POM Check-In 12.2

[nomnom]

- How old/combo (gg/bb/bg/etc) are your multiples? b/g, 14.5 months

- How's it going, any upcoming Dr Appts or milestones you'd like to discuss? 15 month appointment on 12/19. Miss G seems to be coming up with more and more words. It sounds like she says "what's that?" so I answer appropriately and she says "oh." Are we actually conversing? No idea! Master R is once again less motivated than his sister. He's taken up to eight independent steps in a row. Miss G has been walking for a couple of months and is trying to run now. Oh well. Different kids for sure.

- Do you have any questions or concerns that you'd like advice on? Not that I can think of.

- Any feeding specific questions regarding nursing, FF, solids, weaning, etc? Do you meal plan for your kids or just wing it?

- QOTW: It's December, what traditions do you keep to celebrate the holiday season? Traditions died over the last few years because we've been so frantic just to keep up. I'm trying to find a short, pre-lit Christmas tree to put on a table away from kids and cats and some plastic ornaments. Maybe some stockings for the family (to add to the cats' stockings, which have been hanging on the mantle since last December).

[requiressnacks]

- How old/combo (gg/bb/bg/etc) are your multiples?

3.5 week, B/G twins

- How's it going, any upcoming Dr Appts or milestones you'd like to discuss?

It's going OK, I think. Right now I'm just trying to keep the fed and safe without losing my shit. MH is back to work and I am doing every feeding alone except one. I am becoming pretty resentful.

- Do you have any questions or concerns that you'd like advice on?

Did anyone else's twin get referred to Birth to Three? DS struggled at the beginning and they referred him. We have his assessment next week.

- Any feeding specific questions regarding nursing, FF, solids, weaning, etc?

My question is about splitting the duties with your partner. Right now, im on maternity leave and we are formul feeding. I have been sleeping on the couch in the living room with the babies in RNPs next to me. MH is working and therefore feels like he needs uninterrupted sleep to function. He sleeps upstairs and gets sleep. I do all the overnight feedings alone. The only feeding he helps with is the 8pm feeding, which I still take one kid. I'm becoming a resentful bitch and I miss my bed. Am I unreasonable?

- QOTW: It's December, what traditions do you keep to celebrate the holiday season?

I always host a cookie swap/wine drinking party with my girlfriends. That's all I can think of right now because I want wine and cookies 🍪

[pbandj714]

requiressnacks, oh I remember that resentful feeling when I was on leave and DH went back to work. It's hard!! As far as the splitting duties, every couple is different, but we had the babies in our room in rock n plays next to our bed. Once DH went back to work, I would wake up to comfort them as much as possible, but when they needed fed MOTN, DH would get up with me and he'd go down to make bottles while I changed diapers, and we'd each feed a baby. He always fed L because she would go back down immediately and that way he could go back to sleep quicker while I rocked and shushed G. I know some people take shifts. Some people assign a baby to a parent. You'll have to find what works for you guys, but honestly, I think he should be helping you, even MOTN, because it's hard yo! I don't remember if you plan to go back to work or not but if so, he needs to look at it this way: once you do, someone is still going to have to get up with the kids MOTN unless you have 2 miracle babies that sleep through the night, every night, always. You deserve help, you deserve to sleep in your bed, and you deserve kudos for keeping them alive all day.

[piccyami]

requiressnacks, We struggled with that, too. When I was on maternity leave, H would help with at least one of the early nighttime feedings and I would let him sleep through most of the rest because I could nap during the day. Now that I'm back at work, we both get up for the 3am feeding (we only have 2-ish wakeups). We're currently struggling with the 5am wakeup because H will go in there, pick up whichever baby woke up, and pat their back before setting them back down and coming back to bed. I then have to go deal with the baby. So yeah, MOTN is hard, even with babies that sleep well. You are absolutely not being unreasonable.

[richzep]

nomnom we just wing it. They eat exactly what we eat so whatever I end up making during their nap time.
requiressnacks you're working just like he's working. You need sleep just like he needs sleep. Even if he took over one feeding in the middle of the night, that's helpful. Maybe more on the weekends.

[richzep]

Haven't checked in here in a while but baby girl is driving me crazy.

15.5 month old b/g twins

Now that ds is walking, he walks non stop. Paces back and forth all around the house. And he's repeating a bunch of words. So cute.

DD will not let go of me. Must be hanging in me AT ALL TIMES. I put her down to change my clothes this morning and she cried the whole time. I was right in front of her. She has always been like this. It's not a phase. She needs help. Or I need help. Some change needs to happen cuz I'm over it.

I have to start some holiday traditions. Or at least get rid of the pumpkin on my doorstep. Now that Charlie is almost 3, he's asking for Christmas trees and lights and decorations. I need to get on it.

[mustloveerica]

richzep my pumpkins are still on my front porch too! And the Christmas light are hung up. My house is holiday confused.

[richzep]

Dec 2, 2016 16:13:58 GMT -5 mustloveerica said:

richzep my pumpkins are still on my front porch too! And the Christmas light are hung up. My house is holiday confused.

Lol!!! Happy everything!!

[nomnom]

richzep mustloveerica I considered putting Santa hats on the scarecrows out front.

@feegan Miss G drinks a lot of water (more than her brother who weighs 7 pounds more) and tends to have harder poos of she doesn't get it. Could your LO need more water, at least as a partial solution?

[jd]

requiressnacks, I just wanted to give you a solidarity shout-out for what you're dealing with re: MOTN stuff. Our twins are 2.5 months old, and we have a very similar set-up here (I sleep on the couch in the living room with the babies all night). When my husband was on paternity leave, we split the night shift (12-4; 4-7), but now that he's back at work, I do the entire night shift myself. While I do agree that parenting labor is as hard as (if not harder than) workplace labor, I really can sympathize with our husbands' struggle when it comes to actually getting up, getting ready, going to work in the morning, being alert and on call, not losing their shit all day, then coming home and stepping up to help us out immediately. We will have to reevaluate how we handle the night shift when I get back to work at the end of January, but for now, I have to constantly remind myself that he is truly pushing himself past capacity to stay on top of his obligations at home AND at work, while I have the "luxury" of focusing only on my home life for now. Caring for newborns is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but as of now, I can give them 100% of my attention. Staying at home also means that I have the privacy and space to have meltdowns, which I'm sure you're experiencing too. The same is not true of our husbands, and I think it's important to recognize that they too are confronting a trying life transition and are struggling as well.

The newborn phase is so, so hard and it will test even the strongest of marriages. I remind myself daily that we are in this together. As long as I know he is trying his very best, I force myself to see us as a team and to avoid assessing who is trying harder on what. Just hang in there, focus on getting through each day, and take as much time as you can just to reconnect with your husband. If he's anything like mine, he needs you as much as you need him right now.

[requiressnacks]

Ladies.....thank you. Seriously, thank you. Your advice and anecdotes have Been extremely helpful. Yesterday was a crazy day and I was feeling so isolated and despondent. I feel like life at home with twins is such a roller coaster. Some days I'm ok and some days are very, very dark.

As for the problem at hand...MH works 12 hour shifts and typically wakes up for work at 4am. We talked last night and he is going to start waking up at 3 and do that feeding. He will go to bed at 8 pm so that he still gets a reasonable amount of sleep. He works half the month on night shift and I don't even know how we will deal with that. I'm sure I'll be melting down about that next week.

[dke2010]

requiressnacks Hang in there! It sounds you and your husband are trying to figure out a plan that works for you. My H doesn't help with any feedings since we EBF and I often feel like I'm the only one taking care of the twins. I totally understand how hard it can be.

[callmeKD]

requiressnacks glad you are working out a solution. How often are the babies eating? Do you have anyone who can come and help you during the day so you can get a break?

[river]

requiressnacks, lurking in this check in and glad you're feeling better today.

I have experience with Early Intervention through work (looks the same as Birth to Three), and have two friends - a twin mom and a preemie mom - who used them. They both had wonderful experiences, both ended up using the therapists after age three through private pay. The only recommendation I have is that after the assessment, if they recommend a therapist and you're not happy with them, do not be afraid to advocate for a new one. The twin mom went through a few OT's before finding the right fit.

[schmella]

nomnom, we have dinner leftovers for lunch and they eat some variation on our dinner at dinner time. Breakfast is almost always eggs, toast or pancakes, fruit, and breakfast sausage or yogurt if they don't like eggs that day.
requiressnacks, DS had a referral to EI right out of the hospital for a speech assessment due to his feeding issues. They determined he didn't need services but now we have a case file and contact info if we need services at any point.

MOTN: MH went back at 4 weeks. I handled all MOTN everything from that point on. We had the babies in the room with us on my side of the bed and I took them to the living room to feed them. On occasion, I would wake MH if someone was being atrocious but I did it myself for the most part. My first suggestion would be to get yourself and those babies set up in the bedroom. If YH can't sleep through their noise, he can move to the couch that night and you can revisit the arrangement after a week, but you need sleep too.
I didn't do much of anything but take care of babies during the day- laundry, dishes, bottles, cleaning (HA! Who cleans?!?!), feeding cats & dogs, all MHs duty. So we had a trade off, and not being responsible for those things allowed me to nap a little more often. He made formula, coffee, and breakfast for me every morning. And a couple nights a week he took the last feeding and put them to bed and I went to bed at like 7pm so I could get a a decent stretch of sleep. I did get a lot of flack at one point, with the whole "he has to help with all MOTN feedings, raising babies is as much a job as his!" Thing and that is partly true? But I didn't have to put on clothes or operate a vehicle or present myself professionally, either. You do what works for your family.
@feegan, have you tried Chinese food? Even on a meet strike, these two will devour the meat in potstickers or beef with peapods- I think the tender consistency and strong flavor help?
richzep, W does this a little and DH pointed out that she stops as soon as no one is looking at her.

[schmella]

13m b/g

Milestones: A is a walking machine, though still clunky. He's very chatty and points a lot. W is running and starting to climb. Repeating all the sounds. She is manipulative but mostly sweet, she keeps me on my toes! A had sausage on his plate that W wanted, so she handed him a carrot and stole it! A LOVE hide & seek, and his laughter is amazing.
Questions: we dropped bottles cold turkey this week. They are drinking way more milk, but still only 6oz for A and 4 for W. She gets cheese & yogurt but im concerned about hydration- how much liquid (milk, juice, water) should they have?
QOTW: not really established yet, we usually spend it in Michigan with the ILs

[richzep]

schmella
Yes! She's totally fine if she doesn't see me. If she is randomly occupied with something, she's good. I better not make myself visible though because then it's over.

[requiressnacks]

Dec 3, 2016 18:31:56 GMT -5 callmeKD said:

requiressnacks glad you are working out a solution. How often are the babies eating? Do you have anyone who can come and help you during the day so you can get a break?

They are every 3 hours during the day, but closer to 4 at night. As long as I can get them to consistently nap, I feel good about the breaks I get during the day. Luckily, my MIL is my neighbor, so I can call her for backup when things get really hairy.

[schmella]

Dec 4, 2016 7:26:21 GMT -5 requiressnacks said:

Dec 3, 2016 18:31:56 GMT -5 callmeKD said:

requiressnacks glad you are working out a solution. How often are the babies eating? Do you have anyone who can come and help you during the day so you can get a break?

They are every 3 hours during the day, but closer to 4 at night. As long as I can get them to consistently nap, I feel good about the breaks I get during the day. Luckily, my MIL is my neighbor, so I can call her for backup when things get really hairy.

If your MIL is helpful, I would suggest you schedule time for her to come help rather than waiting until you're about to lose it. Especially somewhere between 5-9pm, Knowing that relief was coming took the pressure off the whole day. And if your MIL is anything like my MIL, she will lecture her son on taking care of his wife who JUST BIRTHED 2 BABIES!

Also hon, you are in the thick of it. 4 weeks is HARD. It's when I gave up on BFing and considered giving up on the pump. 4-6weeks was the peak of my exhaustion. Hang in there hon, it does get better

[schmella]

Dec 4, 2016 0:28:49 GMT -5 richzep said:

schmella
Yes! She's totally fine if she doesn't see me. If she is randomly occupied with something, she's good. I better not make myself visible though because then it's over.

Ah, see, W does it for attention. So it's less about seeing me and more about people around her trying to soothe her. I will literally turn my back and play with her brother until she reels it in