Want to Wean

[ombradellarosa]

I have enjoyed breastfeeding for quite a while but now I am DONE. Baby is almost 18 months and I have gone from feeling like I needed BFing to connect with her to feeling irritated that she constantly wants to be attached. I started working again four months ago and it seemed like we were nice and gradual weaning away as I was around less but recently she started going back to being on the boob ALL THE TIME. I've been suffering through PPMD and refusing medication because I'm worried about passing it through the milk. I just started my period again. I want out of this so bad and I don't know what to do.

I started don't offer, don't refuse months ago. I need more. I keep feeling like I need to offer her other milk, that seems the obvious solution, but after feeling so strongly about giving her BM instead of any other milk it's a hard habit to break. Is it is simple as putting cow's milk in her sippy cup? I'm torn every which way. I just really really really want to be done.

Final note, in three weeks we will be travelling from Missouri to California to stay with my family for two weeks for Christmas. We're planning to wait until after that to start transitioning her to her own crib--I don't know how we could possibly night wean while co-sleeping--because you're not supposed to have a lot of big changes at once. We'll also be moving house when we come back. Should I also wait until things settle down to wean or is it okay not to if it's more gradual?

TIA for your support. I love the feeling I get from this board that I can ask anything without judgment. 

[lilyelayne]

First, internet hugs because toddler parenting is hard and full of mixed signals.

Second, 18 months is often a big growth spurt. I feel like we have the growth spurts pretty hammered down in the first year and after that doesn't get talked about so much because kids are at such different places with mobility / solid foods / etc and honestly many have weaned by then so growth spurts don't have that same personal impact as they do when your toddler suddenly wants to be attached at your breast constantly. Not to say you can't wean! Just that growth spurt behaviors do happen with toddlers as well. And they can suck as much or more for you as when you had a cluster feeding 3 month old.

Third, I strongly recommend you consider contacting Infant Risk if you haven't yet about treatments for PPMD. They are the leaders in BF & drug research and can talk you through your options. Of course you may still decide you don't want to take meds & BF but you'll have the most up to date info when making your decision.

Fourth, yes you can put cow's milk in her sippy cup and see how that goes. Does it help you to think of it as just another solid, instead of a replacement for breastmilk? Of course kids don't need cow's milk - it's a convenient and easily given source of protein, fat, calcium, and vitamin D, all of which can be found in other foods as well. But cow's milk is easy, provided your kid doesn't have any intolerance issues.

Re: weaning mechanics
I've never weaned so hopefully others will chime in too, but a general guideline is to drop a nursing session a week. This may involve distraction at typical nursing times (being outside, doing a craft, watching tv, hanging out with your partner or another caregiver while you are out of sight & out of mind), replacing nursing with a snack/alternative milk, replacing nursing with calm cuddle time (reading books, watching a show, singing songs while rocking in the rocking chair).

You may find it best to avoid the places she usually nurses if you're not willing to nurse. That can be hard depending on if she nurses everywhere.

You can shorten sessions. "You can nurse while we read this book and then all done" or "you can nurse while I sing this song and then all done" or "you can nurse until I count to 30 and then all done".

You can make nursing something you only do in one place, therefore when you are not there she cannot nurse. Only nurse lying in bed or only nurse in the rocking chair, for instance - best if it's not the room you hang out in most of the evening or weekend or whatever.

[lilyelayne]

drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

This is a great article about night weaning & bed sharing.

[lilyelayne]

Your period can make your milk supply drop, which can also lead to increased nursing sessions. If you think this could be a factor, here's the kellymom link about calcium+magnesium supplements to counteract menstrual cycle related supply dips. Supply dip can be around ovulation and/or your period.

[melody330]

First off, big hugs! I felt the same way when DS1 was a little older. I was pregnant and the thought of nursing made my skin burn. I hated it.

FWIW we did all the big changes at once. Potty trained, transitioned to a real big kid bed, totally weaned and had a baby all within about three months. He's totally fine.

If you want to offer WCM in a sippy cup, that's perfectly fine.

I found gradually weaning worked best for us. But it is a very personal decision. Once I started to actually tell him no nursing, I had to work hard at distractions. There was probably a good month where I couldn't sit on the couch or he would want to nurse.

Good luck! I don't have any advice on night weaning while co sleeping, but there are some ladies here who have done it!

[kensie5226]

I also want to wean at 13 months, just because I personally feel finished with this journey.

That being said, some of the SSRIs have very good data to show they don't have adverse effects on babies. I've been Zoloft since my kiddo was 2 months old and all is well with her.

[ombradellarosa]

Thank you for your responses! This is good stuff to consider.

[billyhorrible]

Just jumping in to say hi and hugs.

I think weaning, or even considering it is a huge step for you. A really good one! I know your feelings about breastfeeding and what it has meant to you.

I also recommend dropping a session a week, with anything related to bedtime being last, which could potentially be after you return from CA. Distraction works for my boys. If I get them up and eating breakfast, they don't even think about nursing. With LBB, we made smoothies together (just milk and frozen fruit). He liked pushing the buttons and the taste, I didn't have to worry about excess sugar, and it got milk in him. (Although as was pointed out, she doesn't need WCM per se)

The night nursing might naturally decrease once she's in her own space too. BH slept with us last week when my MIL was here. One night he was up 6 times. Back in his own bed he's only woken once a night. (Hopefully your daughter goes to 0!)

[vvvvvfee]

+1 to everything lilyelayne said.

there are plenty of drug options that are safe while BFing. give infantrisk a call and ask them about the medication options you were offered. but nursing a bigger kid, you don't have to worry so much.

start with setting limits. figure out what bugs you the most and start there:
the amount of times per day? use distraction- we'll nurse after we do X, offer a replacement beverage or snack.
the length of sessions? we'll nurse until i finish singing the ABC song, we'll nurse until i count to 10-- okay, all done!
MOTN nursing- have your SO be the designated nighttime responder. you can do this even while bedsharing (see jay gordon night weaning method linked above)

i sympathize- my first kid was a high-needs, all-the-time nurser. but things did get better on their own around 18 months. he started sleeping better with a little gentle night-weaning nudging, and around that age they start to be able to communicate a lot better, so you can talk more about when LO can and can't nurse and they will be able to understand more.

but yeah, start with setting some limits on nursing and see how you feel. you may find it more manageable and decide you don't need to wean right away. or if you are still itching to wean, you can proceed with dropping sessions, leaving the most favored session for last.

i like these articles a lot, too: Breastfeeding Boundaries: Why It’s Okay To Say ‘No’ To Your Toddler
8 Tips for Breastfeeding with Boundaries

hang in there!

[agm04]

I just wanted to offer support because I am totally with you on the feeling over it. It's been such a lovely journey, truly, but it's okay for us to decide that we're done. Big hugs - it is a bit overwhelming trying to decide how to tackle it, but we WILL get to the other side!

[agm04]

Nov 29, 2016 14:02:46 GMT -5 vvvvvfee said:

i like these articles a lot, too: Breastfeeding Boundaries: Why It’s Okay To Say ‘No’ To Your Toddler
8 Tips for Breastfeeding with Boundaries

hang in there!

thanks for sharing those articles!

[ombradellarosa]

Thank you so much! I didn't know how to drop a session since it feels less like sessions and more like "climb on Mama and have a nip whenever", but for the first time today I gently said, "No, you've had enough milk for now" and the world didn't implode! What a pleasant shock. Feels like a step.

Thanks billyhorrible because you get me. I you big time.