TTCAL 02/02/17

[Deleted]

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive, after a loss, every week.

Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.

**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**

How are you doing?

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent):

QOTW: What's the last show you binge watched?

[Rama]

How are you doing? P good

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC - TWW

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS, EP, olgio-/anovulation

Updates/questions: 4DPO. Wishing time away until next weekend.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): None today

QOTW: What's the last show you binge watched? Teen Mom OG

[nuggetrn]

Thank you @led for posting!

How are you doing? I am doing really well with a small side of disaster. Lol

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS, RPL (that's weird and new, as we were just officially given that lovely little diagnosis at the RE)

Updates/questions: We went to an RE! Finally. I feel like I have put it off SO MUCH. And am still in a teensy bit of denial that we are truly at that stage. I am getting CD3 bloodwork tomorrow and have a saline sonogram scheduled for the 13th (my birthday, what was I thinking?) The plan after that is to start TI with Femara. I am beyond ready to get this show on the road!

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I am beyond petrified to get pregnant on my own. I am convinced that anything we do will result in failure and I am terrified that we'll have another loss when we are so close to trying with an RE and meds. I am trying not to focus on this but it's extremely hard. Especially when I have allowed myself to have hope that we will have a baby this year, but knowing if we have another loss our chances of a 2017 baby are very slim. So yea, that's that for this week.

QOTW: What's the last show you binge watched? Once Upon a Time. Trying to get all caught back up before it comes back on TV. I watched all of Season 5 one day last week while I was home recovering from wisdom teeth removal. I have to find some time to binge on the beginning of season 6 now.

[Rama]

Big hugs, nuggetrn. Lots of big steps and big feels. I getcha. <3

[ajetter]

How are you doing? A little better everyday.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTA until after AF

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions: Had my D&C follow up on Tuesday. No explanation why we lost the baby at 12 weeks. But we were cleared to start trying after AF returns. So just anxiously awaiting that. My OB was basically like get KU quick. You'll have the best chances of carrying to term. Ummm ok. I'll work on that I guess?

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I just hate not feeling in charge of my emotions. I know that being sad or dwelling won't change anything. Lots of people experience a loss. I need to move on. For the most part I'm doing pretty good. But then things sneak up on me, like seeing a brand new baby at church made me completely lose it.

I have a friend's baby shower today and I'm hoping I can handle it. Thankfully it's a couples shower so DH will be with me.

QOTW: What's the last show you binge watched? I don't binge watch shows often but we did Breaking Bad a couple months ago.

[ajetter]

Hugs nuggetrn.

[cnf2013]

Big hugs nuggetrn

ajetter I'm sorry you didn't get any answers. Hopefully your period comes soon.

TWW buddies, Rama!

How are you doing? Weird. I'm 7dpo and feel like I'm losing my mind. I didn't think this first cycle would be such an emotional Rollercoaster. These next five days might turn me into a legit crazy person.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC TWW

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions: nada

Debbie downer (a place to vent): H and I just had a huge screaming match. Ugh. We tend to fight a little dirty too, which makes it so much harder.

QOTW: What's the last show you binge watched? Stranger Things!

[Rama]

Feb 4, 2017 7:34:48 GMT -5 ajetter said:

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I just hate not feeling in charge of my emotions. I know that being sad or dwelling won't change anything. Lots of people experience a loss. I need to move on. For the most part I'm doing pretty good. But then things sneak up on me, like seeing a brand new baby at church made me completely lose it.

Please don't do this to yourself. I completely understand hating feeling out of control and fragile, but please, please be kind to yourself. You're not just grieving a baby, you're grieving a future. A dream. Nothing replaces the hopes you had for this baby -- not even another baby.

Don't downplay the way you feel. It's valid, it's normal, and you deserve to feel whatever way you feel in order to heal for however long it takes to grieve this loss. Fuck societal standards of having to "get over it" in x amount of time. You cry and dwell and break down as much and as hard as you need to. No matter how much you hate doing it. <3

[MsG]

I am so sorry ajetter, and nuggetrn,. I hope better things are coming your way soon.


How are you doing? I'm doing pretty ok. I feel like the days where it all really gets me down are coming fewer and further between.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS

Updates/questions: Nothing new to report. Just plodding along. I do get to go on vacation in two weeks, and I seriously cannot wait. Getting away from it all (life, work, infuriating/scary politics) is so needed right now. Only potential downside is this is a vacation with my in-laws (whom I adore), but that'll definitely change the dynamic a bit.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): When I first joined TCF, I couldn't imagine I'd get to a place where I could consider taking a little time off from ttc, but I think I finally get it. I'm not quite there yet, but this whole process is getting a little exhausting.

QOTW: What's the last show you binge watched? Borgia. I'm a sucker for historical dramas.

[nuggetrn]

Feb 4, 2017 11:33:25 GMT -5 Rama said:

Feb 4, 2017 7:34:48 GMT -5 ajetter said:

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I just hate not feeling in charge of my emotions. I know that being sad or dwelling won't change anything. Lots of people experience a loss. I need to move on. For the most part I'm doing pretty good. But then things sneak up on me, like seeing a brand new baby at church made me completely lose it.

Please don't do this to yourself. I completely understand hating feeling out of control and fragile, but please, please be kind to yourself. You're not just grieving a baby, you're grieving a future. A dream. Nothing replaces the hopes you had for this baby -- not even another baby.

Don't downplay the way you feel. It's valid, it's normal, and you deserve to feel whatever way you feel in order to heal for however long it takes to grieve this loss. Fuck societal standards of having to "get over it" in x amount of time. You cry and dwell and break down as much and as hard as you need to. No matter how much you hate doing it.

I have nothing better to say than what she just said here ajetter. I'm so sorry that you are in this situation and that you didn't get any answers, none of it is fair. I hope you are able figure out how to muddle through this new territory without feeling guilty about how you feel.

[ajetter]

@rama I appreciate those words. I really do. I just want to move on for myself too. I don't want to be sad. But I know I can't really help it.

[Rama]

Feb 4, 2017 19:41:35 GMT -5 ajetter said:

@rama I appreciate those words. I really do. I just want to move on for myself too. I don't want to be sad. But I know I can't really help it.

I know. And I'm sure it's a sentiment we all share -- being crippled by hurt is really damn inconvenient.

It just breaks my heart to hear people say things to dismiss their very real pain. It doesn't matter if everyone in the whole world suffered in the same way; you're still entitled to the grief you're suffering now.

*big, big hugs* It will hurt less someday. You'll stop being sad all the time. But it's okay to be so now. And it's always okay to just vent to us when the rest of the world doesn't get it. These ladies are a godsend and we'll always have your best interests at heart. <3