Open letters, anyone?

[mommyatty]

Dear Period:

Remember, oh, about a week and a half ago or so when I was happy you got here? Well, you have overstayed your welcome. Go away now. 

The Woman Carrying Around the Faulty Uterus

Dear In House Job:

I think I've decided I want you. Please let's work out comp and give me a title that matches what you want me to do. 

Oh, and like me enough to hire me when I actually meet you.  Because I'm awesome.

Love,
Candidate Your Wise Recruiter Says Is the Most On Point They've Seen.. 

Dear Firm I'm Meeting Tomorrow:

Please also like me. I need the ego boost. And I love your lawyers.

Love,
Lateral Hire

[2chatter]

Dear DH,
I really hope you actually come home tomorrow night. DS will be crushed - and so will the girls - if you flake. DS and I are going out for wings. See you after. Don't be a jerk. That goes for the whole weekend. I'm going to sports, shopping for Valentines and a huddle for local politics on Saturday. You won't see me - or the kids - for most of the day. You have the dance with DD Saturday night and I will be asleep when you get home. Sunday I'm taking the kids to church and then DS' party. After that I'm grocery shopping since you decided that your family aren't allowed to see DS for his birthday and asked them to just send gifts. Wow. Looking forward to you flying out.

Stop acting super nice one minute then like a lunatic the next.

Wife who has had enough but likes the house and joint income so continues to deal

[supertrooper1]

Dear snow,
Please stop and go away. 14 inches is more than enough.
Signed,
Dreaming of a sunny beach

Dear DH,
Please stop walking in the house with your snowy and muddy boots. I'm tired of cleaning up after you. And quit buying crap online. If you didn't buy so much stuff we don't need, you wouldn't have to worry if FedEx and UPS were delivering in all of the snow.
Your wife that is actually happy she is going to work tomorrow.

[erinshelley21]

Dear throat,
Quit being so F'ing irritated and let me go to sleep! Coughing this much is getting annoying.
Signed, I'm really tired and would like to sleep

[akafred]

Dear Thursday,

I hate you right now. The very idea of getting out of bed and facing you makes me tear up a little. You are such a very long day. Normally I like taking DD skating on Thursdays. Today I wish I didn't have to. Also, please don't be a Monday in disguise. There have been way too many of those already.

Love,
Me.

[Widget123]

Dear DD,
I know you are Daddy's little girl, but Mommy is a good Mommy too. Refusing to cooperate with Mommy because you want Daddy isn't going to work, especially next week when Daddy is on another work trip. So can you please cooperate with Mommy? Mommy is just trying to get your basic needs met.

Love,
Patience running thin

Dear DS,
I know you are a Momma's boy but can you please let Mommy get DD dressed, take her to the bathroom, give her a bath, etc. without a crazy meltdown or insisting that I hold you the entire time?

Love,
Patience still running thin

[mae0111]

Dear DH -
When we were dating, I wasn't a huge Valentine's person. But with our crazy lives, it's nice to actually have a day committed to thinking about and doing something special for the ones that you love. So why do you have a trip scheduled every year? I mean, I understood last year, when you wanted to see your mom on her first Valentine's as a widow. But every other year? And I finally thought I'd have you home for one, and you drop a bomb that you not only have a work trip, but that it's to an awesome tropical destination? You owe me a date, dude.

Love, Wifey.

PS Also not psyched that you just scheduled a work trip during the long weekend in Feb.

[twinmomma]

Dear snow day,
I love you! Our entire family is still in bed, even the kids! It's 8:15!!! After making a yummy breakfast I plan to hole up in the bedroom and crank through a ton of work to-dos without any of the interruptions I'd have at the office while I binge on West Wing. I needed this type of day so badly.
Love,
Me

Dear DD1,
I love that at 4 Am when I ran into you in the bathroom you randomly asked "how much does a knight's helmet weigh?" Then went right back to sleep. Your curiosity is my favorite.
Love,
Momma

Dear boss,
Thank you so much for recognizing how hard I've been working. A free night out with DH this weekend is a really great gift. We're looking forward to it!
Signed,
Appreciative employee

[judyblume14]

Dear husband,
I am not shaking our baby / being "aggressive" in the middle of the night. I'm "shushing" and "swinging" and other such tricks to get her to shut up.

I promise, if I ever think I'm going to shake her, I'll wake your ass up.

Alternatively, if you are concerned, instead of scolding me from under the covers, how boutcha come help me?

Love,
Your wife who notices and appreciates all you do, but feels a tad under- appreciated and judged right now

[polecat8]

Dear coworkers,
You guys are so sweet for throwing me an impromptu baby shower yesterday. I know there are only 10 people in our office now and 8 of them are men. I really appreciate the diapers, wipes, gift card, cash for a take out dinner, and bottle of wine. You guys take such good care of me.
Sincerely,
Your very appreciative and very pregnant coworker

Dear cold,
You can go away now. Ten days is long enough. Except that I think you have turned into a sinus infection now. I just want to be able to breathe through my nose at night. Is that too much to ask?
Signed,
Miserable and just want to sleep

[erinshelley21]

Dear baby girl,
I hope you've grown so I can quit worrying about you. It's been a long 2 weeks.
Love, mama

[judyblume14]

Dear HelloFresh -

You effed up.

No Love from this first-and-only time customer.

[oldbaylover1024]

Dear H,

I took your advice and decided to WFH today, my last day before maternity leave. So far it has played out exactly as I feared - five emails from clients, requests for work to be done that wasn't initially my responsibility, and two phone calls. FYI I called out 15 minutes ago.

Relaxing WFH day... Unlikely.

Love,
Should have gone to the office instead

P.S. I know your heart was in the right place.


Dear office,

Leave. Me. Alone. I said I'd work from home and I will. But the more you pester me with bullshit questions, the less motivated I am to do any work at all.

I tried to work through all this with you for months and you didn't want to deal. Now is not the time. Figure it out.

I'm giving birth tomorrow. I have bigger things on my mind.

Signed,
Employee who feels super ignored and abused at this point

[2chatter]

judyblume14 - same experience. "Shipping error that happens sometimes". They offered me 20 percent off an order if I wanted to reorder.

I never got the first one, why would I pay to possibly not get the second one?

[chrispy1122]

Dear H, I know you have to work all weekend and may have to dash out of town with little notice. I'm still going to work on tiling the basement. Don't pretend that you've now come around and want working on the tile to be "our thing" like the fixer upper couple. And don't tell me you don't want me to work on it by myself while you're gone because you feel guilty. You already gave yourself away when you said you hate tiling with your entire soul on Tuesday. I love you, but I just need to get this done (and I actually like tiling).

Love, wanna-be Joanna Gaines.

Dear article I need to write by next week,
Please write yourself.

Sincerely,
How am I going to tile if I have to write you!

[saraml13]

Dear H,
Can you please back off and stop being a know-it-all about my job search. Just because I get in bad moods sometimes doesn't mean I'm looking for you to fix things.

Also, it's really pissing me off that the only question you seem to ask about any job leads is how much they pay. I know you think I got too complacent in my old job and should have pushed harder for raises and promotions. But can you please recognize that I've spent all but 4 months out of the past 3 years pregnant or nursing and that I have purposely traded off some advancement for flexibility? And can you also acknowledge that me being the default parent (doing both daycare drops offs and pickups, all doctors appointments, all childrearing research, and all gear purchases, etc.) is what has allowed you to focus on your career and advance? I can't be both a super ambitious career woman and a SAHM at the same time. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

Signed,
Annoyed wife

[kimberlyb]

Dear SIL,

The kinetic sand you purchased for my children that is “so easy to clean up” is all over my house. It’s worse than fu@%ing glitter. Expect to receive a 10 pound bag of this sand at your baby shower, sucker.

Sincerely,
Should have known better

Dear saraml13 ,,

We may be married to the same man. You have my sympathies.  

Sincerely,

Wife of another cake eater

[judyblume14]

Feb 9, 2017 8:59:31 GMT -5 2chatter said:

judyblume14 - same experience. "Shipping error that happens sometimes". They offered me 20 percent off an order if I wanted to reorder.

I never got the first one, why would I pay to possibly not get the second one?

The rep that I online chatted with said "your box next week will be free."

I said "you mean your going to take the money for the box that NEVER CAME and apply it to next week"

"yes"

"so really, I'm just going to pay for what I receive?"

"yes"

"so, actually, nothing is free?"

"right"

OMG.

[k3am]

kimberlyb, MIL thinks I'm "overbearing" for only letting DD play with the kinetic sand outside.. Yep, overbearing, but my house isn't covered in it at least.

[k3am]

Dear knee,

I hate you. I know it's not your fault, and it could be worse but you're making life really hard.

Signed,
Gimpy

Dear people reading,

Any experience with bum knees? While snowboarding I ate it (I snowboard at pro level, obviously) and I kept rotating but the board didn't. I managed to scoot to the side, feel things out, walk down the hill a bit without too much pain, strap back in, make it down the rest of the hill, up a lift (probably the most painful part, since the board was dangling from the hurt knee), and down another mountain (all required to make it back to the car, not because I was trying to tough it out or get more snowboarding in). Anyways.. it's not swollen. It's not bruised. Range of motion is definitely constrained and anytime I twist it slightly or step sideways-ish, it hurts. Is this even worth going to the doctor over? I feel like they'll just be advising RICE.

Signed,
The gimp who doesn't want to waste time/money at the doctor for no reason.

[erinshelley21]

Dear baby girl,
Thank you for catching up to almost where you are supposed to be. We'll continue to eat the occasional reese's egg and make our nightly bowls of cereal bigger than recommended.
Love, mama

Dear DH,
The attitude I received when I asked that you send me your W-2 again was not appreciated. I know that you tried to take care of all of this 3 weeks ago but in case you haven't noticed I've been 1. Sick for about 4 weeks, 2. a little preoccupied preparing our house and lives for a newborn, and 3. focusing on getting 10 weeks of work done in 6 weeks. ALSO! You sent me a LINK to your W-2, not your W-2. A link does nothing. Enjoy the silent treatment that I'm giving you like you normally give me when I'm pissy.
Love, your wife who is supposed to be the hormonal one and not the other way around.

[2chatter]

k3am - DH and DD have knee issues. You can try a drugstore brace and see if it helps - DD never has swelling and hers are patella and tendon issues, so a patella stabilizing brace helps.

I swear a place that does quick MRI and film reading would make a killing. Then they refer to an ortho for treatment if you need it. 95 percent of the X-rays and MRIs we have had yielded nothing.

[twinmomma]

k3am, I'd probably just RICE it for now if you don't think you actually tore something. Maybe do a quick ace bandage type wrap to restrict movement if it's bothering you that much. I don't see your doctor doing much for you until it gets much worse or doesn't go away. It's likely just a sprain or strain, which means they can't really "treat" it. If it gets way worse or doesn't seem to be improving at all, you could push for an MRI or something to check for something like a torn ACL.

[twinmomma]

Dear old job,
You now have 4 staff positions to cover the work I used to do. Clearly I wasn't crazy when I complained about being overworked there. But, thanks for giving me an ego boost! Because I got all that shit done, despite the craziness!
Signed,
Former employee who needs to unlike you on Facebook

[justcheckingin73]

k3am, I'm no knee expert but you could have torn something. I'd probably get it checked out. 

[greenmonkey1]

kimberlyb My MIL bought a whole bunch of kinetic sand for my boys to play with at her house. Like a sandbox amount. Put it in four plastic tub tops with garbage bags and beach towels underneath. Asked if I thought it was a good idea. I told her it would get all over the house - she didn't believe me. Mind you, my boys are 4.5 and 2.5. I told her it was her house, her call. Guess what was all over the house? And she doesn't want to vacuum it up because it is expensive.

If you can find the kinetic rocks, those have a similar fun appeal (at least to my kids) and is easier to clean up. I only allow them to play with it at the kitchen table. Still find it around the house, but it is not as bad as the sand.

[erinshelley21]

All if this kinetic sand talk has me hating the 50 pieces of play food MIL bought DS a little less. And shopkins.

[kimberlyb]

 k3am , greenmonkey1,lesson learned! All the sand is now in the garage-it may accidently get lost. I was cursing myself and my SIL as I changed our sheets last night around 11 because sand grains migrated into my bed.

[tas1883]

Dear Everyone (DH/my parents) who thinks I'm a mean mommy
Stop it! DD lost both TV and riding lessons (which haven't been scheduled yet) because she was being a danger to herself and others during gymnastics. She was warned multiple times and if it wasn't the end of class she would have had to sit out. When the first words out of her mouth once we got in the car was can I watch XYZ if I shower fast made me realize that having to earn TV and riding back was the right way to go.
Not a mean mommy
PS-she was way better at getting ready this morning and following directions than she has been all week which means she is pushing boundaries again

DH
I like this alien invaded you a lot. Helpful, talkative, and compassionate is amazing and making me not dread coming home. Can you keep this attitude up please. Having a whole conversation while we ate dinner together last night was amazing and hasn't happened for a very long time. Sorry I fell asleep on the couch while we were watching TV last night but thanks for taking off my glasses and covering me up.
Wife

Dear me
Get with it and work! Work through the pain as you have enough to do and wandering around the office as it feels better than sitting isn't get stuff done.
Busy ME

[liziz]

Dear DD,

So sorry you have pink eye, but I REALLY appreciated the day home with a not-really-sick kid. The walk was great, your long nap that let me get a workout, housework, and some yardwork done was even better!

Love,
Mom who is glad that daycare let you back in today