PAIF/PgAL Check-in 1/9-1/15

[bepandnick]

How is everyone feeling this week?

[bepandnick]

Hi guys. I have to admit that I have a lot of emotions after last week and the losses that were suffered on the board. I'm not looking for hugs, or trying to take away from the pain suffered and support given. I just needed a safe place to admit it out loud so I can try to release it.

[AmazingTulip]

bepandnick, this was a tough week on the board. It makes you realize how fragile everything is.

It was rough in our house last night. A little background - DH was out of town for my two previous losses. It caused a lot of strain in our marriage since I think it caused a lot of disconnect in our grieving. This time, I told DH I would prefer that he not travel because it would cause me a lot of anxiety. He huffed and puffed at first, but agreed.

So he's got this friend who really wants to go to the NFL playoff game in Dallas next week. DH told him that he couldn't go, but I guess he said it was because I wouldn't let him. So this friend is like, "well I'll talk to her." No you fucking won't. I don't need to justify my anxiety to you. Grrrrr.

[akraus2015]

Jan 9, 2017 8:34:00 GMT -5 bepandnick said:

Hi guys. I have to admit that I have a lot of emotions after last week and the losses that were suffered on the board. I'm not looking for hugs, or trying to take away from the pain suffered and support given. I just needed a safe place to admit it out loud so I can try to release it.

I've been feeling exactly the same way. I didn't say anything because I really didn't know how to express it.

[akraus2015]

Jan 9, 2017 9:02:26 GMT -5 AmazingTulip said:

bepandnick, this was a tough week on the board. It makes you realize how fragile everything is.

It was rough in our house last night. A little background - DH was out of town for my two previous losses. It caused a lot of strain in our marriage since I think it caused a lot of disconnect in our grieving. This time, I told DH I would prefer that he not travel because it would cause me a lot of anxiety. He huffed and puffed at first, but agreed.

So he's got this friend who really wants to go to the NFL playoff game in Dallas next week. DH told him that he couldn't go, but I guess he said it was because I wouldn't let him. So this friend is like, "well I'll talk to her." No you fucking won't. I don't need to justify my anxiety to you. Grrrrr.

This is such a frustrating situation, I'm sorry you even have to deal with it. H was out of town for my second loss, which was really tough. He went on the same trip this year while I was 8 weeks or so, and it was honestly the longest two days of my life.

[MissSally]

bepandnick I've been feeling the same. It just adds to the anxiety.

AmazingTulip I'm sorry about your H's friend - they just don't get it unless they've been there. And even then, men just react differently.

I'm doing ok this week. I can't believe I'm at 15 weeks. It is hard to believe! I still use my doppler every other day/every two days, just to keep my anxiety down. It helps that I can feel the baby now also, so it's heartbeat is really easy to find!

[Madso]

I have to agree with everyone else, last week was a tough week. I definitely took a step away over the weekend to deal with my emotions. I'm glad we can talk about here ❤

[jayhawk84]

I have been feeling similarly and also wasn't sure how to voice what I was feeling. Like someone above said, it can all just feel really fragile at times.

[bepandnick]

I'm sorry you had a rough night AmazingTulip. I hope your DH's friend lets it go.

That's so exciting that you can feel the baby MissSally!

[bepandnick]

I'm so sorry that we're all feeling the same way, but I'm glad we have each other to lean on.

[juliayadda]

Plus one for feeling that way. It's why I am afraid to start hump day bump day.

My first pregnancy was ten years ago and it was unplanned and I knew nothing. I was so much less anxious because I had no idea how much could go wrong. Two losses, IF and all the women I have met on this forum have opened my eyes to so many things and it is a lot harder to blissfully enjoy pregnancy. I am superstitious so I check myself and go "don't enjoy this too much, don't relax"

Typing this out helps me see that is ridiculous but my brain is usually ridiculous anyway

[easilyunamused]

I'm totally there as well. It was a bad week for our July ladies and I wish they were still here. It's all so fragile and it's hard to not completely be overwhelmed with what can go wrong.

Group hug!

[MissSally]

Jan 9, 2017 12:15:35 GMT -5 juliayadda said:

Plus one for feeling that way. It's why I am afraid to start hump day bump day.

My first pregnancy was ten years ago and it was unplanned and I knew nothing. I was so much less anxious because I had no idea how much could go wrong. Two losses, IF and all the women I have met on this forum have opened my eyes to so many things and it is a lot harder to blissfully enjoy pregnancy. I am superstitious so I check myself and go "don't enjoy this too much, don't relax"

Typing this out helps me see that is ridiculous but my brain is usually ridiculous anyway

So much of this. My first pregnancy was also unplanned. I took everything for granted and had NO idea everything that could go wrong. But two losses and years of infertility have woken me up to a much harsher reality. ((Hugs))

On another note - I think we should start HDBD!

[JustJudy]

Hugs to us all. It was a particularly tough week, and sometimes it's impossible not to think "am I next?"

I stopped PIO today at 11w2d because I have been getting horrible allergic reactions the last few days. I was willing to switch to suppositories but my doc said since I graduate on Thursday I can stop. I will admit I'm terrified and ecstatic at the same time.

[bepandnick]

((eameselephant)). FX for an awesome appointment tomorrow. I'm sorry it's with the dr you don't like, but I hope you have a better memory of her after tomorrow.

[JustJudy]

Jan 9, 2017 21:05:25 GMT -5 eameselephant said:

I'm getting really anxious for my appt tomorrow. It will be the first time we try to hear the baby on the doppler. Plus, it's with the one doctor in the practice that I don't really like. She was on-call the one weekend where I was trying to get progesterone supplements before my loss, and I remember that she acted like I was bothering her. So I'm nervous over here.

I didn't want to tell work or wash maternity clothes until after this appt, so it just feels so significant.

Hugs. FX it goes great!

[jayhawk84]

eameselephant, I think your feelings are very understandable. I hope you have a wonderful appt tomorrow and feel ready to move forward with those things you've been waiting to do.

[JustJudy]

I always get so nervous the night before an appointment. Ugh, I may take actually take a sleep aid tonight so I don't toss and turn all night long worrying something will be wrong tomorrow morning.

[bepandnick]

Jan 9, 2017 23:56:31 GMT -5 JustJudy said:

I always get so nervous the night before an appointment. Ugh, I may take actually take a sleep aid tonight so I don't toss and turn all night long worrying something will be wrong tomorrow morning.

Good luck with your appointment today

[easilyunamused]

Jan 9, 2017 23:56:31 GMT -5 JustJudy said:

I always get so nervous the night before an appointment. Ugh, I may take actually take a sleep aid tonight so I don't toss and turn all night long worrying something will be wrong tomorrow morning.

Good luck!

[JustJudy]

The appointment was good. I really like the doctor. I've always had female OB/Gyn's in the past, but he came highly recommended and now I know why. Plus he acknowledged how hard it will be to to go from weekly to monthly ultrasounds so he offered to let me come back in two weeks instead.

[bepandnick]

I'm nervous about my appointment.

[MissSally]

Jan 12, 2017 10:18:55 GMT -5 bepandnick said:

I'm nervous about my appointment.

((Hugs)) there has been so much bad news lately - makes me nervous for mine today also.

[bepandnick]

Jan 12, 2017 10:47:47 GMT -5 MissSally said:

Jan 12, 2017 10:18:55 GMT -5 bepandnick said:

I'm nervous about my appointment.

((Hugs)) there has been so much bad news lately - makes me nervous for mine today also.

((Hugs)) to you too.

[JustJudy]

Jan 12, 2017 10:18:55 GMT -5 bepandnick said:

I'm nervous about my appointment.

It's the worst! Sending lots of good thoughts your way.

[bepandnick]

Jan 12, 2017 21:35:39 GMT -5 JustJudy said:

Jan 12, 2017 10:18:55 GMT -5 bepandnick said:

I'm nervous about my appointment.

It's the worst! Sending lots of good thoughts your way.

Thank you! The appointment went well and I'm beginning to feel like this may actually be happening.