Post by gambitlizard on Feb 14, 2015 14:33:02 GMT -5
Hi there. I'm new to this board. Really I just discovered it. I am looking for a place to learn how to do this solo-parent deal. I was (and technically still am) married for 13 years. My STBXH took a job in California, our home is in Louisiana, and while out there, he fell in love with a co-worker and began an affair. He has now decided he is not returning home, but claims to want to continue to be part of our kids lives. My kids are 3 (4 in May) and 10 months. I am a SAHM, but have my RN. I just haven't worked as one for a while. I have filed for divorce (he left 3 weeks ago and I filed Thursday). What do I do from here? Ha anyone here had a similar experience? I feel very alone. Friends and family offer all sorts of platitudes, how sorry they are, how they understand what I'm going through. But their lives move forward. I feel so stuck.
Post by freezorburn on Feb 16, 2015 10:11:24 GMT -5
Hey there, I'm going through something similar at the moment (my story is in the "My name is..." thread), so I'm still very much figuring things out as well. A lot of friends encouraged me to get into counseling ASAP, which I have done, and I'm currently going 2x a week since my life is crazy right now and I really do need to talk that much. Also it really helped me to reach out to friends who have been through separation/divorce. They are the ones who will really get it, and for my part as people share their stories with me I feel comforted that I will find a way forward, even if I don't know what it's going to look like yet.
I will also PM you another place where I have found some resources.
I filed for divorce and the father is not in the picture. I am sorry you are here, but also glad in a way that you now have a chance at real happiness.
My advice is to get a lawyer of legal aid form your state, especially since he is living in another state and that makes things a little complicated.
I also recommend seeking therapy or another form of third party support. (support group, counselor, religious/spiritual guidance)it is really helpful to have a place to talk to a neutral party.
Post by 20thirteen on Feb 16, 2015 11:23:08 GMT -5
I feel like a jerk because I just saw this post.
I agree with PPs. Especially when it comes to counseling. I started going to counseling when I learned I was pregnant, up until I felt confident that I was handling everything well enough to go on without it (DD was about 8mo old). The best part of it was that my counselor was very trustworthy and, due my very different circumstances, asked me not to reveal the father's identity until I was certain what was going to happen with the baby (to avoid any legal issues). She was a great source of strength and comfort in a time of chaos. I ran into her in October and she gave DD a stuffed dog that DD will NOT let out of her sight at home (in fear of losing it out in the world, I told her doggy was for the house). You might want to look for organizations that help women in your area, that's how I found my counselor. The organization I found help in was one for pregnant women and women with very young children (they offer support, donate clothes/toys up until the youngest child is 3 years old).
I also have DD's insurance through allkidscovered.com, and have government help with daycare (for that you can google "subsidized child care + [your state]"). As always, WIC is good if you need that (I am not eligible for it). I'm sorry for all the pain you and your children are going through. I hope we can help you
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