TTCAL 12*13*16

[doodler]

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive, after a loss, every week.

Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.

**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**

How are you doing?

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent):

QOTW: I got nothing today.  Anybody have a good question??

[doodler]

How are you doing? I think I have been too stressed out with holiday stuff and my whole family passing around multiple sicknesses that I haven't had time to dwell on baby stuff.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC. Still never really talked to DH about it, just went ahead and started trying again. Admittedly, with much less enthusiasm. I'm usually an EOD type of girl and we only hit once in FW this cycle.

Diagnosis (if applicable): Unicorn Uterus, RPL, Old.

Updates/questions: Nothing really.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): It has been baby central around me lately. It seems like everyone I know is pregnant, just gave birth, having a baby shower, having a baptism, etc. I'm happy for everyone but man does it become a drag after the 10th baby related event that month.

QOTW: I got nothing today. Anybody have a good question??

[pinkcat]

Hugs doodler, I know the baby central feeling- it sucks! Especially around the holidays. Sorry you are dealing with that

AFM, I just posted a long update in the IF thread but not too much new here. I just finished medicated cycle 5, BFN unfortunately. I did finally have a normal LP though- I am at 15DPO right now which I've never been at before, so woo hoo!

We plan to do one more medicated cycle and then finally move to IUI and then if needed IVF. I don't have much faith in the next few cycles and in my head am preparing for IVF in the spring-DH is on board with this plan now which is a relief. The day after Christmas last year is when I found out I was pregnant, and I can't believe that it's a year later and I feel like I have nothing to show for it.

Hugs to all the ladies here- I know the holidays are especially hard! Thinking of you all always, even when I'm not checking in!

[diamondsndaisies]

Dec 13, 2016 11:40:00 GMT -5 pinkcat said:

Hugs doodler , I know the baby central feeling- it sucks! Especially around the holidays. Sorry you are dealing with that

AFM, I just posted a long update in the IF thread but not too much new here. I just finished medicated cycle 5, BFN unfortunately. I did finally have a normal LP though- I am at 15DPO right now which I've never been at before, so woo hoo!

We plan to do one more medicated cycle and then finally move to IUI and then if needed IVF. I don't have much faith in the next few cycles and in my head am preparing for IVF in the spring-DH is on board with this plan now which is a relief. The day after Christmas last year is when I found out I was pregnant, and I can't believe that it's a year later and I feel like I have nothing to show for it.

Hugs to all the ladies here- I know the holidays are especially hard! Thinking of you all always, even when I'm not checking in!

I know this feeling completely. After celebrating a yr since my girls were born at the end of October and still not being pregnant was heartbreaking all on its own. so the last 2 years of trying (minus 27 weeks being pg) and I still do not have a take home baby. 

[diamondsndaisies]

How are you doing? I've been doing pretty good recently. I haven't had too many heart-stopping moments lately.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): nothing related to fertility. DVT blood clot put me on TTA for 6 months after giving birth to 27week stillborn twin girls.

Updates/questions: I've got one more cycle before my OB is going to start me on clomid. I am hoping to not need it but in the end, I'll do it to get a take home baby.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Christmas is going to suck a little extra this year if I'm not pregnant. It sucked last year because I didn't have my girls with me and was reeling from my DVT diagnosis. Plus, DD is spending christmas with her dad this year, so I won't have her to wake up with being excited about Santa coming and that hurts my heart. I will miss her so much.

QOTW: I got nothing today. Anybody have a good question?

[PepperPottsJ]

How are you doing? Meh... I'll live

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): MMC, CP, Old, MTHFR, Fibroids

Updates/questions: Nada just awaiting CD1, after Christmas I hope

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Absolutely dreading someone in my family saying something dumb to me over the holidays, I will let them have it.

QOTW: I got nothing today. Anybody have a good question?? I got nuttin

[PepperPottsJ]

doodler, so many upcoming due dates around me, i love every one of them, but just a week free would be amazing
pinkcat, all the hugs and FX for the last medicated cycle
diamondsndaisies, all the hugs, if not too personal, do you trade DD yearly, or specific holidays? (Not sure how to best word that ?)

[pinkcat]

FX that you won't need to start Clomid, and so many hugs to you diamondsndaisies!
PepperPottsJ I am dreading too all the dumb comments that will be said over the holidays! Hopefully we are all happily surprised this year and don't have as many as usual? Wishful thinking I'm sure

[diamondsndaisies]

Dec 13, 2016 12:50:53 GMT -5 PepperPottsJ said:

doodler , so many upcoming due dates around me, i love every one of them, but just a week free would be amazing
pinkcat , all the hugs and FX for the last medicated cycle
diamondsndaisies , all the hugs, if not too personal, do you trade DD yearly, or specific holidays? (Not sure how to best word that ?)

Yes. It is part of the divorce. We switch holidays every year and then we get every other, so this year I got Easter, 4th of July, Thanksgiving and New Years and he gets Memorial day, Labor Day and Christmas. Next year it will be the opposite. It sucks, but it is what it is. 

[MrsRC88]

Hi. I'm MrsRC88, and I go here now. I suffered a loss last week at 5w,5d. I have a follow up appointment on Thursday, and I guess we will find out when we can TTC again at that appointment. This is new territory for me. I hope my cycles return to normal fairly quickly.

A little background: TTC#1 since Feb 2013. No luck, so when I went for my annual in Sept 2014 I started asking questions... This led me to a diabetes diagnosis. Once I corrected that with diet and exercise, I went back in April 2015. Transvaginal ultrasound showed multiple fibroids. I had those removed in May 2015, one was blocking a tube and my uterus was enlarged. Fast forward to Nov 2016- I finally got a BFP, only to start bleeding 17 days later. We are crushed.

As soon as we get the go-ahead we are going to actively start trying again. We're hopeful that we can be successful without intervention, but if we need it, it's at least partially covered by my insurance.

[doodler]

MrsRC88 I am so sorry that you have to join us here. There is nothing to say to make you feel better, but please know that you can come here if you have questions or concerns about anything. Or just to vent, cry, rage, etc. It is a safe space with understanding people and I know most of us don't have that IRL.

From reading your background it sounds like you are prob being monitored by the RE. Are they tracking your betas back down to zero? (Maybe not for a first loss). Hopefully you will go back to normal fairly quickly, but things might be wacky for a bit. Even when I ovulated and had a normal cycle after a loss, sometimes the cycle after that was crazy. Just keep in mind that there is no "normal" and you just have to wait and see how your body reacts. Treat yourself kindly during this time. TTC again can really throw your emotions through a loop. We'll be here every step of the way if you need support or advice.

[MrsRC88]

Thanks doodler. Honestly- we didn't fall to pieces like I thought we would have. I guess since we never saw anything on the screen, that helped. We're doing good and my lovely DH is ready to "try" as soon as we get the ok. I think we're both okay and ready.

Right now I'm just going to my OB/GYN- but he mentioned following me to 0. I fully expect to be at 0 for my appointment tomorrow. I'm still cramping a little, but no more bleeding or spotting.

I'm assuming this "cycle" (if that's what you call it) is kind of a wash... Would CD1 have been the day I started bleeding? Does it matter?

[amylee545]

Dec 14, 2016 14:57:46 GMT -5 MrsRC88 said:

Thanks @doodler. Honestly- we didn't fall to pieces like I thought we would have. I guess since we never saw anything on the screen, that's We're doing good and my lovely DH is ready to "try" as soon as we get the ok. I think we're both okay and ready.

Right now I'm just going to my OB/GYN- but he mentioned following me to 0. I fully expect to be at 0 for my appointment tomorrow. I'm still cramping a little, but no more bleeding or spotting.

I'm assuming this "cycle" (if that's what you call it) is kind of a wash... Would CD1 have been the day I started bleeding? Does it matter?

big hugs mrsc I'm another fellow J17 loss momma. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Those are all good questions and I've been wondering that myself. I have no idea if my bleeding was CD1 or what I'm kinda counting it as such and will see when AF makes her appearance. Also, I'm 2.5 weeks out and my betas were down to 14 on Monday. I'm glad you're not bleeding anymore! For me, that was the worst part. It was just a constant reminder of what I lost every damn time I went to the bathroom. I dreaded having to pee.

[wannabmama]

I'm so sorry for your loss MrsRC88, like doodler said we're here if you need anything!
FWIW, I've had pretty normal cycles after my losses. Once my LP was very short, but otherwise relatively normal, counting CD1 as the first day of bleeding.

[PepperPottsJ]

I'm so sorry you are joining us MrsRC88. So many hugs.

[Rama]

No. MrsRC88, I am so sorry. I'm actually about to start crying. I'm so, so sorry. Damn. Here are the tears.

I would count the first day of bleeding as CD1, personally. It's not really a cycle, but it doesn't/didn't count as the same cycle I got pregnant in either, to me. I called that my resolution cycle, and cycle one post-loss was the one after that.

My betas also dropped pretty incrementally. I didn't hit the proverbial zero until 2-3 weeks after my loss, but being an ectopic, that might be a different story for you. FTR, I hope your able to try again sooner rather than later. <3

[Rama]

How are you doing? Apathetic

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): T?TC

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS, EP, olgio-/anovulation

Updates/questions: I've had for cycles of normal length in a row. What??? That's crazy. And they've been ovulatory??? Double what?? So that's been exciting and soul crushing all at once.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I can't get excited for Christmas. I've always loved Christmas, but now I can't stop thinking about Trooper. I miss him. Unimaginably. I don't want Christmas to come because that's the anniversary. That's when we got the call. That's when we drove to the office and I got a shot to kill my baby that would kill me first. That's when I started bleeding. That's when I had both a weight lifted from me and a scar torn through me forever. Christmas isn't happy anymore and I'm so sad by that. We were supposed to be at a family reunion, announcing his existence. But instead, I was losing him. He held on until Christmas, but that's when we had to let go.

I hate that I kind of hate Christmas. I love Christmas. But I can't. Not this year.

[diamondsndaisies]

Dec 15, 2016 14:18:35 GMT -5 Rama said:

How are you doing? Apathetic

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): T?TC

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS, EP, olgio-/anovulation

Updates/questions: I've had for cycles of normal length in a row. What??? That's crazy. And they've been ovulatory??? Double what?? So that's been exciting and soul crushing all at once.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I can't get excited for Christmas. I've always loved Christmas, but now I can't stop thinking about Trooper. I miss him. Unimaginably. I don't want Christmas to come because that's the anniversary. That's when we got the call. That's when we drove to the office and I got a shot to kill my baby that would kill me first. That's when I started bleeding. That's when I had both a weight lifted from me and a scar torn through me forever. Christmas isn't happy anymore and I'm so sad by that. We were supposed to be at a family reunion, announcing his existence. But instead, I was losing him. He held on until Christmas, but that's when we had to let go.

I hate that I kind of hate Christmas. I love Christmas. But I can't. Not this year.

Your story absolutely breaks my heart. I can't imagine how that would feel. All of the hugs for you rama. Take care of yourself and always know we are here to listen. 

[wannabmama]

So much love your way Rama its so heartbreaking. I am so so sorry.

[MrsRC88]

Thank you all so much for your kind words. My Dr office still considers my LMP as 10/28. Which sucks. My loss bleeding isn't CD1. He said I should get my period back in the next 2-4 weeks, but could be 3 months (I hope not!). We can start TTC again as soon as my period returns. I should find out my hCG number tomorrow. He said he would only call if it does something we don't expect. Otherwise, it will post to my online portal in a couple days.

Other than that, he confirmed I can still exercise like normal, my diabetes doesn't require any extra monitoring since I'm well controlled, and he confirmed I did nothing wrong to cause this- which I knew. I can't tell you how many people have said my exercising may have caused this. Seriously, people are so hateful and insensitive.

[Rama]

Dec 15, 2016 21:16:35 GMT -5 MrsRC88 said:

Thank you all so much for your kind words. My Dr office still considers my LMP as 10/28. Which sucks. My loss bleeding isn't CD1. He said I should get my period back in the next 2-4 weeks, but could be 3 months (I hope not!). We can start TTC again as soon as my period returns. I should find out my hCG number tomorrow. He said he would only call if it does something we don't expect. Otherwise, it will post to my online portal in a couple days.

Other than that, he confirmed I can still exercise like normal, my diabetes doesn't require any extra monitoring since I'm well controlled, and he confirmed I did nothing wrong to cause this- which I knew. I can't tell you how many people have said my exercising may have caused this. Seriously, people are so hateful and insensitive.

FUCK. THEM.

...I have seriously nothing nice or helpful to say, I'm so white-hot angry for you.

[MrsRC88]

Dec 16, 2016 0:24:54 GMT -5 ****** said:

Dec 15, 2016 21:16:35 GMT -5 MrsRC88 said:

Thank you all so much for your kind words. My Dr office still considers my LMP as 10/28. Which sucks. My loss bleeding isn't CD1. He said I should get my period back in the next 2-4 weeks, but could be 3 months (I hope not!). We can start TTC again as soon as my period returns. I should find out my hCG number tomorrow. He said he would only call if it does something we don't expect. Otherwise, it will post to my online portal in a couple days.

Other than that, he confirmed I can still exercise like normal, my diabetes doesn't require any extra monitoring since I'm well controlled, and he confirmed I did nothing wrong to cause this- which I knew. I can't tell you how many people have said my exercising may have caused this. Seriously, people are so hateful and insensitive.

seriously! People told you that you exercising caused a MC! Like. Who the eff tells people a MC is their fault! Eff that noise! I'm so glad your doctor reassured you that it is NOT your fault!

It would be one thing if I was a freakin crack head or meth addict...

I had people tell me "you might want to mention your exercise habits to them" after the MC... When I told a friend I was pregnant, and still exercising she told me to stop. Uh, no. Exercise is what helps keep my blood sugar normal, so I'm not stopping. I did modify a few things here and there, but I still worked out up until about 2 days before my MC. I need to get back at it.

At first I was upset over the people that didn't acknowledge my loss, but now it makes me madder when people stay stupid shit. I'd rather they kept their mouths shut.

[doodler]

MrsRC88 that's ridiculous. F those people.

[diamondsndaisies]

Dec 15, 2016 21:16:35 GMT -5 MrsRC88 said:

Thank you all so much for your kind words. My Dr office still considers my LMP as 10/28. Which sucks. My loss bleeding isn't CD1. He said I should get my period back in the next 2-4 weeks, but could be 3 months (I hope not!). We can start TTC again as soon as my period returns. I should find out my hCG number tomorrow. He said he would only call if it does something we don't expect. Otherwise, it will post to my online portal in a couple days.

Other than that, he confirmed I can still exercise like normal, my diabetes doesn't require any extra monitoring since I'm well controlled, and he confirmed I did nothing wrong to cause this- which I knew. I can't tell you how many people have said my exercising may have caused this. Seriously, people are so hateful and insensitive.

Whoa! I can't believe that! I am sorry people are ASSHOLES! Of course you didn't cause this. Please ignore them and concentrate on you. Hugs dear. 

[MrsRC88]

Dec 16, 2016 10:45:49 GMT -5 diamondsndaisies said:

Dec 15, 2016 21:16:35 GMT -5 MrsRC88 said:

Thank you all so much for your kind words. My Dr office still considers my LMP as 10/28. Which sucks. My loss bleeding isn't CD1. He said I should get my period back in the next 2-4 weeks, but could be 3 months (I hope not!). We can start TTC again as soon as my period returns. I should find out my hCG number tomorrow. He said he would only call if it does something we don't expect. Otherwise, it will post to my online portal in a couple days.

Other than that, he confirmed I can still exercise like normal, my diabetes doesn't require any extra monitoring since I'm well controlled, and he confirmed I did nothing wrong to cause this- which I knew. I can't tell you how many people have said my exercising may have caused this. Seriously, people are so hateful and insensitive.

Whoa! I can't believe that! I am sorry people are ASSHOLES! Of course you didn't cause this. Please ignore them and concentrate on you. Hugs dear. 

And the sad thing is... One of my best friends... Of 20+ years said this to me. And then proceeded to talk about someone who is 9 months pregnant that just joined a water aerobics class she takes. It was all I could do to not just hang up the phone on her.

[diamondsndaisies]

Dec 16, 2016 11:57:40 GMT -5 MrsRC88 said:

Dec 16, 2016 10:45:49 GMT -5 diamondsndaisies said:

Whoa! I can't believe that! I am sorry people are ASSHOLES! Of course you didn't cause this. Please ignore them and concentrate on you. Hugs dear. 

And the sad thing is... One of my best friends... Of 20+ years said this to me. And then proceeded to talk about someone who is 9 months pregnant that just joined a water aerobics class she takes. It was all I could do to not just hang up the phone on her.

I will never understand people like that. My best friend recently had a miscarriage and she was a bridesmaid for a college friend of hers and when she called to tell her what happened all she could say was that she "thought she was waiting to get pregnant until after the wedding" and "so, are you just sick for a couple of days?" It blew my mind that anyone could be so ignorant and insensitive. My heart just broke for her listening to her tell the story of their conversation. 

Nothing can fix the hurt but just know that GKU is always here for you if/when your IRL friends aren't quite as understanding. 

[esgrunner]

Whoa, MrsRC88 , so sorry to hear about the insensitive comments. 

Warning, pregnancy/child mention: I had an early loss like that in Oct 2014 and then went on to conceive our son in Nov 2014, we did NOT wait a cycle to try and it worked out just fine! I would definitely recommend following your doc's advice but I am hoping for you that once you start trying you are just as quick to get pregnant!