Any ideas to make this work?

[akafred]

Hi. Not really a WM regular but maybe someone has BTDT and has ideas. My daughter is high needs. She has ADHD and SPD. She has gone to a Montessori preschool for years and is currently in kindergarten there. I cannot picture her in a traditional classroom, and even some Montessori or other "alternative" schools aren't going to be a great environment for her.

The school we really WANT her in is extremely inconvenient. We live on the east side of our city (not a huge one but not a small one), I work in a southern suburb, and the school is on the west side of town. My husband works nontraditional hours (basically 2nd shift). He takes her to school and I pick her up. My commute now is 45 min in the morning and almost an hour and a half in the evening, and it's tough. It will be worse, much worse, if she goes to that school.

It seems like my only choices are move the school (and there are none nearly so good in my part of town or where I work), move the house (and we don't really have equity as we bought at the top of the market), or move the job. I may find another job but who knows. Or hire someone to drive her.

The problem with a nanny type is that by the time we pay for private school and a nanny's wages, we can't afford to pay her taxes and worker's comp and unemployment insurance and all that stuff. If you just hire a DRIVER, is that a "domestic worker"? Any other ideas? She's too young for the city bus, haha. What I need is an autonomous car.

[akafred]

I will definitely ask. I suspect I'm the only idiot to even consider driving that far though, haha.

[anonymouseliza]

There's definitely no transportation? I know here (Houston) there are private bus companies and other services. Some private or charter schools offer bussing for a fee, or will bus to central locations. And a lot of kids, even young ones, take Metro, though I wouldn't be comfortable with my 6/7 year old doing that alone, tbh.

[akafred]

As far as I can find the only private transportation available is limo service or taxi (or Oobr/Lyft), which would be completely not affordable (and I don't like the idea of an Oobr or Lyft driver which is still prob unaffordable anyway). She's definitely not ready to take the city bus. I live in Nashville; feel free to help me Google.

[Deleted]

I would start with calling the school and seeing what their resources are as far as transportation. Also, if there are other parents near you.

[Deleted]

You have a PM, Fred

[akafred]

Ha! Uber would be about $100 a day! I knew it wouldn't be practical but didn't know it would be a house payment!

[akafred]

Even if I only had help driving her twice or hree times a week, that could make it more palatable. It could also help me avoid the nanny tax. Why didn't I think of that to start with?

Man, I had a bad dream last night, one of those sweary, anxious ones. I think I am stressing this too much.

[88sharonlee]

Hi, as a fellow long commuter mom I feel the stress of this decision. While you should continue to look into transportation options I also wanted to suggest you look into the 'relocate job' option.
From your op it seemed like you weren't sure if you'd find something else, but if at least look and see what's available. Having a long commute in its own is tough and even if you find someone to drive your DD sure there will be lots of times that it would help to be closer (sick days, emergencies, etc)

[akafred]

Thanks. It's not so much that I don't think I can get another job as it is fear of the unknown I guess. My job now sucks in a lot of ways (commute, politics, feeling like I'm not really listened to), but it's the devil I inow. It's a big company, good benefits including a company car, job security. If I got a new job I'd have to give up my car and buy a new one, so would have to save up for it and all that stuff (and buy an older, less awesome car haha). I don't know how much overtime or what hours would be expected, where in my current job I know more or less what's expected and how to make it work. You know, the same stuff that's always a little scary .

[librarychica]

I would also see if there are carpool options. If the is "the school" for your daughter it could be the same for one of your neighbors. Can't hurt to try.

If it is an area you would consider living in, could you rent out your house? We did that aa year ago to ease my commute and it has for much more smoothly than anticipated.

[mommyatty]

I had a WM growing up and went to a private school in another town. The school kind of played matchmaker to find carpools. You may want to check with your school. The private school where we are going to send our kids has an electronic message board where parents can post that they need transportation from x part of town. Lots of parents have the issue where we are.

[akafred]

It's just that it's a really small school. Probably 50 kids total. But I will totally ask.

[allthedrinks]

I'm sure you've already looked into this but my medium size city has a mostly awful public school district. The district provides bussing to your private school of choice even if it is outside the district. They will be bussing DD to a montessori school about 13 miles from my house when the time comes. You mentioned a concern with your DD performing well in a traditional school so even if they don't offer something similar as a matter of course they might make an accommodation for your daughter. Like I said, I'm sure you've checked but if you haven't yet it might be worth a shot!

[sunbutter]

Jan 21, 2015 14:33:47 GMT -5 allthedrinks said:

I'm sure you've already looked into this but my medium size city has a mostly awful public school district. The district provides bussing to your private school of choice even if it is outside the district. They will be bussing DD to a montessori school about 13 miles from my house when the time comes. You mentioned a concern with your DD performing well in a traditional school so even if they don't offer something similar as a matter of course they might make an accommodation for your daughter. Like I said, I'm sure you've checked but if you haven't yet it might be worth a shot!

Yes, this. And I will add it often doesn't matter if there aren't many kids in one area for one school. Here, DS gets bussed out of the city (by the city school district) to our private of choice. There is only one other rider from that school. The other riders on that route go to another school.

[Deleted]

One thing I thought of...you should check if the school has any teachers that live in your area. I am a teacher and most teachers I know are always open to ways to make a few extra $! Plus it may be more likely that a teacher is commuting that far vs. other parents.

[akafred]

Jan 21, 2015 14:33:47 GMT -5 allthedrinks said:

I'm sure you've already looked into this but my medium size city has a mostly awful public school district. The district provides bussing to your private school of choice even if it is outside the district. They will be bussing DD to a montessori school about 13 miles from my house when the time comes. You mentioned a concern with your DD performing well in a traditional school so even if they don't offer something similar as a matter of course they might make an accommodation for your daughter. Like I said, I'm sure you've checked but if you haven't yet it might be worth a shot!

I haven't looked into this. I have never heard of it. I don't even know whom to call; any ideas?

[allthedrinks]

Sorry @akafred! I'm only on here via cell and my phone met a tragic demise this morning. So not a creepy stalker but I went ion the Nashville metro school district website and it looks like they do not offer out of zone bussing but... Not sure if your little one qualifies for services but it looks like if so they might provide transportation. Heck it's worth a call to the district to see what they can do.

[sunbutter]

Jan 23, 2015 10:42:30 GMT -5 akafred said:

Jan 21, 2015 14:33:47 GMT -5 allthedrinks said:

I'm sure you've already looked into this but my medium size city has a mostly awful public school district. The district provides bussing to your private school of choice even if it is outside the district. They will be bussing DD to a montessori school about 13 miles from my house when the time comes. You mentioned a concern with your DD performing well in a traditional school so even if they don't offer something similar as a matter of course they might make an accommodation for your daughter. Like I said, I'm sure you've checked but if you haven't yet it might be worth a shot!

I haven't looked into this. I have never heard of it. I don't even know whom to call; any ideas?

The school is the best resource for this.  Our private school has a "bus guru" that works in the office and has to manage at least 4 different school districts busing to that one school.

[akafred]

A couple of pieces of good news:
1) Met some babysitters this weekend for an upcoming event, and we asked if they had interest in driving a couple of days a week, schedule permitting. They did (though they don't know fall schedules), so that may at least be doable.
2) Kiddo is visiting the school today. DH reports his drive home was 33 minutes, though he would have missed most of rush hour. Still, that gives me hope. I will pick her up at 3:30 dismissal today, so I'll miss most of rush hour, but anyway, hopeful.

[akafred]

34 minutes from the school to home (though not at rush hour). From work to school was 45 min though and traffic wasn't bad; I can see where the traffic tie-ups will be and may need to look for other paths.