GKU Informal IF Check-In 10/31

[ironbaby]

This check-in is meant for anyone on GKU who has hit the 1 year mark of TTC (6 months if you’re over 35), has an infertility diagnosis, or is going through IF testing/treatment. It is meant to be a place for people to share and ask any questions who might not participate on 3T/IF and who would like the company of others going through the same experiences.

If you have any questions about participating, please send amberr a PRIVATE MESSAGE otherwise please share you info and jump on in!!!! This will be posted every Monday. If you have any suggestions or would like something added, please feel free to post.

QOTW - If you had to live in one of the holiday towns a la Nightmare Before Christmas, which holiday town would you live in? (For those not in the know, that town focuses on that holiday year-round.)

[ohinvrtedworld]

Hi all. Nothing going on here, just want to say hi and that I'm always lurking and rooting you guys on even though I'm not really cycling. I've been reading It Starts with the Egg (thanks to the ever awesome lilsneezy ) and implementing some of the dietary and lifestyle changes. It'll be good for H do eat a little healthier like I am, too

QOTW: Shoot, this is so hard. I think I have dual personalities, where the dark little soul inside of me loves Halloween, but I am a huge sucker for all things Christmas. I probably lean a little more on the Christmas side, so that I guess is my pick!

[Rama]

Yo, long time no chat.

Natural cycle, waiting to (hopefully) do treatment sometime in November. Which I have lots of feels about, but yanno.

Funny enough, actually, since my last treatment cycle, I've had a normalish cycle??? And this one seems to be so to?? So confused. But hey. I'll take all the ovulating my body is willing to do.

QOTW - If you had to live in one of the holiday towns a la Nightmare Before Christmas, which holiday town would you live in? (For those not in the know, that town focuses on that holiday year-round.) That's kind of tough. I don't know that is really want to get stuck in a holiday themed world, tbh. Part of the reason I love the holidays is because they're special. So...uh... I guess I'll go to Arbor Day town and hate trees eventually.

[ironbaby]

ohinvrtedworld, I really need to get on those lifestyle changes, too. And I feel the same as you about loving the dark side of Halloween AND the bright cheery side of Christmas.

AFM, 9DPO in IUI cycle #4. We had a consult with the RE last week, and due to timing issue with the embryo lab closing for the holidays, we wouldn't be able to proceed to IVF until December. So we'll do one more IUI if necessary while doing some additional testing (SHG, mock transfer, virals, specialized SA). I am just really hoping it's all unnecessary.

QOTW: I LOVE Halloween, so I think Halloweentown, but I'd love to hop over to Christmasville sometimes.

[juliayadda]

Oct 31, 2016 13:03:25 GMT -5 ironbaby said:

ohinvrtedworld , I really need to get on those lifestyle changes, too. And I feel the same as you about loving the dark side of Halloween AND the bright cheery side of Christmas.

AFM, 9DPO in IUI cycle #4. We had a consult with the RE last week, and due to timing issue with the embryo lab closing for the holidays, we wouldn't be able to proceed to IVF until December. So we'll do one more IUI if necessary while doing some additional testing (SHG, mock transfer, virals, specialized SA). I am just really hoping it's all unnecessary.

QOTW: I LOVE Halloween, so I think Halloweentown, but I'd love to hop over to Christmasville sometimes.

Me tooooo 

[ironbaby]

Rama, HAI! Miss your face. Glad you're having normal-ish cycles, and good luck when you go for treatment.

I love trees. Totally should have chosen arbor day. Until time to rake leaves...

[juliayadda]

Hi everyone, I have really been absent from this check in for most of the year, but popped in as I went through this IUI cycle. I really have to say I have such strong feels for the wonderful people and I thank you so much for your support.

Trigger warning for spoiler:

SPOILER: Click to show

I tested yesterday and saw a line. I will be testing again and again and betas are Nov.7th.

ETA QOTW: Easter town I think. Great dinner, chocolate, cute bunny, flowers and eternal Spring! oh andi can watch Jesus Christ Super star and the Ten commandments on a loop!

[Rama]

Oct 31, 2016 13:07:39 GMT -5 ironbaby said:

Rama, HAI! Miss your face. Glad you're having normal-ish cycles, and good luck when you go for treatment.

I love trees. Totally should have chosen arbor day. Until time to rake leaves...

See trees are pretty cool. But if I lived in a tree themed town, where it was all trees all the time? I'd come to hate them.

[ohinvrtedworld]

juliayadda -- woohoooooooo!!!!! I hope betas yield some AWESOME news!

[Rama]

AAAHHHHHH, juliayadda!!!!!

[ceejay]

ohinvrtedworld - that's great that you've been able to implement some lifestyle changes! What types of things are you guys changing, if you don't mind me asking?

Rama - HI!!!!! Yay for normal cycles and ovulating! Good luck as you start your next treatment cycle.

ironbaby - FX so hard that you don't even need to worry about IVF at all. Are you planning to test in the next few days?

juliayadda - YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FX for great betas! Keep us updated!


AFM, I made a consultation appointment for me and H at the other RE clinic in our area for next Thursday (Nov 10). I'm excited to find out more about their embryo donation program. I haven't heard a word from our current (now former) RE clinic since we cancelled our IVF cycle there. No follow up, no checking in to see what our plans are. So I'm very glad to be moving on from them...

Foster care news - still no idea when our foster sons' bio sibling is due because bio mom has admitted to having zero prenatal care and is just guessing at her due date. And it's still not 100% definite that we will be getting the baby when it is born, though it's very likely. So just more waiting and seeing what will happen there...

QOTW: It's a toss up for me between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I love both of those holidays so much, but I feel like there would be more fun things to do in Christmasville. I imagine I would get tired of eating Thanksgiving food if I had to eat it all the time...

[Rama]

ceejay When did I miss the confirmation of the bio sib? I'm sorry no one is being forthcoming with info for you guys. :(

[ceejay]

Oct 31, 2016 13:25:44 GMT -5 Rama said:

ceejay When did I miss the confirmation of the bio sib? I'm sorry no one is being forthcoming with info for you guys.

We got the official confirmation almost a month ago now. We were glad to finally know for sure, but since she's had no prenatal care and is just guessing at her due date, we still have no idea what to expect for the next couple months. 

[ironbaby]

ceejay, I really hope you like the new RE and they are a lot more up-to-date with their procedures. I can't imagine not knowing when an infant would be entering your life! And yes, I will be testing this week.

juliayadda, I am SO damn happy for you! I can't wait to see your beta results.

[butlerfan]

juliayadda Ahhhhhhh!!!!!! Congrats!!!!!!!!!!!

ceejay I'm glad you have moved on to a different RE if this is how they are acting. And so frustrated for you for the continued foster care uncertainty.

[butlerfan]

This is going to get long and probably a little soap box like...sorry in advance

I posted this in randoms yesterday but I hung up on my MIL last night. She doesn't think the kids bedroom closet should be only for the kids since we have space issues and H's clothes that were in that closet before we cleaned it out are on the master bedroom bed. She thinks that is ridiculous. Well, we don't have space issues if my in laws wouldn't have the whole master bathroom and bedroom full of their stuff and they aren't living there. They are coming up Thanksgiving week to take some of the furniture that we squirreled away in there so we could make that room into a bedroom again but her comment about they don't need that much space and they won't have that many clothes to hang up and we should use it is completely pissing me off for a number of reasons:

1. It is their bedroom....which means theirs to use.

2. If we use the closet for our stuff then it feels more like a guest bedroom and they have already been removed from everything they know and we want them to feel as welcome and feel like family (as much as possible) not feel like this is a guest situation.

3. We would then have to go through their bedroom to get to closet to get to some of our clothes....that doesn't seem very convenient to us or the child(ren)

4. Licensing states that their must be adequate space for the kids clothing and personal belongings. I know it is a big closet but once we put the clothes in that we had for the 2 we thought we were getting it took up about half of each rod we have in there (without squishing them together) plus we also have a dresser in the bedroom that we divided up with other clothes. And we need to have use the shelves to store the extra diapers, wipes, etc.

5. This is I feel is the point that is pissing me off the most. If I was able to get pregnant she would have no problem having the whole bedroom be the kids but because it is foster care she is thinking it is temporary and won't lead to adoption. I don't know if she is doing/saying it to protect herself but when she said well when they are adopted they could use the Tonka trucks but not before, etc that is where we are putting our foot down and protecting these kids and trying to drill it into her head now that this is unacceptable. It may or may not lead to adoption but we have to treat them like they are our kids and love them that way. Not like guests or temporary in our lives. Even when/if they get reunified with biological family a piece of them will remain with us. Yes, it will hurt when they leave but then you know you are doing it right. She is having a double standard about foster kids and biological/adopted kids and we aren't having it.

[butlerfan]

Ok, on a happier note....we get to look over our home study on Friday and have the final safety walk through to make sure we fixed the minor things and get our game plan for the major thing to be fixed over Thanksgiving.

QOTW: FFMC-I've never have seen nightmare before Christmas. But I would chose Christmas. I love Christmas. H would chose Halloween though....

[Rama]

butlerfan Fuck your MIL. Just... I can't. If you weren't in such an awkward situation, I'd just tell you to move and never talk to her again, until she gets her shit together. That woman is toxic as fuck.

[butlerfan]

Oct 31, 2016 14:14:37 GMT -5 Rama said:

butlerfan Fuck your MIL. Just... I can't. If you weren't in such an awkward situation, I'd just tell you to move and never talk to her again, until she gets her shit together. That woman is toxic as fuck.

And my FIL is not like this but won't stand up to her....we are between a rock and a hard place and we are fed up. I told H I may type out my feelings of why comments like that are unacceptable (besides the fact that you are questioning every decision we make and not treating us like adults....) to us and our future kids. She was excited when we were getting the 2 but I think while it is in the abstract form she is like this but when there is the actuality of the kids being there she seems fine.

[butlerfan]

And based on this I'm almost hoping with how they are and need to pull out all this furniture and make a mess I'm sure that we don't get any placements until after Thanksgiving. I mean by the time we do this meeting this Friday and then next Friday meet with our case worker and sign off on prudent parenting (which we need to do before getting placements anyway) it will be 1 full week before the week of Thanksgiving.

[ironbaby]

butlerfan, I want to throat punch your in-laws every time you mention them. What is the point of them renting (right?) a space to you if it's still "their" space? And how is it any of their damn business what you put in any closing in YOUR home?

[butlerfan]

ironbaby yes renting (with possible land contract in the future, our current rent payments would count towards the downpayment/purchase price). And yes, she needs to let go. Every time we think its getting better she does shit like this.....

[ceejay]

butlerfan - a big TP to your MIL. One of my biggest soap box issues with foster care is when extended family isn't supportive or accepting of foster kids as real grandchildren, nieces, nephews, etc. There are some good articles online about the importance of foster grandparents treating foster children the exact same as other (biological) grandchildren... not sure if your MIL would actually read something like that or take it to heart, but I can look around for those articles if you're interested. Just because kids might not be in your home forever does not mean they don't need and deserve unconditional love and acceptance from everyone in the family. I'm sorry you have to deal with her negativity and stubbornness, at a time when you should be able to focus on the excitement of getting your license.

[butlerfan]

ceejay I'm sure I have an article somewhere but if you run across one please send it my way. I really don't know if she would take the time to read it or take it to heart to tell you the truth. It's like the quote I saw and love.....these kids need your unconditional love more than you need to protect yourself from being hurt when they leave.

[Deleted]

ohinvrtedworld, I need to check that book out, are the dietary changes like major diet changes or just general healthy eating?

Rama it's funny how that works right!? It seems like every time I take a break from chatting my cycle goes batshit. Aren't bodies fun!

ironbaby I have everything crossed that this is your cycle and the IVF prep isn't necessary.

juliayadda FX for great betas!!!

ceejay I really hope this RE is a million times better than your previous one! Sorry about the potential foster baby situation being up in the air. That can't be easy.

butlerfan I'm so sorry your MIL is acting like that. I know you said you guys have a weird housing situation with them, but I think you have to just put your foot down with her. That kind of double standard isn't acceptable. I hope you can get her to understand.

AFM I'm just hanging out waiting to find out about my referral and if I'm going to have to get bitchy.

QOTW I would have to go with Thanksgiving town. I love everything about it, food, fall decorations, pie! I would probably weigh 400lbs, but it would be worth it.

[Rama]

Oct 31, 2016 19:00:31 GMT -5 @samrs22 said:

butlerfan, ugh! to your in-laws that's just not right.
juliayadda, YAY! FX for betas
ohinvrtedworld, Hello :P
Rama, I love your QOTW answer
ironbaby, I wish that this IUI is the one that sticks
ceejay, I hope your next consult goes well, It's hard to hear that the bio mom has had no prenatal care,that's not fair.
@stormageddon, hope you get an appointment made soon

""""""""""""

QOTW- I would want to live in 4th of July town. Its such a low key holiday for me, BBQ, drink , see friends or whoever, nice weather, swimming. I'd like to live in a place low key like that.

My husband and I met with our RE. And all of our testing came back in normal ranges. I'm thankful our results came back good. But I do not have an explanation for 2 losses, I never will and that is hard. The RE encouraged us to try again naturally. And to contact them when I get pregnant, or if I don't get pregnant. We will start TTC next cycle, I'm on CD18 today. I'm going to temp, use OPKs and get the VIP fertility friend and try our best. My husbands attitude about TTC is very realistic now, thanks to education from the doctor.
So where do I go next? I have been TTC 14 months 2 losses,and do not have any diagnosis. Do I step away from an IF check in and 3T? I feel like I do not know where I belong from now on.

So your RE is just done? They're ot going to pursue ANYTHING else? That would really put me off of them.

Unexplained IF is still IF. You don't need to feel like you've been kicked out of anything at all. In your shoes, I might give it a cycle or two to see what happens, but I'd be looking for a different RE. One that takes my concerns seriously, instead of handwaving them at their convenience. It really seems like they aren't doing due diligence and I'm sorry you're having to deal with all that on top of the day to day IF and loss feelings. :(

[ironbaby]

Oct 31, 2016 19:00:31 GMT -5 @samrs22 said:

butlerfan, ugh! to your in-laws that's just not right.
juliayadda, YAY! FX for betas
ohinvrtedworld, Hello
Rama, I love your QOTW answer
ironbaby, I wish that this IUI is the one that sticks
ceejay, I hope your next consult goes well, It's hard to hear that the bio mom has had no prenatal care,that's not fair.
@stormageddon, hope you get an appointment made soon

""""""""""""

QOTW- I would want to live in 4th of July town. Its such a low key holiday for me, BBQ, drink , see friends or whoever, nice weather, swimming. I'd like to live in a place low key like that.

My husband and I met with our RE. And all of our testing came back in normal ranges. I'm thankful our results came back good. But I do not have an explanation for 2 losses, I never will and that is hard. The RE encouraged us to try again naturally. And to contact them when I get pregnant, or if I don't get pregnant. We will start TTC next cycle, I'm on CD18 today. I'm going to temp, use OPKs and get the VIP fertility friend and try our best. My husbands attitude about TTC is very realistic now, thanks to education from the doctor.
So where do I go next? I have been TTC 14 months 2 losses,and do not have any diagnosis. Do I step away from an IF check in and 3T? I feel like I do not know where I belong from now on.

I am also unexplained, with one loss, and my RE has been diligent about trying to get us pregnant. I don't understand what steps your RE is recommending.

You absolutely belong here, if you want to. 14 months TTC, diagnosis or not, is still IF.

In my experience, you can pursue a few paths:
1) continue trying naturally and try some progesterone supplementation if you get pregnant in hopes it will sustain the pregnancy.
2) pursue ovulation induction with Clomid, Femara, or injects, with or without IUI.
3) IVF. This usually is not step 1 after diagnosis, but some couples opt to go that direction.

Ultimately, though, it comes down to what you want. Your RE can make a recommendation based on your labs, etc, but you decide.

With our "unexplained" diagnosis, the RE recommended Clomid and either TI or IUI. We opted for IUI, but the choice is up to you. The plan was to pursue that course of action 3-4 cycles before considering IVF.

I hope you can speak with your RE about a plan that helps you feel you're moving forward.

[butlerfan]

Oct 31, 2016 19:00:31 GMT -5 @samrs22 said:

butlerfan, ugh! to your in-laws that's just not right.
juliayadda, YAY! FX for betas
ohinvrtedworld, Hello
Rama, I love your QOTW answer
ironbaby, I wish that this IUI is the one that sticks
ceejay, I hope your next consult goes well, It's hard to hear that the bio mom has had no prenatal care,that's not fair.
@stormageddon, hope you get an appointment made soon

""""""""""""

QOTW- I would want to live in 4th of July town. Its such a low key holiday for me, BBQ, drink , see friends or whoever, nice weather, swimming. I'd like to live in a place low key like that.

My husband and I met with our RE. And all of our testing came back in normal ranges. I'm thankful our results came back good. But I do not have an explanation for 2 losses, I never will and that is hard. The RE encouraged us to try again naturally. And to contact them when I get pregnant, or if I don't get pregnant. We will start TTC next cycle, I'm on CD18 today. I'm going to temp, use OPKs and get the VIP fertility friend and try our best. My husbands attitude about TTC is very realistic now, thanks to education from the doctor.
So where do I go next? I have been TTC 14 months 2 losses,and do not have any diagnosis. Do I step away from an IF check in and 3T? I feel like I do not know where I belong from now on.

You absolutely belong here. You have been TTC for over 12 months and you are part of the IF club unfortunately. Even if everything is "normal" that just means you are unexplained. I would be getting a new RE because they shoild at least be trying stuff...IUI's, progesterone, or IVF. Usually the 1st two first and last case IVF.

[Deleted]

@samrs22 like others have said unexplained IF is still IF. I spent a lot of time not posting here because I didn't have a diagnosis and I regret not joining in sooner. I hope that you don't feel like you shouldn't be here because it's not true. In my opinion not being officially diagnosed with IF does not negate the struggles that we are going through. I also agree with others that your RE's lack of concern after a few tests is kind of bullshit. Sending you all of my good thoughts.

[Deleted]

@samrs22 I just saw your most recent post. I'm sorry that your insurance has that policy. I had a friend who had a sort of similar issue and her H took chantix (I think?) and it worked well for him, he hasn't smoked in several years now.