Post by lawndog1216 on Jan 18, 2015 16:38:47 GMT -5
Still haven't told my mom (who, quite honestly, will probably be pissed) or my MIL (who will flip the fuck out and be over the moon)... Had planned to tell after the u/s this week, but now that it's upon us, I don't wanna. I'm thinking we'll wait until first tri is completely over.
ETA: I'm lucky in that I have an excellent relationship with both my mother and MIL. But when it comes to me being pregnant, I know how this will shake out and I'm just too tired for it.
My MIL has been wonderful. She texts me every couple of days wondering how I am feeling and asking about our last appointment and when our next one is, but she isn't obsessive. Just enough to make it clear she is VERY excited! I love her so much! My mother is a whole other story, we just finished filing a restraining order against her last week. We go to court next month. I didn't even tell her. She found out via someone else, probably my dad or stepdad. Honestly ladies, those of you whose mothers are really invested in you and baby, give your mom a hug for me. I would give anything to have my mom be happy and excited to become a grandmother, or just to be my mom again.
Oh gosh. So sorry to hear you're going through that.
My mom knows and she stays out of my business. That's how I like it. I also assume she is keeping her distance due to my loss. I think she took it hard, too. My MIL doesn't know, and won't know until right before we post on FB. We don't have a good relationship. DH and I have pretty much cut his parents out of our lives. I'm worried about what a new grandchild will do to the estrangement I've come to love. She has been very overbearing with the other grandchildren.
When talking to DS my MIL will call him "my son". He's NOT your son, he's MY son. And they way she says "MY grandson" is super annoying, it's so possessive. Sure he's your grandson, that makes him OUR son and a grandson to 4 other people.
My MIL has been wonderful. She texts me every couple of days wondering how I am feeling and asking about our last appointment and when our next one is, but she isn't obsessive. Just enough to make it clear she is VERY excited! I love her so much! My mother is a whole other story, we just finished filing a restraining order against her last week. We go to court next month. I didn't even tell her. She found out via someone else, probably my dad or stepdad. Honestly ladies, those of you whose mothers are really invested in you and baby, give your mom a hug for me. I would give anything to have my mom be happy and excited to become a grandmother, or just to be my mom again.
I'm sorry you're going through that ❤️ hang in there mama
My MIL has been wonderful. She texts me every couple of days wondering how I am feeling and asking about our last appointment and when our next one is, but she isn't obsessive. Just enough to make it clear she is VERY excited! I love her so much! My mother is a whole other story, we just finished filing a restraining order against her last week. We go to court next month. I didn't even tell her. She found out via someone else, probably my dad or stepdad. Honestly ladies, those of you whose mothers are really invested in you and baby, give your mom a hug for me. I would give anything to have my mom be happy and excited to become a grandmother, or just to be my mom again.
I'm so sorry elektrafying, good luck with your time in court, I hope you get the outcome you're looking for.
To be honest, both sets of parents are usually amazing but dinner with the in-laws the other night was so frustrating.
MIL said she was looking at prams, cots, car seats etc and how expensive they were and that "I hope you can afford to have this baby".
FIL said after the baby is born when MH is on paternity leave that I will have to give him a "leave pass" to spend the day playing golf with his Dad and brothers. I told FIL that I wouldn't be negotiating with him about that, that it would be a conversation that MH and I have, in August, once we know how I'm feeling and how the baby is doing. When he tried to push it I simply said "I'm not talking to you about this, this is not something I am negotiating with you about."
bibliothecary let me know if I'm overstepping... I mean no disrespect but I have a question for you. You've mentioned in other posts that you've suffer 5 losses. Were those all early losses? Can't imagine how scared you must be. I'm keeping my fingers crossed this is your take home baby.
This is the farthest I've gotten. So it's exciting and scary. But I got to see the squish yesterday and that helped.
This is why I totally squeed for you the other day! I'm really happy and hopeful for you!
My MIL has a few screws loose. I feel bad for DH he swears she wasn't this way growing up but now she is a bit of an alcoholic, a compulsive shopper, and just all around impulsive. She just bought a house in the same state as us without every visiting. She got there, doesn't like the house, so has listed it again. She wants to stay in the area just a different house. She's really nuts.
When talking to DS my MIL will call him "my son". He's NOT your son, he's MY son. And they way she says "MY grandson" is super annoying, it's so possessive. Sure he's your grandson, that makes him OUR son and a grandson to 4 other people.
Dude...this is so not okay. Can your husband say something? I would never allow my mother in law to call my daughter HERS. That's crazy talk.
My mil has started window shopping, but I've told her to hold off and she's listened. She's actually been really awesome helping me with the kids since I feel like I'm going to vomit any second of the day.
Now, my grandmother is a completely different story. She hates dh. Hates him. We have 2 other children together and she still refuses to acknowledge him as their father. And she may have told me 5 months ago to be done having kids because she didn't think I could handle anymore (yea, she's one of those people) so, we haven't told her yet.
My MIL has a few screws loose. I feel bad for DH he swears she wasn't this way growing up but now she is a bit of an alcoholic, a compulsive shopper, and just all around impulsive. She just bought a house in the same state as us without every visiting. She got there, doesn't like the house, so has listed it again. She wants to stay in the area just a different house. She's really nuts.
That is just insane. My mom is pretty crazy but luckily can't afford to do shit like that...
When talking to DS my MIL will call him "my son". He's NOT your son, he's MY son. And they way she says "MY grandson" is super annoying, it's so possessive. Sure he's your grandson, that makes him OUR son and a grandson to 4 other people.
Dude...this is so not okay. Can your husband say something? I would never allow my mother in law to call my daughter HERS. That's crazy talk.
She doesn't actually call him her son. When he wants her attention he'll say "grandma?" and she'll say "yes, my son?", so it's more like a phrase or something, KWIM? It's still annoys me.
Dude...this is so not okay. Can your husband say something? I would never allow my mother in law to call my daughter HERS. That's crazy talk.
She doesn't actually call him her son. When he wants her attention he'll say "grandma?" and she'll say "yes, my son?", so it's more like a phrase or something, KWIM? It's still annoys me.
That is, like, how Jesus addresses his followers. she might be a little crazy.
She doesn't actually call him her son. When he wants her attention he'll say "grandma?" and she'll say "yes, my son?", so it's more like a phrase or something, KWIM? It's still annoys me.
That is, like, how Jesus addresses his followers. she might be a little crazy.
She did dance around DH's room speaking in tongues after he told her he was moving in with me out of wedlock....
My mil has started window shopping, but I've told her to hold off and she's listened. She's actually been really awesome helping me with the kids since I feel like I'm going to vomit any second of the day.
Now, my grandmother is a completely different story. She hates dh. Hates him. We have 2 other children together and she still refuses to acknowledge him as their father. And she may have told me 5 months ago to be done having kids because she didn't think I could handle anymore (yea, she's one of those people) so, we haven't told her yet.
Post by elektrafying on Jan 20, 2015 23:28:04 GMT -5
annabananabombjordanelizabethskylark12 I'm just hoping that everything goes smoothly and that by the time baby gets here we won't have to worry anymore. The commissioner who approved our temporary restraining order was very understanding of the fact that my big motivator is the baby and has included the baby as being protected from her as well! But like I said, my MIL is absolutely wonderful! It's amazing to me how much she loves me and LO. I appreciate your support ladies. It really does mean a lot to me!
My MIL has been wonderful. She texts me every couple of days wondering how I am feeling and asking about our last appointment and when our next one is, but she isn't obsessive. Just enough to make it clear she is VERY excited! I love her so much! My mother is a whole other story, we just finished filing a restraining order against her last week. We go to court next month. I didn't even tell her. She found out via someone else, probably my dad or stepdad. Honestly ladies, those of you whose mothers are really invested in you and baby, give your mom a hug for me. I would give anything to have my mom be happy and excited to become a grandmother, or just to be my mom again.
I'm so sorry elektrafying, good luck with your time in court, I hope you get the outcome you're looking for.
To be honest, both sets of parents are usually amazing but dinner with the in-laws the other night was so frustrating.
MIL said she was looking at prams, cots, car seats etc and how expensive they were and that "I hope you can afford to have this baby".
FIL said after the baby is born when MH is on paternity leave that I will have to give him a "leave pass" to spend the day playing golf with his Dad and brothers. I told FIL that I wouldn't be negotiating with him about that, that it would be a conversation that MH and I have, in August, once we know how I'm feeling and how the baby is doing. When he tried to push it I simply said "I'm not talking to you about this, this is not something I am negotiating with you about."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DS- 11.07.02
DSS- 6.26.04
Married- 6.29.13
Baby Due- 8.5.15
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IF DX: 3/2014 Prolactinoma/Hyperprolactinemia
7/2014 Adding probable tubal factor to the diagnosis list
9/2014 And now adding hypothyroid to the list
TTC History:
14 months
4 long anovulatory cycles
2 failed Clomid IUIs
1 Follistim IUI ending in ectopic
Post by hurricaine on Jan 22, 2015 23:44:00 GMT -5
Need to vent right now and didn't want to start a new thread...
Picking up my daughter from my MIL's today, my MIL says to me "oh and I just got off the phone with Anne and she says congratulations." I stared at her in shock (she's probably the only woman in my family who is as private and I am so I was surprised she'd do this), "you mean the pregnancy?" "yeah" "I haven't told my own grandma yet... I'm only 9 weeks along. I just... I mean I don't want anything on Facebook." (I was calm but clearly uncomfortable) Afterwards even my husband commented that she shouldn't have done it, and he rarely admits when she does something wrong. Then I'm talking to my own mom tonight and I complain that MIL has told her friend and she says "well I've told some of my friends... but no one who knows you."
What?! Do you two not get that I don't want people I don't even know knowing that I'm pregnant when I'm only 9 weeks along!? You both know we haven't old some close friends and most of our family! And just last night my mom gave my brother shit for hinting to my cousins, saying that "it wasn't his to tell."
Ok. Now I realize this is an overreaction and that realistically it shouldn't matter that people I don't know now know that I'm pregnant, but I just really didn't expect this and now I feel like if something happens these strangers (or friends of the family) will know, or even that they know before some people who I am actually close to. I'm more uncomfortable than mad at this point, but ugh.
(Adding: I just called my mom and said "please don't tell anyone else, I an just uncomfortable with the idea that people I don't know know that I'm pregnant" and she said "absolutely, I understand." I also just texted my MIL to ask her not to tell anyone else saying that I understand its such a happy secret that it's hard not to tell everyone, but just please wait until I'm at 12 weeks." I have a feeling my discomfort was obvious and they both probably regret telling anyone... so that's good. I hope they don't feel too badly.)
hurricaine I feel you, Lady. It's tough being vulnerable on top of your loved ones further exposing you. The overall lack of control, plus the inability to control others has made me bananas too. Besides, IT'S YOUR NEWS TO SHARE. Those women have already been pregnant and have already gotten to share their happy news. (My favorite low during my struggle was my mom explaining to me that my stepdad "is just really excited because he never had a baby of his own." She quickly abandoned that defense when I reminded her that that criteria also applied to me...
Hey ladies, I'm so sorry to hear about the crazies in your lives, the restraining order case in particular. I can't imagine how sad it must be and necessary! I am very fortunate to have my mom, who is devoted to others. The worst she's done is calling me out in front of others and say stuff like, "go on, you HAVE to tell them!" I wasn't telling everyone else yet then, but her excitement got to me and I couldn't be mad at her. My ILs though, such a different story. I'm grateful they're in a different country. Otherwise this marriage may have been under a large strain if I were closer to them. They have been insulting and rude to me, and when I call them out (because I do and in the spot - I don't wait for DH to step in or anything- I just don't take their shit) they claim ignorance. Literal ignorance. My husband was the first to get a college degree from the house, and then to make sure he could, he got two masters after that. What I just can't forgive though, is the childhood they offered my H. They're both on disability, but I'm pretty sure they could've worked if they really wanted, and they never had aspirations to offer their kids better opportunities than they had. MH had to claw his way out of the hole his parents dug to nest in. Crazy thing is, he gets my view, but he always reminds me he always had food and love- I just can't help but think how things could've been different if he had more ambitious parents too. They remind me of the parents in Glass Castle. What I have never forgotten though, was how my MIL resented me and moaned when I called off the engagement party she was throwing for us because my brother died the day before, so I had to fly back home. I've never been able to forgive that. Ok bitching over. Sorry ladies.
hurricaine I feel you, Lady. It's tough being vulnerable on top of your loved ones further exposing you. The overall lack of control, plus the inability to control others has made me bananas too. Besides, IT'S YOUR NEWS TO SHARE. Those women have already been pregnant and have already gotten to share their happy news. (My favorite low during my struggle was my mom explaining to me that my stepdad "is just really excited because he never had a baby of his own." She quickly abandoned that defense when I reminded her that that criteria also applied to me...
Thanks! It makes me feel a bit better to know I'm not being entirely unreasonable. I do understand that they're excited and want to share the news, but I have been very clear that this isn't something we want shared. Very very clear because it's so early. Ah well, they seem to get it now.
And isn't that something? I feel like because my MIL always wanted a girl and never had one, I'm supposed to let her take some of the fun mother of daughter stuff. Half the family member on that side love reminding me that "MIL finally got her girl." But I think your response is going to start being mine ("me too, isn't that funny?"), so thank you!
Hey ladies, I'm so sorry to hear about the crazies in your lives, the restraining order case in particular. I can't imagine how sad it must be and necessary! I am very fortunate to have my mom, who is devoted to others. The worst she's done is calling me out in front of others and say stuff like, "go on, you HAVE to tell them!" I wasn't telling everyone else yet then, but her excitement got to me and I couldn't be mad at her. My ILs though, such a different story. I'm grateful they're in a different country. Otherwise this marriage may have been under a large strain if I were closer to them. They have been insulting and rude to me, and when I call them out (because I do and in the spot - I don't wait for DH to step in or anything- I just don't take their shit) they claim ignorance. Literal ignorance. My husband was the first to get a college degree from the house, and then to make sure he could, he got two masters after that. What I just can't forgive though, is the childhood they offered my H. They're both on disability, but I'm pretty sure they could've worked if they really wanted, and they never had aspirations to offer their kids better opportunities than they had. MH had to claw his way out of the hole his parents dug to nest in. Crazy thing is, he gets my view, but he always reminds me he always had food and love- I just can't help but think how things could've been different if he had more ambitious parents too. They remind me of the parents in Glass Castle. What I have never forgotten though, was how my MIL resented me and moaned when I called off the engagement party she was throwing for us because my brother died the day before, so I had to fly back home. I've never been able to forgive that. Ok bitching over. Sorry ladies.
WTF?! First of all, I'm so incredibly sorry about your brother. And second of all, I don't think I'd be able to get over that either. Thank goodness you don't have to be around them any more than you already are. Wow.
My MIL just one upped herself. Every 'Christmas' they take their kids to tamarack. This year they asked what weekend would work best for H and I. We said Feb would be best as we can't go before then. So they schedule the trip for this weekend. Which is ok as I don't ski and hubby won't go without me anymore. Well MIl texted us 'it's just not the same without all of my family here. Love and miss you guys.' Then I get on FB a few min later and the first 20ish posts are her about how it's sooo much fun and she is just having the best time with her favorite people in the world and she just can't imagine anything making it better.
Post by daffodil428 on Jan 23, 2015 11:25:41 GMT -5
My MIL situation.. I'll give the cliff notes version because its pages long at this point.
My MIL is a new level of crazy. She pressured me for WEEKS with my first two pregnancies to "tell people" and telling me how "unfair I am being" because I wanted the pregnancies to be a secret. Then I miscarried twice. She FINALLY is respecting my wishes for secrecy this pregnancy.
She plans on having a nursery in her house for our baby (we live a stone's throw away.. literally around the block) I told her that won't be necessary, but we'll see if she listens..
ANYWAY. The recent drama is this. In my 3 pregnancies, she has fallen 3 times. She does not walk steadily and is legally blind. I am not comfortable leaving our infant at her house. I am willing to let her babysit once the child can walk. I am terrified of her falling while holding our baby.
Am I unreasonable to ask that she sits or remains in one spot while holding my child? Am I unreasonable for not allowing them to babysit while the child cannot walk? (Further clarification: My FIL cannot lift more than 5 lbs for medical reasons)
My MIL situation.. I'll give the cliff notes version because its pages long at this point.
My MIL is a new level of crazy. She pressured me for WEEKS with my first two pregnancies to "tell people" and telling me how "unfair I am being" because I wanted the pregnancies to be a secret. Then I miscarried twice. She FINALLY is respecting my wishes for secrecy this pregnancy.
She plans on having a nursery in her house for our baby (we live a stone's throw away.. literally around the block) I told her that won't be necessary, but we'll see if she listens..
ANYWAY. The recent drama is this. In my 3 pregnancies, she has fallen 3 times. She does not walk steadily and is legally blind. I am not comfortable leaving our infant at her house. I am willing to let her babysit once the child can walk. I am terrified of her falling while holding our baby.
Am I unreasonable to ask that she sits or remains in one spot while holding my child? Am I unreasonable for not allowing them to babysit while the child cannot walk? (Further clarification: My FIL cannot lift more than 5 lbs for medical reasons)
I'm sorry this is long. Please advise ladies
Wow. I honestly would not be comfortable either. If you don't feel like you can have that conversation with her I would have DH sit with her. It's not being mean it's about the safety of the child. To be honest though they will love this baby so much that she's probably going to quickly realize she's not able to safely care for the baby and will loosen up the reigns some. I would be honest. Or if you need a scapegoat bring your doctor into it. Say "You know my doctor is concerned about you being able to watch the baby, maybe we could have a nanny here with you, when you want to watch the baby, so they can help out"
Post by hurricaine on Jan 23, 2015 12:01:47 GMT -5
daffodil428 - I don't think that is at all unreasonable to ask that they stay seated while holding the baby or to say you're not comfortable with them babysitting until the baby can walk. Personally, if this was my family, I'd ask my husband to have the difficult conversation with his parents about it and be the one to enforce it, because it's his side of the family and if they feel like this is coming from you and not him, they're more likely to pitch a fit. If your DH talks to them about the babysitting, I would advise that he tries to make it very clear that they'll still see lots of the baby, it's just that given the health concerns and the recent falls you two will be in the house and you ask that they not walk around with the baby just yet. If it were me, I'd try not to even be there when they talk about it, and if I was there, I'd just show a united front and try not to even talk. Again, it's his side of the family and he should have a sense of how to go about getting what you guys need here.
Post by daffodil428 on Jan 23, 2015 12:13:08 GMT -5
Thanks ladies. Part of the issue is my husband isn't 100% sure how he wants to play this out. Aka confront them? Just decline every time they offer? Etc.
I think it's best to have a conversation and be clear and upfront. I just needed to know I'm not insane for these feelings. My husband is having a hard time realizing his mother and father are not young anymore.
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