PTSD Hit **rainbow mentioned
Jan 4, 2017 17:14:50 GMT -5
Post by murrt on Jan 4, 2017 17:14:50 GMT -5
Hi everyone,
So I was hit with a stomach bug the day after Christmas and then again on New Year's Eve I had some bad stomach pain again. Well, during a visit to the ER on New Year's Day I learned it was my gallbladder. I had surgery to remove my gallbladder on Monday, and I was at the same hospital where I had my TFMR.
Well, because I have a 3 month old, I was telling them that it may be difficult to comply with all of the after-care recommendations (like not lifting anything bigger than 10 pounds). So all of the staff were aware I had a 3-month-old baby.
When waking up from surgery, the nurse asked if I had the same OB as her, then if I had my baby here (at the hospital we were in). I immediately started crying pretty hysterically. Because, I kind of did have my baby there...my first baby. She asked what was wrong and I told her I was having a little PTSD. She looked very concerned and confused, so I told her that I had a termination in the second trimester due to trisomy and it was at the same hospital and I was just having a really hard time because I was waking up and remembering how I felt at that moment and it was all coming back to me. The nurse said OK, then told me, "but it's your gallbladder this time". I felt so god damn stupid. I think she was telling me that because I was all loopy on anestesia, but I felt like she was not really validating that it was OK to feel how I was. She was not very good at handling it. I'm sure it's because she didn't know what to say.
To make matters worse, the surgeon forgot to call my husband and tell him it was OK for him to come back to the recovery area. So I was alone. They finally gave me my phone and I texted my husband and found out he was waiting in my room for me, he came down, saw that I was crying, looked at me and said "PTSD?" I nodded and he hugged me. I felt a bit better with him by my side, but I have to say, it was rough.
It was also a tough reminder that even when I think I'm strong and that I can get through triggers, a trigger can bring me right down really quickly. I'm still feeling this trigger and still mulling over how much it impacted me. I don't really know what I was looking for in posting this, other than saying that it happened, and I'm having a hard time processing.
So I was hit with a stomach bug the day after Christmas and then again on New Year's Eve I had some bad stomach pain again. Well, during a visit to the ER on New Year's Day I learned it was my gallbladder. I had surgery to remove my gallbladder on Monday, and I was at the same hospital where I had my TFMR.
Well, because I have a 3 month old, I was telling them that it may be difficult to comply with all of the after-care recommendations (like not lifting anything bigger than 10 pounds). So all of the staff were aware I had a 3-month-old baby.
When waking up from surgery, the nurse asked if I had the same OB as her, then if I had my baby here (at the hospital we were in). I immediately started crying pretty hysterically. Because, I kind of did have my baby there...my first baby. She asked what was wrong and I told her I was having a little PTSD. She looked very concerned and confused, so I told her that I had a termination in the second trimester due to trisomy and it was at the same hospital and I was just having a really hard time because I was waking up and remembering how I felt at that moment and it was all coming back to me. The nurse said OK, then told me, "but it's your gallbladder this time". I felt so god damn stupid. I think she was telling me that because I was all loopy on anestesia, but I felt like she was not really validating that it was OK to feel how I was. She was not very good at handling it. I'm sure it's because she didn't know what to say.
To make matters worse, the surgeon forgot to call my husband and tell him it was OK for him to come back to the recovery area. So I was alone. They finally gave me my phone and I texted my husband and found out he was waiting in my room for me, he came down, saw that I was crying, looked at me and said "PTSD?" I nodded and he hugged me. I felt a bit better with him by my side, but I have to say, it was rough.
It was also a tough reminder that even when I think I'm strong and that I can get through triggers, a trigger can bring me right down really quickly. I'm still feeling this trigger and still mulling over how much it impacted me. I don't really know what I was looking for in posting this, other than saying that it happened, and I'm having a hard time processing.
