Thanks everyone for the great feedback! I have another random question for STMs... Would you have been able to go to a small wedding 2-3 weeks after your first was born? I clearly would not bring the baby and would leave every 2 hours or so to nurse but I'm wondering if you would have felt up to it? Also it's like a 2.5 hour drive away... But it's my bff who is literally like a sister so I can't imagine missing it!!!! Ugh kinda annoyed at the date since it's a last minute thing but her fiance's family are all coming in from Brazil that time so it makes sense.
It prob depends on how well your baby sleeps to be honest. DD didn't sleep in more than 2 hours stretches until we got a Rock n Play so I was pretty much a zombie who could barely interact with anyone for the first few weeks. Plus the idea of getting dressed up and making small talk would have been a hard pass for me. But my BFF did it with her 2nd, who slept all night from Day 1.
sleepymonkey I'm not sure what would happen in the States, but in my province likely what would happen is CPS would place the kids with a family member (rather than foster care) but then it would be up to someone to apply for guardianship.
Either way your choice would have to apply for guardianship but the Will would at least allow the Courts to know your opinions. Otherwise CPS would like have to do assessments on anyone who applied and there could be a trial on the issue if there are competing applications.
I mean someone could try to get guardianship anyways even if you haven't named them in your Will but at least here the Courts take appointments from Wills seriously and there'd have to be huge evidence that your appointed guardian is a bad choice (ie got a jail sentence right before you died) for the courts not to follow it.
Also I agree with jennyelf - if you can, a form of trust can help guardians with the cost of raising a child, whether it's through life insurance proceeds or your other assets.
rosesquared I wouldn't be up to it. I wasn't up for seeing people until 4-5 weeks PP. I didn't stand upright again until 2+ weeks PP and it was over 3 weeks when I finally wasn't in pain anymore
sleepymonkey I'm not sure what would happen in the States, but in my province likely what would happen is CPS would place the kids with a family member (rather than foster care) but then it would be up to someone to apply for guardianship.
Either way your choice would have to apply for guardianship but the Will would at least allow the Courts to know your opinions. Otherwise CPS would like have to do assessments on anyone who applied and there could be a trial on the issue if there are competing applications.
I mean someone could try to get guardianship anyways even if you haven't named them in your Will but at least here the Courts take appointments from Wills seriously and there'd have to be huge evidence that your appointed guardian is a bad choice (ie got a jail sentence right before you died) for the courts not to follow it.
CPS involvement would be dependent on your state and/or county. When I did investigations back (over 10 years ago), we only got calls on some cases, like a murder-suicide or a single parent who OD'ed. Even then, in our state, if a family member or GP was there, they usually petitioned the court fairly quickly - sometimes the courts would order us to do an assessment, sometimes they would not.
My husband is an only child, and I have one brother, so he and his wife will be our likely choice (we're his for his three). My ILs, despite raising the man I love, are not on my list and my parents are deceased. I'd love to say we'd take care of a will sooner rather than later, but end of 2017 is probably a more realistic goal. Another thing to think about is 401(k)s and IRAs - the beneficiary on those trumps the will so you'll want to update the bene to align with the will (or vice versa).
Big yes to the 401k/IRAs beneficiaries lining up. Ours are set so they go 100% to the spouse, but split evenly among the kids in the event we both pass. Our wills are set up the same way.
As for guardians, I went with my aunt (she's 15 years older than me). She has a DD 13 days older than DS1. Her older two are in their late teens/early twenties so she's already BTDT on raising kids and they turned out pretty well in my opinion
Late to this, but we also need to write up a will. We know my sister will get custody. She was my immediate choice, and H readily agreed. She's 8 years younger, but will have my parents to help too. She was my beneficiary until I got married, and so we'll set all that up too.
Thanks everyone for the great feedback! I have another random question for STMs... Would you have been able to go to a small wedding 2-3 weeks after your first was born? I clearly would not bring the baby and would leave every 2 hours or so to nurse but I'm wondering if you would have felt up to it? Also it's like a 2.5 hour drive away... But it's my bff who is literally like a sister so I can't imagine missing it!!!! Ugh kinda annoyed at the date since it's a last minute thing but her fiance's family are all coming in from Brazil that time so it makes sense.
I took DD2 to a wedding @ 2 weeks old. It was a smaller/less formal wedding so that made it easier.
I planned my outfit for something that was easy to pull down for BF. I wore her in a ring sling...used the tail to cover her/me..... and made sure to be somewhere that I could easily walk away during the ceremony if she got fussy. We actually stayed longer then I thought we would.
Will you stay away for the night? If you feel comfortable doing that and will have a room to go back to I think it would make it easier if things get tough and you need to bail out
Post by rosesquared on Mar 20, 2017 21:44:34 GMT -5
Omg so excited! We didn't get the mamaroo from our shower so we just found a barely used one for $115 WITH the infant insert that we're picking up Thursday! Woohoo!! New with the insert would be $280!
Me: 32, Wife: 38, Together for 5 years, Married for 2 years IUI #1 (8/2016): Letrozole, Ovidrel, Crinone = BFN IUI #2 (9/2016): Letrozole, Ovidrel, Endometrin = BFP!! EDD 5/26/17
Omg so excited! We didn't get the mamaroo from our shower so we just found a barely used one for $115 WITH the infant insert that we're picking up Thursday! Woohoo!! New with the insert would be $280!
Thanks everyone for the great feedback! I have another random question for STMs... Would you have been able to go to a small wedding 2-3 weeks after your first was born? I clearly would not bring the baby and would leave every 2 hours or so to nurse but I'm wondering if you would have felt up to it? Also it's like a 2.5 hour drive away... But it's my bff who is literally like a sister so I can't imagine missing it!!!! Ugh kinda annoyed at the date since it's a last minute thing but her fiance's family are all coming in from Brazil that time so it makes sense.
I took DD2 to a wedding @ 2 weeks old. It was a smaller/less formal wedding so that made it easier.
I planned my outfit for something that was easy to pull down for BF. I wore her in a ring sling...used the tail to cover her/me..... and made sure to be somewhere that I could easily walk away during the ceremony if she got fussy. We actually stayed longer then I thought we would.
Will you stay away for the night? If you feel comfortable doing that and will have a room to go back to I think it would make it easier if things get tough and you need to bail out
I would actually have had more trouble leaving baby than being at wedding. I would take baby and wear him, and sit on an aisle or in the back in case I needed to step out if he got fussy. I went to a New Years party with DS when he was like a month old, it was fine, we just left early. And I wore leggings instead of real pants. I wore him to discourage people from all wanting to hold him since he was so little. I used a Moby but a ring sling is another good option - RS is one shouldered though, and for long stretches sometimes the two-shouldered kangaroo hold with a moby can be more comfortable. Also if it's not flu season I'd feel better about it - when colds/flu were going around, I passed on other large group gatherings.
rosesquared I just remembered I did that exact thing. DH's sister got married when DD was two months old. It was about 5 hrs from where we live. The good thing was my mom lives near the wedding site. So we went 4 1/2 hrs to Mom's house on Friday. No big issues on the way. Then Saturday morning we traveled 45 minutes to the wedding. Since it was family the kids were invited so we had both of them with us. For your BFF I would ask if you could bring the baby to the wedding. I think it would just be easier than having to leave to go to baby and back every so often especially when babies are predictable or regimented at that age. I wore DD in a wrap during the ceremony. She actually wanted to eat at the beginning so I just stepped out and fed her in another room. She slept on me for a bit. During the reception she wore up and got passed around a bit since DH's family was there and all wanted to see her. It really wasn't hard having her there. At 2 months after a vaginal delivery I felt decent. The car ride wasn't bad for me and I had normal amounts of energy. After the last two months of pregnancy I felt so good having her out I was loving it. The exhaustion of a newborn and toddler at the same time didn't really start for me until she was like 3 months old.
FWIW, many churches are ok with bf'ing, so you don't necessarily have to leave if LO wants to nurse, if you're comfortable with that. The Pope recently told moms in the Sistine Chapel to nurse on. (Personally I think I'd probably want to say F you if a church said I couldn't feed my kid there, but it's possible I might step out in that scenario just to avoid making a scene at someone else's wedding, but that's because I'm nice and wouldn't want to upset the couple/make a scene at a wedding. But that sort of policy is still BS, and I'd tell them where to shove it if it wasn't someone's wedding. But I've also already gotten comfortable nursing in public with DS.)
Post by rosesquared on Mar 22, 2017 9:08:37 GMT -5
irish14 fortunately the wedding will just be outside at a lake house so no need to worry about that. Just about the temperature and mosquitos... 😉
Thanks so much everyone! I like the idea of bringing her but our concern is there will be a bunch of guests who just got off planes from Brazil. No idea if that fear is warranted but since her immune system will still be so weak I don't want to chance anything. Clearly we'll talk to the pediatrician too when the time comes.
Me: 32, Wife: 38, Together for 5 years, Married for 2 years IUI #1 (8/2016): Letrozole, Ovidrel, Crinone = BFN IUI #2 (9/2016): Letrozole, Ovidrel, Endometrin = BFP!! EDD 5/26/17
irish14 fortunately the wedding will just be outside at a lake house so no need to worry about that. Just about the temperature and mosquitos... 😉
Thanks so much everyone! I like the idea of bringing her but our concern is there will be a bunch of guests who just got off planes from Brazil. No idea if that fear is warranted but since her immune system will still be so weak I don't want to chance anything. Clearly we'll talk to the pediatrician too when the time comes.
oh, fair with the international travel. In the end you should do whatever you feel comfortable with - I'm sure the couple will understand!
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