Post by ladytiffany24 on Dec 31, 2016 8:01:55 GMT -5
We're staying in (with the in-laws unfortunately) but I don't hate it. I'm that old person who prefers to just chill on the couch and watch the lame NYE shows.
Post by erinshelley21 on Dec 31, 2016 8:05:20 GMT -5
I was going to make dh and I a nice dinner to eat after he put ds to bed, but then his bff invited over to their house so we might do that instead. Eating someone else's food sounds more fun to me than cooking my own.
Going to a friend's house for a small little party/gathering. It should be fun and easy going!
Can I vent? I'm going to vent. Also would take advice. TW: Other person's drug/alcohol abuse and/or mental illness mentioned: (PDQ, I might DD details later)
We are FINALLY flying home today. We land at 6 PM. Should be home around 7ish because of luggage and peeing and such. My SIL is supposed to bring us Chinese food. We shall see how long we stay up though
Post by kristhegirl on Dec 31, 2016 8:38:37 GMT -5
mosdub have you looked into al-anon meetings in your area? They could really help you set boundaries while still being supportive for your friend.
It's hard to say how to approach her with this. It's definitely concerning behavior, but addicts often are very sensitive to any perceived criticism. A letter would have no tone, but also wouldn't be as "confrontational" as a conversion might be too her.
Maybe broaching it with how it affects you/your anxiety, but make it clear it's not "stop calling me," more a "let me know if you change your mind" kind of thing?
Post by kristhegirl on Dec 31, 2016 8:39:37 GMT -5
We have no plans tonight. Ha! Sleeping. Elena certainly won't sleep in, so seeing midnight sounds like torture for tomorrow. Maybe we'll do a fun dinner or something.
mosdub I wanted to ETA, but I didn't know if you see it or not. I don't think I would right a letter at this point. Do you think you are confident enough to attempt the casual conversation approach? It is hard being honest directly to someone's face, but I think it is typically perceived better. Possibly have a letter written in case you feel like she isn't catching what you're throwing out there?
I am feeling super invested in this because I've been there. I said nothing. And now I have zero contact and only hear rumors of how horrible my friends life is.
I confronted her once when she showed up to my house with a small box of wine in her pocket (this was DAYS after the DUI/crash) and it resulted in a 2 hour sob fest, and ended in me following her home. It didn't feel productive, but maybe that was because she was some amount of intoxicated. It's hard to just bring up, but I think I have to. I'm writing a letter to sort my thoughts, but will try to talk to her about it in person first. Thanks @justinslovo, and I'm sorry about your friend.
mosdub have you looked into al-anon meetings in your area? They could really help you set boundaries while still being supportive for your friend.
It's hard to say how to approach her with this. It's definitely concerning behavior, but addicts often are very sensitive to any perceived criticism. A letter would have no tone, but also wouldn't be as "confrontational" as a conversion might be too her.
Maybe broaching it with how it affects you/your anxiety, but make it clear it's not "stop calling me," more a "let me know if you change your mind" kind of thing?
That's what I'm afraid of - if I confront her and guilt her with my anxiety she will just stop communicating with me all together. I want her to know she always has a safe space at my house but this can't keep happening. It's happened on work nights before and it's just too exhausting.
mosdub ah- so difficult. The thing about addiction is there is no one size fits all solution. Some people respond best to tough love, while that leads others to a tailspin. I'd think about what you think she'd respond better to- a letter, a convo, maybe even a long text message....I'm sorry you are going through this though. It's so scary.
Post by erinshelley21 on Dec 31, 2016 9:25:27 GMT -5
Since I am 3.5 hours into my day, I am ready for second breakfast. All we have is an English muffin and that was first breakfast and for the first time in the history of forever we are out of eggs.
Y'all ever been to the movies while pregnant? I went this week (for the first time in like 2 years lol) and my baby was FLIPPING OUT the whole 2 hours. Holy shit I could barely focus on the movie because they were kicking me so hard and often. It was awesome but also WOW. Baby is working hard to get noticed lol.
That's so tough mosdub. Without going into too many details, I have an addict (now in recovery) in my life and I remember those unstable days so, so well. I will +1 al anon meetings. I think being honest with your friend - either in person or by letter - is a good way to start. Ultimately there really isn't much you can do though, unfortunately. There are no magic words. Sending hugs and love.
Y'all ever been to the movies while pregnant? I went this week (for the first time in like 2 years lol) and my baby was FLIPPING OUT the whole 2 hours. Holy shit I could barely focus on the movie because they were kicking me so hard and often. It was awesome but also WOW. Baby is working hard to get noticed lol.
I noticed this too with both pregnancies! So funny.
Y'all ever been to the movies while pregnant? I went this week (for the first time in like 2 years lol) and my baby was FLIPPING OUT the whole 2 hours. Holy shit I could barely focus on the movie because they were kicking me so hard and often. It was awesome but also WOW. Baby is working hard to get noticed lol.
YES! Omg. We took DD to see Sing yesterday and baby boy was going crazy in there!
Post by moutonrouge on Dec 31, 2016 10:19:43 GMT -5
mosdub I'll third AL anon if you can find a meeting nearby. I have written the letter before, and it didn't change anything. Just got a lot of noise back about how this and that weren't how they seemed. I would probably shift to just telling her you think she needs to work on getting her shit together when she contacts you problems with her parents or addiction-related stuff in the future. And that if she wants your advice on how to do that, you're happy to help (and then that advice is treatment). If you want to contact her about last night, definitely stick with "I feel" statements (e.g., I feel really anxious when you...) in whatever format you feel most comfortable with.
I am craving a salt or pumice scrub, but can't reach the spots I need. And I cant imagin laying on my stomach at a spa for a treatment. I may actually invest in some spa scrubby on a brush thing but haven't taken the time to look yet.
Anyone have any products they love and can recommend?
TJ Maxx usually has those long handle scrubbie brushes!
I am craving a salt or pumice scrub, but can't reach the spots I need. And I cant imagin laying on my stomach at a spa for a treatment. I may actually invest in some spa scrubby on a brush thing but haven't taken the time to look yet.
Anyone have any products they love and can recommend?
I'm here for you. I've never had break outs on my back before so I convinced myself it wasn't hormonal and my hair products were to blame. This was obviously a delusion because nothing makes it better. I've been using a Shea butter scrub, because I wonder if dryness is contributing. I have a long handled dry brush I use regularly but haven't noticed that helping. I've debated using my Clarisonic on my shoulders and the parts I can reach, but in general I don't think exfoliating is working so I probably won't bother. My next step is going to be an AHA mask of some kind - maybe apple cider vinegar and clay. I'll report back if that helps.
Thanks everyone, I think I'm going to bring it up next time I see her (which is usually often enough). I'm going to try to stay away from rehashing some of her bad choices and just focus on encouraging her to accept there's a problem and how she can take steps to heal. Seriously thanks for letting me vent and helping me navigate my emotions with it
Post by ladytiffany24 on Dec 31, 2016 10:46:08 GMT -5
I thought the in laws were going to drive downtown and hang out there a bit today. I was so looking forward to the break. Turns out only FIL and SIL are going. MIL is staying here. FML. I'm planning an outing on my own to the grocery store to escape for a bit.
We're going in and having a game night with DH's cousins. His sister and her boyfriend are coming, and it's the last time we'll see them for a while since they're moving to California.
I am trying to pick up all the christmas mess before the old angry pot smoking man comes to hopefully finish putting up all the sheet rock. My mom is also coming over to sand and paint our dresser so we can get the nursery going finally.
I have no energy for any of this. I also have to make bean dip for the party. I really don't want to do anything. It's been a lack-luster couple of days and I'm just... bla.
We are on our way home after a "noon years eve" celebration at our friends house. I love other people with toddlers who get it. My friend did a balloon drop at noon. That's about all the excitement I can handle for the day. I can say with 100% certainty that I will be in bed before midnight tonight!
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