STM+ moms - I'm curious if you hope your labor is different this time? And if so, what do hope will be different and do you have any plans for how to change it? I'll add my specific fears/issues in a second post but I guess I'm just looking to talk this out.
***I imagine we'll talk about some scary/not so fun labor issues in here so FTMs (and possibly others) may want to skip!
Ok, specifically the things I'm worried about are: - fast labor that doesn't allow for an epidural (my first one was really quick but I did get an epi in). - having another episiotomy. - cord issues with baby. DS had the cord wrapped several times around his neck, which caused decels and resulted in the episiotomy and use of vacuum. - meconium in my water, which resulted in NICU being present for birth. - postpartum hemorrhaging. I had bad bleeding last time and needed pitocin for hours afterwards, although I managed to avoid surgery.
As for what to do, I feel like I can talk to my doctor about some of these things - specifically the fast birth, episiotomy, and hemorrhaging - but I realize some of this was just bad luck. I'm thinking about looking into hypno-babies or some other type of meditation program to possibly help with the anxiety, even though I don't want a unmedicated birth. Basically I'm a stress ball and looking for coping strategies!
Post by erinshelley21 on Dec 6, 2016 20:34:35 GMT -5
I had a pretty textbook experience last time and am hoping for the same. The only change is getting the epi sooner. I was nervous I would get it too soon and it would wear off or something. The floor was really busy that day and I think I was kind of forgotten about and never got checked before getting the epi. All I know is I was pushing 20 minutes later and would have loved a nap since my water broke at 3am.
I do know that if my water breaks at home again and I'm not having contractions again, I will be showering and eating before letting dh know. As soon as I told him my water broke he started freaking out and barely let me eat a frozen waffle.
Post by erinshelley21 on Dec 6, 2016 20:47:43 GMT -5
caer he's a paramedic too! Lol. He literally told me on the way to the hospital that he would be more comfortable if I was dying. I was relieved for a good experience too. Makes me kind of anxious for this one with the whole "ignorance is bliss" being gone.
caer he's a paramedic too! Lol. He literally told me on the way to the hospital that he would be more comfortable if I was dying. I was relieved for a good experience too. Makes me kind of anxious for this one with the whole "ignorance is bliss" being gone.
OMG, I'm not sure what I would say to that. Haha! And yes, I'm definitely feeling more anxiety this time.
Idk, I had an amazing experience last time and I doubt it's going to go down that way this time. My birth center last time was super chill and this place...is not.
I'm having a "lighting doesn't strike twice" feeling about everything.
I had a pretty good labor! I don't think I would change anything. The thing I fear this time is that it will be so fast I wouldn't make it to the hospital or that it will be a huge snow storm. The nurses even said as soon as I go into labor if I have another don't wait around.
I am mostly nervous about my water breaking too early again. It broke at 35 weeks and LO spent his first week of life in the hospital, which I obviously want to avoid this time. I really just want to get to term. Obviously full term babies can be in the NICU but at least the chances are decreased a bit. I think about this a lot.
I would love for my labor to start with my water breaking though, like last time. That way I will know for sure that it's go-time and won't have to count contractions and what not. I am afraid if my labor starts with contractions, I won't even know what to do.
I am afraid of post partum life. I had a third degree tear last time and my recovery was very painful. The thought of it happening again terrifies me.
Overall though, I would be fine if things went a similar way. I had an epidural, a vaginal birth, and it was 17 hours of labor. My nurses and doctors were great. But I'd like to poop on the table less. Lol. Also, I didn't care for the nursing students showing up unannounced while baby was crowning... but I just have to release that to the Lord.
Apart from being worried about another preemie, I haven't thought about the actual labor process that much this time around.
Honestly I've just been thinking about my DS and how he will handle everything, and how he will do being away from me and H for hours at a time. We're still figuring out details on what to do with him once labor begins, and so much is so dependent on what time of day and what weekday it is that I go into labor... so I am stressing about it a lot for now. I didn't have to think about these logistics in round one.
I also had my water break at 35 weeks. My labor was awful. 20 hours including 1.5 hours of pushing. I was never in active labor and even when pushing my contractions were 2-3 min apart. I felt like she was never going to come out. I was also borderline pre-e, had GD (which resulted in becoming hypoglycemic during labor because i wasn't able to eat), I puked twice and my epidural wore off. I bruised my tailbone because I could only lay a certain way (otherwise DDs heart rate would drop). Once she was born, she was taken to the NICU and I sent my H with her. Then I was alone (besides the nurses) and it was awful. I was still hooked up to a magnesium IV for 24 hours after delivery and DD spent 5 days in the NICU. Whew. That was long.
Tl;dr I'm hoping for a less eventful labor and delivery this time. Something I would change is being able to have someone else there with me after delivery in case my H needs to go to the NICU with the babies. I hated being alone.
Post by daisylola11 on Dec 6, 2016 22:24:56 GMT -5
I didn't have a bad labor with DS just long (40hours) but I did learn a lot and will be doing things a little different this time.
I rushed to the hospital because I was puking and it freaked out DH, turns out I was just transitioning and I still had a long way to go, contractions weren't bad yet.
I ended up stalling at 8cm for so many hours I was given pitocin which lead to an epidermal because holy cow those were so much more painful and I was stuck in bed. Wasn't against epidermal, very grateful to have it but wanted to avoid it.
This time I want to stay home and labor until it gets hard. I've learned I can ask to get a smaller dose of the pitocin if I do need it.
I just really hope it's not long again, was in hospital 4 days total, since I have my DS to worry about now and not being home with him for too long makes me sad.
I'm mostly nervous about things being different. I'll be with doctors and nurses instead of midwives and in a different province than where I was last time and probably even than where I am now. Last time I had a med free delivery where i was, by choice, mostly left alone to follow my body and it was wonderful. I'm worried about having to fight for my space. Labor could also end up being more difficult and I wonder how I would cope with a longer or more difficult labor (12 hours last time but only 2-3 of active and roughly 1 hour pushing ). I honestly feel confident in my ability to handle it butI worry about being ppushed to do things a certain way.
caer he's a paramedic too! Lol. He literally told me on the way to the hospital that he would be more comfortable if I was dying. I was relieved for a good experience too. Makes me kind of anxious for this one with the whole "ignorance is bliss" being gone.
OMG, I'm not sure what I would say to that. Haha! And yes, I'm definitely feeling more anxiety this time.
I just cracked up because it was so him. I'm hoping he's a little more calm this time.
Post by erinshelley21 on Dec 7, 2016 7:22:11 GMT -5
I have more fears about the first couple of weeks at home. Ds was 4 weeks early and I had no idea what bf'ing was like and thought he was eating. He wasn't. He lost 20% of his birth weight and had to be admitted back into the hospital for jaundice. The on call pedi made it seem like I was killing him. I also slept in the rocker with him which led to me getting a pilonidal cyst on my tailbone. I had one in high school that I had surgically removed and when this one showed up I read that they can be triggered in women by hormonal fluctuations. That in combination with sitting in the chair so much led to one. I couldn't care for ds on my own so my mom had to stay when dh was at work. I eventually had to go to the ER on Christmas Eve because I passed out from the pain.
If I could have the same situation as DD, I would, but I'm not holding my breath. My water broke at 39 weeks on a Monday morning as I was getting up. I was able to shower, eat breakfast, and then we went to the hospital. I needed pitocin to get my contractions going, but I didn't find that bad. I wish I would have gotten the epi about an hour sooner and I probably would have started the pitocin sooner as well. My body was not going to go into labor on its own. The hospital was super busy the day DD was born (9 babies, they usually have 3), so I'll hope for a less busy stay so we get more time with the LC and don't have to switch rooms.
cosmicav - I am having the same stress about what to do with DD. My parents who live two hours away will come stay with her, but then I wonder about what if it's the middle of the night or what if there's a snowstorm. I know we could always bring her with us in a pinch (we live less than five minutes from the hospital) and someone could meet us there, but it's the unknown that is hard to plan for.
I'm mostly nervous about things being different. I'll be with doctors and nurses instead of midwives and in a different province than where I was last time and probably even than where I am now. Last time I had a med free delivery where i was, by choice, mostly left alone to follow my body and it was wonderful. I'm worried about having to fight for my space. Labor could also end up being more difficult and I wonder how I would cope with a longer or more difficult labor (12 hours last time but only 2-3 of active and roughly 1 hour pushing ). I honestly feel confident in my ability to handle it butI worry about being ppushed to do things a certain way.
This is my fear exactly more eloquently said.
Moving from New England to the South is kind of like night and day, at least about stuff like this. My Dr (who has been great so far) was really shocked that I had a pain med free birth by choice. At the last practice I was at they were a lot of them...different strokes for different folks?
I am feeling really conflicted about this. This is probably gonna get tl;dr.
Ds was a vaginal delivery. I was scheduled for induction at 8am on May 21st but labour began naturally at around 1:00am so after a few hours I headed to L&D. My water was broken at 9am and there was a lot of meconium so a respirologist had to be present at delivery. Id hope that doesn't happen again because it was an added worry and DS had to be taken from me pretty quickly and watching him be suctioned was awful. Gratefully, no NICU time for this or the other complications.
Labour was really painful. Id like to hold out longer for the epi but not if it was like last time. I felt all the contractions in my hip flexors/thighs so I couldnt walk without falling. I would love to not be stuck in the bed for 24hrs.
My doctor and nurses were AMAZING. Im happy to have my OB again even though ill have to travel to her.
I need to eat and sleep next time. I didnt eat for fear of throwing up again and I was worried about a csec the whole time. I didnt sleep because my family decided to show up and not leave. I wont let anyone at the hospital this time.
Because I was so exhausted I couldnt get C to crown on my own. After an hour or more of pushing my OB made the call to use the vacuum. I consented. Cs head is still a bit misshapen. nobody notices unless i point it out so NBD but it is a hard reminder for me and brings out guilty feelings. At that time all hell broke lose. He was stuck (shoulder dystocia) and suddenly i was surrounded by nurses and one climbed on top of me and was slamming her fists into my abdomen. The OB was telling me to push with everything I had but I had nothing. Ive never felt so helpless and afraid in my life. I never, ever want to experience this again and I am still not over the heavy emotional stuff tied to it. Its hard when everyone says how proud of you they are but you feel like a failure. C broke his collarbone and I will always feel guilty for it. Like I didnt do enough and my first action as a parent hurt him. I know we are fortunate that -for such a serious complication of delivery- he had a very positive outcome. Im thankful for that.
So, yeah. I want to avoid all of that. I am terrified of a csec because it is the unknown for me but I think it is the way to go unless this LO is measuring MUCH smaller than DS (he was 9lbs with a giant head and broad shoulders).
Thats my conflict. Go with a vaginal delivery and risk a repeat of last time, or elect for a csection and face the fear of the unknown.
Oh and post partum healing was HORRIBLE. I had 2nd degree tearing so lots of stitches inside and out. I felt like I was hit by a truck because of the emergency delivery (my abdomen took a beating) and took a long time to heal. My tailbone was severely bruised and potentially broken but I never followed up because we moved and I was in PPD/PPA hell and couldn't leave my own house. It didnt heal for nearly a year.
Ah yes what to do with the oldest. I know she will be with my SIL but I am scared on if she will make it in time if it is the middle of the night. I am also so so sad about that thought of leaving her for 2-3 days. I never been away from her over night.
obi , that sounds really scary and I'm sorry you went through that. Hopefully you and your doctor can work out a plan that will end more positively for you if possible. Guilt is hard (and I'm sure you know this) but you did absolutely nothing wrong, it was absolutely not your fault! This isn't a "popular opinion" but birth really is risky, and much of it is out of your control, having complications does not mean you are a failure.
So I am a STM but this is my first birth (hope nobody minds I chime in). My wife's birth was crazy. Her epidural was turned way down to push, but then Vienna got stuck and they had to move her internally, it was a terrible experience (and super super painful for my wife - it looked like she was being tortured). Everything was necessary in that moment, and everyone was healthy so that was good, but scary. Anyways, there is only one in my uterus, but after that, I am kinda freaked out. Also, because of school, I am already freaked out about things like shoulder dystocia and life-threatening complications.
To handle my anxieties and also minimize risk, I am asking for an induction at 39 weeks. My OB is totally cool with it, although she did chuckle and told me to remind her I said that because if she even mentions an induction for some patients they don't handle it well. There is new research that shows it actually minimizes the chance for CS, stillbirth, and fetal complications (compared to "expectant management"). So yeah, for now that is my plan.
Thank you for the reminder amacbaby. It's one of those things that my sensible self knows to be true, but my emotional self cant seem to grasp.
I also lol'd about your OB saying to remind them because of the common reaction. It wasnt my decision, just current best practice for type 1 diabetics, but I was personally happy to have a scheduled induction. I knew what it could mean for length of labour and pain but it was so much more anxiety-reducing to have a plan than to just wait and see. I totally get it.
+1 to not sure what to do with my older child. He's never spent a night away from us. He's had babysitters of course but never both gone to bed and woken up without me home. When it seemed like we were going to be in our current home it was fine because either my parents or in laws would have stayed with him and he's very close with them. Now that we're probably going to havd to move I'm freaking out about getting to know someone in less than a month and getting DS comfortable enough to stay with them since our family will be about 14 hours away instead of 5.
A month to sort out a new doctor, new home and new everything pretty much is just generally scary. Driving across country where I'll sometimes be up to an hour and a half from any hospital is scary. DH possibly having to go ahead and being on my own for some of this is scary. I just have to hope for the best right now.
I have many of the similar concerns that are listed above. My water broke with my first in the middle of the night. I ended up on pitocin with an epidural and never really felt labor so I'm extremely worried about going into labor on my own this time and not having a clue what's going on. 24 hours after my water broke, I was not fully dilated and started a fever so ended up in a C-section.
We will probably do a scheduled c-section for this one, but I'm still concerned about going into labor before the scheduled time and not having a plan in place. My mom will fly in to watch DS, but nothing in my life ever goes nicely according to plan. It's all those random what ifs that keep me up at night.
I was lucky and had a pretty smooth labor and delivery. They did give me morphine and send me home to sleep when we first went to the hospital which I didn't love. But I was back and admitted 2 hrs later with plenty of progress so at least they acknowledged that I should be there that time. I had an epidural which (for me) was amazing. There was meconium in my water but they didn't make a big deal of it so it never really freaked me out too much. I love my dr and the nurses that took care of us and am so glad to be going back to the same hospital/dr this time. Like erinshelley21 I mostly have anxiety about once we're home. DD also had issues with breastfeeding and lost weight. She didn't regain her birthweight until she was over 3 weeks old. And I was killing myself trying to nurse/pump and supplement with formula every 2 hrs. Ultimately she did great once we switched her fully to formula at 6 weeks. But I'm really nervous that this one won't be a good eater or that I will feel guilted into continuing to do what feels wrong or too hard for me. I'm also nervous about leaving DD when we are in the hospital. We have people nearby that will be "on call" for us but my mom is planning to come out hopefully before baby is born and then she can just be here with DD. That would be ideal for me.
Love tits for sharing your experiences, friends. I'm sorry for those with anxiety and/or less than ideal previous birth experiences.
+eleventy to being worried about what to do with DS while I'm in labor. My parents have offered to take him but they live over an hour away and last time was fast (from first contractions to 10 cm was only a few hours). My mom said she can come stay with us but I'm not sure when and for how long,
caer, I have only read your comment so far but I did hypnobirthing last time and highly recommend it. Even though you're not going for med free, the techniques are very helpful in reducing anxiety and stress surrounding labor and delivery. You should check it out!
I actually was just think about a postpartum thing...I'm so terrified of getting mastitis again, it was hands down the worst experience/pain of my life.
The infection got so bad I couldn't get out of bed, had a fever of 104° and ended up with drains in both breasts.
I don't want to experience that again but I'm not even sure of it's avoidable. Should I try to breastfeed and hope for the best? Don't breastfeed and keep an eye out for another bout of mastitis? I just don't know.
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