Tough weekend ahead

[blueinred]

LO and I are leaving for Chicago later today. It may be the last time I see my father as he is fading quickly and it's just a matter of time before he passes.
I'm not sure what to tell LO about death. She has no connection to my father so there will be no loss. We are Jewish and the concept of going to heaven is not relevant. LO may stay with DH while I visit with dad.
It would have been easier for her to stay home but my ILs are going OOT On Sunday and I am not comfortable leaving get with anyone else.
My TTC failures are secondary now due to my dad's illness and I can't even think of planning another FET now.

[mrsamyd]

Hugs to you. I can't imagine the hurt you are feeling right now. Not just the pain of the separation, but the weight of the final goodbye. I hope you have a safe trip and get some closure.

[snarlyvos]

Huge huge hugs. I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

I don't know what to say about the death part but while he is still around, is there any chance you have or want any pictures of your LO with your dad? Something you can share with you LO later when you're up for it? My DS is only two and when I find pictures of my dad, I try to point out that it's his grandpa (even though they never met) and tell him that they would've liked each other.

[blueinred]

Feb 12, 2015 15:31:59 GMT -5 snarlyvos said:

Huge huge hugs. I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

I don't know what to say about the death part but while he is still around, is there any chance you have or want any pictures of your LO with your dad? Something you can share with you LO later when you're up for it? My DS is only two and when I find pictures of my dad, I try to point out that it's his grandpa (even though they never met) and tell him that they would've liked each other.

That's would be a good idea if LO and dad had had any kind of relationship but they didn't . When. I converted he told me he wouldn't have anything to do with Jewish grandchildren and he kept to his word.

[bellalou]

That's sad. I don't understand how anyone could be so hateful. Especially when they consider themselves to be christian. I'm sorry if that statement angers you in any way. That just makes me very sad, what he said. I'm sorry that your relationship with your father has come to this. Being the 100% Italian that I am, I find it very hard to forgive. I hold a grudge like a mofo. I hope your visit goes smoothly. Many hugs to you and I'm sorry you are in this predicament. I think it is a good decision to postpone the FET. Added stress is never a good idea while cycling. You need to be in a good place. This just isn't the right time.

[ruthie]

I'm so sorry you are in the middle of a such a devastating and difficult situation. When I worked at the hospital, we often used literature when working through bereavement with children. If my memory of childhood psych serves, the concept of death isn't really grasped until 7-9 and most of the books we used were targeted at that age group. But, I'm sure there are younger books too, I just don't know of any. We often used secular books without references to heaven. If your dad is working with hospice, they should have some wonderful resources on hand, as family care is a big part of what they do. Would your rabbi have a resource if you were looking for a more faith- based way to explain death to a toddler?

[snarlyvos]

Oh my… sending even more hugs. I'm so very sorry. I wish you strength and love.

[TJ]

Hugs. Good luck this weekend and take care of yourself.

[kmc84]

Big hugs to you. I agree with waiting on the FET, there's just too much going on right now. Good luck this weekend and safe travels.

[aurora1181]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. hugs to you!

[chiwifey]

I can't imagine how difficult this is. Please know I'll be thinking of you. Safe travels and prayers for peace for your family.

[karabear4409]

I am so very sorry. Big hugs.

[leahb12]

I'm so sorry. You'll be in my thoughts.

[ccam]

I'm so sorry that he missed out on your LO. Thinking of you this weekend.

[cinc1em]

I'm so sorry.

[kaf7]

I'm sorry you're facing this. Decisions about FET can wait until you're ready. Given that they have no connection, you're right that LO will likely not experience any loss. But they might pick up on your stress or sadness. I think it's fair to explain that to them....like if they ask why are you sad, you could explain a little about how you're feeling. I think sharing things like that to a degree with children helps them know they can share tough things with the family as they get older and it is safe to do so. Lately LO and I have been talking about our day as we cuddle before bed. He had a bad dream today and we reflected upon that tonight. So you could do somthing similar...talk about seeing relatives and funny things that happened and lighter things and then say that you found the day hard because you're sad that your daddy is sick. I don't think you need to go into depth. And I would end with something upbeat...like that you can't wait to do X with LO when you get back home. I do think that having some explanation of the emotions of others that they are picking up on will help them process what they are experiencing.

[imoverit]

I hope you get some closure in all of this. Such a sad situation all around. Hugs. This is so not easy.

[1983lindsey]

I am so sorry. My T&Ps are with you and your family.

[mg0202]

Good luck this weekend. I hope you find peace with the whole situation. Hugs to you.