Holiday Plans and Idea Sharing

[LovesMeSomeCake]

As we quickly approach the holidays, what are your plans? Are you traveling? Hosting? How are you broaching the news with your family? 

If you are hosting, are you doing "the works" or will there be modifications?  I'm hoping to borrow some tips!

I am hosting Thanksgiving for (so far) 28 people in my home, while 35 days out from my induction.  Some shortcuts will be taken.  I decided to host, because I have ZERO interest in attending any Christmas doings anywhere at Birth minus 5 days. DH has smiled and nodded at me, but I don't think he understands how serious I am yet.

Additionally, I am dreading holiday shopping.  I like to give shared experiences, not stuff, but it's going to be difficult this year. I'd love ideas for gifts I can give to everyone (adults, kids get toys of course), without breaking the bank (Dear Harry and David, are you KIDDING?).

[aprilz81]

Thanksgiving we will be traveling to my parent's house (about 2 hours away) and staying 2-3 nights depending on how crazy it is with so many people in the house and how I'm feeling.

Christmas will be in the town where we live with Dh's parents and family. We are currently scheduled to host, but we are anticipating an early induction so that may have to be rescheduled. Both of DH's cousin's are in the middle of building houses and there is a slight possibility of one house being done in time for Christmas but it is iffy at best. Both rental houses the cousins are in are too small for the size of the family.

I need to have a talk with Dh and his parents about scaling back Christmas gifts this year. The last few years have gotten bigger and bigger for both quantity and cost of gifts. MIL has been fighting breast cancer and I have a high risk pregnancy so we both have darn good excuses for scaling way back this year.

The last few years we have not exchanged presents with my parents and my sister, we just get together for a meal and give the kids gifts which is plenty for all of us. We don't NEED anything so it brings the stress level way down when we do it that way.

I'm going to try to make some gifts this year if the cost looks like it will be less than buying gifts. DH exchanges gifts with three college friends and their kids. I'm thinking we can make Yardzee (giant Yatzee sets you play outside made with blocks made from a 4x4 post) sets fairly inexpensively for all three of them. I usually bake a lot of goodies and give those out to DH's cousins but I know I'm not going to be able to do my normal Christmas baking this year so I think I'm going to make some wood signs for their new homes. I've found some inspiration pictures on Pinterest, I think I'm going to do fall/Thanksgiving on one side and Christmas on the other.

[aprilz81]

Oct 25, 2016 11:07:12 GMT -5 W said:

Christmas shopping has been underway. I've finished with our dogs, and am working on my parents. I'm getting DH one big gift instead of several. Hopefully this next paycheck I can finish most of the shopping for other relatives.

We are planning on going to our typical family Christmases, but who knows! I'm due two days after Christmas, so I guess it's up to the baby what we do.

I would NOT be hosting a holiday party. You're a stronger woman than I.

If we continue with this plan it will be super low-key.  It is usually semi-potluck and all of DH's family knows that I will be 38 weeks pregnant (if I haven't delivered yet which is another issue entirely) and have all offered to help.  

We have the space and if we hire someone to come clean before Christmas and everyone brings food I will only have to sit and watch.  It isn't optimal for sure, but right now we are the only family unit with enough space to handle everyone.

[PirateCat]

Oct 25, 2016 11:07:12 GMT -5 W said:

Christmas shopping has been underway. I've finished with our dogs, and am working on my parents. I'm getting DH one big gift instead of several. Hopefully this next paycheck I can finish most of the shopping for other relatives.

We are planning on going to our typical family Christmases, but who knows! I'm due two days after Christmas, so I guess it's up to the baby what we do.

I would NOT be hosting a holiday party. You're a stronger woman than I.

I like that Christmas shopping for the dogs is the highest priority. 

[jubilantsquirrel]

I'm due 11/29 so Thanksgiving is up in the air at this point, and both families know and understand that.

Typically we go to my ILs on Thanksgiving Day and my family's house the day after. This is still the plan assuming I am still pregnant at that time. Both families live within 45 minutes of us and both are about 30 minutes away from the hospital, so I'm not concerned with travelling. I'd love to host Thanksgiving for both families someday, but I need a much larger house.

Christmas, we will likely do our normal thing, which is Christmas Eve with the ILs, and Christmas Day with my family (after we've done our own little family thing in the morning, of course).

Re: Gift ideas. Have you thought about month of clubs? They have one for pretty much everything these days. I tend to do these for MH for his birthday (11/22) because he's impossible to shop for. I usually do a 6 month subscription (they have 3-12 month options) and have the items arrive every other month. You can pay all at once or as each shipment goes out. Right now MH has a beer of the month one going on (ending next month) and in the past I've done cigar of the month, hot sauce of the month and salsa of the month. But there are a ton of options, flowers, gardening supplies, chocolate, wine, meat, whiskey.

Also, I know a lot of people are anti-gift cards, but I like these. You can do spa days, date nights (movie and dinner), massages, etc.

[thelittleredm]

We're hosting Thanksgiving this year for my side of the family (H's parents and siblings, too). My mom is co-hosting, though, thank God. Basically, my mom is the main hostess but my house is much more accommodating than hers so that's why we're co-hosting. We're also doing Christmas Eve festivities at our house.

[marshian]

For Thanksgiving we're going to my SIL's (H's sister) home. It's her first time hosting a holiday. We're flying into a nearby airport and meeting my H's parents who are going to drive us out there. My family almost always meets at my parents place for Christmas because my dad works in car sales and isn't able to travel over major holidays. There are on grandkids on my side of the family yet (mine will be the first) so the logistics aren't too complicated.

However, I finally said after last year we need to dial back on the Christmas gifts. My parents do too much for three grown children and their significant others. We don't need much, and my H and I in particular don't like to have too much "stuff". Plus I'd like to start setting a tone for when there are grandchildren in the picture. I brought up the idea of doing a gift exchange instead of everyone buying gifts for everyone else. My sisters are both on the same page, but my mom is fighting it. We have another Skype date tonight to talk it through.

As for gift ideas, I second the month club. We did an art box one for my SIL who loves crafts and she enjoyed it. My H got a beer one from my parents once. There are many creative options out there now.

[LovesMeSomeCake]

Oct 25, 2016 11:23:53 GMT -5 PirateCat said:

Oct 25, 2016 11:07:12 GMT -5 W said:

Christmas shopping has been underway. I've finished with our dogs, and am working on my parents. I'm getting DH one big gift instead of several. Hopefully this next paycheck I can finish most of the shopping for other relatives.

We are planning on going to our typical family Christmases, but who knows! I'm due two days after Christmas, so I guess it's up to the baby what we do.

I would NOT be hosting a holiday party. You're a stronger woman than I.

I like that Christmas shopping for the dogs is the highest priority. 

It is for us too!

[PirateCat]

W, we don't usually do a lot of Christmas gifts for the cats (although we take birthday parties pretty seriously) but I think I'm gonna have to get them some special things this year in hopes that they will forgive us for having a baby they will inevitably hate.

[cateyes]

We travel to our hometown for both holidays every year. It is about 3 hours away and we usually spend the weekend/4-5 days. I love it because then I can see my whole family at once.

[PirateCat]

We spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with H's family, 8 hrs away, then New Years with my family, 6 hrs away. This is the way we've been doing things for several years now but if my mom gets grumbly about not seeing us for so long I may try and squeeze in a visit before Thanksgiving.

SIL and I are both planning on telling H's grandmother and aunt and uncle at Thanksgiving that we are both pregnant so that'll be exciting. Just hoping for a good appointment with the MW at 11 weeks and NT scan or NIPT results before then.

I really need to start thinking about Christmas gift ideas. I have a few homemade gift ideas for kiddos so I'll need to make sure I give myself enough time to get those done.

[aprilz81]

@wineandcupcakes, gift swaps are a good compromise between "buy for everyone" and "no gifts for anyone". We've done that a few times on my side of the family and even if you get a hard-to-buy-for person it is less stressful than trying to find something for everyone.

[aprilz81]

Oct 26, 2016 9:48:34 GMT -5 @wineandcupcakes said:

Oct 26, 2016 9:43:05 GMT -5 aprilz81 said:

@wineandcupcakes , gift swaps are a good compromise between "buy for everyone" and "no gifts for anyone". We've done that a few times on my side of the family and even if you get a hard-to-buy-for person it is less stressful than trying to find something for everyone.

So true. And the cost of Christmas is getting to be a bit nuts these days between my family and DHs. It just doesn't seem worth it. I would rather spend time chatting over a nice seasonal brunch....my childhood self would hate me ;-)

Since we spend Christmas with DH's family we celebrate with my family on a Saturday sometime in December.  The last few years we have had breakfast and/or lunch together and hang out while playing with my sister's kids.  They open their presents and then we chill some more.  I don't feel denied or disappointed by the lack of gifts (sometimes my Mom brings some homemade bread or other treat) and it saves us all money and stress.

[LovesMeSomeCake]

Oct 26, 2016 9:48:34 GMT -5 @wineandcupcakes said:

Oct 26, 2016 9:43:05 GMT -5 aprilz81 said:

@wineandcupcakes , gift swaps are a good compromise between "buy for everyone" and "no gifts for anyone". We've done that a few times on my side of the family and even if you get a hard-to-buy-for person it is less stressful than trying to find something for everyone.

So true. And the cost of Christmas is getting to be a bit nuts these days between my family and DHs. It just doesn't seem worth it. I would rather spend time chatting over a nice seasonal brunch....my childhood self would hate me ;-)

THIS THIS THIS!

I've been stewing about this for a few years now.  none of the adults NEED anything, so we're just spending money on stuff that doesn't get used.  

 

[LovesMeSomeCake]

I buy things for people throughout the year, if I see something that they would love. Life is unpredictable, why wait for a certain time of year?

I am pretty sure all the women on both sides of my family are 100% on board, it's the men who get pouty, lol, grown men.

I've been thinking how to go about holidays once baby is old enough to grasp it. We aren't religious, but the idea of giving back, soup kitchen or donating time to shelters I feel might help offset the me me me STUFF message that permeates December. LOL the best laid plans right?

[marshian]

LovesMeSomeCake - My H and I decided a few years ago we would buy each other gifts throughout the year if we saw something we really wanted to give the other person. I really like this approach. We do make a bigger deal about birthdays because we decided they were more special for each person than a commercialized holiday. Completely our opinion, not bashing anyone who does big gift-giving on holidays.

My sister and I would also much prefer to do something all together rather than give gifts. A service event would be preferable. Even just going out as a family to do some activity would be great.

[aprilz81]

Oct 26, 2016 12:31:20 GMT -5 LovesMeSomeCake said:

I buy things for people throughout the year, if I see something that they would love. Life is unpredictable, why wait for a certain time of year?

I am pretty sure all the women on both sides of my family are 100% on board, it's the men who get pouty, lol, grown men.

I've been thinking how to go about holidays once baby is old enough to grasp it. We aren't religious, but the idea of giving back, soup kitchen or donating time to shelters I feel might help offset the me me me STUFF message that permeates December. LOL the best laid plans right?

Donating to food pantries or buying gifts for angel trees are always good starting points.  You aren't religious but Operation Christmas Child might be a fun thing to do, it is run by a Christian charity but the shoeboxes of gifts go to very poor kids around the world and they get excited by having their own toothbrush so they don't have to share with 20 other girls in the orphanage.

I also like the idea of kid gift giving along the lines of "Something to wear, something to read, something to play with and something I want" or it goes something like that.  Especially when they are really little it would help to keep down the clutter.  Even if we go this route they will still get presents from grandparents and aunts and uncles so I don't think they would feel deprived at all!

[aprilz81]

Oct 26, 2016 12:40:01 GMT -5 marshian said:

LovesMeSomeCake - My H and I decided a few years ago we would buy each other gifts throughout the year if we saw something we really wanted to give the other person. I really like this approach. We do make a bigger deal about birthdays because we decided they were more special for each person than a commercialized holiday. Completely our opinion, not bashing anyone who does big gift-giving on holidays.

My sister and I would also much prefer to do something all together rather than give gifts. A service event would be preferable. Even just going out as a family to do some activity would be great.

I wonder how many people REALLY feel like this but never says anything so nothing ever changes?  It seems like we have a number of us on here that could do without the stress/hassle/financial commitment to buy EVERYONE all the gifts. Or do a compromise and only buy for the kids...

Even my IRL friends complain about the stress of Christmas but to my knowledge never bring the topic up with those they normally exchange gifts with.

[thelittleredm]

Oct 26, 2016 11:23:17 GMT -5 @wineandcupcakes said:

Oct 26, 2016 11:19:15 GMT -5 LovesMeSomeCake said:

THIS THIS THIS!

I've been stewing about this for a few years now.  none of the adults NEED anything, so we're just spending money on stuff that doesn't get used.  

 

EXACTLY. From a practical standpoint, with all the money we spend on them, we can buy the gifts we asked for (everyone is asked to provide a list). I get that gift giving is fun, but I would rather spend time playing a board game or eating a meal and keep gifts out of it, or at least do a swap where each person is responsible for one other person and that's it.

Last year, all my siblings decided to help reduce gift costs since there was kind of a mini explosion of our own kids, we'd all just participate in a swap with each other. Then we decided that people would automatically be made to participate once the get into highschool (obviously, parents of said kid could do whatever they wanted gift wise but aunts and uncles didn't need to get them things, too). We decided to leave our parents out of the swap since we'd all get them something anyway.

[marshian]

Oct 26, 2016 12:43:39 GMT -5 aprilz81 said:

Oct 26, 2016 12:40:01 GMT -5 marshian said:

LovesMeSomeCake - My H and I decided a few years ago we would buy each other gifts throughout the year if we saw something we really wanted to give the other person. I really like this approach. We do make a bigger deal about birthdays because we decided they were more special for each person than a commercialized holiday. Completely our opinion, not bashing anyone who does big gift-giving on holidays.

My sister and I would also much prefer to do something all together rather than give gifts. A service event would be preferable. Even just going out as a family to do some activity would be great.

I wonder how many people REALLY feel like this but never says anything so nothing ever changes?  It seems like we have a number of us on here that could do without the stress/hassle/financial commitment to buy EVERYONE all the gifts. Or do a compromise and only buy for the kids...

Even my IRL friends complain about the stress of Christmas but to my knowledge never bring the topic up with those they normally exchange gifts with.

Probably quite a few people! This is why I finally brought it up this summer and we've having a family Skype next week to hopefully cement the plan. My other sister wants to compromise with everyone just buying everyone else one gift each (which is what H and I do already; my parents buy us all multiple gifts still), but I want to hold firm on really dialing it back.

[aprilz81]

Oct 26, 2016 12:50:50 GMT -5 @wineandcupcakes said:

aprilz81 - YES! I think it's "something you want, something you need, something to wear and something to read" and then I've added "something for somebody in need" because I like to adopt kids/families from local shelters and get them things for the holidays/have kids donate old and new toys, etc.

There are probably a few variations but the main point is the same, to limit the money spent and quantity of "stuff" in the house.

We weren't spoiled rotten as kids but we still had lots of gifts, especially once we visited extended family.  I know as we got a little older we would get gifts that were for my sister and I to share.  Bigger ticket items (gaming systems, Barbie houses, etc.) would sometimes come from Santa to both of us.

[aprilz81]

Oct 26, 2016 12:49:38 GMT -5 marshian said:

Oct 26, 2016 12:43:39 GMT -5 aprilz81 said:

I wonder how many people REALLY feel like this but never says anything so nothing ever changes?  It seems like we have a number of us on here that could do without the stress/hassle/financial commitment to buy EVERYONE all the gifts. Or do a compromise and only buy for the kids...

Even my IRL friends complain about the stress of Christmas but to my knowledge never bring the topic up with those they normally exchange gifts with.

Probably quite a few people! This is why I finally brought it up this summer and we've having a family Skype next week to hopefully cement the plan. My other sister wants to compromise with everyone just buying everyone else one gift each (which is what H and I do already; my parents buy us all multiple gifts still), but I want to hold firm on really dialing it back.

Stay STRONG!!!!!  If you want to compromise a little do a passing party or draw names so that everyone still gets ONE gift, but unless you have a really small family it still piles up if everyone buys every family member a gift.

[marshian]

Oct 26, 2016 12:58:58 GMT -5 aprilz81 said:

Oct 26, 2016 12:49:38 GMT -5 marshian said:

Probably quite a few people! This is why I finally brought it up this summer and we've having a family Skype next week to hopefully cement the plan. My other sister wants to compromise with everyone just buying everyone else one gift each (which is what H and I do already; my parents buy us all multiple gifts still), but I want to hold firm on really dialing it back.

Stay STRONG!!!!!  If you want to compromise a little do a passing party or draw names so that everyone still gets ONE gift, but unless you have a really small family it still piles up if everyone buys every family member a gift.

Our family who gathers at Christmas isn't huge (8-10 of us, depending on if my grandparents come) but it's out of hand for eight grown adults. When I was a kid, it used to be my extended family on my dad's side and it was 25-30 of us. That was out of hand. My grandparents on my dad's side went way overboard.

[aprilz81]

Oct 26, 2016 13:04:50 GMT -5 marshian said:

Oct 26, 2016 12:58:58 GMT -5 aprilz81 said:

Stay STRONG!!!!!  If you want to compromise a little do a passing party or draw names so that everyone still gets ONE gift, but unless you have a really small family it still piles up if everyone buys every family member a gift.

Our family who gathers at Christmas isn't huge (8-10 of us, depending on if my grandparents come) but it's out of hand for eight grown adults. When I was a kid, it used to be my extended family on my dad's side and it was 25-30 of us. That was out of hand. My grandparents on my dad's side went way overboard.

Not huge, no, but when you think about everyone shopping for that many adults (not to mention extended Christmas gift lists for other sides of the families, friends, teacher gifts, etc., etc., etc.) it really starts to lose its meaning.  It becomes more about obligation and stress instead of the joy of giving.

[marshian]

Oct 26, 2016 13:18:39 GMT -5 aprilz81 said:

Oct 26, 2016 13:04:50 GMT -5 marshian said:

Our family who gathers at Christmas isn't huge (8-10 of us, depending on if my grandparents come) but it's out of hand for eight grown adults. When I was a kid, it used to be my extended family on my dad's side and it was 25-30 of us. That was out of hand. My grandparents on my dad's side went way overboard.

Not huge, no, but when you think about everyone shopping for that many adults (not to mention extended Christmas gift lists for other sides of the families, friends, teacher gifts, etc., etc., etc.) it really starts to lose its meaning.  It becomes more about obligation and stress instead of the joy of giving.

Yes, those are my feeling exactly. I'd rather us all spend our money on plane tickets to see each other more often during than year than physical gifts. Maybe I should suggest that on our Skype.

[LovesMeSomeCake]

Haha, I called my mom at lunch and brought this up, she interrupted immediately with YES! We are going to do a nice dinner out instead.

I feel like with adult kids it must be that much harder because there is always the need to 'keep things even'. I laugh that the niece and nephew count the presents to make sure they are 'even', which makes my MIL go overboard with junk filler to up package counts so she can feel better about the cost differentials. I'd be shocked if they remember any gifts from last year.

This is not the reason for the season.

aprilz81, YES that poem! and I love the additional line @wineandcupcakes.

[hpnegirl]

I'm refusing to travel more than 2 hours or to host. My MIL is throwing a toddler level fit that we're not spending thanksgiving day or Christmas Day with her (emergency situation a few weeks ago ate up my vacation time so no time off to travel for thanksgiving; they're coming out the weekend before for Christmas). My MIL always dictates what she wants for the holiday, but frankly, we only do gifts for adults because of her..

I was in 3rd tri with DS for the holidays in 2014. I refused to host and just went to them (we were living 30 minutes away at the time). At that point, I wanted to just be left alone and not required to socialize with anyone or have any photos taken.

[jubilantsquirrel]

I'm in the minority but I love giving gifts at Christmas. I don't buy all the things or go overboard and we have small families (just my parents, grandma and uncle on my side and parents, grandma, BIL and his wife and two daughters on my H's side). We usually do one "main" gift and then something small that they enjoy for the parents and grandmas.

For example, last year we got my FIL a gift certificate for a round of golf at a fancy course he's never been to and then also a giant bag of the Costco trail mix he loves. BIL & SIL get a combo gift that is usually a couple of gift cards to use as a date night. And my nieces get an educational gift and then something fun (currently Monster High stuff for the older one and Paw Patrol for the younger one).

I try really hard to get gifts that I know they will enjoy and use. That's pretty much impossible to do with the kids since their interests change and they outgrow things so quickly, but for adults I try not to get something that is just going to sit around a collect dust.

However, if I had a larger family I would definitely be down with a secret Santa type gift exchange. I also don't want to spend all my money on gifts for 20+ people.

[icedtea]

H and I live ~800 miles from our respective families. In past years we've gone north for at least one holiday, but this year we're staying put. FIL is coming for Thanksgiving, and I think it'll just be us for Christmas, which will be nice. It makes me a bit sad not to see my family for either holiday, but this will be a lot calmer and more economical.

We do small gifts all around (except for our niece and nephew), so that isn't usually a problem. H and I get each other stockings and a couple little things, and our "big" gifts are donations to charities we think the other would like.

[LovesMeSomeCake]

hpnegirl your MIL must be related to my FIL. The man POUTS if not given 'good enough' presents. It's darling, bless his heart. and the pictures thing, ugh, no thanks, I don't care how much your facebook friends LOVE the annual picture.