Longterm plans based on current needs

[ddojsioc]

Hi everyone, 

I'm back hoping for some advice on longterm life planning. My kid is 16 months, and has fairly minor delays in speech and gross motor. She has been getting services through Early Intervention since around 6 months. Some days I feel like she has made great strides, although looking at developmental milestones currently puts her at the 11-12 month range developmentally overall. 

I will be finishing up my training program this fall, and moving on to my first real career job. We can essentially move pretty much anywhere, and it's getting close to time to make these decisions. I am bilingual, and had always hoped to have my kids in Spanish immersion schools, which are not available in many smaller towns and certain parts of the country. I am wondering now how much of an influence I should let this old dream have on where we move. (Assuming that there are other ST/PT/OT resources, of course.) Realistically, I'm thinking that DD may continue to face challenges in school, and adding another language to the mix may not be in the cards. At the same time, if it works out that she would be able to attend an immersion school, I'd hate to be somewhere without that opportunity. I want to be hopeful for progress, but also plan for what her future may look like. How do you reconcile that balance?

Admittedly, I am not entirely sure what my question is, I'm just feeling like I'm making the wrong choice no matter what I do, and thought pouring these rambling thoughts out somewhere might help. Also, if anyone has a crystal ball I could borrow, that'd be great. 

[mrsbuttinski]

It's hard to say with so young a child; time will bring clarity. You might have a better idea if you are dealing with a temporary situation where your child will "catch up" or something more global that will require special education services at age 3 as she gets older. You might have a clearer picture in 6 months. Or not.

For now, the BTDT advise I'd offer is hope for the best, prepare for the worst. The other two caveats I'd pass on are-

Sometimes the educational setting that works really well for a child in September can be all wrong for them in May. You have to be ready to change things on the fly- even mid-year- if that's what is best. Needs change, sometimes a child responds so well to a IEP/IFSP that they outgrown the need for a more intensive supportive program. Sometimes a child is able to meet age level expectations with intensive support early one and is graduated from services but then doesn't progress at the rate typical kids do without interventions and end up behind again. Sometimes new issues are identified as the child gets older and more is expected of them and they end up needing more services. My own kid did pretty well in preschool, was mainstreamed for kindie (he was dxd with ASD/ADHD in kindie and with dyslexia in 1st) and first, spent 2nd and 3rd in an intensive therapeutic lab school, bridged to a mainstream/resource setting from 4th-7th, was fully mainstreamed through high school though protected by an IEP and is set to graduate from college with no disability accommodations.

The other piece, is that you have to raise the child you have been given rather than the one you planned on. I think you instinctively get this. Language immersion might be what you want for your hypothetical child but all wrong for the one who actually lives in your house. It could be, too, that a LI program might be ideal for a sibling but not for this individual child. The best parents aren't afraid to select schools based on what's best for each child even if it means they don't all go through the same school.

IME, LI can be disastrous for certain kids. One complicating factor is that many LI programs exist in a charter or magnet program and these types of schools sometimes renege on their obligations to provide FAPE under IDEA. They are public schools and are held to that standard, but often are difficult to deal with. I have some real concerns about IDEA under the leadership of this current administration. Betsy DeVos seems to have no appreciation of the federal mandates imposed by IDEA given her performance at her confirmation hearing.

Choosing a place to live can be a challenge. On one hand medical and behavioral health services seem to be most plentiful and highest quality in and near major cities, but such cities don't always have top notch schools and special education services. Very rural communities often can't attract or retain the most highly qualified educators and service providers around things like SLT, OT and PT. Generally, look for the good school districts, but be aware that a few focus on the best and brightest or sports at the expense of special education students. It's wise to look at AYP for students with IEPs in both elementary and secondary in the DOE scores.

[Deleted]

I would love to have DS in a Spanish Language immersion school. It is not in the cards for us, because the closest is in a major city about and with rush hour traffic that commute could be easily 1.5 hours one way, and we don't work in the city. I know people that do live where we do that work near the school, and make that work for them that way. Living in a large inner urban city can be expensive, and ours just cut budgets by a lot for well everything, but special ed was one of them in the public schools. And some services you might want may not be offered in the language immersion school. For example, our son needs speech and a hearing teacher, and our school seems to offer sign language (at older ages) as an extra curricular. So I mean guess in some ways sign may be more important than Spanish in his case because it might be possible that his hearing gets worse. I don't know. And I still do talk to him in Spanish sometimes and get videos, but no it is not the same. But definitely the speech and hearing services, and I doubt they would be available in a private language immersion school outside of our school district.

Other options are a dual language daycare if she will be attending daycare. Or a tutor. Language programs out here are unfortunately few and far between, but if I were in a suburb where there are more Spanish speakers then there would be a lot more opportunities. It just happens that where I work, there is no predominate second language, and where I live Eastern European languages are bigger, so they have classes on those. So even if you are not going to a spanish immersion school, you could look for a Spanish neighborhood maybe or even put things like the Southwest and Miami on your list, California.

If you truly don't want to live in a small rural town, then don't. There are lots of smaller cities and suburban places that offer more in terms of language. I would personally be careful of extremely large cities mostly due to cost of living. If your salary would be the same no matter where you live then I would look for a LCOL or MCOL area to get more bang for your buck.

In a large place this will be job related. Where you end up getting the job will ultimately decide it. Unless you are 100% working from home. I would take into consideration a lot more factors than just Spanish immersion for a move things like family/ friends nearby, weather, traffic, cost of living etc. I am not saying give up on the dream, only that it is only one factor in the dream and you have to take into consideration everything else too and look for alternatives ways to make the dream happen if you are not by a Spanish immersion school.

ETA- And this is not to say that DS's disability precludes him from attending a language inclusion school.  Only that the schooling that we decided was best for our family as a whole as well as him as an individual is the local public school (which we moved to the area and checked that local schools were good).  He absolutely could attend the Spanish school if we 1. Lived or worked closer and 2. We decided it was best for everyone in the family and him as an individual. 

[luvboston]

I am in the same boat we sold our house and are waiting for DS to become stable to make a decision. However we will only move to a town with amazing special needs services BC we can't see the future. DS language skills are out of this world for his age but physically he's a mess. I highly recommend the northeast only BC people value special education more than in other places so more money is given for it. In MA people are radical about getting services for kids to the point of hiring lawyers and sueing the school system.
You could always try language immersion and if it didn't work change. My sister had terrible language disabilities and another language for her was torture. It really depends on the kid.

[ddojsioc]

Thank you, everyone, for the great points! I think in my heart I know immersion probably won't be the right fit for her in the future, but it's so helpful to hear outside viewpoints. It's very true that there are so many variables from her abilities changing to traffic to politics. I need to take a step back and realize that life will be dynamic and I may need to be flexible, special needs or not!

[freezorburn]

First of all, kudos to you for getting your daughter in EI already ... my son (4.5 years, ASD) has only been doing ABA therapy and pre-K special ed since September, and I often wonder what would be different if only we had seen red flags and gotten his diagnosis earlier.

Anyway, if you are at all inclined to consider Seattle, I'm happy to be a resource. I'm still very much on my own learning curve, but happy to share as things evolve. There's lots of great work being done at the UW and Children's Hospital here, and while there are looming budget cuts, so far our experience with the Seattle Public School District has been positive. And there are two option schools near us that offer Spanish Immersion. My son's dad toured one of them last week and was excited about what he saw, but also mentioned that there was a parent there who had two kids in the school, but recently moved one of them to another school in the district, because the other school was better equipped to meet that student's needs. Downside is that it's crazy expensive to live here.

[mamaturtle]

We had dreams that when I was pregnant with DS that he would be bilingual in Spanish and English because DH is multilingual and I am monolingual but understand most Spanish but cannot roll my r's. It never came to be because DS currently is barely trying to catch up and learn English alone with ST. DH and I decided he will only speak English.

We would like to move to a much bigger city than where we live now. We would prefer our home town where DH and I grew up and where we know DS would benefit from services more so than here. There is no developmental pediatrician or really good psychiatrist where we live. There are no place near enough to do a team evaluation if needed.

DH applied for a job that was posted for our current town but turns out he turned down a job offer because they later told him it was for a town two hours away and it was too small. It would have been a disservice for DS if we moved there.

[Deleted]

A few other options just to throw them out there. A child doesn't have to be in language immersion school their whole life. They can do it just for several years like in high school for example. I just read a book where the author moved to Paris for a year (must be nice to be a writer and work anywhere). She had her kids in Italian Language immersion school and they were also learning French. While better, the younger they are it can still be at older ages.

Another great opportunity is study abroad in high school and/or college.

[ddojsioc]

Jan 30, 2017 3:26:28 GMT -5 freezorburn said:

Anyway, if you are at all inclined to consider Seattle, I'm happy to be a resource.

Ha! Small world! Our top choices right now are Tacoma and Olympia. Sadly I think we couldn't afford Seattle, and there aren't many openings there for me. I figure living on the northern end of Tacoma would give us access to Seattle's resources but still have less traffic and lower cost of living. Sadly I love a job in Olympia, which I'm concerned is too small. Don't suppose you have an opinion on those?

[ddojsioc]

Jan 30, 2017 10:16:18 GMT -5 mamaturtle said:

It would have been a disservice for DS if we moved there.

Thank you for this wording. I think this is us too. Also thank you for making me accept that it's okay to walk away from her being bilingual.