Daycare during Maternity Leave

[lynn0514]

For those of you who are STM+, did you keep your older LO(s) in daycare while you were home on maternity leave with the new addition?  Or did you keep them home with you?  DH and I have been discussing this, and while it would be nice to save money on daycare for a few months, I'm not sure how I would manage looking after my (then) 16-month-old all day, while caring for a newborn, at least in those first few weeks.  I know plenty of moms/dads do it all the time, but I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around it.  What do the WMs say? 

(As a side note, we're not worried about losing DD's daycare spot or anything like that - we're lucky that it's not an issue here.)

[blinkme182]

Our biggest worry was losing our spot, so for us it was very obvious we would keep LO in daycare. If you provider allows you to 'drop' for a month (2) and save that money, I personally would try to do it. Because that is a LOT of money.

We did keep DD in daycare while I was on leave and I would say 70% of the time it was totally worth it. I got to take LO to apts without worry on times/naps or fighting the toddler. The Newborn (and me) got to nap/nurse on our own schedule. I was really able to spend more time recovering. My husband was back at work after just a few days so I was on my own in the first week.

HOWEVER- we did have a lot of family visitors and wonderful friends/family offer to come over, make meals, and play with my toddler. I took her out of daycare several times to do fun things with all the family visiting.

If I had the option I would have kept her home for maybe half of my leave while we were having so many visitors, then let her go back to daycare to re-establish routine.

[litzo27]

Absolutely. In fact last year while DD was born (in February) we had a ton of snow days so I had my 2 and 5 year old home with me for like 10 days out of the month and I nearly lost my mind. All I wanted to do was vedge on the couch, nurse while watching baby and possibly nap with her but they were in my face ALL THE TIME. So my vote is for daycare. Plus I think it's nice for them to keep the routine. I did pick them up from school/daycare early plenty of days and we had some more time to play at home as compared to the usual.

[Deleted]

We kept DS in daycare the entire time when DD was a baby. DH would do drop off and pick up for a while, when I was home with the baby, and we also had a mother's helper come for about a month from 3-7pm. The mother's helper was great because DH was not helping as much as he should have after work. Later on I had to do the drop offs, which sucked dropping off one child and bringing back home the baby, but DS really needed the structure, attention etc because DD was basically latched to my boobs all.the.time. Even after I went to work, she would cluster feed for 4-5 hours every night. Thankfully, DH had taken a local project and wasn't traveling during that time. ETA- I did pick him up earlier and sometimes had him home on Friday. 

[l504]

We kept our ds in daycare. We wanted the continuity, as well as the fact that he loves going and didn't want to break the routine. Plus, I felt like it was nice to have one on one time with my new dd.

[2chatter]

My third recovery SUCKED compared to the other two. Daycare was a sanity saver. DD was 4.5, but in some ways that age was worse than having a toddler. It made sense to keep DD in the routine as well.

[CoverGirl82]

I had a repeat c-section with DD, so I was limited with regard to lifting and mobility when I was on leave with her. We sent DS (who was 18-21 months while I was on leave) to daycare part time instead of full time (our in-home DCP held the spot as full time, and only charged us the PT rate because she's awesome), but the days DS was home, my parents usually came down to help. I would definitely do that again if I had to make the same decision. It was nice to be able to focus on DD, and I was able to get more rest with just DD than I would have if DS was also home.

[welly01]

We will absolutely be keeping DS in daycare while I'm on maternity leave, for so many reasons.

[laketide]

We don't have another LO yet, but I have thought about and discussed this with DH quite a bit. My *plan* which we all know may change when it's life is to keep DD in daycare but keep her home 1-2 days during the week once I've recovered from a repeat c section. I know this will be my last baby so it'd of course be my last maternity leave and I would like some extra time with DD while she's little too. Of course we aren't even thinking seriously about number 2 yet so my plan could always change.

[anewadventure]

it's great that you don't have to worry about losing your spot.

if you can afford to keep LO in DC, that's the route i'd go.

i think it is important for your DD1 to keep a consistent routine. adding a sibling is already a big change to her life, can you imagine upending it completely for a little while and then sending her back to DC in a couple of months? plus, you will need all of your energy and attention for taking care of yourself and your newborn. i think it would be difficult to have both at home without help or feeling like you aren't giving either DD the full attention she needs, or allowing yourself to heal.

if you want more time with DD1, you can pick up a little early each day or keep her home some days if you feel like it.

as always with parenting (and life in general) - don't worry about what "other" people do. just do what is best for your family.

[ericalee27]

We kept DS1 home the first week when DH was also home, after that - he went back to daycare. So many pros to doing it --- 1. We would have lost our spot so if we're paying, he's going, 2. He LOVES daycare and all the activity there, I couldn't compete with that while nursing 24/7, and 3. Did I mention nursing 24/7? It was nice to have the one on one time with just DS2

[arkansasmom22]

We also had DS stay in daycare while I was on Maternity leave. The biggest reason was for routine, he was 2yrs 3mths at the time and does very well with routine. Also, he loves going to Montessori so it didn't make sense for us to bring a New baby home, take him out of the school he loves, and then try to reintroduce him to school 8 weeks later.
The idea of being home with an energetic 2 yr old while recovering from a csection and handling a new baby was also a motivator. In our situation we would have lost his spot due to the wait lists at his school. (And have to pay new enrollment fees and all that jazz) Plus, I was paid 100% of my salary while on leave so it didn't change our financial picture at all.

[gamora24527]

I plan to keep DS in daycare while I'm home on leave. He's already reacting to potential changes at home and I like the continuity that daycare will provide. I also don't think I could entertain him as well at home while caring for a newborn. I'm also looking forward to having special alone bonding time with DD like I had with DS.

[lynn0514]

Well, there is a definite consensus here. Thanks everyone - we definitely have some things to consider. Right now, at the very least, I'm thinking she'll keep going to daycare during the first month or so after DD2 arrives, to give me some recovery time and to keep her routine as stable as possible in the beginning.

[junebug]

Feb 12, 2015 15:06:02 GMT -5 l504 said:

We kept our ds in daycare. We wanted the continuity, as well as the fact that he loves going and didn't want to break the routine. Plus, I felt like it was nice to have one on one time with my new dd.

THIS!  Keeping his routine was most important to us.

[Deleted]

It did not cross my mind to remove DS1 from daycare when DS2 was born.

Yeah, I wanted continuity for his day and I truly did love his daycare but man, I was not prepared to care for an 18 month old and a newborn at home all day. Nope, no way.

[greenmonkey1]

We would have lost our spot so we sent the older boy to daycare on his regular schedule. I usually picked him up a little early, which was nice.

Sending DS1 to daycare was a good choice for us aside from needing to hold the spot. I could have quiet time to get DS2 on a schedule and develop our breastfeeding relationship. If DS2 was fussy I wasn't also trying to handle a toddler. Plus, I could nap when DS2 napped so it helped my health. DS1 is also a toddler so maintaining his usual schedule kept him happy.

[Jellypepper]

I pulled DS out of DC for my current maternity leave and it has been rough on all of us. If I didn't have to take money from our savings to pay for DC I would have 100% left hin in at least part time. If it's in your budget I would maintain at least part time care to give everyone a break and maintain routine.

[momofcatan]

DD will most likely be in DC half days when I'm on leave. I might keep her home for the summer to save money. She will be switching to preschool in Sept anyways and by that point the baby would be 8 months old.

[mustardseed2007]

It never was a serious consideration to keep DS (2 at the time) home when I had DD. With attempting to BF, pumping etc. there was just no way I could care for him well while I was on ML.



There were actually a few times that DS had to stay home sick that my H also took off work to help me b/c I was completely overwhelmed with the 2 of them at first. I will say we had BFing issues, I was exclusively pumping, and probably had some baby blues so there is that also. Some moms probably could have done more than I did, but I would encourage you to not feel bad keeping one in DC most of the time if it works better for you personally.

[lynn0514]

I have to say, I'm so relieved to read all these responses, because I was afraid I was being a little wimpy about trying to take care of both kids in the beginning. I discussed with DH, and he's on board with whatever I want to do, so that's awesome too. It's a definite weight lifted

[callmeKD]

we aren't there yet (ie not yet KU with #2) but I will plan to keep G in DC full time once I am on maternity leave again. I'm working it into the budget now (ie saving enough to cover for it when it happens).

[sctiger]

Whenever we have a second I will keep A in daycare while on leave. I'll take her in after she takes her time getting ready and she won't stay the while day, but I want to give the second child as much undivided attention as I can. Plus I think it'll be good for A to keep the socialization and other things she's learning at daycare.

[sctiger]

and we do have to keep paying or we would lose our spot.

[ECB]

If you don't need the $$, I genuinely don't know why you wouldn't keep your first in daycare. I clearly remember what it was like to have a newborn at home. I could NOT have done it if I had an older child, much less a 16 month old.

You need your time w/ your baby, you need your time for YOU. And your older child needs routine and consistency. Adding a sibling to the mix rocks their world. I think having their own thing going on is a good thing.

[Deleted]

I only have one, but I say "do it." My DD does so much better on this routine. Flame me, but most days, even if one of us is off, we send her to daycare unless we have plans to take her places to visit, etc...

[starryeyed6]

We didn't. He is such a sensitive little guy that we knew he would be upset that we were home and he wasn't. He did great. He was in preschool twice a week in the mornings which gave me alone time with DD.

[lissydee]

I kept the boys home for a week after DD was born and then sent them back to the sitter. They only go a couple days a week though, but its was a good break for me and allowed me to have 1:1 with the newb. It also kept their routine the same. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

[singingsea]

DS goes to an in-home DC. I plan on sending him there two days a week while on maternity leave. That way I get to spend more time with him but I'd also have a couple "sanity saver" days where I can try to rest up.

[beevol]

On ML now and DD1 is in DC. Our DC has a week and a half winter break that came right after DD2 was born and DD1 was home. It was only doable because DH could work from home mostly and my mom was able to take her a couple days. Trying to nurse while keeping DD1 entertained is stressful, let alone helping her potty or doing other care tasks that require two hands is a lot and there is a reason I'm not a SAHM.

I'm appreciating this time to bond with DD2 and DD1 is happy staying on her routine. It's a lot of money that we could have saved, especially since I'm not getting paid during most of my leave, but I feel like my mental health is worth it.