I love this article. I have often wondered if I am making everyone in my family crazy for no reason. Like, maybe my H is right, and I just need to not worry about stuff as much. I feel validated now
Oh, and #6 is right on. We have had almost that exact same conversation many times.
OMG on #6 and the whole being late thing. Drives me mad. And guess what? On Friday when I had "plenty of time" to get the kid to the doctor, we ended up getting detoured onto back of nowhere gravel ice packed roads for 5 miles and instead of being 15 minutes early (which is how I define on time when it comes to doctor visits), we walked in at appointment time on the nose. H does NOT understand if you're late they give away your slot and charge you the copay anyhow and you end up at urgent care because there are no slots left and you have to pay THAT copay too, so you pay 3x what the one visit should have cost.
Why yes, it was a stressful weekend. Seriously, I was just thinking on my way into work that I'd love to have another mom over for a play date, but wouldn't dare with the state the house is in. We JUST took the boxes of Christmas ornaments back down to the basement this weekend. :-(
Post by somebabiesmom on Feb 17, 2015 9:52:08 GMT -5
I am so not Type A. Alpha, yes. Type A, no. But I still have this issue not b/c of judgment, but b/c my kids are like spinning centrifuges. So long as there is structure (which requires planning, which requires constantly thinking 15 minutes to 8 hours ahead), they stay intact. But if the walls of the centrifuge disappear, then I end up picking bits and pieces of little kids off of the ceiling and walls and floors and their dad (who is also a spinning centrifuge, even though he won't cop to it).
And it is stressful. And it is really hard to just sit.
Re: #6, I have had both conversations with DH and they both go exactly, verbatim, that way.
Post by erinshelley21 on Feb 17, 2015 10:34:25 GMT -5
Each time I read this I feel better and better. I can totally relate to 1, 2, 4 and 7. DH tries to get up with DS, but he's such a mommy's boy. But I definitely put more effort into DS's appearance than DH. Because like the article said, it's fine if DS walks into church with a Thanksgiving shirt on in February and bedhead as long as his dad dressed him.
Post by kendraj426 on Feb 17, 2015 11:04:05 GMT -5
I just told DH that he needs to read the article. He saw the title and rolled his eyes. I don't think he's going to agree to some of this. #5 is me to a T! DH is always saying I stress too much about the house, and that it doesn't have to be immaculate when his parents come over. But, yes it does. They have an immaculate house. Why wouldn't they expect that our house be immaculate too? We had a conversation about this the other day, and he was all like 'But you don't stress when your parents come over'. Except that he doesn't see me running around like a crazy person cleaning on Sunday morning (they always come on Sundays cause it's my mom's only day off) because he's asleep! I get up at 6:30 ish, get myself together, get DD up at 7, feed her, then clean, clean, clean till DH gets up around 9:30. Yes, by that time I'm just about done with the major stuff.
Also, #6. I've argued over and over with DH about how 'on time' to me for a Dr Apt is 15 mins early. They don't hold your spot. He thinks this is ridiculous, and that if the Dr gets to make us wait 15 mins after our apt time, then why can't they wait 5 mins for us? He actually had a hairdresser start her lunch when he was a few minutes late for his apt, and he got mad at her for it. I just chuckled and told her to take her time, we can wait. He still claims he wasn't late, and that if they weren't friends, she wouldn't have done that. Years ago, I started telling him I wanted to leave 15 mins earlier than I actually want to leave so we can be walking out the door at the time I actually want to leave. It has made me less stressed.
Post by CoverGirl82 on Feb 17, 2015 11:51:36 GMT -5
I feel like a "neurotic shrew" quite often!
#1 really resonated with me. For example, I felt a lot of stress for figuring out the "right" snack for DS to take to school to share with his class for his half birthday last month. I thought it should be healthy, because I didn't want to be judged as a junk food mom. (For those who are wondering, I sent mandarin orange cups.) It should not be that stressful trying to decide on a snack to share at school.
Post by RiseAndWine on Feb 17, 2015 13:17:51 GMT -5
I sent this to my husband the other day. It is SO dead on. I can relate to every.single.one. Especially numbers 5 and 6 like so many PPs said. Just last week DH and I were disagreeing and I said why can't you just validate my feelings. A light bulb went off and he admitted it never crossed his mind that I needed to feel validated instead of him trying to get me to feel differently. Since then it has really gotten better.
Oh my gosh, I'm laughing so loud in my cube! I love all of this and like all of you, #6! Seriously, if DH ever reacted to the same stressors I had we would both avoid many arguments because I really just want him to get it from my perspective instead of trying to downplay everything. It really would be "magic" like the article says.
"The same woman who wants to be five minutes early for everything is going to plan you an awesome surprise 40th birthday party and take care of you excellently when you're sick, and your kids are never going to be the last ones picked up from practice or the ones whose mom forgot the field trip money."
This is why partners everywhere should be grateful for a Type A spouse! I might want to be early to everything and have a clean house and it might drive you crazy sometimes, but it also means that I'm incredibly thoughtful and going to take good care of you and show you that I love you in very creative ways and we'll never miss a monthly payment or forget about appointments!
Oh my gosh, I'm laughing so loud in my cube! I love all of this and like all of you, #6! Seriously, if DH ever reacted to the same stressors I had we would both avoid many arguments because I really just want him to get it from my perspective instead of trying to downplay everything. It really would be "magic" like the article says.
Exactly. I do not need to hear that I am overreacting, at least not every time. I don't always tell him when he is overreacting to something from my perspective. I also don't need him to "fix" the problem, unless by fixing it he means picking up after himself, in which case, yes please.
Post by supertrooper1 on Feb 17, 2015 14:02:54 GMT -5
"If you don't fit in as a kid, you're going to be consumed with fitting in as a grownup."
This is what caught my attention. I didn't fit in at school and was teased quite often about my clothes, what I said, etc. I think about this so often and worry about DS fitting in. DH has no clue about my fears because he makes his HS experience seem like he was the bully.
The sleep thing is dead on! I need a full 8 hours, always, preferably 10, but if we get 8 hours a couple nights in a row, H wakes up early and starts bugging me!
I relate to the idea of #6, but not the late part. H always wants to be REALLY early for things, and I want to be just slightly early (5 minutes). My dad is insanely early, and I got sick of it as a kid (viewing excessive earliness as a waste of time), and I'm done wasting my time waiting around for things.
Post by billybumbler on Feb 17, 2015 19:26:19 GMT -5
I found this a bit sexist. MH absolutely does care how DD and our house looks. This whole women are under so much pressure gets so old. Maybe I'm oblivious, but I don't go around judging people because their houses are not immaculate, so I don't feel judged by these things either.
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