BTDT Moms...come in!

[cheezee]

I feel like there are a lot of us here that aren't FTM's!  I need some of y'all to tell me I'm normal...
DD is five so we have a bit of an age gap here but I feel like I've been struggling lately with guilt.  It seems like I just can't get myself too excited about this pregnancy no matter how hard I try.  Part of it I know is my PgAIF brain.  We TTC for 18 months and through all that I had second thoughts all the time.  I'd tell myself that maybe it was a sign we should just have an only child.  Maybe we should just stop and continue our life as a family of three.  Why would I want to start all over again when DD is nearing six years old?  But here we are!  I am very happy, please don't get me wrong.  But now I have these "what have I done" thoughts.  DD has been our world for five years and we are about to turn that completely upside down.  The first one is just so exciting but adding another is already proving to be a whole new ballgame!  Just so many mixed emotions.  Please tell me I'm not alone!  

[kaimee27]

I don't think that's abnormal at all. DD will be two next month, and we have been TTGP for around a year with this one. I'm seriously happy, but I was just telling DH last night that I feel guilty because I don't feel like I'm as focused/bonded with this baby as early on as I was with DD. I think part of it for me is the anxiety. I'm on crinone and am constantly worried that my symptoms are from that and that something is wrong and I just don't know it. The other part is that we already have a child that takes up a lot of our hearts/thoughts/time and it's natural to worry about anything that will upset their world.

Just remember that you are already an awesome mom, and when this one comes, you will end up loving him/her every bit as much as your current child. I also think that the excitement will grow the further we get into our pregnancies and start showing/feeling the babies move.

[bewise]

I constantly think "what have I done"....so you're not alone!

DD is 18 months. I'm feeling so tired and sick right now, so when I get home from work I just put on Disney Jr and let her watch tv and play by herself. I feel like I'm neglecting her.

I keep telling myself though that this phase will be short lived and it will be good for her to have a sibling.

It's hard though! But you're not alone!

[sdlaura]

I can definitely identify. Our age gap was really small (17 months) between my first two kids, and I was so worried that I was robbing my daughter of her babyhood.

I always tell people that one of the biggest shocks of having baby #2 was how quickly it was like a switch was flipped from "my poor baby girl will never be my only child again - how will we handle that?" to 'stay away from my newborn, your violent toddler!' I'm exaggerating of course . But it was fine.

And there are SO many pros and cons to different spacing. In my personal opinion, I think the hardest spacings are 2-4 years, which are of course the most common. I thought there were lots of positives to 2u2, and your 5-year-old should be a great older sibling at her age.

I think 'what have I done?' almost daily, mainly because life will be insane with three kids and two full time jobs. Also because I expected it to take awhile to get pregnant given our history and ages, and it happened right away this time. I'm just trying to focus on hoping for a healthy baby.

[Run20K]

I also fought hard for these babies (see signature), and I wake up around 3am every morning and think, "What have I done?" I'm absolutely terrified. And I can't even imagine myself loving another child, let alone 2, as much as my daughter.

As a family of 3, we were able to live comfortably, save for the college of her choice, take trips and go out to dinner. That will all change now that we'll be a family of 5.

On the plus side, I am incredibly happy to be in this position. I'm thankful for my pregnancy and can't wait to see my daughter as a big sister.

[starsandshamrocks123]

Mixed emotions here too. We have such a good thing going. DS (2.5) is such a good kid and I'm worried he will change when he realizes that he isn't 100% the center of our world anymore. Also DH and I are in a good place and I'm terrified what's going to happen once we start struggling with that second day care payment. But I think about how lost I'd be without my sister and brother (same for DH) and I'm excited DS will have that. The age gap will be 3 years. The nurse at my appt must have sensed how I was feeling because she said that she loved her first so much that she wondered how tough it would be to spread that between 2, but in the end it's not spread out, it's just that your love grows more than you ever thought it could... For both. Sounds cheesy but I know it's true!

[iris1264]

All the feels about this post. I absolutely felt this way before DS arrived. And to be honest, for awhile after he was born as well (although this was either because of, or made worse by, my PPD). I felt so selfish about wanting another child when DD was so young (they are less than 18 months apart). Adding a second child, no matter the first child's age, will be a big shake up to the family dynamic and will come with lots of mixed emotions. This time around, I'm actually not nearly as excited as when I got pregnant for the second time. I think it's because we lost our only pet of 9 years two days after we found out we were expecting, and I am still really upset about that loss.

At any rate, when you see your kids together, your heart will literally burst with more love than you ever thought was possible. It makes me so happy now when I see DD and DS playing together, and the feelings of 'what have I done?' are long gone. It may not be instant, but it will happen. And you will be so glad you have given DD a sibling.

Edited to fix spelling

[honda13]

Nov 10, 2016 17:54:37 GMT -5 bewise said:

I constantly think "what have I done"....so you're not alone!

DD is 18 months. I'm feeling so tired and sick right now, so when I get home from work I just put on Disney Jr and let her watch tv and play by herself. I feel like I'm neglecting her.

I keep telling myself though that this phase will be short lived and it will be good for her to have a sibling.

It's hard though! But you're not alone!

Life twins.

I was just trying to discuss this with dh the other night over dinner.  I asked him:  do you ever look at dd and feel a little sad she won't be our only for much longer, ever think about how we are changing her whole little world, she's my baby, etc.  He was just like, "uh not really".  Thanks dh.  At least I know you ladies get how I feel.

[cheezee]

honda13 I haven't even brought this up with H yet. I know he won't get it. Men!

Edit - Thank you all for making me feel normal!

[mreve]

I don't feel guilty about DS not being an only anymore, I think about my relationship with my brother and I'm excited for DS to have a sibling. He's also the first grandchild on both sides of our family so he's the only kid almost everywhere we go. I'm happy to change that dynamic and teach him that he won't always be the centre of attention 😉.

I do stress a lot about managing a toddler and a baby. I think of the things I did when DS was a newborn and I don't know how I'll balance both kid's needs. Then I think of all the people I know with two or more kids and figure that we'll figure it out.

I don't know if that's helpful, I find it reassuring to think of how awesome sibling relationships can be. Even though I live far away from my brother and we only see each other a few times a year we are very close.

[trebletrouble13]

+1 to worrying about meeting the needs of the toddler and the new baby. I asked my parents how they managed two when I was born (my brother is two years older). They had no good answer other than "he (brother) really enjoyed helping."
ETA: my brother and I have always had a great relationship. We live about 5 minutes away from each other and when one of us is sick, the other will often bring sprite, crackers, soup, or Gatorade.

[carolyngrace]

Nov 10, 2016 17:54:37 GMT -5 bewise said:

I constantly think "what have I done"....so you're not alone!

DD is 18 months. I'm feeling so tired and sick right now, so when I get home from work I just put on Disney Jr and let her watch tv and play by herself. I feel like I'm neglecting her.

I keep telling myself though that this phase will be short lived and it will be good for her to have a sibling.

It's hard though! But you're not alone!

Ugh, this is me too. I feel so guilty but I am way too exhausted to keep up with my 18 month old. This weekend was rough. My husband worked Saturday and was exhausted today. I've been sick as a dog. DS was in a terrible mood. I did get him outside to play but I was really forcing myself.

[leloyd]

My DD is 13 months and has decided sleep is for the weak. I constantly wonder if this was the worst idea ever. It's gotten a bit better now that I am no longer lying on the bathroom floor wanting to die from the nausea, but the possibility that I won't sleep for another two years is daunting.

[MrsEmuTavi]

Nov 14, 2016 14:57:20 GMT -5 leloyd said:

My DD is 13 months and has decided sleep is for the weak. I constantly wonder if this was the worst idea ever. It's gotten a bit better now that I am no longer lying on the bathroom floor wanting to die from the nausea, but the possibility that I won't sleep for another two years is daunting.

Solidarity "Love it"