TTCAL 11-15-16

[doodler]

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive, after a loss, every week.

Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.

**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**

How are you doing?

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent):

QOTW: Who was your celebrity crush when you were younger?  Now?

[doodler]

How are you doing? I'm ok. The last few months have been really difficult for me. This last loss really threw me and I have been forced to start facing some difficult decisions. I'm doing better this week than I have been in awhile though.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): I don't know. I thought we avoided fertile time this past month but now I think we might have hit -2. FF gave me CH but I don't 100% believe them. I wanted to avoid because the thought of getting pregnant right now and losing another one makes me go to dark places and I just don't know if I can do it again yet.

Diagnosis (if applicable): Unicorn uterus, AMA, RPL

Updates/questions: Still trying to decide if we want to keep trying. I change my mind daily. DH is a "whatever you want dear" type of guy, and that is totally not helpful right now.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I think my whole post has been pretty down. This week really has been better though.

QOTW: Who was your celebrity crush when you were younger? Now? Jonathan Brandis was my loooooooooooove. I watched Ladybugs more times that I care to admit. Like daily. I was also an avid Seaquest DSV fan.

Now....I'm into tall, dark, and handsome. Think Joe Mangianello and Maksim Chmerkovskiy. I also have a total ladycrush on Anne Hathaway. Her appearance on that lip synching show is one of my fav things ever.

[rosey06]

How are you doing? Meh

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): ttc

Diagnosis (if applicable): spontaneous miscarriage

Updates/questions: 8dpo so I finally ovulated. Then I got my thyroid checked again this past weekend, 2nd time since the loss. Still super low. I'm on the same dose as pre-loss. Not sure why it's so damn low. But maybe that explains the ovulating issues I had this cycle. It also takes all my hopes away that maybe this cycle will work.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I hate dealing with my endo dr's office. Tired of not getting returned calls when every cycle is time sensitive. Tired of questioning whhhy my doctor is ok with my ridic results. Just over them.

QOTW: Who was your celebrity crush when you were younger? Younger? Any guy in bop (remember that magazine? Lol). jtt and Andrew Keegan come to mind first.
Now? Not a common name anymore. But Erik Michael Estrada from the old boy band otown. I've mentioned that months ago on here 😉lol. They make music again and he's effin beautiful.

[Rama]

Hugs doodler I'm sorry you're in that place. :(

How are you doing? Meh

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): T?TC

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS, EP, an-/oglioovulation

Updates/questions: Nothing. "Normal" cycle stuff. It's nerve wracking.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): My brother is in town for a few short weeks and my family is going on a short cruise in their boat without me this weekend. :( They're leaving on my birthday and returning Sunday. I just didn't want my whole weekend to be taken up, so I declined to join them. But still sad.

QOTW: Who was your celebrity crush when you were younger? Now? I don't really have any? I mean...maybe as a kid, you could make an argument for Nick Carter or Lance Bass, but I just that they were pretty cool guys that looked pretty.

I still don't really have a celeb crush, but I'd watch a movie with Tom Hiddleston? Am I playing this right?

[Rama]

Nov 15, 2016 10:53:17 GMT -5 rosey06 said:

How are you doing? Meh

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): ttc

Diagnosis (if applicable): spontaneous miscarriage

Updates/questions: 8dpo so I finally ovulated. Then I got my thyroid checked again this past weekend, 2nd time since the loss. Still super low. I'm on the same dose as pre-loss. Not sure why it's so damn low. But maybe that explains the ovulating issues I had this cycle. It also takes all my hopes away that maybe this cycle will work.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I hate dealing with my endo dr's office. Tired of not getting returned calls when every cycle is time sensitive. Tired of questioning whhhy my doctor is ok with my ridic results. Just over them.

QOTW: Who was your celebrity crush when you were younger? Younger? Any guy in bop (remember that magazine? Lol). jtt and Andrew Keegan come to mind first.
Now? Not a common name anymore. But Erik Michael Estrada from the old boy band otown. I've mentioned that months ago on here 😉lol. They make music again and he's effin beautiful.

It might be worth starting a hypothyroid thread to get some guidance on what you might wanna do regarding your endo, if you think they're not giving you the kind of treatment you need. There are several ladies that have it, so I'm sure you'd get some good responses. :)

[doodler]

Rama, I hope you have been having a good time with your brother otherwise! I know how excited you were for his visit.

Also, for you, a new question......Which game character do you have a crush on?

[Rama]

Nov 15, 2016 11:11:28 GMT -5 doodler said:

Rama, I hope you have been having a good time with your brother otherwise! I know how excited you were for his visit.

Also, for you, a new question......Which game character do you have a crush on?

At the moment? Yoosung Kim, Jumin Han, and Agent 707 from the dating game I'm playing. Yoosung first, the other two tied for second. They make my heart go wild. :)

[Rama]

Nov 15, 2016 11:25:55 GMT -5 Rama said:

Nov 15, 2016 11:11:28 GMT -5 doodler said:

Rama, I hope you have been having a good time with your brother otherwise! I know how excited you were for his visit.

Also, for you, a new question......Which game character do you have a crush on?

At the moment? Yoosung Kim, Jumin Han, and Agent 707 from the dating game I'm playing. Yoosung first, the other two tied for second. They make my heart go wild. :)

How can I say no to this sweetheart?

[doodler]

Rama I like his purple eyes.

[doodler]

Also, I'm currently out with two of my students. We are in an office and they are scanning financial documents. I'm on a computer in the middle of them checking their work. Except I totally just got busted by an employee walking past when I had ol' purple eyes up on the screen just now.

[Rama]

Nov 15, 2016 11:34:16 GMT -5 doodler said:

Also, I'm currently out with two of my students. We are in an office and they are scanning financial documents. I'm on a computer in the middle of them checking their work. Except I totally just got busted by an employee walking past when I had ol' purple eyes up on the screen just now.

Whoops!

[Rama]

Nov 15, 2016 11:31:18 GMT -5 doodler said:

Rama I like his purple eyes.

Spoiler alert.

*eye

[addymac]

How are you doing? Better than I have been since July (when we first learned of issues with the baby). Minus a mini meltdown on Thursday about finding a dress that fit for the family wedding and being sad that the family would have been fawning over my baby bump, I survived the weekend just fine.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): missed mc

Updates/questions: I should be ovulating by this weekend. H is traveling for a residency interview OOT, so last week we decided I'm going with him so we don't miss our window. This is going to be the most expensive sex I've ever had 😂

Debbie downer (a place to vent):
#1 downer- every month the day I start OPKs is a little bit of a downer. Like, I shouldn't be doing this. I should be pregnant right now with a legit 26wkr bump. Sigh.

#2- This is our last month of trying until march and we find out if we are staying in chi or moving and I'll need to find a new job. And then if we are moving, TTC will have to wait until next year. I'm scared of being so hopeful.

QOTW: Who was your celebrity crush when you were younger? Now? Oooh. I did love me some Leo back when he was on growing pains and duh as jack from titanic. Now? I really don't know. I'm embaraaased to admit Zac Efron is pretty damn hot. But I feel like I'm forgetting about someone I'd fall over for. Leo's commitment to climate change awareness and change is pretty appealing but I'm not that into his looks anymore.

[addymac]

Oh doodler - so many hugs.

rosey06 - if you're not getting the answers you want, can you find another endo for a second opinion? I'm sorry you feel your Drs office is being slow and not answering your Qs appropriately.

Rama I love that you have much better answers for crushes in your anime stuff vs humans. I remember once I was really attracted to a cartoon and I felt really weird about it, haha.

ETA: I'm laughing at myself. On mobile (not tapatalk) and I tried to tag Rama - knew she wasn't @rama but legit thought it was @ramalicous. Then was like hmmmmm that didn't work. Ohh no. It's -diculous not -licous. Although I'm sure you're licous, too. Lol

[rosey06]

Nov 15, 2016 14:32:18 GMT -5 addymac said:

Oh doodler - so many hugs.

rosey06 - if you're not getting the answers you want, can you find another endo for a second opinion? I'm sorry you feel your Drs office is being slow and not answering your Qs appropriately.

Rama I love that you have much better answers for crushes in your anime stuff vs humans. I remember once I was really attracted to a cartoon and I felt really weird about it, haha.

ETA: I'm laughing at myself. On mobile (not tapatalk) and I tried to tag Rama - knew she wasn't @rama but legit thought it was @ramalicous. Then was like hmmmmm that didn't work. Ohh no. It's -diculous not -licous. Although I'm sure you're licous, too. Lol

I've been debating changing a drs for months now. But 1. So much has happened with my labs/body the past couple months, i dread starting all over. And 2. It seems to take months to get a new visit with endos around here. I don't want to put anything on hold for that. I just plan on being the biggest pain in the ass patient to that office till I decide if I'm changing or not lol.

[rosey06]

Speak of the devil, as soon as I posted the doctor herself called me to explain it all. I feel a little better but still just annoyed with my body lol.

[Rama]

Nov 15, 2016 14:32:18 GMT -5 addymac said:

Oh doodler - so many hugs.

rosey06 - if you're not getting the answers you want, can you find another endo for a second opinion? I'm sorry you feel your Drs office is being slow and not answering your Qs appropriately.

Rama I love that you have much better answers for crushes in your anime stuff vs humans. I remember once I was really attracted to a cartoon and I felt really weird about it, haha.

ETA: I'm laughing at myself. On mobile (not tapatalk) and I tried to tag Rama - knew she wasn't @rama but legit thought it was @ramalicous. Then was like hmmmmm that didn't work. Ohh no. It's -diculous not -licous. Although I'm sure you're licous, too. Lol

I'm actually really disappointed that I didn't make my sn ramalicious, both because it's a common mistake and it's waaaaay better than what I chose in my haste. ;) But I'm pretty ridiculous, too.

See, I have a really, really hard time with pining after real people. It's always seemed weird to me. Even dating my husband was awkward. It took me months to be able to say "boyfriend", "fiancé", and "husband" unironically without stuttering each time that label changed.

I don't have that problem with fictional characters, though! It has always just felt more comfortable. I think the biggest thing is that I'm not really attracted to physical attributes (though I have aesthetic preferences), I'm attracted to personalities. And being introverted/awkward/anti-social like I am, I don't get much from real people where I do with characters.

I hope that makes even a little sense. D:

[Rama]

See also: This is why I prefer idols over celebrities. It's probably a culture thing, but not being able to understand what they say and only being able to glean information through body language/intonation/facial expressions >>> hearing someone talk about themselves.

[rosey06]

addymac lots of luck this cycle. Hope the expensive sex works and you won't have to pause ttc

[lunalovegood]

Hello everyone. Quick intro here. I had a miscarriage in September, we went in for the first appointment and there was no heartbeat and the baby was measuring 6w when I was supposed to be 8w2d.

How are you doing? honestly - really shitty. I am in this weird limbo stage and and I don't have a clue what my body is doing

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): who knows? My body is an asshole

Diagnosis (if applicable): NA

Updates/questions: Question I have - are constant cramps normal? I feel like I have been cramping for almost two months.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): The past almost 2 months have been hell. And I feel like I have not gotten any support from my doctor. I called the nurse line after a month when I was still testing positive on a HPT and was told to wait another week and see what happened. I waited two weeks before I tested again because life got busy and I was on vacation. Still positive, this time when I called they told me to wait two weeks and test again. I feel like I am getting blown off by everyone and I am so frustrated.


QOTW: Who was your celebrity crush when you were younger? Leo all the way. I watched Titanic specifically for him.
Now? I don't really have one now.

[Rama]

Nov 15, 2016 19:47:55 GMT -5 @samrs22 said:

lunalovegood sorry for your loss. I'm glad you stopped by this check in. I had HCG in my system for 7 weeks after my loss started. My doctor checked blood levels every week until it was zero. I think if you could see the levels you could feel better also I'm surprised that your doctor doesn't want to check. I think you should just directly request a HCG level check and a consult with your doctor

lunalovegood I second demanding betas from your care team. At this point, it's just ridiculous for them to do nothing. You'd think they'd really want to keep an eye on it, too, because of the potential for complications and/or being able to distinguish between an old pregnancy and a new pregnancy. :/

[lunalovegood]

Rama @samrs22 Thanks for the advice. I think I will have to pull up the big girl panties and demand betas instead of just going along with what the nurse says. I think I feel like I am being a pain in the ass, even though I know that is ridiculous and I'm pissed off about the situation so I should do it.

[addymac]

lunalovegood I'm so sorry for your loss. And for the fuckery that's been happening between your body and the Dr office. I wish I had pushed backed harder on getting my beta levels followed back down (and other stuff related to my loss), so I agree, while it might feel hard and overwhelming, try to push back.

I still feel like a bother to them even 2.5 months post loss bc I am still producing what looks like milk from my boobs and I feel like that's not normal? I was only fake 14+4 bc the baby died around 12w, so why did I make milk and why does it still come out if I squeeze my boob (or if my H does- talk about a mood killer!). I try not to touch them to not stimulate them, but check every 1-2 weeks and yep, it's still coming. I asked my Dr/RN and they were like "just give your body time".... it's been 2.5 months- how is that not enough time for MILK to stop? Breastfeeding women lose their milk supply faster than this!!

[rosey06]

Sorry for your loss lunalovegood hope your body figures itself out. My loss was in sept too and I'm still all screwy also. But in different ways.

[doodler]

rosey06 I'm glad you finally heard back from the doctor!
addymac I'm glad the wedding was better than you were expecting! I'm sorry about your stupid boobs. Talk about rubbing salt in the wound. Have you tried any of the remedies that they recommend for drying up milk? Off the top of my head, cabbage leaves, sudafed, and some types of tea will help.
lunalovegood I'm so sorry for your loss. I echo what everyone else said about demanding betas. Also, if you are still having constant cramps, it might be worth asking for an ultrasound too. After my natural miscarriage, they brought me in immediately to do an ultrasound to make sure there was no retained tissue. That could cause both your elevated hcg and the cramping. I hope you can get this all figured out.

[diamondsndaisies]

How are you doing? Alright. We celebrated the girls' 1st birthday on the 27th. I finally feel like I can breathe a little now that it is behind us.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): none at the moment

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent):I am just upset because I wanted to be pregnant again before their birthday. I really don't want to have to start on clomid because of the high chance of mulitples.

QOTW: Who was your celebrity crush when you were younger? & Now? oh gosh, where do I start? I was completely in love with Devon Sawa. I even watched a scary movie (which I never do) because he was in it.
Currently, I am completely in love with Robert Pattinson and David Boreanaz

[lunalovegood]

Update/Vent

I did call my doctor and demanded betas be done to try to get some answers but now I'm even more frustrated. The first draw was 8 (I didn't realize wondofos were that sensitive) and I just got back my second draw and it is still 8. So I was told once again to wait 2 weeks and come in for another draw. That is it, not other advice, just wait it out.
Thanks for letting me vent.

[addymac]

Nov 21, 2016 21:17:25 GMT -5 @samrs22 said:

I have all the mixed feelings today.

Some one I don't know got married the exact same day as me and some one I do know was like, oh that person has a 4 month old, whats going on with you? The complete stranger that got married the same day as me probably had the same due date as me..Its just feels strange. there is a strange feeling my stomach.
And then after that I got home and got my first positive OPK, even tested twice to confirm. Which is exiting and terrifying. I wish I wasn't so afraid.

I'm so sorry. How incredibly insensitive of them. I hate how people feel they can just ask whatever pops into their head.

I know how you feel- last week at DH's interview dinner with other applicants, we sat next to another couple who have an 8wk old and the lady was like, oh have you guys not discussed having a child? We have a whole timeline set up. And her H goes "yeah I just have her tell me when to do what, haha!" I just smiled and said something generic but what I wanted to yell was "we DID have a timeline. And our baby was conceived exactly to the month we wanted it. And then it died. So good for you with your fucking timeline bc my whole future as a parent now has a big fucking ❓"

[lunalovegood]

@samrs22 Ugh, people are so clueless and insensitive. I have all the feels for you on the positive OPK, it is a big step.

addymac people suck sometimes. Makes me want to throat punch idiots

[addymac]

Nov 21, 2016 23:06:29 GMT -5 @samrs22 said:

addymac if I never had any losses I wouldn't know better either. I just don't expect The involuntary emotional reactions to what used to be a completely normal question. I I try not to ask people personal questions anymore. I just want people stop asking me personal questions

I mean I know there's a different mindset before and after a loss but I would have never, ever, asked someone I just met if they had a timeline in place for having children. I've never asked any close friends unless they've brought it up. I just think it's so personal to being with, and I've been on the receiving end of annoying coworkers for the last four years asking, so I'm very much in the don't ask ever camp.