Post by gratefulgirl on Jan 2, 2017 14:41:16 GMT -5
STMs: it's ok if your older child watches a lot of TV or is on the iPad while you battle first trimester. Same with eating cereal for dinner. You will be a more hands on mom again later. Right now just survive.
A good book about being a big sibling is harder to find than I thought, but the right one can really help your big kid.
Make any changes for your big kid like potty training or switching to a bed 3 months before the baby.
Have your SO, if you have one, step up to do the majority of older kid care starting a few months before delivery. That way when you are tied up with the baby your big kid is used to SO giving baths, getting meals, and tucking in. Makes things much smoother.
If you are going through a high risk pregnancy: - Remember that you are still in charge of your care. Take in the advice of your doctors, but know that you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. - Doctors may throw around warnings of your risk - remember that they are doing their own risk management, too. Take in what they say, but remember that they have to tell you that stuff because they don't want to get sued. Hopefully your provider will be kind about it, and if not, request someone else. - You can still have a healthy and wonderful pregnancy! Don't let fear of risk take anything away from you. I had a really hard time not feeling defined by my risk, and I think it contributed to my postpartum anxiety.
If you get GD: - Remember that this is not in any way your fault. It is not a moral statement about you! - I had a mantra that really helped me: Dear baby, please take all the nutrition you need, and leave the rest for me! - You will have occasional high numbers, and that's ok. Don't punish yourself! You are not harming your baby. - Trader Joe's makes parsnip chips that are really good and low carb!
Just generally: - Try to be kind to yourself. You don't have to enjoy every second of this experience. It's hard! - Rely on your BMB! They are wise. - If you need help, ask for it. It took me a while to realize this.
First of all congratulations!! I am so excited that there are so many of you here, which is super nice for the support. We were lucky to have quite a few in Aug16 too. Its wonderful and nice to have people who just get it!
Second of all...Hang in there!! The beginning is super hard. Its normal to be scared and not believe that this can be it or that it is really true. Its normal to question every symptom or lack of symptoms. Its normal to check the TP after every time you go to the bathroom, its a habit I am still trying to break! Lol! It's normal to not feel completely attached to baby yet. It's normal just not believe this could be it.
What got me though those weeks, and truthfully months, is really just taking it day by day by day. Celebrate each milestone, celebrate every night. Every day gets you closer. I had to take it day by day for a very long time. And thats ok.
The days and weeks go slow but time does move and before you know it you will be writing to the next August group and be in awe of how fast the time went. As your baby(s) babble in the background!
Hang in ther mamas!!!! You got this!
Wishing each and every Aug. 17 mama a happy and healthy pregnancy! Hugs!
Me: 36, DH 32 Bfp#1 June 2014 edd: Feb. 22, 2015,mmc: Aug. 5,2014,D&C Bfp#2 Feb. 2015 edd: Oct.12, 2015, mmc: Mar. 7,2015, D&C
DX: Me: slightly hypothyroid, taking meds DH: SA Showed all low levels, urologist appointment showed all was normal, so no reason why the levels were bad.
Plan: IUI #1 Aug. 25mg clomed, to help boost egg quality - BFN IUI #2 Sept. 25mg clomed, BFN IUI#3 Dec. BFP!! TWINS Edd: Aug. 22, 2016
Remember: this is all temporary! The last 6-8 weeks of my pregnancy were rough - I couldn't eat, I was in constant stomach pain, the baby would roll her elbows down my ribs, her feet were in my heart, she loved to streeeeeeetch, all I could really do was lie on the couch (but never sleep), etc. I felt like I was going to be trapped liked that forever and ever and ever.
It stops. It gets better. It will end. In the moment, it feels like eternity, I know. But, it will pass and you will feel normal again - I promise. This basically applies to everything pregnancy and newborn-related.
Don't wait to start wearing your maternity clothes...wearing them earlier means you get to use them for longer. Same thing with the Snoogle and maternity support belts...get them as soon as you think you can use them, no point in holding out for as long as possible.
Let others help you with tasks when they offer...you should not feel bad getting rest when others want to help.
One little thing I did while pregnant with both my kids was stock up on all our most used consumables: shampoo, toothpaste, toilet paper, etc so that I wouldn't worry about having to buy more shorty after having a baby.
I'm sure I will think of more things in the future. Remember: each pregnancy is different as is each baby. Everything with my first was much easier than with my second (and with my second, we had a toddler to manage too!), but we still felt blessed.
Post by remylove1011 on Jan 4, 2017 3:19:24 GMT -5
Start thinking now about who you want there for the birth and put your foot down about it. You dont need to have anyone there who will cause you extra stress and you're allowed to say no if you don't want your MIL present. I'm so glad we set that boundary early. My experience includes a very long induction that ended in an emergency c-section, so I was very glad to just have the people there I wanted (for me this was just my husband and then my mother a few hours after the birth).
Don't be so hard on yourself if breastfeeding is hard in the beginning. I don't think we talk enough about how challenging it is. I had many times in the beginning where I was in tears over something related to BF. It's ok if it doesn't work for you and also ok if you want to stick with it. It does get better. Now at 4 months it's honestly very little work, but it was so hard in that first month with latch, supply, and pain issues. It will be ok!!
Me (30) MH (32) Dx: MFI (low all the things) M. 10/11. TTC Since 01/14 IUI#1-3(Letrozole + Trigger) = BFN Second Opinion. Changed RE's. IVF 09/15 Long Lupron 12R/9M/8F, Transferred 1=BFN. 4 frosties. FET #1 12/15 Transferred 1 (3 still on ice)
Give yourself a break if you aren't the pregnant woman you thought you'd be. You might not be able to eat healthy food every day, or completely give up caffeine, or work out 5 days a week. You and your baby will be ok! 😀
Also, don't feel silly calling your OB office. You'll be glad to have answers to put your mind at ease.
Take care of yourself. Don't feel like you have to "tough it out". If your body is telling you to slow down, listen. Pregnancy is hard; it's ok to pamper yourself or watch TV or ask your partner to shoulder some extra responsibilities. You're actually doing the best thing for your baby if you take care of yourself.
That applies to once the babies are born, too. You can't be the best mother if you aren't taking care of yourself, so do what you need to do. Leave the house every day. Accept help.
Are there any twin mommas on A17? I have plenty of twins specific advice if anyone wants it.
Post by hummingbird125 on Jan 10, 2017 8:28:23 GMT -5
Congratulations!! This will definitely be one of the longest shortest times of your life ;-)
First of all, do NOT beat yourself up over the weight you gain. I firmly believe that it's almost predetermined, and there isn't too much you can do to control it. Make sure you're getting healthy foods as much as you can, but sometimes the only thing that will sound good is a bowl of sugary cereal, or pizza, and that's ok. Your baby loves pizza. Go with it. Embrace maternity jeans early and often. Once it's warm out, look for maxi dresses that aren't maternity dresses but will still fit over your belly as it grows. I found a few like this and love that I'll be able to wear them next year too, with a belt.
My biggest piece of advice (so far) is to expect that you won't have the "perfect" pregnancy. Something probably won't go according to plan. This may be a screening test that raises some red flags, extreme "morning" sickness, or gestational diabetes (like me, at 30 weeks, when I thought I was well in the clear!). Take it as preparation for parenthood - where little will go perfectly by the book, and you regularly will have to adapt your expectations.
Hang in there. I was sick for soooo long (into 3rd trimester), but it really is worth it in the end. Ignore all the extra unwanted advice and do whatever works best for you. Everyone kept telling me to try crackers, peppermint, ginger ale, blah blah blah. Nothing worked. When I stopped trying to "fix" myself and just accepted that it was how I was going to be while baby was getting ready, it still sucked but I felt more prepared to face it each day.
Accept help when it is offered. There's nothing wrong with sitting down and resting if a friend offers to come do your dishes or hold your kid. DO IT.
You're going to cry a lot after the baby arrives and wonder "why am I crying so much?" and that's okay.
The first couple months with baby were great and I was tired but happy. I had my sh-t together and people told me I seemed like a natural at the mom thing and I was proud. When I started showing signs of PPD (around 3-4 months) I thought it couldn't be possible because I had been fine for those first months and I didn't want to hurt my baby and I felt ashamed. I was mainly beating myself up (thoughts like "I'm a bad mom", "why did I do this?" etc) rather than showing signs physically. I tried to hide it from my husband even though he could tell something was up. Tell someone. I told a friend first who then pushed me to tell my H and things are still a work in progress, but it feels better not to hide it and to have some help on the days where I just can't do it. If you find that things are not feeling okay, you do not have to suffer alone.
Hold that baby as much as you want and enjoy him/her! Take in the baby smell and hold their soft little hands. It is awesome!!
Post by pbandjelly on Jan 14, 2017 12:24:38 GMT -5
Always trust your gut instinct. You know better than anyone else when something is "off."
I kept feeling like I needed to switch hospitals even though I had an easy pregnancy. Finally, half way through, I made the switch from a hospital with no NICU to a hospital with one. And I'm glad I did as baby was born 7 weeks early and had a, thankfully, short stay. I would have separated from my baby had I not switched all because of a "feeling."
So don't be afraid to speak up, whether it's to your SO, friend, family, or doctor if something doesn't seem right.
Post by ivehearditbothways on Jan 14, 2017 14:24:30 GMT -5
Breastfeeding is hard and can be really painful. Utilize the lactation consultant in the hospital as much as you can and don't be afraid to reach out to them or other LCs after discharge if you still need advice. If it does hurt, the pain WILL stop eventually (it took about 3 weeks for me).
If you're having a girl, dressing her in dresses will make (the very frequent) diaper changes so easy-I didn't use bloomers or pants, etc.
Use a breastfeeding app or some other technique to remember which side you last fed baby from-it all starts to blur together in the middle of the night!
The sitz bath is a lifesaver if you have a vaginal delivery, as is the numbing spray (dermoplast was what I had). Take them from the hospital and get extra if you can!
Go into childbirth with an open mind, and knowledge of your options. Everything has pros and cons, and there is no wrong way to have a baby as long as everyone is healthy.
Newborn advice: I didn't live my baby right away. He was perfect and beautiful and I just felt tired. At 48 hours exactly, I started to love him. Don't be afraid if it takes time.
Breastfeeding: surprisingly difficult. Access the lactation consultants. Never turn them away in the hospital. Ever. Always have them help. And call them when you get home and have problems. Nipples shouldn't crack and bleed. Get help! It seriously made all the difference.
Registry/Stuff: I love my Halo Bassinest. Baby sleeps right next to my head and is safe and contained. I use the light a lot. The swivel feature is great.
Get a manual pump. Just do it. It's not sexy but it's super helpful.
Babywearing is my jam. Helps my little one when he fusses, helps him sleep, helps us do stuff. I love it. My Sweetie doesn't love the wrap/ringsling stuff, but uses the Lillebaby regularly.
White noise machine. We have these two little 12$ battery powered white noise machines. We use them all the time.
Velcro swaddles. Totally worth it. Probably doesn't matter what kind.
Newborn advice: I didn't live my baby right away. He was perfect and beautiful and I just felt tired. At 48 hours exactly, I started to love him. Don't be afraid if it takes time.
[
Okay. I'll expand on this point with something that I kept quiet about. Bonding between me and my baby was a slow and steady process. When I say slow, I mean it took months. I never experienced a rush of love when I first met my kid, a few days later or a few weeks later. It was just not something that hit me over the head ever.
Instead, my baby and I got to know each other. I did all the things and we slowly built a relationship. It's only been in the past few weeks that I've said "I love you, Baby Girl." I had no PPD/PPA - I just had a gradual build instead of a sudden emotion. This is normal!
We all bond to our babies in our own way and in our own time. As long as you're taking care of them (feeding, holding, changing, bathing, etc) then you're doing things just right regardless of how bonded or not you feel towards them. I think I'm in the minority of how I became bonded, but I wanted to share for others in my shoes.
Newborn advice: I didn't live my baby right away. He was perfect and beautiful and I just felt tired. At 48 hours exactly, I started to love him. Don't be afraid if it takes time.
[
Okay. I'll expand on this point with something that I kept quiet about. Bonding between me and my baby was a slow and steady process. When I say slow, I mean it took months. I never experienced a rush of love when I first met my kid, a few days later or a few weeks later. It was just not something that hit me over the head ever.
Instead, my baby and I got to know each other. I did all the things and we slowly built a relationship. It's only been in the past few weeks that I've said "I love you, Baby Girl." I had no PPD/PPA - I just had a gradual build instead of a sudden emotion. This is normal!
We all bond to our babies in our own way and in our own time. As long as you're taking care of them (feeding, holding, changing, bathing, etc) then you're doing things just right regardless of how bonded or not you feel towards them. I think I'm in the minority of how I became bonded, but I wanted to share for others in my shoes.
YES. This was DD1 and I. I woke up one day when DD1 was about 5 months and realized we were bonded like people talked about finally.
Take care of yourself. Don't feel like you have to "tough it out". If your body is telling you to slow down, listen. Pregnancy is hard; it's ok to pamper yourself or watch TV or ask your partner to shoulder some extra responsibilities. You're actually doing the best thing for your baby if you take care of yourself.
That applies to once the babies are born, too. You can't be the best mother if you aren't taking care of yourself, so do what you need to do. Leave the house every day. Accept help.
Are there any twin mommas on A17? I have plenty of twins specific advice if anyone wants it.
Newborn advice: I didn't live my baby right away. He was perfect and beautiful and I just felt tired. At 48 hours exactly, I started to love him. Don't be afraid if it takes time.
This too. I had a two week hospital stay, then DS has two more weeks of his own in NICU. I don't feel like I was in love or bonding until he finally came home. Up til then I was kind of just acting towards him how I thought I should have been acting. But I've been head over heels about him since he was about a month old.
It's OK if it takes time, it's a major life change and sometimes childbirth doesn't go as you had hoped.
Post by remylove1011 on Jan 22, 2017 21:26:12 GMT -5
Everyone is going to have something to say about you bring big and pregnant through the summer. I think I daily had someone comment on how hot I must be. Try not to punch anyone... it will be difficult.
Me (30) MH (32) Dx: MFI (low all the things) M. 10/11. TTC Since 01/14 IUI#1-3(Letrozole + Trigger) = BFN Second Opinion. Changed RE's. IVF 09/15 Long Lupron 12R/9M/8F, Transferred 1=BFN. 4 frosties. FET #1 12/15 Transferred 1 (3 still on ice)
Everyone is going to have something to say about you bring big and pregnant through the summer. I think I daily had someone comment on how hot I must be. Try not to punch anyone... it will be difficult.
This is certainly a concern of mine, especially with twins. I've had babies born in early March and April and I was a giant beast who did nothing but sweat. And sweat more the more swollen I got!
Post by hummingbird125 on Feb 8, 2017 16:22:06 GMT -5
More advice!
For FTM's - try to savor the time left before your LO arrives and enjoy the time you have with your partner. Try to plan a few special nights or a weekend every month - once that LO comes, date nights will never be as carefree! I still fondly remember the nights DH and I spent at home snuggling on the couch and talking about what kind of parents we wanted to be, plus imagining what it would be like to actually be responsible for a baby.
Regarding the annoying haters/unwanted-advice-givers - Practice ignoring them now, it gets even worse after your LO is born. Grow a backbone if you don't have one already and tell people (sometimes kindly, sometimes not) to STFU. Everyone will have advice about everything, but IMO if you're already on a site like this, you're the kind of person who is already reading everything about everything, and asking the people you trust IRL for advice as well. You don't need the advice of nosy strangers or acquaintances. This goes double for after your LO is born. Personally, I had such a hard time with this in the very beginning, and during my pregnancy, but now that my LO is almost 6 months old I FINALLY feel like a confident mom who can easily ignore unwanted advice or explain why I'm doing things differently.
If you don't already own a ton, invest in leggings NOW because even after your pregnancy is complete, you won't want to wear real pants for a loooong time. I was at my skinniest ever pre-baby, and 6 months post partum I still don't fit in those jeans, which is fine - but I also don't want to buy a ton of new jeans, so...leggings it is!
Congratulations Aug 17 mamas!!!! Your babies will be here before you know it! So much great advice is already in this thread so I don't have as much to add.
I will definitely second taking care of yourself. Once baby is here, if you can get at least one shower a day in, you've done great! The first 5-6 weeks were extremely rough for us b/c we had zero help (mom got sick two days before baby arrived). Throwing 7 furbabies and 6 hens into the mix made it that much harder. What did help was the fact that we slept and took care of DD in shifts. Shift sleep was the BEST idea we ever decided to do. I would sleep from about 10-11pm until 3am and MH would then go to sleep until 9 or 10am. Shift sleep is only effective if you're bottle feeding though so it won't interrupt your sleep like nursing would.
With that said, I had an extremely low supply and supplemented with formula very early on. I felt so sad, down and ashamed that I couldn't provide "food" for my own baby who I carried for over 40 weeks. It was tough not beating myself up over it but it got better. I pumped as much as I could when I wasn't nursing her during the day which was exhausting but totally worth it. And as some of the ladies have mentioned, all of this is temporary, it'll pass. The first nearly two months of DD's life was filled with more cries and screams than anything else. And being a loss mom, I felt guilty at times for feeling so irritated & I preferred her being asleep than awake b/c while awake, all she would do was scream. Don't feel guilty - it's just a stage and it'll pass. It really does seem like an eternity at the time but it goes by so quickly.
Hope you ladies all have healthy and happy pregnancies! And we are all here to answer any questions Congrats again mamas!!
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