TTCAL 02/07/17

[Deleted]

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive, after a loss, every week.

Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.

**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**

How are you doing?

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent):

QOTW: When you're at home, are you a slippers, fuzzy socks, or barefoot kind of girl?

[Rama]

How are you doing? Anxious. I want to test, but when I'd actually get info.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC - TWW

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS, EP, olgio-/anovulation

Updates/questions: My boobs hurt like no one's business.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): If I'm not pregnant, I'll be on my period on Valentine's Day. Dnw.

QOTW: When you're at home, are you a slippers, fuzzy socks, or barefoot kind of girl? Depends on the time of year. While it's cold, fuzzy socks/slippers. All other times, barefoot.

[diamondsndaisies]

How are you doing? Alright for the moment.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC since June 2016

Diagnosis (if applicable): MFI-low count & late term loss (28weeks-twins)

Updates/questions: just waiting out our 3 month self-imposed natural cycles. We are trying really hard to get DH's count up and hoping not need to move to IUI

Debbie downer (a place to vent): This whole process just sucks. Life is kinda throwing a lot of shit at us lately and I am ready for it to let up.

QOTW: When you're at home, are you a slippers, fuzzy socks, or barefoot kind of girl? usually barefoot but if it is cold, I might keep my regular socks on until I go to bed, which is the exception to the rule. I've been a barefoot girl for all my life.

[diamondsndaisies]

Rama, what DPO are you? How far off of testing are you?

[Rama]

Feb 7, 2017 14:22:10 GMT -5 diamondsndaisies said:

Rama , what DPO are you? How far off of testing are you?

I had to force FF to accept my version of events, so I'm 8DPO.  It wants me to be 11 DPO.  Test date is this weekend.  Probably.

[cnf2013]

How are you doing? Some days I'm very worked up, some days I'm feeling emotionally checked out.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC TWW

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I'm 10dpo today and I'm so anxious for this first post loss cycle to end, regardless of which direction it goes. I'm definitely going to be sad if I don't get pregnant this cycle, but I feel like subsequent cycles will be easier. I wasn't sure what to expect this go around and the not knowing knowing is killing me. My feelings are just a jumbled mess right now.

QOTW: mostly barefoot, but I have a great pair of fuzzy slippers and a few pairs of fuzzy socks.

[ajetter]

How are you doing? Overall, alright. I feel like the first week was really rough. Then I had a couple weeks were I was able to feed myself all the silver linings and enjoy not feeling like crap. But the last week has been rough again. I can't stop thinking to myself 'I should be 17 weeks' or 'her heart stopped five weeks ago'. When do you stop doing that to yourself?

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTA until AF. CD33, come on AF!

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I almost made it through my friends baby shower without crying. All the little baby gifts go me really choked up. I tried to sneak out but she caught me. It was fine, but I felt bad.

QOTW: When you're at home, are you a slippers, fuzzy socks, or barefoot kind of girl? Barefoot the majority of the time. If I'm trying to be super productive cleaning wise I'll put on tennis shoes. For some reason that keeps me up and moving.

[Rama]

Feb 7, 2017 23:34:07 GMT -5 ajetter said:

I can't stop thinking to myself 'I should be 17 weeks' or 'her heart stopped five weeks ago'. When do you stop doing that to yourself?

You want the truth?

You never completely stop. I still say, "Trooper would have been 5 months right now," to myself every occasionally.

But it's not a daily thing anymore. I think that stopped for me after the first big event I looked forward to happened. I was able to forget I was sad for that event. (I don't remember exactly what it was, but just something you're super into and excited for. In my case, maybe our annual charity dinner?)

It does get better. But be prepared to feel like that for a month or two or three. Every cycle (for me) felt like a slap in the face for awhile. It was the only time I was thankful to have PCOS.

*hugs*

[pinkcat]

Hi friends, and hugs all around

How are you doing? Not great.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, 11 DPO in cycle 23.

Diagnosis (if applicable): Unexplained, slight MFI.

Updates/questions: We did our first IUI this month, and I'm 11 DPO today.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I'm sad and feeling out. I tested out my trigger, and thought I was sure at 9 DPO it was gone. Yesterday at 10 DPO I was getting some very very faint squinters and started to get my hope up, but today at 11 DPO I'm back to stark white. I'm guessing yesterday was still the remnants of my trigger. I was so hopeful yesterday even though I was trying to tell myself it was still the trigger, so I am pretty bummed today. I just want to be pregnant.

QOTW: When you're at home, are you a slippers, fuzzy socks, or barefoot kind of girl? Just plain socks, normally!

[nuggetrn]

ajetter... I will second that, I don't think it ever stops. Just the other day I went over all three pregnancies and thought about where I should be and where I am not. I don't even know where that came from. It has gotten easier over time, but I don't expect it to ever fully go away. And sometimes I have total control over my emotions and sometimes I just don't.

I am sorry the baby shower only went ok for you. I'm glad you got through most of it and I hope your friend catching you was ok.

pinkcat I am sorry for that confusion That completely sucks. Everything crossed that this cycle is it for you.

[nuggetrn]

How are you doing? I am doing pretty well right now.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS, RPL

Updates/questions: Waiting patiently for blood work to come back.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I have nothing at the moment.

QOTW: When you're at home, are you a slippers, fuzzy socks, or barefoot kind of girl? Socks of some sort. I have been having problems with my feet here lately though so as much as I would prefer to go without shoes I have been wearing stiff soled slippers in the house. Which sucks.

[MsG]

How are you doing? My birthday is tomorrow and I go on my 5-year anniversary/birthday trip next week. Nothing is getting me down right now! Plus it helps that I'm so busy at work I barely have a moment to think.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS

Updates/questions: In my TWW so just biding my time until I can test. I think the prospect of my vacation is making me less stressed about it then usual. I couldn't even remember this AM what DPO I was which is basically unheard of for me.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Nothing at the moment.

QOTW: When you're at home, are you a slippers, fuzzy socks, or barefoot kind of girl? Fuzzy socks when it's cold, but otherwise barefoot. And always barefoot to bed. I hate wearing socks when I sleep.



cnf2013 I was the same way about my first post-loss cycle. And it seemed like it took forever. And to be honest, I remained a little frantic the next few cycles. But it does start to get better.

ajetter I still do that too. And think about what life would be like right now if I was preparing to give birth in a couple months. I think Rama is right that it probably never completely goes away. But I am already thinking about it less often, so that's positive.

[cnf2013]

I'm glad it gets better MsG. Hoping I'll be calmer next cycle. Enjoy you vacation!!

[ajetter]

Rama , nuggetrn , MsG , thank you for sharing, so much. I've been pretty public about my loss, partially just because we started telling our friends at 10 weeks about the baby. So many people have shared that they've had a miscarriage. But it is still hard for me to ask these questions. I can't tell all of you how much I appreciate being able to speak my mind and receive honest feedback.

CD1 showed up today, so I'm off the bench. I'm equal parts terrified and excited.

[Rama]

Good luck, ajetter! We're always here when you need us. <3