TTCAL 3/14

[scoutradley]

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive, after a loss, every week.

Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.

**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**

How are you doing?

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent):

QOTW: What's your favorite movie snack?

[ajetter]

How are you doing? Ok I guess. I can't tell you how many weeks pregnant I should be without going back and counting so I feel like that is a step in the right direction. The loss doesn't occupy as much time in my brain as it used to. TTC is taking over in a rough way though.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, CD2. Boo.

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent): *Possible TW? Talking about others' pregnancies.*

Yesterday a close friend texted me to tell me she was pregnant, due in September, with a little girl. Its ridiculous, but pregnancy announcements about a boy don't phase me near as much as those with little girls. I instantly get a pang of jealousy immediately followed by guilt for feeling that way. My mom was with me, so she spilled the news that a friend of hers recently found out she is pregnant. Said friend is just dating a guy, they didn't plan to get married, so apparently said friend is pretty bitchy right now because she is not excited, and upset that she had to quit drinking and smoking cold turkey. Those two things coupled with CD1 after our first cycle of trying again, I just lost it. Went into the why is it that people who don't take care of their bodies and don't want a baby at all get pregnant, and those of us trying to do everything we can to get pregnant and desperately want a baby don't? I know it is stupid to think like that and the situation of others does not affect my own. But I just couldn't help it. Yesterday was a rough day.

QOTW: What's your favorite movie snack? Popcorn with m&ms. My absolute favorite. I love that combo all the time.

[ldubhawksfan]

((Hugs))ajetter.


How are you doing?

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC cd4, so that blows

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions: I just hate TTC. No matter how breezy I try to keep it, it is constantly in the back of my mind.

Debbie downer (a place to vent):

QOTW: What's your favorite movie snack? Red vines!!

[scoutradley]

How are you doing? I'm frustrated but glad that AF finally showed.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): PID

Updates/questions: on CD4 and I started temping this cycle. I'm hoping to get the hang of it.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I'm really starting to feel like I'm empty, like something is missing and it's getting to me. I almost broke down at the gym today, but I hate to cry so I've been avoiding it.

QOTW: What's your favorite movie snack? Popcorn with milk duds. I just about can't watch a movie without it.

[scoutradley]

*hugs* ajetter

@idubhawksfan I hate TTC as well. I feel like it's just *there* every single day that I'm not pregnant, I'm trying to get pregnant or I might be but who knows. It infiltrates everything.

[ajetter]

Mar 14, 2017 14:54:21 GMT -5 scoutradley said:

*hugs* ajetter

@idubhawksfan I hate TTC as well. I feel like it's just *there* every single day that I'm not pregnant, I'm trying to get pregnant or I might be but who knows. It infiltrates everything.

I'm with you both. Doesn't matter how much I try and go with the flow or ignore it, it's always there somehow.

[mflowers929]

Can I play over here? CAL is apparently pretty dead =/ I'm actually kind of in limbo right now, not actively TTC, but looking forward to it.

History - H and I have been together for 11 years, married for 6. We decided 3 years ago to try to get pregnant, but wound up having 2 MC in the space of about 8 months, at which point we decided to put things in that arena on hold for a while until we figured out what we were doing. Long story short, it's been super hard for me, and after a particularly hard holiday season this past year, we decided to move ahead with trying again, but with medical experts guiding us.
I had the basic blood tests and everything there is okay, so we have a referral in to an internal medicine doctor who has a specialty in high risk pregnancy who hopefully will agree to see me.

How are you doing? Okay, just antsy waiting for the specialist to call

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): See above!

Diagnosis (if applicable): Waiting to see.

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Possible TW I went to see my BFF and her 13 month old the other day and he just did not want anything to have to do with Tauntie M =( I'm hoping he'll get past this stage quick because I love my nephew cuddles.

QOTW: What's your favorite movie snack? Cotton candy, mmmm

[ldubhawksfan]

Mar 14, 2017 14:51:50 GMT -5 scoutradley said:

How are you doing? I'm frustrated but glad that AF finally showed.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): PID

Updates/questions: on CD4 and I started temping this cycle. I'm hoping to get the hang of it.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I'm really starting to feel like I'm empty, like something is missing and it's getting to me. I almost broke down at the gym today, but I hate to cry so I've been avoiding it.

QOTW: What's your favorite movie snack? Popcorn with milk duds. I just about can't watch a movie without it.

((Hugs)) I'm so sorry. That feeling of emptiness is so hard.

[scoutradley]

mflowers929 welcome, I'm sorry your here though. It sounds like a rough journey and I hope you get some answers and a sticky baby soon. *TW* I also hope your nephew warms back up soon, DS2 when through a phase of not wanting anyone but mom around that age. He grew out of it fairly quickly *end TW*
Also my favorite cotton candy is maple syrup cotton candy. Mmmmmm.

@idubhawksfan thank you 💗 I'm hoping this emptiness passes soon but I have a feeling it will be like this for awhile.

[inaya]

((Hugs)) all around.

How are you doing? Meh.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC/1 DPO

Diagnosis (if applicable): MH and I are both carriers for CDG-1A

Updates/questions: Our timing wasn't great this cycle although we did hit one day during my FW, so hopefully the crazy will stay away. I'm currently feeling a lot more distance from TTC (although I definitely understand that feeling of it being consuming, especially AL).

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Life is rough right now. Last week was just a crazy week, I missed some work due to babysitter illness and I'm still trying to make up the hours at home and it's not going well trying to find the time for it. Beyond that my marriage is in a super duper rough patch. It's completely making me question TTC, and then the idea of going through another loss hits me and I'm just a mess.

QOTW: What's your favorite movie snack? Something with chocolate and peanut butter - Peanut butter M&Ms or Reese's, or ice cream

[ldubhawksfan]

((Hugs)) inaya. I'm sorry you are going through a rough time right now.

[mflowers929]

scoutradley,Thank you for the welcome. It's definitely been a journey getting to this place, but I'm a big believer in signs, and everything is starting to fall into place and making me feel really comfortable with deciding to move forward now.
It's funny, because this is the 2nd time this week I've heard about maple syrup cotton candy, but even though I live in one of the places that produce it (we're actually going out to the sugar bush next weekend for our annual visit) I've never had cotton candy made from it! I think I might need to track some down lol

[scoutradley]

Mar 15, 2017 19:24:56 GMT -5 mflowers929 said:

scoutradley,Thank you for the welcome. It's definitely been a journey getting to this place, but I'm a big believer in signs, and everything is starting to fall into place and making me feel really comfortable with deciding to move forward now.
It's funny, because this is the 2nd time this week I've heard about maple syrup cotton candy, but even though I live in one of the places that produce it (we're actually going out to the sugar bush next weekend for our annual visit) I've never had cotton candy made from it! I think I might need to track some down lol

I'm glad you are feeling so optimistic! And you definitely should try some maple syrup cotton candy at the sugar bash. Let me know how you like it!

[smores]

*LC mentioned under spoiler*

Intro: Hi there. I'm not sure if I need to trigger warning this, but it's about my loss so in case it needs one, here it is. I wish I didn't have to be make this intro, but here I am. I found out about 2 weeks ago at my first OB appointment that our baby was measuring 1 week + 3 days behind. There was a flicker of a heartbeat, but not measurable. I was in limbo for the worst week ever. At our follow up the baby was 2 weeks + 4-5 days behind (no growth) and no more flicker. I had a D&C this past Thursday. Physically, recovery has been surprisingly easy. Mentally, I'm still feeling shitty, sad, and angry.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Benched. My doctor instructed us to wait until my period came and then we are cleared to try again. She said it can take up to 6 weeks so we'll see.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I feel like I've gotten over the initial surprise/overwhelming sadness of it all and now I'm definitely feeling selfishly pissed. I'm mad and sad that this is something that will be with me for the rest of my life. I'll never not be sad on October 19th. I know emotionally I'll heal and it won't always feel so raw, but it will always be the day that I should have been happily celebrating my baby. *LC mentioned under spoiler*

SPOILER: Click to show

I'm also irrationally angry/upset because I was so happy about what would have been the age gap between DD and this baby. I know rationally that is stupid, and that there are positives and negatives to all different age gaps, and that in the scheme of things, an extra couple months, or year, or two, or more between them really won't matter, but I still can't shake it. I'm upset. It took 11 months to conceive DD and 6 months for this baby that we lost, so while I know that's still well within a normal timeframe, I'm also not assuming it will happen for us again right away. But I guess who knows... Ok enough ranting for today.

QOTW: What's your favorite movie snack? I'm boring, my favorite movie snack is popcorn. And alcohol. I count it as a snack

[scoutradley]

Oh smores I'm so so so sorry you're here. However you feel is okay and right. I feel the same way about October 15th. So many **hugs**. You rest and take care of yourself.

[scoutradley]

You have a PM smores

[ldubhawksfan]

smores I'm so sorry for your loss and that you find yourself here. I always Remember our loss dates and edds. I was doing a life insurance interview Friday and rattled off the date of my first d&c, almost 3 years ago without skipping a beat. It's a burden that only loss moms know. There was a FB meme a few weeks ago on a mommy page that said something about how moms will never forget the age of their lost ones and some women were commenting about their angels would have been 20-30 years old. We never forget our angels.

:::TW, LO mentioned:::::

I absolutely understand what you mean as far as age gaps too. With each adding month you are aware that the gap gets larger and larger. ((Hugs))