Thursday!

[hikingmama222]

What's going on today?

[hikingmama222]

So tired. DS had his 4 month shots yesterday. It did not result in more sleep. Cranky all evening and an epic meltdown from 9-10. Up every hour and a half. Send a coffee drip.

Playdate with DD's bestie this morning. Taking the girls to a new indoor playground that just opened.

No other plans. Hope the kids cooperate and we can all nap this afternoon.

[britta]

hikingmama222 oh my. Lots of caffeinated thoughts your way.

Just dropped the boys at daycare. It's supposed to be nice for 2 more days, so I'm going to make the best of it. Probably will take the dog for a long walk later on. I'm going to txt my IRL friend soon and see if she's still up for adult lunch. We talked about it last week, but things always change. If not, there will be more laundry and deep cleaning going on at Britta's house. In the meantime I need to throw a pork roast in the crockpot and start laundry.

We lit our new elliptical together night before last. I got up early and did 20 minutes on it. I feel good about myself right now, but I think I almost died. MH came downstairs and I told him I felt like I was dying, to which he responded, "You look like you're dying." So that's good. I'm going to aim to increase my time by 5 minutes a week up to 30-40 minutes depending on how the boys cooperate with that.

[macaronmama]

hikingmama222, wishing you all the naps. So sorry that shots didn't go well.
britta Hope you get your adult lunch! Glad that you are taking advantage of getting out. And you remind me I need to get on my elliptical. >.>

Not sure what we did last night, or if anything we did contributed, but DS went from four wake-ups the night before last to just one at 3am, that DH took. Praying it's not a fluke.

I have some so much cooking and baking in the last three days, I forgot how much I missed it. I need a bigger kitchen with all this baby bottle stuff lying around, though. Question for moms who make baby food - is it too early to puree up some fruit and freeze for April? We're doing combo puree/blw here, or gonna try at least.

[ksyknelvr73]

Well, I was initially in a good mood when I woke up because ALL our kids decided to STTN last night and I couldn't even tell you the last time that happened. The baby has been going through her 4 month wakeful crap, the 2 year old just hates sleep in general, and my 6 year old is normally great but he had strep recently so he was waking up as well. I think I will just hold on to the greatness that was sleep last night and try to think about that instead of the other crappy stuff happening today.

DH and I got into a huge fight at 6am. Exactly how I like starting my day. It continued even after he left the house and went to work, so that was fun. Long story short - since he is a baseball coach, we end up fighting the same fight (generally) about how little he is home and how much I have to do especially with the kids by myself. His dream was to be a head baseball coach and a lot of times it feels, to me, that I am sacrificing SO MUCH just for him to realize his dream. I already get all 3 kids ready in the morning, plus myself, and do drop-off (the whole school year), and then I solo parent almost every single weeknight (due to his practices and games). He told me this morning that he scheduled double-headers for this Saturday AND next Saturday so he will be gone from about 10am-8pm BOTH times. There is a part of me that tries to understand but then there is the part of me that knows he makes the schedule and when he took this job I SPECIFICALLY asked that he try to LIMIT weekend stuff since he's gone basically the whole week as it is. All so....he can do something he loves? Yes, he gets paid, but it's VERY VERY little and not worth the time put in. It affects our whole family and it really puts a huge strain on me. I really have no idea what to do, but I'm SO tired of fighting this fight with him when every season rolls around and yet again, he finds ways to be gone ALL THE TIME and not just the times I anticipated.

[ksyknelvr73]

Sorry for the tl;dr. I'm really in my feelings about it today.

[ksyknelvr73]

Sorry for the crappy sleep hikingmama222. We have our 4 month shots tomorrow and I'm dreading it.

[erien22846]

macaronmama, I don't think it's too early. Just label so you know which purees are the oldest. DS1 was born in June and I started making purees with seasonal fruits and veggies that summer but didn't start feeding them to him until December.

On a related note, I was clearing our freezer space for milk the other night and found slices of chicken portioned for blwing from two years ago (we cooked a bunch of dark meat and then froze single servings wrapped in saran wrap so we could thaw a serving at a time). I threw them away. DS2 can have fresh chicken:)

[jcrewgirl]

It's going to be record-breaking high temps today and tomorrow! Give me all the 75+ degree weather in February!

Our cherry blossom tree is blooming and so begins the tree allergies. For the past two nights, DS has had post-nasal drip/cough and he'll wake himself up coughing. We had two wake-ups last night - one from 11:00 - 12:00 am and another around 4:00 am. Since I didn't go to bed until 11pm and my alarm went off at 5:30am, I'm running on about 4.5 hours of sleep...each night for the past three nights. I may crash.

Leaving work early today for a hair appointment, packing bags for the kids for our trip and an early bedtime since we'll need to leave the house around 5:30 am for the airport.

[britta]

ksyknelvr73 I'm so sorry. I feel you. I understand. I'm in the same boat with MH and his job. I've sacrificed SO MUCH of my own career and shouldered SO MUCH familial responsibility so that he can do what he loves, it's hard not to be bitter or resentful sometimes. It's doubly hard for me, because his job does provide us with a lot of luxuries that we wouldn't otherwise have (me having been very PT for so long being one of them)-so, don't bite the hand that feeds you, right? Anyway, feel free to PM me of you need to commiserate, it's so hard.

[jcrewgirl]

ksyknelvr73, I'm sorry. That's the worst. I hate starting my day like that because you just feel like shit the whole day. Without hearing his version of events, I totally get why you would be so pissed. I can't imagine getting all three kids ready (and myself) ready to head out the door for the day. That alone sounds like a lot. How long does your DH envision doing this?

[erien22846]

ksyknelvr73, That's tough. I understand wanting to respect his dreams and passion but he needs to consider how it is affecting you and the family too. Especially when he has control over his schedule. That's frustrating that after all this time he still doesn't "get it".

My SIL spent years coaching softball for the money. She used it as their vacation fund. All she saw was the stipend of $2500(?) and didn't actually figure out what that calculated to be per hour. For all the time she spent at practices and games, she would have been better off spending that time on continuing education and increasing her base teacher salary. She never saw it that way. Eventually her husband started making more money so she gave up coaching.

I hope something clicks with your husband soon and he accommodate his family with his coaching schedule.

[ksyknelvr73]

Feb 23, 2017 10:07:50 GMT -5 britta said:

ksyknelvr73 I'm so sorry. I feel you. I understand. I'm in the same boat with MH and his job. I've sacrificed SO MUCH of my own career and shouldered SO MUCH familial responsibility so that he can do what he loves, it's hard not to be bitter or resentful sometimes. It's doubly hard for me, because his job does provide us with a lot of luxuries that we wouldn't otherwise have (me having been very PT for so long being one of them)-so, don't bite the hand that feeds you, right? Anyway, feel free to PM me of you need to commiserate, it's so hard.

At the risk of sounding like an asshole, his job doesn't provide us with luxuries. He can't take time off during the school year like if our kids are sick b/c of how hard it is to get a sub and really, missing time in the teaching world is frowned upon since they get so much "time off" as it is. I make substantially more money than he does as well. I definitely don't want to pull the "my job is more important than his" card, but financially it most definitely is. And here I am, potentially up for this huge promotion at work, and this would be a really big deal for me career-wise. But if I am the one to always miss work b/c of the kids, are they going to pass over me because of it?

And sadly, even summers - he has summer baseball. So about half of the summer he is still doing that, and it's not like he's keeping the kids home and saving us daycare money or anything. My level of frustration is just through the roof right now. I think if there were some sort of trade-off, like the situation you have had (with being able to work PT), I'd be okay.

[becole]

Feb 23, 2017 10:01:27 GMT -5 ksyknelvr73 said:

Well, I was initially in a good mood when I woke up because ALL our kids decided to STTN last night and I couldn't even tell you the last time that happened. The baby has been going through her 4 month wakeful crap, the 2 year old just hates sleep in general, and my 6 year old is normally great but he had strep recently so he was waking up as well. I think I will just hold on to the greatness that was sleep last night and try to think about that instead of the other crappy stuff happening today.

DH and I got into a huge fight at 6am. Exactly how I like starting my day. It continued even after he left the house and went to work, so that was fun. Long story short - since he is a baseball coach, we end up fighting the same fight (generally) about how little he is home and how much I have to do especially with the kids by myself. His dream was to be a head baseball coach and a lot of times it feels, to me, that I am sacrificing SO MUCH just for him to realize his dream. I already get all 3 kids ready in the morning, plus myself, and do drop-off (the whole school year), and then I solo parent almost every single weeknight (due to his practices and games). He told me this morning that he scheduled double-headers for this Saturday AND next Saturday so he will be gone from about 10am-8pm BOTH times. There is a part of me that tries to understand but then there is the part of me that knows he makes the schedule and when he took this job I SPECIFICALLY asked that he try to LIMIT weekend stuff since he's gone basically the whole week as it is. All so....he can do something he loves? Yes, he gets paid, but it's VERY VERY little and not worth the time put in. It affects our whole family and it really puts a huge strain on me. I really have no idea what to do, but I'm SO tired of fighting this fight with him when every season rolls around and yet again, he finds ways to be gone ALL THE TIME and not just the times I anticipated.

I almost married a football coach and the reasons you listed are why I did not. I do not like to be alone.
On the one hand, he needs to respect your wish to try and schedule as family friendly as possible.
On the other hand, you married a coach, so you know that territory is that he's gone a lot.
It doesn't make it easier and it doesn't mean you don't have the right to complain. Your feelings are valid even if you signed up for this.
Will he quit doing this once his sons are ready to play ball? Would he quit to maybe coach his sons team instead?

[erien22846]

I'm in trouble. A coffee shop just opened between daycare and work. Thankfully there's no drive thru, otherwise I'd be there every morning. My favorite coffee shop is between work and daycare (also no drive thru) so it is not convenient to stop with three kids in tow. Now that there's one across the street from work, it's so tempting. My wallet and waistline (I love lattes!) are going to suffer, I'm afraid.

[ksyknelvr73]

Feb 23, 2017 10:11:43 GMT -5 jcrewgirl said:

ksyknelvr73 , I'm sorry. That's the worst. I hate starting my day like that because you just feel like shit the whole day. Without hearing his version of events, I totally get why you would be so pissed. I can't imagine getting all three kids ready (and myself) ready to head out the door for the day. That alone sounds like a lot. How long does your DH envision doing this?

His version is "you signed up for this". And yes he is right, to an extent. But when he took the job 3 years ago, I told him I needed him to limit weekend stuff, save for the occasional rain-out that has to be made up on a weekend (which is totally understandable). I KNEW when he got offered the head job that it would require more of him all around. But again, he makes the schedule, so I figured if I asked him to at least try to keep the weekends open for his FAMILY, especially after everything I am sacrificing, he could do that one thing.

And as a side note, when he took this job, he changed school districts so they have a much earlier start time than his old one and so he leaves our house before the kids ever wake up and before daycare opens - so he physically can't take the kids in. I was VERY unhappy about that aspect of his job, but I knew how bad he wanted it and I agreed.

I guess I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. I know what I agreed to - and I definitely knew things would be harder on me - but not THIS HARD.

He wants to coach til the day he dies. He will never NOT coach. But the combination of the coaching (especially in the head position) and then also his school's particular start time is really, really taxing. If ONE of the two could give a little, I'd be better.

[adouces06]

ksyknelvr73 I'm sorry you had to start your day that way. Like others, I feel you. DH works for a grocery store in management, and he is constantly working 6 days a week (usually 60 hours a week plus an hour drive there and back). He only gets to spend and hour or so with the kids before they go to bed, and usually I am left with all of the kid "to-dos." It is hard with just two, so I can't imagine how you do it with three. Hugs lady.

[ksyknelvr73]

Feb 23, 2017 10:13:15 GMT -5 erien22846 said:

ksyknelvr73 , That's tough. I understand wanting to respect his dreams and passion but he needs to consider how it is affecting you and the family too. Especially when he has control over his schedule. That's frustrating that after all this time he still doesn't "get it".

My SIL spent years coaching softball for the money. She used it as their vacation fund. All she saw was the stipend of $2500(?) and didn't actually figure out what that calculated to be per hour. For all the time she spent at practices and games, she would have been better off spending that time on continuing education and increasing her base teacher salary. She never saw it that way. Eventually her husband started making more money so she gave up coaching.

I hope something clicks with your husband soon and he accommodate his family with his coaching schedule.

Yeah...coaching "for the money" is a joke. His stipend is $4k. But when you add up how much time he puts in - and baseball season starts in January and doesn't end until June (here)....I did the math once and it came out to like $2/hr. It's depressing. But again, he LOVES doing it so it isn't a money thing for him.

[ksyknelvr73]

becole when we got married he coached football AND baseball. I mean we were on the brink of our marriage failing that first football season after we had DS1. I told him to pick ONE and he chose baseball. But he was an assistant then - and at a school whose schedule allowed him to do drop-off in the mornings. He got this job when I was pregnant with DS2, which is the whole reason I told him that if he took it, I needed him to make sure the weekends were generally open. When we discussed having baby #3, this was a huge concern of mine and he reassured me over and over that he would do this. Well, she's here now and it hasn't changed. I just need a little give...somewhere.

ETA: He will never quit coaching entirely. In a perfect world, he wants to get a job at the high school where our kids will go (but this is eventually as we still have quite a while) so that he can coach our boys there. I hope that works out.  

[britta]

Feb 23, 2017 10:15:06 GMT -5 ksyknelvr73 said:

Feb 23, 2017 10:07:50 GMT -5 britta said:

ksyknelvr73 I'm so sorry. I feel you. I understand. I'm in the same boat with MH and his job. I've sacrificed SO MUCH of my own career and shouldered SO MUCH familial responsibility so that he can do what he loves, it's hard not to be bitter or resentful sometimes. It's doubly hard for me, because his job does provide us with a lot of luxuries that we wouldn't otherwise have (me having been very PT for so long being one of them)-so, don't bite the hand that feeds you, right? Anyway, feel free to PM me of you need to commiserate, it's so hard.

At the risk of sounding like an asshole, his job doesn't provide us with luxuries. He can't take time off during the school year like if our kids are sick b/c of how hard it is to get a sub and really, missing time in the teaching world is frowned upon since they get so much "time off" as it is. I make substantially more money than he does as well. I definitely don't want to pull the "my job is more important than his" card, but financially it most definitely is. And here I am, potentially up for this huge promotion at work, and this would be a really big deal for me career-wise. But if I am the one to always miss work b/c of the kids, are they going to pass over me because of it?

And sadly, even summers - he has summer baseball. So about half of the summer he is still doing that, and it's not like he's keeping the kids home and saving us daycare money or anything. My level of frustration is just through the roof right now. I think if there were some sort of trade-off, like the situation you have had (with being able to work PT), I'd be okay.

I guess it's all relative. For me, going very PT was not something I wanted to do, but had to because of the demands of his job. His job is very inflexible and the hours vary widely depending on the OR schedule and how heavy the ICU patient load is. He literally cannot leave work at the drop of the hat (who would cover him in the middle of an open heart surgery?) and taking days off is not just side-eyed, they actually get spoken to about it because it affects work flow so much. When I worked FT when DS1 was a baby, all daycare drop offs and pickups were on me. Sick kid? That's me too. All household responsibilities are/were mine as well. MH has no idea what it's like to have to leave work for a doctor's appt or call off because a kid is sick. He would go literal days to a week or more without seeing DS1. His service is better staffed now, so the number of hours he works now is significantly less, but the inflexibility is still there.

I left working FT because I was finally at my breaking point. I felt like I couldn't meet the demands of home and work while trying to work it around his impossible schedule. We're in a better place now and I'm able to go back to work, but even then, it had to be a position with the right hours and flexibility to cater to his position. I used to want to go back to school, but that's just a pipe dream now.

[ksyknelvr73]

britta I understand that. Obviously DH's job is not life and death (like your H's, which is completely understandable about the inflexibility). I can't ever go PT though - we wouldn't make enough money. Of course I knew when I married a teacher that he would never make more than a certain amount and I am okay with that, because I've always wanted to work - and yes, I knew coaching took up a lot of time as well. But as our family has grown and as my career grows as well, there has to be some give and take. I'm just tired of being the only one to do it. In my response above, I was saying that he took this job in a different school district which has a much earlier start time so he is physically unable to do drop-off - I honestly feel like if he could just be somewhere that enabled him to handle the mornings, I'd be happier. But he doesn't want to leave. I've asked him over and over. And since he doesn't want to leave where he is, then I feel like he should work the scheduling to where he is still home for the most part on the weekends so we can not only still have family time, but so that 7 days a week aren't all on me.

[sanibel21]

ksyknelvr73 I'm sorry for your crappy morning and fight with DH. I guess I'm of the UO that yeah you know what you signed up for when you married him, but he signed up for family and kids. Which involves sometimes putting your own desires on hold or to make accommodations. Just because someone is passionate about something doesn't mean they get a pass on family responsibilities for the rest of their life. Life changes.

[sanibel21]

It is so gorgeous out. Dd1 is making mud pies while I soak in the sun and dd2 naps.
I was supposed to have my yearly today but the doctor called out sick. I may try to get out for another walk later.

[becole]

Feb 23, 2017 11:06:01 GMT -5 sanibel21 said:

ksyknelvr73 I'm sorry for your crappy morning and fight with DH. I guess I'm of the UO that yeah you know what you signed up for when you married him, but he signed up for family and kids. Which involves sometimes putting your own desires on hold or to make accommodations. Just because someone is passionate about something doesn't mean they get a pass on family responsibilities for the rest of their life. Life changes.

This and your DH should be extra extra appreciative of your sacrifices and try his best to accommodate when he can. It's not a free pass just to say that you signed up. He should tell you how much it means to him and make up for it when he is around.

[ksyknelvr73]

Feb 23, 2017 11:06:01 GMT -5 sanibel21 said:

ksyknelvr73 I'm sorry for your crappy morning and fight with DH. I guess I'm of the UO that yeah you know what you signed up for when you married him, but he signed up for family and kids. Which involves sometimes putting your own desires on hold or to make accommodations. Just because someone is passionate about something doesn't mean they get a pass on family responsibilities for the rest of their life. Life changes.

Of course - there is compromise, there is serious discussion, and overall I want him to do what he loves and what he considers to be his "dream" but not entirely at the expense of my sanity and lack of family time. This was a huge part of our discussion as to whether or not we were going to try for baby #3. You see how that turned out. I'm not sure what exactly changed on his end though, even though he agreed.

I'd actually be more okay with him doing this - including weekend stuff - if our kids were older. But they are all still so little and we're really in the thick of it with daycare/sickness/total dependency, etc.

[becole]

Also 6 is old enough to be a Bat boy and I would be sending one kid to the field with him for games...

[ksyknelvr73]

Feb 23, 2017 11:23:52 GMT -5 becole said:

Also 6 is old enough to be a Bat boy and I would be sending one kid to the field with him for games...

I will probably do that for the weekends coming up. But the 6 year old is the easy kid and he helps me with the smaller ones...so it's kinda crappy too. We can't swing weeknights b/c DH is at the field immediately after school and he can't get DS1 and be back in time for his games. I'm going to be pressing HARD for DH to try and get a job at the same district our kid is in because I feel like that would alleviate a FEW things for us.

[britta]

ksyknelvr73 I agree with you there. Something's gotta give. It's so frustrating and hard not to be bitter.

I'm mostly at peace with our situation at this point. I have my moments, but now that he works less hours overall I'm able to get relief with *some* of the responsibilities.

Now where we're about to have a CTJ is where we live. Right now, we commute anywhere from 35-50 minutes to work, depending on the time of day. We're looking to sell our house and build and have been looking at properties online for quite sometime. We want to be slightly further north, which would cut 15 minutes off our commute and put the kids in a better school district. We can't find any properties that fit what we're looking for (it's a very in demand and up and coming area), so I started looking just a little further north from there. I found a (relative) plethora of lots that, at first glance, fit what we're looking for, still closer to work and better school districts. When I asked H if he had looked at the ones I had seen, he said he hadn't because he doesn't want to be that far from his hunting spots.

Now, wait a minute dude. I've been sacrificing my career and shouldering extra responsibilities at home for 3+ years now so you can have the job you want, part of which is complicated by how far we live away. We now have a chance to live closer, while still being in the country with a good school district and you're wanting to prioritize hunting over that?? Pretty sure it's someone's turn to compromise here and it's not me. I can't even speak to him on it yet because I was filled with so much rage at his comment when I mentioned it.

[ksyknelvr73]

britta I would have rage over something like that as well. That's a HOBBY and I'm not rearranging my entire life to accommodate it. I can understand 100%.

[erien22846]

britta, omg, did he even realize what came out of his mouth?? That is absurd! I don't know how you bit your tongue in the moment.