STMs-Potty training

[veggiemo]

DS (2 1/2) has been going weeks with a dry diaper. He was peeing on the potty consistently and has also pooped on the potty about 5-6 times, so I decided to switch him to underwear. The pee part went off without a hitch. No accidents and goes without even being prompted, including while he's watching a movie or playing.

My problem is poop. The first day he was in underwear, he didn't poop until later in the evening. He was running around with a bare bottom because we had recently had bath. He ran to the bathroom, pooped in his potty and even dumped it into the toilet, all before we could even get in there to help him. I thought great, he's got this. Yesterday he was with my in-laws. No problems with pee, alerted them when he needed to go and went with no issues. Then he pooped in his underwear, twice. Today, same thing. He's with my mom today, peed on his own twice, but pooped his underwear shortly after. He's not showing any signs of caring that he's had the accident. (ie, he's not upset or concerned about it)

So what do I do? Does this mean he isn't ready? Do I stick with the underwear and hope the poop part resolves itself after a few more accidents? Do I ask my MIL and mom the huge, HUGE favor of having him be naked since that seemed to work before? Do I suggest/offer a reward if he poops on the potty? I need some guidance! TIA!

[trixi282]

I would start with a reward for poopy in the potty. With J we did a "big treat" aka a bite sized candy of some sort (more than just one M&M) if she went poopy in the potty.

I would definitely stick with the underwear because otherwise be might regress fully. I have other mom friends that were 100% pee pee trained for a few months, but had issues with pooping on the potty. Does he seem to be holding it in, and then straining at all? It might be that he's scared of the potty, even though he's done it before or if he's holding it, it could hurt by the time he goes and that could be deterring him. One friend's LO really wanted/needed privacy to do it... there are so many things it could be.

When he poops does he have any signs he's about to? J would always stop and kind of freeze. The first few times she did that with undies on, I would grab her and set her on the toilet. Then when she did go poopy, I would praise her so much and make a big deal of it, and then offer her a treat and give her an option of what goodie she wanted.

Sometimes it's just a matter of waiting it out though.

[noeliav]

I think it's normal to have some good days and some bad days while in the process of potty training. I'd just keep on keeping on. I wouldn't introduce a reward yet until it really is a consistent problem.

[veggiemo]

Feb 17, 2015 14:20:59 GMT -5 trixi282 said:

I would start with a reward for poopy in the potty. With J we did a "big treat" aka a bite sized candy of some sort (more than just one M&M) if she went poopy in the potty.

I would definitely stick with the underwear because otherwise be might regress fully. I have other mom friends that were 100% pee pee trained for a few months, but had issues with pooping on the potty. Does he seem to be holding it in, and then straining at all? It might be that he's scared of the potty, even though he's done it before or if he's holding it, it could hurt by the time he goes and that could be deterring him. One friend's LO really wanted/needed privacy to do it... there are so many things it could be.

When he poops does he have any signs he's about to? J would always stop and kind of freeze. The first few times she did that with undies on, I would grab her and set her on the toilet. Then when she did go poopy, I would praise her so much and make a big deal of it, and then offer her a treat and give her an option of what goodie she wanted.

Sometimes it's just a matter of waiting it out though.

Thank you for all this! I will definitely try the reward thing. He's usually pretty receptive to rewards, but I wasn't sure if it would help.

I really don't think he's holding it. He's still pooping on the regular, at the usual times and it's soft and healthy stool (sorry, TMI). Privacy might be an issue, he's always gone off to poop. I'm not sure how I would remedy that, he's welcome to go in any of the bathrooms on his own and I try not to be all up in his business.

The biggest problem is that there are so many people caring for him during the week. I feel like personally I'm tuned in to him if he's about to poop, but I've got my MIL, mom and husband all watching him on different days of the week so that kind of complicates things. Not only am I not able to be there for half of this, I have to rely on my mom and MIL to clean up any messes, which of course makes me feel guilty.

[veggiemo]

Feb 17, 2015 14:21:20 GMT -5 @jemomma said:

I would definitely keep putting him in underwear, don't move backwards to diapers. To me it sounds like maybe he is just getting used to the whole thing. My son is recently potty trained as well, however he has some things that will trigger an accident. If we are in public or at someone else's house, he refuses to even use the potty. Even if he is dancing around because he needs to go so badly. He would rather have an accident than do something new and uncomfortable. Maybe talk about it with him and try explaining that even when he is not at home, he needs to poop in the potty. Have your MIL discuss it also when he is with her. We usually have a pep-talk with my son before we go anywhere about using the potty in public. Sometimes it works, and other times it doesn't. Rewards might help, they haven't helped with my son, but every kid is different. I don't really have much advice to offer since I am dealing with a similar situation that has yet to be resolved. Good luck!

Thank you, glad to hear someone else is going through it right now too! I've been talking about it with him a lot. I tell my MIL and mom to do the same thing, but obviously I'm not there so I can't control what and how things are said. Thank you for encouraging me to stick with the underwear, sometimes we just need a little reassurance!

[veggiemo]

Feb 17, 2015 14:34:50 GMT -5 noeliav said:

I think it's normal to have some good days and some bad days while in the process of potty training. I'd just keep on keeping on. I wouldn't introduce a reward yet until it really is a consistent problem.

Keep on keeping on, I like it! Ok, some good advice here too. It's just so hard not to feel disappointed when the pee part of it was going so well. My mom just texted me again that he's still in underwear and peed on the potty. Now I'm just waiting for that text that he pooped in the underwear

[noeliav]

veggiemo
Last week, DD had a bit of a recurring poop in the pants problem at school. We talked about it, and now all seems okay again. I think she just likes to take her time and have privacy, neither of which they give them at school.

Potty training is like a bit of a roller coaster, lol.

[billyhorrible]

Honestly, I think this comes from "potty training." In my circle there are 3 of us who didn't "potty train" just followed our kids leads. We are also the only 3 who have kids that poop in the potty. Our kids are all 3 moving onto 4. That means of the 11 kids/moms in my circle, 8 of them still have kids that either poop their pants or hold their poop until mom finally puts them in a pull-up at 3 or 4. Each of those 8 started "potty training" around 2. I think it's a readiness thing. When they're ready, they will do it. If they don't care about having poop on their butt or in their pants, there's nothing you can really do.

[veggiemo]

Feb 17, 2015 15:16:19 GMT -5 billyhorrible said:

Honestly, I think this comes from "potty training." In my circle there are 3 of us who didn't "potty train" just followed our kids leads. We are also the only 3 who have kids that poop in the potty. Our kids are all 3 moving onto 4. That means of the 11 kids/moms in my circle, 8 of them still have kids that either poop their pants or hold their poop until mom finally puts them in a pull-up at 3 or 4. Each of those 8 started "potty training" around 2. I think it's a readiness thing. When they're ready, they will do it. If they don't care about having poop on their butt or in their pants, there's nothing you can really do.

See, this is what I was afraid of. I was totally not pushing anything, seriously. To me this seemed like all his idea. He wanted to wear the underwear. He tells me when he has to pee even if he has a diaper on.
So what do you think? This means he's not ready and I should put it on the back burner for now? I do not want to push it. And I do NOT want to use pull ups.

[trixi282]

It's totally normal for LO's to get the pee thing down first, and struggle with pooping.

Like I said in my 1st post, I have a LOT of mommy friends who have dealt with poop issues while potty training.

My coworker struggled all around with PT, when they finally got the pee down, (he was 3.5 I think) it took another 6 months of him askingfor a diaper to poop before he FINALLY started going poop on the potty.

Hang in there, he'll get it eventually.  If he is reward driven, definitely try rewards.  You can start small with stickers if he likes stickers, or go straight for M&M's or whatever you think might work for you.  Check out the dollar bins at Target for cheap little toys or rewards for a little rewards basket that he gets to choose from... whatever you think might motivate him!

[lunalovegood]

I agree with PP, try rewards if he is into that sort of thing. My youngest was similar in that he did not want to poop at all, would actually cry and I was worried it would transfer to the peeing in the toilet too. He was obsessed with Lego figures so bought a ton of Lego guys on ebay and would give him one when he pooped on the toilet. It worked like a charm.

[wegrowsheep]

Having survived this with DD and DS, it sounds like you and your son are doing a great job. Don't sweat the accidents. If he really doesn't care about poop in his shorts, don't worry, it'll come.

I told DS that he could have the super cool giant toy excavator he really wanted when he stayed clean and dry for a month (with the exception of night time). It took him almost 8 months, and lots of reminding, but he got it. He jumped up and yelled, "I have to poop!" best.day.ever.

My only suggestion, since I hate cleaning up poopy pants, is pull-ups. I also discovered (just my experience) that once he "got it," it didn't matter what he was wearing. He wakes up in a pull up or overnight diaper and still runs to the potty.

Good luck, sounds like he's almost there!

[veggiemo]

Thanks everyone, for all this advice and encouragement. There are so many ways to do this parent thing and I never know if I'm on the right track. I appreciate all of it, though. Please keep it coming if anyone else has more insight, I would love to hear it!

[trixi282]

There really are so many ways to do this parenting thing! It can be a lot of trial and error with things like this to find what works for you and your kid. And what works for your little guy might not work for baby#2!

Good luck mama!

[billyhorrible]

Feb 17, 2015 15:28:22 GMT -5 veggiemo said:

See, this is what I was afraid of. I was totally not pushing anything, seriously. To me this seemed like all his idea. He wanted to wear the underwear. He tells me when he has to pee even if he has a diaper on.
So what do you think? This means he's not ready and I should put it on the back burner for now? I do not want to push it. And I do NOT want to use pull ups.

I got lucky in that my kid got the poop part first.  One morning (and we were on vacation, so maybe it was the allure of the hotel bathroom?) he decided he wanted to poop in the potty.  And he never pooped in his diaper again.  BUT even though he was pooping in the potty, it was another couple months until he was peeing in the potty.  So for those months, he was still in diapers.  I think if the situation was reversed, (pee in potty first) we would do the same - keep him in diapers until he wanted to always use the potty.   Trust me, I get that diapers suck, but so does cleaning up soiled underwear or the floor, or wherever they end up going.  His incentive for transitioning was really underwear.  He knew that you only get to wear underwear if you go in the potty, and so when he was ready to wear underwear, he was also ready to go in the potty.

[Deleted]

Ahhhh, the second phase of potty training. DS wasn't fully poop trained until he was three, months after he was pee trained. He would go to school and hold it all day because he knew he needed to in order to move to the big kids room. Then he would come home, go hide in a corner, and poop in his pants. He knew he needed to go. He just refused to do it in the potty. It was horrific, traumatic, and disgusting and I thought it would never end. But I can't say that I recommend what ultimately worked for DS, which may or may not have been me telling him, out of complete and utter frustration, that the rancor monster in Return of the Jedi was the poopy monster and we had to feed him to make him stay in the toilet. That and I also promised him we would go to Target and he could pick out any toy he wanted if he went one week with no accidents. So 1. Terrify him, and 2. Bribe him.    
    

I do promise you that he will get it though and it will be like someone flipped a light switch.


Edited bc words iz hard.

[tatersalad]

Such good advice here. I'm jealous that your son is showing interest. Mine is 2 1/2 with zero interest in using the potty what so ever. I'm not going to do any training until he is ready, so I'm guessing he will be at least 3 by the time he is.

[veggiemo]

So, he woke up this morning with a dry diaper (as usual) and asked to pee right away. I asked him what went in the potty and he said "pee pee" and I said "yes, and what about poo poo? Does poo poo go in the potty?" And he said "No. No poo poo". So I think we just aren't quite there yet. I put him in a diaper when I left my in-laws today. They are in their 60s and they also watch my niece and nephew who are the same age as DS, so they are over-worked and tired. I just can't ask them to clean up poopy underwear. I talked with DS before I left and told him if he needs to go poo poo to tell grandma. I also told him if he put poopy in the potty he could have a treat. He didn't seem too interested, but we left it at that.

I just asked my MIL how it was going and she said no poop yet, but he did ask to go pee. So he's still removing his diaper and using the potty for pee pee.

I really appreciate all this advice. If I were with him myself everyday, I would be sticking with the underwear full time, I think. But for now, I'm just gonna wait until he's removing the diaper to poop before I leave him in underwear with his various care-givers. Thank you all again, and hopefully I can update this very soon with a success story!

[trixi282]

What kind of underwear do you currently have for him?

Do you think making a big deal out of wearing the underwear and it being special for when he can stay accident free would work for him? Did he get to pick out his favorite kind (Mickey, Thomas, Superhero)?

I just remembered J went through a mini-phase a few weeks ago where she was getting caught up in playing and would wait to long to go and would wet her undies partially before making it to the potty. We told her that "Minnie doesn't like getting wet!" She loves her Minnie underwear and didn't want to make Minnie sad. I also told her if she was good and went without any accidents for a week we could go get some new undies and she could pick out whatever ones she wanted (she needed more anyway).

She stopped having her mini-accidents and got to get new undies, and picked out superheros and was SO excited to wear BatGirl undies! We haven't had an accident since.

[veggiemo]

Feb 18, 2015 13:40:31 GMT -5 trixi282 said:

What kind of underwear do you currently have for him?

Do you think making a big deal out of wearing the underwear and it being special for when he can stay accident free would work for him? Did he get to pick out his favorite kind (Mickey, Thomas, Superhero)?

I just remembered J went through a mini-phase a few weeks ago where she was getting caught up in playing and would wait to long to go and would wet her undies partially before making it to the potty. We told her that "Minnie doesn't like getting wet!" She loves her Minnie underwear and didn't want to make Minnie sad. I also told her if she was good and went without any accidents for a week we could go get some new undies and she could pick out whatever ones she wanted (she needed more anyway).

She stopped having her mini-accidents and got to get new undies, and picked out superheros and was SO excited to wear BatGirl undies! We haven't had an accident since.

He's got some plain ones and some ones with characters (race cars, toy story and monsters inc.) It's funny because I did try that tactic- I said "we don't want to get poopy on woody!". He isn't really big into any characters right now, mostly just the underwear part. I mean, he's just as apt to pick the plain bright blue pair as he is the pair with lightening mcqueen on it. Next time we are at the store I'll have him look for himself and see if he wants to choose something special.

[herbavein]

I skimmed, but you said he poops around the same time every day, right? Can you try setting an alarm for yourself just before those times and take him then? If his body is ready to poop, and he's on the potty already, it might click that way.

[veggiemo]

Feb 18, 2015 13:59:50 GMT -5 herbavein said:

I skimmed, but you said he poops around the same time every day, right? Can you try setting an alarm for yourself just before those times and take him then? If his body is ready to poop, and he's on the potty already, it might click that way.

Yep, he usually poops shortly after breakfast. Sometimes again after nap. The issue is he has multiple care-givers during the week. Between my mom, MIL, FIL and husband (and me) I just don't see how I could make that kind of consistency work. I told everyone to watch him like a hawk and encourage potty time once the poop window arrived, but I can only do so much from the sidelines here. Obviously it would be ideal to be a stay at home mom during the potty process! But I work full time, so we gotta do what we gotta do

Interestingly, no poop today yet though...

[herbavein]

That's tough. Do you have any three-day weekends coming up? That's how we potty trained DD (though we were lucky that she did pee and poop at once; I know a lot of people with the yes pee, no poop problem.)

[veggiemo]

Feb 18, 2015 14:50:42 GMT -5 herbavein said:

That's tough. Do you have any three-day weekends coming up? That's how we potty trained DD (though we were lucky that she did pee and poop at once; I know a lot of people with the yes pee, no poop problem.)

I was thinking the same thing-if there was going to be a 3 day weekend any time soon. Not really We do have a 3 day weekend end of March but it's a weekend away with friends and their kids at an indoor water park...probably not the best idea to do it then! Haha!! But you're right, I need a chunk of more than 2 days to get this done myself.

[schnurette]

Good luck! We are in the process of trying to get DD potty trained - she turns 3 in April and it would be awesome if she was trained before baby arrives but...well...at the sitters she will pee on the potty every time. At home, not so much.

We had actually gotten to the point that she was no longer getting treats for going pee on the potty because she had it down and we were upgrading treats to being a poop thing...and we are now moving backwards to treats for peeing on the potty at home, and the "big bribe" for pooping - if she poops on the potty we will take her to Macs to buy her favorite treat - something she only gets if she has been exceptionally good so it's still special enough to get her interested.

So far...no luck lol. I'm pretty sure she just isn't ready.

[veggiemo]

He never did poop at my in-laws yesterday (but peed on the potty all day and stayed dry), however, he DID poop about an hour after we got home IN HIS POTTY! I had company over at the time and we were all sitting down for dinner. He got up and left the table and went all on his own (removed his diaper), so I'm very proud of him. It was hard to offer him a ton of praise, because he was distracted by the friends I had over, so when I offered him a treat, he declined and went back to eating his dinner. He seemed to not want to make a big deal about it, even though I was whispering in the bathroom with him.

Based on everyone's advice, especially some that I received in a PM, it's looking like it might be a "scared" issue after all. At my in-laws he doesn't have a small potty chair, just a regular toilet with a potty seat. That could be one deterrent for him. At my moms, he has the same potty chair that he has at home, so not sure what the issue was there. We'll continue working on it. He's home with my husband today, so we'll see how goes!

[herbavein]

yay for pooping in the potty! fingers crossed that things keep going well! Also, my favorite potty training resource was called "oh crap. potty training" (http://www.jamieglowacki.com/) she has an e-book that I can probably try to figure out how to send you, but check out her blog, too.

[noeliav]

veggiemo
For sure DD prefers her little potty over the big ones Yay for poop in the potty!!

[veggiemo]

Feb 19, 2015 14:55:35 GMT -5 herbavein said:

yay for pooping in the potty! fingers crossed that things keep going well! Also, my favorite potty training resource was called "oh crap. potty training" (http://www.jamieglowacki.com/) she has an e-book that I can probably try to figure out how to send you, but check out her blog, too.

Ooh thanks! I'll look into that!