Post by mustloveerica on Nov 17, 2016 9:41:12 GMT -5
Maybe I should convince myself to go for a walk during lunch....
I walked the dogs last night but that's turning into a struggle. It's so dark at night in the suburbs that I have to carry a flashlight. And then big baby Dexter is afraid of the dark so he walks like an idiot and tries to trip me/knock me over/drag me into the street. But momma needs her exercise!!
Post by mustloveerica on Nov 17, 2016 10:28:14 GMT -5
Also H and I had this conversation that made me feel somewhat unappreciated....
Me: cleaning up kitchen after dinner, putting away crap H leaves on counters, wiping counters, doing dishes... H: are you nesting? Me: no I'm tidying up the kitchen like I do every single night. H: oh...I've never noticed before
Post by ladytiffany24 on Nov 17, 2016 10:44:37 GMT -5
Also, today is one of those days where I really wish I could partake in an adult beverage version of Thirsday Thursday. Between last week's election, work being crazy, work also being crazy for H so he's working extra hours thus leading to me doing lots of solo parenting...I could really use some wine!
Post by mustloveerica on Nov 17, 2016 10:51:02 GMT -5
Now H and I are having a text fight because he has a lengthy list of projects he wants me to finish around the house. And I told him I'd gladly finish those projects if he helps me more with cooking/cleaning. And it somehow got turned into I don't appreciate what he does. Great.
Post by akraus2015 on Nov 17, 2016 10:57:25 GMT -5
I'm trying to up my water intake in the hopes it makes me feel less bloated. But first decaf coffee in the hopes of tricking my body into having some energy.
Now H and I are having a text fight because he has a lengthy list of projects he wants me to finish around the house. And I told him I'd gladly finish those projects if he helps me more with cooking/cleaning. And it somehow got turned into I don't appreciate what he does. Great.
I sympathize because H and I have this argument more than I care to admit. I complain about things he doesn't help with, then he lists of the things he does do that I don't help with and the argument never gets us anywhere. We both end up feeling unappreciated which is typically never the intent. For me, there are days when it's more frustrating than others, like when I'm cleaning up after him while he sits on the couch. It makes steam come out of my ears!
In my situation, I know we both could probably do a better job of making the other feel more appreciated. But man, no matter what, it always feels like I do way more than he does. So I feel you! Hang in there!
Oh, and if I were in your situation, I'd probably want to have a serious sit down convo about what things might look like once the twins come into the picture. As I'm sure you've heard a million times, life changes drastically after little ones come along. And for you, having 2 at once, he's likely going to have to step up his helping out around the house game for sure!
Post by akraus2015 on Nov 17, 2016 12:00:10 GMT -5
mustloveerica and ladytiffany24, this sounds like the conversations we've been having in our house lately, too. Although with H it's just passive aggressive comments about how he's always the one who lets the dog out in the middle of the night or how he's the ones who has done all the work on the patio remodel and oh by the way, I sleep all the time.
Uh...hello? Does he think there's a magic fairy in the house who makes his dinner, cleans the dishes, washes the clothes, feeds the dog, and oh...also works 50+ hours a week?! Angry face! My pregnant lady rage got the best of me yesterday morning (BEFORE 8 AM) when he texted me about me being asleep while he took the dog out twice in the middle of the night.
Post by jubilantsquirrel on Nov 17, 2016 12:07:23 GMT -5
mustloveerica, MH and I had a massive fight a few months after DS was born. He felt that he was doing absolutely EVERYTHING around the house and I was doing nothing at all. After the fight I wrote out a list of all the chores we each do. His included things like, yard work, taking out the trash and paying the bills. Mine included things like laundry, cooking dinner, and cleaning. I think this list really helped. It showed that I was aware of what he was doing to help our household, but also showed him exactly what I do around the house that he probably never noticed before (like vacuuming, moping and wiping down the counters).
We haven't fought about who does more around the house since then, which is nice. We still have things we're working on. I need to get better at communicating and not holding things in and asking for help when I need it and he needs to get better at picking up after himself. I'm fine with my set of chores but I'm not ok with being his personal maid, there's a huge difference.
All that to say I've been there and it sucks. I would recommend having a serious sit down talk with him and maybe going over what each of you expects from the other. Things change after bringing a baby home, there's some growing pains that come with expanding your family. It's hard, but communication really does make all the difference.
Post by mustloveerica on Nov 17, 2016 14:32:04 GMT -5
Anyone have any suggestions for pregnancy workout videos? YouTube or otherwise is fine. It's going to be too cold to walk pretty soon. So I need to find some other physical activity. Preferably like 30 minutes long. And go.
Anyone have any suggestions for pregnancy workout videos? YouTube or otherwise is fine. It's going to be too cold to walk pretty soon. So I need to find some other physical activity. Preferably like 30 minutes long. And go.
I haven't actually tried any of them yet, but someone recommended this to me (link below). Apparently she has a whole series of pregnancy workouts that are low impact.
H and I have had the conversation about housework multiple times. The unfortunate truth is he works longer hours than me the majority of the time, so most of the chores fall onto my plate. I don't mind most of the time but if I'm also swamped with work it gets annoying. I try to remember to ask him to pitch in when I get frustrated.
I've been lucky in that in the past couple weeks he's done a few loads of laundry on his own accord, emptied the dishwasher, and washed the dishes (which he should since I'm basically not eating much). All things I usually would have to ask him to do or remind him. I've felt pretty crappy the past three weeks so have no energy to do those things. Pregnancy might be bringing out the helper in him!
Anyone have any suggestions for pregnancy workout videos? YouTube or otherwise is fine. It's going to be too cold to walk pretty soon. So I need to find some other physical activity. Preferably like 30 minutes long. And go.
Bikini Body Mommy. She has pregnancy videos but her other work out videos are doable when pregnant as well (she's pregnant herself in the 6 week mini challenge series).
Post by silvermelody on Nov 17, 2016 17:52:57 GMT -5
W I'd be very careful about changing your monthly budget that much with a baby on the way. We bought a house a year after DS was born and our finances changed a lot compared to living in the condo that we already had paid off!
With this baby I basically can't afford to take the 6 weeks of unpaid leave at the end that I'm allowed to take. We made it work with DS because our expenses were so much less. (I'm the primary earner).
Post by silvermelody on Nov 17, 2016 17:55:42 GMT -5
Re: housework
Something that worked when I was in a housemate situation after my divorce was having a dry erase calendar on the fridge. Everyone gets a color. Every day you write down the chores you've done. It very quickly becomes apparent that X always does the dishes and Y always vacuums and that no one cleans the bathroom Or that X's color takes up most of the board...
It can be a good jumping-off point for a discussion, depending on how reasonable the involved parties are.
Something that worked when I was in a housemate situation after my divorce was having a dry erase calendar on the fridge. Everyone gets a color. Every day you write down the chores you've done. It very quickly becomes apparent that X always does the dishes and Y always vacuums and that no one cleans the bathroom Or that X's color takes up most of the board...
It can be a good jumping-off point for a discussion, depending on how reasonable the involved parties are.
This is a great idea! I've been thinking about how to become more aware of when H actually does chores (he says all the time...I'm not too positive that's true) so I can thank him appropriately.
Something that worked when I was in a housemate situation after my divorce was having a dry erase calendar on the fridge. Everyone gets a color. Every day you write down the chores you've done. It very quickly becomes apparent that X always does the dishes and Y always vacuums and that no one cleans the bathroom Or that X's color takes up most of the board...
It can be a good jumping-off point for a discussion, depending on how reasonable the involved parties are.
This is a great idea! I've been thinking about how to become more aware of when H actually does chores (he says all the time...I'm not too positive that's true) so I can thank him appropriately.
Haha yeah this is my H. He says he does a lot. As far as I know he does the yard (usually with my help) and the litter boxes (that I pester him to do everyday) and the laundry on sundays while he watches football. Which yes! Is a lot. But I'd like help elsewhere. We have 5 pets so I basically clean constantly to keep the pet hair and dog smell at bay.
I have OCD so I really don't like it when he touches the washer/dryer/dishwasher/vacuum because... it has to be done my way.
So much this. I literally cringe watching my husband load the dishwasher or hang clothes. I go back and re-hang the clothes or re-load the dishwasher when he's done. Every time.
We actually made a list of chores and distributed them equally (not in number, but in effort). That way, if we see something falling through the cracks we know who is responsible. This is also augmented by a housekeeper twice a month. Now we can help each other out as needed or just to be sweet. It's not always perfect, but it does help with the bickering. For example, he's responsible for outdoor chores and I'm responsible for the kitchen, which is good because my standards are much higher. And we each do our own laundry separately, which I know is weird for some people.
I have OCD so I really don't like it when he touches the washer/dryer/dishwasher/vacuum because... it has to be done my way.
So much this. I literally cringe watching my husband load the dishwasher or hang clothes. I go back and re-hang the clothes or re-load the dishwasher when he's done. Every time.
I do this also on the rare occasion MH folds towels.
@wineandcupcakes - A long time ago I realized I had to let go of things bring done by H the exact same way I do them. So instead I told him what really matters, like not drying the majority of my clothes because they'll get ruined or fall apart faster, and released the rest. I don't have OCD, so for those who can't let this stuff go, I get it. But for me, just because I prefer things folded one way (because they fit in the drawer better) or H loads the dishwasher inefficiently doesn't make it worth it to me to spend time and effort correcting a chore which is already done. Then I have time to do something else!
I'm with everyone who is over picking up their SO's stuff, though. I blame his job a little because they do their thing in the OR and someone else comes and cleans up after them. I finally gave him a bin by the door where he can drop all his random stuff (and I put anything I find there) and I let him do what he wishes with his nightstand. Every now and then he gets fed up with the amount of junk and cleans out both. It seems to work pretty well. Now if only I could get him to put his water glass in the dishwasher...
@wineandcupcakes - Oh wow, yes, there's a clear line between clean and dirty! I fixed the shoe problem by putting all his shoes on shelves in our entry closet. If the place to put something is close to where he would just leave it, it gets put away. That's my only secret/tip. Everything which doesn't fit that mold is a struggle.
My H also strips clothes every now and then (like after taking the dog out for the night) and he tosses his clothes on my reading chair. His reasoning/excuse is they're clean enough to wear again but not fresh so he doesn't want to put them back in the closet. Any ideas (anyone) for a solution here?
Post by mustloveerica on Nov 18, 2016 9:39:44 GMT -5
So when I got home last night H had swept and vacuumed the whole downstairs and he had the steam mop out. He goes "oh good you're home...how the heck do you work this thing". I laughed since he's never used the steam mop. He really is a good man even if we argue sometimes. He's going to be such a great daddy. ❤️
Then Comes Family, LLC is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising
program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.