I need to purge

[ironbaby]

****** posted this wonderful thread over on 3T all about finding things to have been thankful for in 2016.

I need a place to brain dump all the negative shit that happened in 2016 so I can let it all go and focus on positivity and joy as we move into the new year. I need to purge it and say goodbye to it.

I figured we all had things to let go off, not just infertility. So, what would you like to leave in the rear view mirror?

[Deleted]

Financial instability

[butlerfan]

I had an open court thing from an ex-boss that I had done everything for...just had to wait until the agreement was up for it to officially close and that happened just a couple weeks ago so that while I know it was bogus charges it still loomed over me/us but now that it is officially closed it is a huge relief/burden off my back.

[butlerfan]

Dec 29, 2016 15:33:00 GMT -5 @wallflwr926 said:

Financial instability

+100

[Deleted]

Dec 29, 2016 15:35:46 GMT -5 butlerfan said:

I had an open court thing from an ex-boss that I had done everything for...just had to wait until the agreement was up for it to officially close and that happened just a couple weeks ago so that while I know it was bogus charges it still loomed over me/us but now that it is officially closed it is a huge relief/burden off my back.

I can't believe that went on for so long.

[ironbaby]

I am still reeling over the death of my cat. It's been months, but I still cry about it.

*TW*
Miscarriage and all the false hope and fear that surrounds it. I hate the idea that now a BFP won't be the carefree occasion it would have been.
*End TW*

People asking when we'll have kids.

Trump.

The loss of feeling confident in myself and my body. The loss of feeling we could make a baby the good old-fashioned way.

[ironbaby]

Migraines, migraines, and more migraines.

[butlerfan]

Dec 29, 2016 15:36:45 GMT -5 @wallflwr926 said:

Dec 29, 2016 15:35:46 GMT -5 butlerfan said:

I had an open court thing from an ex-boss that I had done everything for...just had to wait until the agreement was up for it to officially close and that happened just a couple weeks ago so that while I know it was bogus charges it still loomed over me/us but now that it is officially closed it is a huge relief/burden off my back.

I can't believe that went on for so long.

It was a two year diversion agreement so I get it but I did everything in the first few months just so it was done...then had to sit and wait...and wait....and wait.  Sometimes you can close them early but the head person can be a stickler so I just had to bide my time.  But now I can openly flip off my prior workplace and he can't do anything to me.

[ceejay]

+1 for Trump. Like, I still can't believe that even happened. I wish we could just leave him in the rear view mirror and never have to see him again.

[ceejay]

Foster care case stress. Also something I can't really leave behind in 2016, since everything is still up in the air going into the new year, but the amount of time H and I have spent talking, crying, and feeling stressed out about our foster care case this past year is insane.

[teraiin]

Financial uncertainty is a big one. But mine is definitely a FWP type of issue... but that doesn't seem to make it less stressful. I have the option to return to work or not. Our finances are not going to be our "dream" world regardless of what we choose and each has its own set of issues. I call it a FWP because we don't have to worry about shelter or food. It's more of a things being uncomfortably tight, can we afford a new car or will we have to buy a used one type of issue.

Another one is triggery:

TW:
My moms death

[bex15]

The realization that I'm never going to be taken seriously or respected by the higher ups at work. They're a bunch of asshole old men who think very little of women.

[ceejay]

Dec 29, 2016 17:32:56 GMT -5 bex15 said:

The realization that I'm never going to be taken seriously or respected by the higher ups at work. They're a bunch of asshole old men who think very little of women.

Do we work at the same place?? I'm sorry you have to deal with that too.

[jense927]

Getting pneumonia twice
My mom getting diagnosed with breast cancer
The uncertainty of being able to ever get pregnant
Work being absolutely hellish

I am ready for 2016 to be over...

[penguin129]

Hugs to all because I think we all need them.

[penguin129]

This thread is a great idea. I had a lot of good things happen this year, but also some bad stuff. I'm not sure if the following needs a TW or not so I'll put it in a spoiler. Regarding my PPA and birth of HL.

SPOILER: Click to show

{TW- Birth and PPA}I would love to leave the uncertainty and stress that comes with Post Partum Anxiety behind. I hope I can learn to deal with it and have it not consume me. I used to be so confident in my decisions and now I'm second guessing most things.

I would love to leave migraines behind too.

I would love to let go of my need for everything to go exactly the way I want it to. I had everything planned to precision about how the girls would meet, etc and nothing went as planned. It was and still is a huge shock to my system.

[MrsRC88]

I am a ball of anxiety lately and I HATE it. I really don't know how to fix it. When I think it's gone, it comes back. I hope the anxiety stays in 2016. I hate medication. MH doesn't understand.

Debt and medical bills... I'd like to leave all of that in 2016. Ugh, I feel like I'm barely floating above water.


TW... Loss mentioned:

SPOILER: Click to show

The anxiety is from my loss. I know it wasn't my fault. I know I did nothing wrong. But dang it if I can't help but think I was drunk the night before I got my BFP- was I doomed from the beginning? I'm still waiting on AF, but I fear another BFP- fear it'll be another loss, fear it'll never happen again. I hope to leave this in 2016.

[penguin129]

MrsRC88 Hugs to you. I'm sorry for your loss. Anxiety is a B****. I never had this feeling before and really hope to shake it. I'm sorry you are having anxiety issues too.

[MrsRC88]

penguin129. Thanks. This all sucks.

I've had occasional panic attacks in the past (like 2-3, not on a regular basis). But I've been nothing but a ball of anxiety for the past two weeks. I'm thankful that I was able to be on "vacation" for most of it- otherwise I don't know how I would have functioned in the real world. I have 2.5 days this week to function, and I have just a half day left.

Nobody understands the loss. Nobody understands the anxiety.

I haven't asked for medication yet. But I don't know how much more I can stand.

[ironbaby]

Huge hugs, MrsRC88. Loss is so incredibly hard to wrap your head around. I hope you know, and we will tell you anytime you need to hear, you did nothing wrong. I am right there with you about fearing another BFP. It shakes you to the core.

penguin129, I think you hit the nail on the head. We all, whether we're dealing with loss, IF, PPA, death, etc. had a vision of how we thought things would go, and when that vision is crushed and things go totally awry, there is grief that needs to be processed. I can't imagine having to combine that grief with anxiety. I hope 2017 brings you some relief.

[ironbaby]

jense927, I struggle with the uncertainty, too. I am so sorry about your mom.

@wallflwr926, I hope 2017 brings your financial empowerment and prosperity!

bex15, I hope you can put that whole workplace in the rear view! You should be appreciated and valued.

teraiin, I'm so sorry for your loss. Only time heals, so I hope the new year brings more peace and little more healing.
I have found when I have a big decision looming over me, I like to keep putting it off, but it keeps growing and causing me more anxiety. What would it take to commit to a decision today?

ceejay, I am so sorry that your foster care journey has been such a stressful one. I think you're amazing. Hopefully at least the question of the new child will be settled soon?

butlerfan, I am so glad that is over with and you can move forward.

[MrsRC88]

I know, ironbaby,, I know. But "friends" still put that seed of doubt deep back in your mind and you can't help but wonder "what if...". But I know I know I know I did nothing wrong. It just happened. To me. Infertility happened to me. A loss happened to me. It sucks, and thank you for this thread to let me GET IT OUT.

I've shied away from the boards in recent months, felt like I didn't really "belong" because we were just kind of randomly NTNP. I'm glad I came back right before all of this happened, because I don't think I could have gone through it without all of your support. I think I would have convinced myself it was my fault. And I don't know very many people that have had losses, so it's helpful to be apart of this community.

[ironbaby]

MrsRC88, Screw those "friends." I'm glad you're here, and that you feel at home.

[butlerfan]

Dec 30, 2016 9:58:05 GMT -5 ironbaby said:

MrsRC88, Screw those "friends." I'm glad you're here, and that you feel at home.

I second this

[ohinvrtedworld]

I finally have a minute to purge! Omg I needed this! I should write these on paper and burn it.

- Maybe never having children. Can't afford anything and just don't see a way that we will in the next few years.
- The jerks that robbed our house
- The jerk who hit our car on the freeway and then threatened us even though he was in the wrong
- The money we dropped on insurance for the above two incidents and will never get back
- Moving sooner than wanting to
- Not making enough time for myself to process all of these things
- Trump 🤢
- The millions of people who are dislocated from home in the world and trying to seek asylum elsewhere, and how terribly sad that is when I really think about it

This year can seriously crawl up a butthole and die. Here's to a more healing 2017 for all of us, I hope. Big big hugs for all of the things that I know you guys are going through. I always appreciate you all for your support and care this year 💛

[ironbaby]

I love the idea of writing it all down and burning it, ohinvrtedworld. I will probably steal it!

[ohinvrtedworld]

Dec 30, 2016 13:29:02 GMT -5 ironbaby said:

I love the idea of writing it all down and burning it, ohinvrtedworld. I will probably steal it!

Can we all make one huge bonfire and drink wine while watching our problems go up in smoke? Pretty please?

[ironbaby]

Dec 30, 2016 14:34:29 GMT -5 ohinvrtedworld said:

Dec 30, 2016 13:29:02 GMT -5 ironbaby said:

I love the idea of writing it all down and burning it, ohinvrtedworld . I will probably steal it!

Can we all make one huge bonfire and drink wine while watching our problems go up in smoke? Pretty please?

I'm there.

[penguin129]

ironbaby Thank you for so eloquently putting into words what I've been feeling. I never thought of it as grief before, but that makes complete and total sense.

[lilsneezy]

-My ungrateful, entitled employee.
-Customers who don't treat me like a human being.
-Frienemies.
-Toxic family members who only come around when they need something.
-Trump and everyone who drank his Kool Aid.
-Anxiety attacks, not being able to "let go."

Suck it, 2016.