said:

I'm curious if any of you would do this: A family friend and his wife do not travel together (e.g., on the same plane) if they are not with their children. Similarly, if the parents and the guardians were going away on a trip, they would not travel together. I was never sure what to think about that - I understood the rationale, but I know they would drive together at their destination. And to me driving is riskier than flying, in terms of the outcome they seemed to be concerned about. So then it seemed like a lot of hassle (finding 2 flights and coordinating getting to the airport and all that) for the risk they avoided.

uhhhh no would not do.  i get the idea, but waaaay too much of a hassle.

[marshian]

moutonrouge - I believe my H's parents considered doing this at one point in time, but never actually did. While I can somewhat understand, by looking at the statistics you are extremely unlikely to have an issue on a commercial flight (especially larger aircraft). You hit the nail on the head: It's so much more likely for you to get in a car accident. There's something about our psyche which makes cars feel safer since "we're in control" versus having no sense of control on a plane, even though really it's not yourself you need to worry about, but the other drivers on the road.

One counter argument I hear is if your "plane goes down" you are SOL, but in a car accident you won't always die. Looking at the numbers, this is still not a rational way of looking at the risks involved. I find solace in the statistics and numbers. Hopefully you will too!

[Ray]

Oct 19, 2016 12:44:48 GMT -5 ugaqueencity said:

I have meetings planned next week to be an adult and update our wills to account for baby. For those of you who have already done this, how did you plan for the worst case scenario situations? Like how did you decide who would get your child of something happens to you and your SO? Did you go with a family member? Friend? Do they know or will it be a surprise like that terrible Kathrine Heigl movie?

Also, since I'm trying to be an adult, are you establishing any savings accounts or anything for baby? Starting college savings yet? How are you doing it? What type of account(s) are you using? Why?

I don't have a will but need to get on that..

Our first guardians will be my parents, then we just kind of knew we'd want our friends to take Flint. We're also the god-parents/guardians for their newborn son and we know they'd make an effort to have him spend time with his half-brothers who would obviously live with their mother.

We haven't vocalized anything but I'm pretty sure we are all on the same page lol

We registered for an RESP for Flint with Canada Savings Trust because you end up getting a TON of extra money and there's virtually zero risk unlike with an investment (my mom invested $5000 for me for school and when I withdrew it I only had a little over $1000)
The baby bonus we receive each month goes directly in there.

We also have a high interest savings account since there is a yearly maximum contribution on the RESP. Any birthday/Christmas/whatever $ he gets throughout the year goes there.

[wildflower810]

We don't have a will, which is something FIL reminds us of from time to time. At this point DS and DS2 would go to my inlaws. No question in our mind. H's parents are young and all of his siblings are single and still figuring out life/in school. In 10 years, they might go to one of H's siblings, depending on life circumstances. My family has a 0% chance of getting the kids. In-laws know these wishes... but we do need to get it written down.

[aggiebug]

We are in the process of getting all of this squares away our selves.

One suggestion is to see if your employer offers a legal plan. Some offer it free some you pay into, but either way they can cover a large portion of the cost of getting these documents drawn up and technically once you have the documents drafted you can cancel the plan.