So my son is in kindergarten and has some trouble with reading social cues. He also becomes upset/ emotional fairly easily. A few days a week he is reporting to me things happening at school to him and the other kids laughing (this often involves one specific kid). For example the kid squirted food on my son in the cafeteria on purpose. When my son told on him none of the other boys let him sit with them. I need advice on teaching him how to react. So he isn't mean but doesn't become more of a target. For reference we are seeing a psych but I'm not sure how much he is really helping. We switched to this psych because I felt his last psych treated him as if he were far younger then he is and I felt a male psych might be better.
Post by mrsbuttinski on Feb 3, 2017 7:38:30 GMT -5
I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
I would start by talking to the school. Assuming your son's reports are accurate, they need to step up their game and address this issue. Who is monitoring the cafeteria that these shenanigans are going on? Most schools have a mission statement/diversity policy on their website or in their handbook- become familiar and parse your concerns around that document.
It might be useful to have your son's new psychologist brought in. He could observe your son to see if he has any behaviors that are making him a target and act as an unbiased observer to tease out whether your son's perceptions are accurate- if he has trouble reading social cues he may be misinterpreting what is actually happening.
Has your DS ever been evaluated to figure out why he has difficulty with the social piece? TBH, a lot of what you have described has an almost ASD flavor to it- poor reading of social cues, a therapist who treated him as younger than his chronological age (perhaps because he acts younger), the behaviors you described a few years ago and even the seizures. It would be something I would ask his new psychologist to weigh in on just to be sure the help he is getting is appropriate and sufficient for his needs.
Not saying he's on spectrum. There's also a social communication disorder that might be worth investigating.
I think you are wise to switch to a male psych assuming he's a good one. Sometimes boys need a break from all the estrogen that surrounds them in elementary. DS's psych is a man and he took a much different tack with stigmatizing behaviors. Where DS's SLP would feed DS cutesy retorts to fend off bullies, DS's psych taught DS how to create a devastating insult which is actually a pretty good lesson in ToM which those on spectrum don't intuit. This was a whole lot more effective than "I'm rubber, you're glue..."
That said, one of the best things DS's school SLP did for him was MGW's Social Thinking. For a kid your DS's age, "Thinking About You, Thinking About Me" helped him understand and take ownership of some of the behaviors that triggered bullies to respond as they did which reduced but didn't eliminate the problem. Ironically, I can think of only 2 incidents of bullying where the perp was an allegedly typically developing child. In one case the kid's family was going through a fractious breakup and in the other the kid was from another country with a very different culture and something of an outlier socially. His parents were also a little cra and very strong advocates where they thought he was being picked on.
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My son is ASD and to my knowledge never dealt with direct "bullying" as young as kindergarten, so you have my sympathies. His school is very proactive on that sort of thing though and there are a number of parent volunteers around during lunch. They have even instituted a structured recess program.
MrsB is wise in her advice to get to the root of why he's being targeted. Is he doing something the other kids find annoying? Is he reporting accurately? Can you volunteer at lunch and watch from a distance? Is there a particular kid that is having a rough time in general? We dealt with a kid who was roughing up DS in 2nd grade; his teachers were well aware of the problem and the kid ended up being transferred out of the school. Doesn't make the bullying any easier for your kid, but I was encouraged that the school was right on top of it. The fact that my son has also been accused of bullying because he made socially unacceptable comments also contributed to my more understanding nature of the situation. For some reason DS decided to tell a sweet little girl that she was "dreadful"- She was very sensitive and burst into tears; DS refused to apologize because he said his intent was to be funny, not hurt her feelings, and it was just an unfortunate mess.
Mrs Buttinski I have spoken to the new psych about a possible ASD diagnosis he said he needed to get to know my son better before reaching a conclusion. It has been several months and I will inquire again. In that time the two of them seem to mostly be working on ways of handling frustration. I had a lot of difficulty finding a child psych and even paying out of pocket I am not 100% confident in my choice.
My son has a tendency towards being anxious so his shirt being wet etc would bother him. He also is extremely likely to "tattle" which kids obviously find off putting. I'm challenged to walk the line of wanting the school to address it and yet not giving him more of the "tattle tale" label. This seems to be happening at largely unstructured time and not in the classroom.
Are there psychs who teach social thinking or is this largely a school intervention?
Mrs Buttinski I have spoken to the new psych about a possible ASD diagnosis he said he needed to get to know my son better before reaching a conclusion.
That's different. DS's psych was pretty sure DS would get an ASD dx after talking with me on the phone one night for an hour. We did ADI and GADS in his office later that week, DS got a dx the first visit based on that. His dev pedi (the 2nd opinion) was so certain DS would get an Aspergers dx based on our paperwork packet that he called in all his fellows, residents and med student to see what Aspergers looks like in a "young" child. Back then incidence was about 1 in 1000- so rarer than now.
It has been several months and I will inquire again. In that time the two of them seem to mostly be working on ways of handling frustration. I had a lot of difficulty finding a child psych and even paying out of pocket I am not 100% confident in my choice.
We were fortunate to live in a town with 2 Aspergers specialists with competing offices 2 doors down from each other. It's hard to find someone good.
My son has a tendency towards being anxious so his shirt being wet etc would bother him. He also is extremely likely to "tattle" which kids obviously find off putting. I'm challenged to walk the line of wanting the school to address it and yet not giving him more of the "tattle tale" label.
That could also be a sensory issue- a wet shirt would be unpleasant. Being a tattle or the "rule police" will not endear him to his peers. For kids on spectrum this is sometimes driven by a need for order and to see justice done or even because he self identifies with the teachers and not the students. You are so right that it is difficult to find a sweet spot between advocating for your son who "can't help it" at this point while teaching him to think about the behavior of others differently- especially when it isn't his concern.
This seems to be happening at largely unstructured time and not in the classroom.
That's how it goes. NT kids are terrific at not getting caught.
Are there psychs who teach social thinking or is this largely a school intervention?
Social Thinking was created for and by an SLP- it's under the umbrella of pragmatic language. You might find a school psych or guidance counselor working with the materials but SLPs tend to be better. It makes sense to do this in school because that's where the problem is. DS's SLP worked with him and a couple other kids in small groups and then gave us homework to practice at scouts and on playdates.
Just wanted to say thank you again I feel a little less flustered and like I have some ideas for moving forward thanks to the replies. I know it takes time and thought to respond and wanted to say it's appreciated.
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