TTMA RAD

[roxy]

Do any of you have any experience with a diagnosis of RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder)? We inquired about 2 kiddos both of their bios came back with a RAD diagnosis. I know that it is different from kid to kid, but anything you would be willing to share would be appreciated. Thank you!

[lbey]

I dont know if it helps but I was a nanny for a boy with mild RAD. He was very sensitive and would cry if I touched him without him expecting. It was like if it was hurting him for real. The way I worked with him was that he was the one who would start the contact, otherwise I would use words only. Hugs was a huge no no for him...

[lbey]

Roxy, did you see there will be a Webnar on Thursday about RAD? The time is not the most convenient (12-1pm) but all you need is a computer and a phone. I am planning to attend it.

www.mnadopt.org/training/pre-adopt-training/

[Captain Serious]

Both my kids had difficulties attaching, but neither had RAD. I can tell you it won't be an easy road. Have you read any books about it? I have several I could recommend.

Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best.

[roxy]

Thanks for the info! Captain Serious, I would love the book suggestions.

[redandblue]

I have worked with one child in the past who ended up getting a diagnosis of RAD. She was 4 years old and exhibited very significant behavioural challenges, but with her history I could not blame her. The challenge can be for others to fully understand the diagnosis and realize the effects on the brain. As we all know struggles with attachment can be very challenging, but there can be some excellent therapies to help repair some of the damage caused. GL.

[Captain Serious]

Always the first and foremost standard. This book is like the basic manual for raising a hurt child:

Parenting the Hurt Child: Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow <http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Hurt-Child-Adoptive-Hollywood/dp/1600062903/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498193&sr=8-1&keywords=hurt+children> - This book is the one that I always recommend first to parents adopting older children. It really helped us understand what we were dealing with and how to best approach it. It can be scary, because they talk about really bad cases, but it was so relatable and helped us avoid many pitfalls--especially triangulation!

The following two books in tandem. The preach two completely different parenting styles, but at least in our experience, they each had their place. Again, my children didn't have RAD, but did/do have significant difficulties attaching. These books both have something valuable to offer, even though they are completely different approaches. I think the first has good insight into how children with RAD think and has good, strong warnings about triangulation and the second book is important for when a softer approach is necessary. Each child is different; M responded more to a strong approach while J needs much more of a soft, emotional, touch-heavy approach.

When Love Is Not Enough: A Guide to Parenting Children with RAD <http://www.amazon.com/When-Love-Not-Enough-Parenting/dp/0970352549/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498619&sr=8-2&keywords=When+Love+Is+Not+Enough> , Healing Trust (3 CD set), and Taming the Tiger While It's Still a Kitten (lecture on CD with booklet, www.attachment-store.org/taming-the-tiger-while-its-still-a-kitten.html) are good resources to understand children with attachment difficulties. They really helped me get the full understanding of the child's mentality as they go through the process. I personally felt that the techniques were too heavy-handed, but that's likely because I wasn't dealing with a child who had RAD. Still, the insight into their fear and how they act and manipulate relationships because of it was invaluable in understanding my sons. These books/CDs really made me feel like I had a better understanding of what they had to go through, how they were going to do it, and why they were acting the way they were. It made me feel more in control, because I knew what we were going through was normal, I wasn't completely messing up, and that this was all just part of the process they had to go through.

(Note: some of her techniques are controversial, including holding.  Holding never worked with M; it just made him more crazy in the midst of a rage, but it does seem to work for J.  Still, I have heard many parents say that they have had bad experiences with holding, so you may want to try on a limited basis and see what works best for your children.)

Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children With Severe Behaviors <http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Consequences-Logic-Control-Attachment-Challenged/dp/0977704009/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1368805596&sr=8-1&keywords=beyond+consequences> - Presents a different/new way to interpret (and therefore respond to) the behaviors of children with traumatic pasts. It was recommended to me by many parents of children with RAD and FASD, and they swear it’s the only thing that worked with their kids. Basically, it urges parents to first foster a non-punitive, non-judging, nurturing relationship with the child to quell their fears, calm them, and build a relationship of trust and respect before focusing on correcting their behaviors. This book is pretty much the exact opposite in many ways to Nancy Thomas’ approach and many of the others above, but I think they all have their place, depending on the child and situation.

The following book to help you feel sane while going through the transition:

Wounded Children, Healing Homes: How Traumatized Children Impact Adoptive and Foster Families <http://www.amazon.com/Wounded-Children-Healing-Homes-Traumatized/dp/1615215689/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498468&sr=8-1&keywords=wounded+children> - This book was the first that really captured how I felt. It's more about the impact that raising a hurt child can have on the rest of the family, and was very honest. I couldn't believe that the emotions I felt were actually being written about so openly.


This book when looking for techniques or situations the other books failed to touch on:

Next Steps in Parenting the Child Who Hurts <http://www.amazon.com/Next-Steps-Parenting-Child-Hurts/dp/1853028029/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498516&sr=8-1&keywords=Next+Steps+in+Parenting+the+Child+Who+Hurts>

[roxy]

Captain Serious, Thank you so much for taking the time to put together this list. I'm currently attending a 10 week course on the Beyond Consequences book. It's pretty much the only thing that is swaying me towards opening up to a confirmed diagnosis of RAD. Prior to, RAD was on our list of deal breakers.