TTMA about when to start kindergarten

[somebabiesmom]

DS will either be the youngest or the oldest in his class. He could actually start Sept 2017 and he'll turn 5 one week before the cutoff. Or he could start at 5, almost 6 in Sept 2018. I've had plans to hold him b/c: 
1. I have always wanted my kids to be in back-to-back classes, b/c I wanted them to be closer and be able to relate to each other's friends. No one is anyone's embarrassing little sister. *cough*
2. Every other year, they'll be able to play on the same teams or be in activities together that are grouped based on grades, e.g., 3-4 graders together = saving time and money.
3. Puberty runs late in our families. The boys on both sides didn't "bloom" until 16. This matters for sports and socially.
4. DS seems immature. He hasn't shown a lot of independence, self-control, or ability to manage his emotions. We're still dressing him, still dealing with tantrums almost every time we say no, don't have a good track record taking him into restaurants or stores.
5. The few activities that we have put him in (soccer, gymnastics) were non-starters, b/c he didn't follow directions - even with significant 1x1 time. Even though this was awhile back (6 mos), I haven't really seen a whole lot of improvement.
6. 5 (almost 6) is really a more normal age for a kid to start school. He would graduate at 18.
7. Our pediatrician seemed to be in support of starting him later based on kids generally doing better when they start later.
8. DD will be starting at 5 and she is more mature and also very smart. I'm worried about her surpassing him.
9. We can put him in some classes to try and help him learn focus and discipline, to start thinking about what other kids are like, etc. Then he has some skills for managing himself before he enters the world of big, nasty, judgmental, bitter teachers. (Not all, but too many to be sure.)

Arguments for starting him right away:
1. We would save ourselves about $400-500/month if we started him.
2. Academically, he's interested and seems capable (it's just behaviorally that he doesn't seem ready).
3. He's a really, really big kid. He's 4 and wears size 6 and 7. About 50 lbs, 40-something inches. And not a chubby big kid. Just big. And a big head with big hair. My baby is a freaking toddler-Adonis... But really this translates into worries about him being a bully (he's loud and very enthusiastic, also) or being perceived as a bully.

I'm toying with the idea of having him evaluated and getting a recommendation from a psychologist, but - of course - needed to check in here first to get some opinions. So WDYT? Start him late? Start him early? Get him evaluated?

[sandandsea]

I think he would do well either way. He will mature a lot in the next year too. DS really grew up from 4.5 to 5.

For me, I'd go with when he is supposed to start so I'd probably send him now unless there is a major concern. He can always repeat kindergarten if needed. It sounds like you're more comfortable waiting a year though so follow your gut as you know your kid best.

One thing though - don't let sports play a role in this. Grade based Sports really won't matter that much in the course of his life.

[2chatter]

I'd send him. DD has a September birthday so is the second oldest in her grade (also, second smallest, so opposite of your situation). Because of that, she isn't in the GT program - she would have to be in the true 99.something percent to qualify.

Here there are almost no activities for "grades 3-4". The only one I can think of is things like summer camp with church, nothing for sports or groups.

DS has come SO far in the last few months - I agree with expecting huge strides moving toward 5. Having said that we are still working on behavior - he did quietly ask me at the local elementary this morning if we could leave so he go to his "real school and do real work" and he didn't say "baby work" until we were outside. A few months ago he cried and demanded I take him home or find him something to do that wasn't "baby work" so he's come a LONG way.

[mommyatty]

I would make a decision closer to time school starts and see how he progresses. And I lean toward waiting. If he's having maturity issues, that can really be a killer. If he gets a reputation as a problem child, that could follow him.

[Deleted]

I would send him. First of all saving 6K is great. Secondly, if he does need any services the school district can do that for you and start them in September rather than waiting a year. We fell between the cracks of where EI ended and school age began, so while I wanted him tested for speech in Feb 16 becuase he didn't start school until August 16 they didn't evaluate him until then. Thirdly, if it ends up being a problem he can always repeat the year. I mean I know that is not ideal, but it does happen. Happened to one of our neighbors, and they did save money by sending to school rather than daycare.

I will say that K is much more like first grade now. I wish I could have sent DS last year- he missed the cut off by 5 weeks and the school district won't take them early.

So my only con for sending him early is the kids would be 3 years apart rather than 2. I don't think 2 years apart is a big gap, and I don't know that they will all have the same friends anyway.

I would ask his pre-school in May ish and try to make a decision then. If you need to enroll now, then go ahead and enroll in public K. You can always pull the enrollment later at no cost to you. Registration fees for us just had to be paid before school started so money wise wasn't until July ish.

[CoverGirl82]

My DS has a July birthday, so we had to also decide if he would be the oldest or youngest in his class. We took him to Kindergarten assessment in the Spring when he was 4 (turning 5 in July). They said he was borderline, so we could decide what we thought was best. One thing that influenced my decision to put him in young 5's was that in doing that, he would graduate at 18 and start college at 19. I am a lot more comfortable with that from a maturity perspective.

We talked with friends who have older kids with summer or September birthdays, and they said that they never regretted waiting a year. (My district offers young 5's, so either way DS was going to start school.) We recently talked with a mom whose son has an August birthday, and she mentioned feeling like she regrets sending him to regular Kindergarten at 5.

So far we are happy with our decision.

And as a note, DD is in Kindergarten this year (DS is in 1st grade), so there is the chance that at some point she could pass him, but she hasn't gotten to that point academically yet. They are different personalities with different interests, so I am hoping that helps alleviate some of the potential for competition.

[sdlaura]

My daughter has an 8/15 birthday and the cut off is Sept 1, and it's something I've really struggled with, but we decided to send her in the fall. She'll probably be the youngest in the class.

I think it's such a kid specific decision. I may have made a different one if she were a boy, or small for her age, or was less confident.

My nephew has an 8/12 birthday and they decided to start him at 6. He will definitely have a maturity advantage over my daughter. He was also born premature, so that was part of their reasoning. Good luck with your decision!

[greenmonkey1]

I am facing a similar dilemma. DS1 meets the cut-off in our district by seven days. So he will either be just 5 or just 6 when he starts kindergarten. He is also quite tall for his age. I really feel that academically DS1 will do ok in kindergarten, but I have some reservations based on what I am seeing as lack of quality in his current pre-k curriculum. Kindergarten is so much more academic than it was when we were in elementary school.

Right now our plan is basically what mommyatty suggested, to wait and see closer to school starts. I am going to a meeting tonight at a preschool that has a pre-k room for kids who end up getting three years of pre-k based on age. My plan is to reserve a seat if it checks out. If we elect to send DS1 to kindergarten then we'll lose our registration fee, but registering for a pre-k seat buys us time to allow DS1 to grow before kindergarten screenings in April and when we'll ultimately have to make a decision.

The maturity issue is what would make me stop and think. Another year of pre-k wouldn't hurt and certainly would allow more time to work on independence, directions, self-control, etc. I've also been thinking about how my son's maturity will play out as he gets older.

Is it an option for you to reserve a spot both in a pre-k and kindergarten so that you can allow your son more time to develop? You may have a better picture after your school district's kindergarten evaluations. Our kindergarten information meeting is in a week or two and I am going to inquire as to how they handle students who may end up needing extra help (either academically or behaviorally). That will give me some more information about which choice is better for my son. At the end of the day, I say go with your gut. I think my gut is going to say give my son a third year of pre-k, but I am being wishy-washy so I am holding a seat in both grades and will decide closer to summer.

[Deleted]

I am for evaluations, but they can be costly as some insurances don't cover certain testing and as far as some issues they won't evaluate until closer to school age things like ADHD and intelligence testing etc. If you are thinking of autism then for sure evaluate now.

However, I might do the school district evaluation first because that would be virtually free for you and then fill in with the medical practice if you don't get all your answers from the school district.

There are 2 different focuses there. The school district focuses on education. Whereas the doctor would focus more on the medicine side. I did it the opposite way, but have been paying so many medical bills so I try to save people money if I can.

[akafred]

There are private people who do kindergarten readiness recommendations. They are psychologists and LCSWs who are able to diagnose issues and do full psychoeducational eval, but the K readiness is less time and cost intensive. I would consider that in your shoes. We sent DD but she is in private. If she ever goes to public we may hold her back, depending. Academically she is fine but her behavior leaves a LOT to be desired.

[brachysira]

Sorry if this has been mentioned, but as I understand it, kids who start later are less likely to be diagnosed with ADHD. If you're really worried that his behavior isn't up to it, it's better to start later. But you could try some more classes and things and observe if he has improved. I think it's possible with public schools to change one's mind pretty late in the game in most places so you can keep trying things. I would also ask around. Apparently in our snotty area, everyone starts K at 6. DD will not because she has a January birthday and has been begging to go to big kid school since she was 2 and I can't imagine her waiting any longer. DS has an early Sept birthday and will just miss the cut-off so will start at 6 but as soon as allowed, and I'm already hating the idea of him having to wait so long, but he probably won't be the oldest where we live. Perhaps it will matter to you what his peers will do. A lot of kids also do developmental K so check into that if it's an option...?

[somebabiesmom]

Isn't there a stigma associated with keeping a kid back? Or is that just my 1980s-thinking?

[frozenpeas]

Feb 2, 2017 17:08:24 GMT -5 somebabiesmom said:

Isn't there a stigma associated with keeping a kid back? Or is that just my 1980s-thinking?

I know! I find myself stuck here all the time. I'm trying to convince myself to let it goooo before it comes time for us to decide. It really doesn't seem to be in line with current thinking anymore.

[shakinros]

Feb 2, 2017 17:08:24 GMT -5 somebabiesmom said:

Isn't there a stigma associated with keeping a kid back? Or is that just my 1980s-thinking?

No stigma any more. In fact, depending on the vibe where you live, there can be more stigma about starting your kid on the young side.

We're sending DD this year. Mid-August birthday, Oct 1 cutoff. She may not be the most socially mature, but she'll be fine academically in our district's half-day K. I'm more concerned about her getting bored in school and acting out (as she currently does when bored). She's also already the youngest in her Pre-K and gets along fine with the other kids.

[Deleted]

As far as stigma people are going to have opinions either way. As far as repeating a grade K is the best one to do it. As the kids get older they notice it more so there can be a stigma.

As far as the ADD I think it's more referrals by the teacher for testing. Somehow they are missing the component that the kid is the youngest in the class. As a parent I think you have to be able to say my kid is the youngest and will not be doing the same as kids that are a full year older. I think sometimes it comes out of left field but sometimes a parent will Suspect ADD portion before testing. So if my kid was the youngest boy in the class I would be doing some additional pushing of doctors and the school to make sure they are taking age into consideration and not just comparing him to better behaved girls a year older type thing.

[Deleted]

Feb 2, 2017 17:01:46 GMT -5 brachysira said:

Sorry if this has been mentioned, but as I understand it, kids who start later are less likely to be diagnosed with ADHD. If you're really worried that his behavior isn't up to it, it's better to start later. But you could try some more classes and things and observe if he has improved. I think it's possible with public schools to change one's mind pretty late in the game in most places so you can keep trying things. I would also ask around. Apparently in our snotty area, everyone starts K at 6. DD will not because she has a January birthday and has been begging to go to big kid school since she was 2 and I can't imagine her waiting any longer. DS has an early Sept birthday and will just miss the cut-off so will start at 6 but as soon as allowed, and I'm already hating the idea of him having to wait so long, but he probably won't be the oldest where we live. Perhaps it will matter to you what his peers will do. A lot of kids also do developmental K so check into that if it's an option...?

You don't have to tell me but I am so curious where you live because I am familiar with the state. Just makes me wonder which snotty enclave. It would probably make more sense to what you are posting.

[brachysira]

Feb 2, 2017 18:11:37 GMT -5 @clarypax said:

Feb 2, 2017 17:01:46 GMT -5 brachysira said:

Sorry if this has been mentioned, but as I understand it, kids who start later are less likely to be diagnosed with ADHD. If you're really worried that his behavior isn't up to it, it's better to start later. But you could try some more classes and things and observe if he has improved. I think it's possible with public schools to change one's mind pretty late in the game in most places so you can keep trying things. I would also ask around. Apparently in our snotty area, everyone starts K at 6. DD will not because she has a January birthday and has been begging to go to big kid school since she was 2 and I can't imagine her waiting any longer. DS has an early Sept birthday and will just miss the cut-off so will start at 6 but as soon as allowed, and I'm already hating the idea of him having to wait so long, but he probably won't be the oldest where we live. Perhaps it will matter to you what his peers will do. A lot of kids also do developmental K so check into that if it's an option...?

You don't have to tell me but I am so curious where you live because I am familiar with the state. Just makes me wonder which snotty enclave. It would probably make more sense to what you are posting.

Think university city next to impoverished city.

[Deleted]

Ok I think I actually like that city. But I never tried to have kids there. I was thinking that or super rich suburb or interesting population subarb near impoverished city.

H went there before kids, and I was part of a community there but it was wives of master students so they were nice. We didn't really do too much with locals outside of my co workers.

Are you from there? Or somewhere else in state? Again don't have to say names.

ETA- this probably won't help but I'm from rural next to the smaller impoverished city in the state (there are a few to chose from) But I don't live there anymore.

[brachysira]

Feb 2, 2017 18:25:08 GMT -5 @clarypax said:

Ok I think I actually like that city. But I never tried to have kids there. I was thinking that or super rich suburb or interesting population subarb near impoverished city.

H went there before kids, and I was part of a community there but it was wives of master students so they were nice. We didn't really do too much with locals outside of my co workers.

Are you from there? Or somewhere else in state? Again don't have to say names.

H is from this state but I am not as I came here and quit my PhD.  I am from a western state where people aren't as competitive.  I suspect things are different in the very wealthy suburbs--day schools, etc.  Whereas here it's mostly public schools but people are super invested.

[Deleted]

Feb 2, 2017 18:31:04 GMT -5 brachysira said:

Feb 2, 2017 18:25:08 GMT -5 @clarypax said:

Ok I think I actually like that city. But I never tried to have kids there. I was thinking that or super rich suburb or interesting population subarb near impoverished city.

H went there before kids, and I was part of a community there but it was wives of master students so they were nice. We didn't really do too much with locals outside of my co workers.

Are you from there? Or somewhere else in state? Again don't have to say names.

H is from this state but I am not as I came here and quit my PhD.  I am from a western state where people aren't as competitive.  I suspect things are different in the very wealthy suburbs--day schools, etc.  Whereas here it's mostly public schools but people are super invested.

I'm definitely from country not wealthy suburbs. I could see it being a bit of a shock from some areas. I bet people are super invested- probably lots of professor parents. It was a bit of a shock for me when I started going there.

[sdlaura]

I agree that now I think there's more stigma for sending a kid rather than holding back. Where I live, I meet almost no one who sends their kid with a July or August birthday. That's why I was questioning it more than anything to do with my kid's readiness - mainly the relative maturity differences due to so many people holding their kids back.

[billybumbler]

I say hold him back especially because of graduation age. I was always the youngest in my class and started college at 17 and I don't think it was ideal. I think that's too young to make the big decisions associated with applying for and going to college.

[Deleted]

I went to school at 17 and it was fine. I mean at the end of the day every kid is different. You can only evaluate for you family situation and your kid. This is what I learned with DS and what the teachers told me in preschool.

[2chatter]

Yeah, younger didn't hold me back - graduated HS at 17 and undergrad at 20.

[sunbutter]

Visit the classroom and learn more about the kids likely to be there. Sometimes they are skewed older, sometimes they are not. In addition to everything that you list, this can have an impact.

[k3am]

I went to college at 17 and turned out okay.

My sister was a December baby and always the oldest (I think the cut off was beginning of December and she was the end). She was a big girl and made friends with the kids closer to her age and size - the grade above. In HS, her friends graduated the year before her.. and she decided she didn't need to graduate. Which is why my mom made sure I went when I did, even though I was only a week or two before the deadline.

[helenahhandbasket]

I'm sure he'd be just fine if you started him in 2017.

Our cutoff in my school district is actually 12/31, so there are kids in my DD's class that are almost a year younger than her (she's a January baby).

If he's still lagging behind at the end of K, what do they do? Would they have him repeat or would they push him ahead?

[kimberlyb]

We are in the same boat. We went back and forth and ultimately decided that DD will start kindergarten in 2018. I think the social/emotional/behavioral piece is more important than academics which is why we decided to wait. Also, all the people I talked to about this irl all said they never regretted waiting but several said they sent their kids at a young 5 wished they had waited another year. GL with your decision. It is tough!

[twinmomma]

I'm leaning towards starting him late, based on the behavioral things you describe. I think more time to mature and "practice" school before he gets into kindergarten will only help him.

[erinshelley21]

I'm on team send him this year especially since he seems ready academically. I think behavior and the social aspect is important, but I wouldn't hold off on sending him for those reasons. The structure of a K schedule might what his behavior needs. Could his behavior seem like he's not ready because he's bored? If he's around kids more his age or older than him by a few months, he might be more likely to not be the bully.

One of my cousins is less than a year older than me, but was 2 grades ahead of me in school because her mom sent her early and she did just fine. I actually can't even imagine her being in classes with those in the class between us.

I would also take sports and activities out of the equation like someone else said. My brother and I were only 2 years apart in school and were on the same coaches pitch team one time and the same soccer team one time. They started splitting boys and girls into different teams or programs around grade 3 or 4 and I think its still that way around me. Plus they may not like the same activities.