Intro. ***Siggy, not sure how to deactivate on mobile***

[girpipley]

Hello, my name is Cait, and I'm coming over from June 15.

I first want to say thank you to all of you who have contributed to this board. It has given me much comfort and reassurance the past few days. The times I can't sleep, I read through the posts and feel less isolated in this horrible place I am in.

We lost our twin boys, Scott and Miles last Wednesday, at 20w5d after 5 weeks of hospital bedrest. I had a partial placental abruption, that caused bleeding from week 8 on. The bleeding caused pPROM at week 16 for A, and 17 for B. The battle in the hospital was a roller coaster of hope and fear, I am still emotionally recovering from the hospital stay its self, being away from my 4 year old was awful.

I've been blogging since the start of the hospital stay, and have found comfort in that.

The very complicated gestation of the Girard twins | updates and vents on the making of the Girard twins
girardtwins.wordpress.com/

I have plans to write a book, as well as form a non-profit for late loss support, which I have many plans for already.


I hope to become an active member of this board and give and gain support.

My fiancé and I decided to leave town last Friday, and have just returned home to our house full of baby items, which neither of us know how to deal with right now, so we aren't.


I have a question regarding milk. What ways did you all deal with it? My milk came in on Friday night, and so far I've been letting it come in. I am planning on pumping some for my nephew, as my sister is low on supply. Other than that, I was thinking of donating some or finding some use for it. I take adderal, so am not sure of the requirements for NICU donations, but am going to call and check. Any other ways that you all have dealt with it? Other than just letting it dry up? For me, it's comforting that it's there.

Thank you all, again, for your presence here on the board. I hate that we have this in common, but glad to have a place to feel included.

-Cait

[happyin14]

I am so sorry for your loss. I don't have advice on milk as my son was two when we lost him. But I find it amazing that you are looking into donation.

I am glad you have found some support here. These are amazing women. As for the non-profit, my advice is to give yourself lots of healing time before you go down that road. We just launched our foundation - a year and a half later - and its a LOT of work. And a lot of work around your loss. It's making me exhausted.

When you are ready, let me know if you have questions about how to get started!

[littleowl913]

I'm so sorry for your loss of Scott and Miles. I too had a placental abruption but it was caused by pre-e. It's amazing that you are helping your sister and wanting to donate your milk. I was so distraught when my milk came in and I did everything I could to dry up as quickly as possible. Weirdly enough, I cried hysterically once my milk was gone.

I'm in awe that you are already thinking of other loss moms right after your own. Please take care of yourself. You and our family are in my T&Ps. ((Hugs))

[flutterfly88]

I'm so sorry for the loss of Scott and Miles. I read through some of your blog, and was in tears. Your boys were beautiful. I know your journey of hospital bed rest and the hopes and disappointments, having to make decisions on whether to continue with the pregnancy or give it all up and say the end. Trying to make a decision that you think you'll be able to live with years down the road. I hate that you have to know that pain too, I hate that anyone has to know that pain.

You are strong to already desire to write a book, and your non-profit plans. Take the time also to grieve and be gentle with yourself in the grieving process. It is not linear in any way. As for your milk. You are brave to want to pump and give it to others. I'm glad it's comforting to you, to me it was like a slap in the face. My body failed me in pregnancy, but doesn't fail me with milk. So I wanted it gone as fast as it could. I used ice packs and cabbage leaves on my breasts, which seemed to help dry it up. Sorry I have no suggestions like you were looking for. Sending big ((((hugs)))) your way.

[happyin14]

You may get more info about donation and adderol on the bf board. They know a lot there! You can even page AmyG who knows everything.

[Deleted]

Hugs to you. It's a horrible loss and there are no appropriate words that will really help. Time will help but it only lessens the force a bit.

It is great that you want to donate milk. Adderall is rated L3 for safety in breastfeeding on a scale of 1-3. That means it's moderately safe. but as a powerful cns stimulant it is doubtful that the nicu or milk banks will readily accept the milk. Esp thinking that babies in nicu are extra fragile.

You can offer the milk to your nephew and if this is an older not medically fragile baby it may be fine. But I would suggest that you have your sister call Infant Risk hotline to gather more information to see if she will be ok with the drug. You can also check milk share and eats on feets for donation, some moms don't care as much about the drugs if they have a baby that has to have breastmilk or if they are taking the drug themselves in breastfeeding.

I will suggest however that it may be easier to let it go. Pumping and bringing in your full milk supply at this point will most likely be difficult since you were not full term. Struggling to pump milk at this stage may be just one more struggle to deal with emotionally.

I would suggest if you decide to dry up your milk that you only hand express milk to comfort and offer to your sister if she wants it. Then use the common milk drying up techniques of a supportive bra, sage tea, eat peppermint, cabbage leaves in your bra, a dose or two of old fashioned sudafed can also help. If you pump to raise supply for a while then you'll have to wean from pumping and use the above techniques and go slower.

Talk this all thru with your doctor and LC or LLL leader on the phone your husband sister and other support persons so that you can make a clear decision. And realize that either option is valid.

[tthgirl]

I'm sorry for the loss of your twins, Scott and Miles.

[shandorfml2]

I am so so sorry for the loss of your boys ((hugs))

[twixiesky]

Cait,

I am sincerely sorry for the loss of your twin boys. I just lost my son at 18weeks on 1/30/15 and also had to deal with milk coming in. You are a strong woman to be so thoughtful to share with those in need. As for controlling the flow I second what the other women of this board shared about the cabbage leaves, teas, and bra support. My nurse also told me to try sports bras at night (I've been using those 'genie' bras at home, as they're pretty comfy at night)

--Li-Li

[wrenofthesea]

I am so sorry for the loss of your two boys, Scott and Miles

[girpipley]

Thank you al for the warm welcome. I'm sorry for just getting around to replying, it's been such a horrible week, as in sure you understand.

We buried our twins yesterday, and have family still lingering around today. Tomorrow, it's back to real life, whatever that is.

[littleowl913]

girpipley, more ((hugs)). Burying your babies is so painful. Don't feel you need to rush back to "real life."

[happyin14]

girpipley. Go slow with this next part. I once read a blog post about "the new normal" and how it's really the "old normal" and that being so painful. When the quiet of it all hit me, I had a hard time. Sending hugs!

[girpipley]

Feb 23, 2015 6:32:59 GMT -5 happyin14 said:

girpipley. Go slow with this next part. I once read a blog post about "the new normal" and how it's really the "old normal" and that being so painful. When the quiet of it all hit me, I had a hard time. Sending hugs!

Thank you. It's very weird to be doing regular things today. My fiancé is back to work, I had to drop DD at preschool, where I got a bunch of sad looks and shoulder shrugs. I could not get out of her preschool fast enough. The house is really quiet now, and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. I have tons of work to catch up on, but I just keep sitting down and then 45 minutes go by before I realize I haven't moved. This sucks.

[happyin14]

Feb 23, 2015 9:59:36 GMT -5 girpipley said:

Feb 23, 2015 6:32:59 GMT -5 happyin14 said:

girpipley. Go slow with this next part. I once read a blog post about "the new normal" and how it's really the "old normal" and that being so painful. When the quiet of it all hit me, I had a hard time. Sending hugs!

Thank you. It's very weird to be doing regular things today. My fiancé is back to work, I had to drop DD at preschool, where I got a bunch of sad looks and shoulder shrugs. I could not get out of her preschool fast enough. The house is really quiet now, and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. I have tons of work to catch up on, but I just keep sitting down and then 45 minutes go by before I realize I haven't moved. This sucks.

I'm so sorry.  In my experience, today is the actual hardest day.  Be so kind to yourself and only do what you can.  I went back to work 1 week after the funeral and it was good to be distracted, but I would often just stare at my computer for who knows how long. 

[mrswheelo]

My milk coming in made me very sad. I had TONS. It just made me think about how well I could have fed our twins. My doctor recommended I not stimulate them and keep them bond to help them dry up. Another reason I wanted to dry up was so that my cycles would start again. My doctor told me that often breast feeding/pumping can delay ovulation. I knew we would want to ttc as soon as possible, so I did as instructed. I'm sorry for your losses.