Monday Funday?!

[rosesquared]

Not so sure Mondays are usually fun but we can pretend right?

How was everyone's weekend? What's up for the week?

[loubug]

Would love to pretend Monday's are fun rosesquared ! DS has been a bear this morning. He just cried and whined and yelled about everything I said. No matter what or how I said things. I know he is still feeling off but he is just so much worse for me than DH when he feels bad. I had to fight him to eat breakfast and call DH to come home to get him to take his medicine. I gave up after 30 minutes. We are calming down with some Sesame Street. Hoping the rest of the day goes better. He's such a sweet kid normally so I'm ready for him to be all better.

[PirateCat]

Good morning!

We had a really nice weekend at home. I finally wrapped up my painting project for the nursery/guest room/second office so we were able to get the room cleaned up a bit and organized.

It'll be a shorter week for us as I have a work trip Thursday then I'm taking Friday off for a long weekend up at camp, which I'm looking forward to.

[PirateCat]

Here is the roll-top desk I painted.

SPOILER: Click to show

[sleepymonkey]

Weekend was ok. MIL came last night to watch DD the first part of this week (my parents are on a cruise and they usually watch her M and W). She was supposed to come in mid-afternoon so we told DD, who was very excited. When H called her at 4, she hadn't left yet and she lives an hour and a half away. Apparently H's nephews were at the house and they didn't want her to leave (they see each other all the time). So she figured she would just leave later and get to our house after DD went to bed, even though she knew DD was anxiously waiting for grandma to come. H convinced her to at least get to our house before DD went to bed but she was obviously not happy about it. DD gets the shaft all the time when it comes to the grandsons and it pisses me off. But DD loves her and doesn't notice so I guess that's all that matters right now.

[jennyelf]

Spent the weekend at my grandparents' place. My parents were visiting too. Now wishing I'd gotten a picture of all 4 generations together. I really need to remember to do that. It was a good visit. They had about 2 feet of snow last week that hasn't melted yet, so kiddo had a fun time playing in it and sledding. I discovered that if I sit/fall back into 2 feet of snow, it's really hard to get back up again with the belly monster blocking my ability to bend at the waist...

Monday is Monday. It's a normal day, kiddo was particularly affectionate towards the belly this morning which is always a nice treat. I still can't believe that there's only between 4 and 9 weeks left (probably 6 or 7 weeks). Need to finish the freezer meals.

[rosesquared]

Yesterday we had a cpr/choking training, which was awesome. Then we bit the bullet and bought almost our entire newborn cloth diaper stash. We have almost 3 days worth. So expensive but our plan is to use them for 2 kids so then it's worth it. We're waiting to see how we fare through the newborn period before committing to CD the whole time. I think DW is less committed than I am but she also does most of the laundry lol. Though apparently that's not where her concern is.

Today I have my 30 week mw appointment and our last hypnobirthing class. It's crazy how time is flying yet slow at the same time. I need to be better about practicing the hypnobirthing stuff... I do the meditation every night but not the other stuff I'm supposed to do. 😝

Morbid question but are any of you doing will/estate planning before the baby comes and deciding who will be the guardian if something happens to both you and your spouse? Such a freaking hard decision!!!!

[lupincat]

rosesquared MH and I have decided who would get our kids but we haven't actually had a will or anything drawn up. I keep mentioning it to him but we forget all the time. Whoops.

Today we have speech for DS and then I plan on sorting through one more tote of baby clothes to make sure none of the 0-3 month stuff got shoved in there. I was super meticulous at first but DS grew out of stuff so fast that I just starting putting mountains of clothes in whatever tote had space.

I also had a dream that H agreed to go model boxer shorts (what?!) and paid $700 for a flight and I was so pissed because our budget is tight. I woke up so mad at him but now it cracks me up and I can't wait to tell H about it when he gets home.

[rosesquared]

lupincat omg I have had 2 nights of the weirdest dreams lately!!! In one (the short version) is that in was delivering a feet first breech baby in a ROTARY!!!! Lol. And there was another woman delivering on the other side of the rotary. It was so weird. I almost never remember dreams but it was so vivid when I woke up.

Did you guys have a hard time deciding or was there a clear obvious person?

[loubug]

I'm now terrorizing DD by letting the roomba run while we are home.

We've decided who get the kids if something happened to us but we haven't actually written a will yet either. Pretty sure we should do that ASAP as we are on kid 3 and it's kinda of a deal.
lupincat the desk looks great! I love the inside color and the contrast with the white.

[loubug]

rosesquared for us it was obvious my sister will get the kids. She is three yrs older than me and right now her and her H don't have kids. She is our only sibling who lives in the same town as us and she has the same belief system and basic ideas of parenting that DH and I do. DH has two siblings but his older sister has some radically different beliefs than we do even though we get along wonderfully and his brother has special needs. My brother is 5 yrs younger than I am and is just immature. Also don't think he could handle it. My parents would be a good fit too but don't want to do that to them. I'm sure if something really did happen it would be that they live with my sister but my parents would move to wherever she is to help. Not fun to think about but pretty important. I should put all that on something official😬

[jennyelf]

rosesquared,Yes, we did set up wills and such when kiddo 1 was born. Started the paperwork before kiddo was born, completed after kiddo was born and had a name. We will be adjusting it with birth of second kiddo. Thank you for the reminder!

I have a friend who works in a funeral home and her facebook feed often has articles about how important estate planning and making plans is for your survivors. Having a clear plan in place is a gift you give after you die. Allows people to know what to do and to not have to second guess themselves when they try to do what they think you wanted.

[lastkiss]

Yay Mondays.... I came in almost 2 hours late and now am sitting at my desk on TCF. So glad my work is flexible.

@rosesquard as a lawyer I cannot stress how important wills are. Things can become such a mess when people die without.
DH and I picked guardians before DS was born - his middle brother and SIL. Honestly I'm not 100 percent comfortable with the decision as they tend to be very gender based (for example his brother said at one point that DS shouldn't push his daughters toy stroller because that's a girl toy) which doesn't align with my beliefs but overall they're the best choice. If my BFF lived in the same city as us, she'd be guardian no question.

[sleepymonkey]

rosesquared, I feel terrible but we have not drawn up a will or assigned a guardian for DD and this baby. We really only feel like we have 2 options and that's either my brother and his wife of H's sister and her husband. Neither is "ideal". My brother is a great dad but his wife doesn't even really like being a mother to her own kids so I couldn't imagine her taking on someone else's kids. H's sister and her husband are not in a good financial state and probably never will be, plus I'm not SIL's biggest fan so I would not be comfortable leaving my kids with them. So we have avoided that decision, which is terrible and I know we need to choose.

[PirateCat]

Boo, adulting.

[sleepymonkey]

Mar 20, 2017 11:39:24 GMT -5 PirateCat said:

Boo, adulting.

It is highly overrated. I just want to be at home in a blanket fort, coloring.

[rosesquared]

Yeah so DW and I got into it yesterday about this. I really want this one cousin of mine but it's possible they might say no since they'll have a kid free house within the next 5 years so it's a bigger commitment. DW is not happy about them since they live 1.5 hours away (2+ from DWs family) and DW is worried about how her family will still get to see our kid(s)... But I'm really not willing to choose either of her brothers and I'm not sure she'd want them either so we feel like we have so few choices. I would maybe do my bff but I think she wouldn't be thrilled about it and DW's bff we would do but she lives in London. We have NO idea what we'll do if my cousin says no... How did you guys ask people? Did you take them out to eat or something or not make a big deal of it?

[sleepymonkey]

H just texted that MIL was going to make dinner for us but he told her not to worry about it because I already had planned to make tacos. Shut your mouth, H! If someone wants to cook dinner so I don't have to when I get home from work, let them!

[lupincat]

rosesquared For us it was an obvious choice, I learned how to be a mom from my mom so she would get them and if in the event she is unable to do it then my sister would get them. Basically anyone other than my ILs and H agrees with that.

I would discuss between yourselves who is someone that you trust would raise your children in a loving home with the same type of values that you have.

[chknma]

sounds like YH is making tacos tonight sleepymonkey, ;-)

it certainly feels like a Monday....boo

[sleepymonkey]

H and I started making a wish list for modifications to our house since we figure we'll probably be here for a long time (though I still don't think of it as our "forever house"). So far the list includes: adding cabinets to one wall of our walk-in pantry (I hate the messy-looking wire racks), adding a wall and french doors to close in the "formal living room" which we use a a playroom, change out the carpet in the living areas for either wood or wood-look tile (I prefer wood but it may not be a good choice with cats), and add a pool. H wants to prioritize the pool. So the most expensive thing that we probably won't be able to swing in our budget for at least another 3-5 years. As much as I would love a pool, I can't see fitting it in the budget as long as we have 2 kids in daycare. How about we start small - like cabinets, which would probably be under $1K. Nope. He wants a pool.

[katie0919]

rosesquared - we have a very basic will setup, but it is VERY basic. Like something we paid I think maybe $100 for and did online. We don't have many choices when trying to figure out who would get our kiddos. We chose my sister and her hubby because A) They are VERY well off financially and would be able to give them a great life. They have two kids of their own, not too much older than my oldest and he loves them.

My mom is too old to take them (she's 75) plus she hasn't been the same since my dad died 4 years ago and she's also dealing with my essentially terminally ill brother right now. She just couldn't. DH's parents are in their early 60s but basically already raised one of their grandchildren and we just don't think we could do that to them. DH's two sister...well, one has her hands full with 3 kids and doesn't really have a job, so...no. And other SIL originally wanted 3 kids but once she had one, decided that was enough and honestly doesn't seem to enjoy motherhood. So, no. lol. We had slim pickens when it came to choices!

[sleepymonkey]

katie0919, my parents are also too old to take the kids (71 and 75) even though they're in good health. My in-laws are younger and could do it but a big reservation I have with that is that I don't think they would make it easy for my family to still be involved in my children's lives. I could see my parents trying to see their grandchildren and my MIL acting like it's always an inconvenient time. Nope.

If you don't have a will, what happens to the kids? Do they automatically go to a family member and if so how is it determined? Or do they go to foster care until it's decided? Now I'm starting to worry because anything can happen at any time

[cubbiebear325]

Hi everybody! We also always talk about a will, but havent done it. We really need to after this one is born. We have decided who we want to have the kids, but haven't actually asked yet either. Though I'm sure they will say yes. Its actually DH's best friend from HS and his wife. They have twin 6 yr olds, live in the same town we both grew up in still (which is where both our parents live) and we are close with them. They parent how we do. We would chose my SIL and her husband but they live in CT, super far from IL and both our parents. We may switch to them if they ever move back.

I had my 30 week appt today with a U/S. Baby weighs 4 lb 6 oz, which I know can be not so accurate, but considering dd was almost 10 lb, I'm sure its not too far off. Had the u/s to recheck the L kidney size, it measured 0.48 today and 0.5 is considered bordeline. The tech couldn't get a great view though with baby's position so now I have to do another u/s at 36 weeks. I was hoping to be done with them after all we had to have at MFM, but I do like seeing baby so there is that.

Otherwise my Monday stinks, dd has croup and I got a whole 3h of sleep last night. I took Saturday night too so I told dh its him tonight so I can sleep even though I'm off on Tuesdays. I'm tired! At least the weather is beautiful here today!

[mcp6286]

rosesquared this is high on our to-do list because our families will come to blows if we don't have a plan in place. We don't want either of our parents to do it: FIL/MIL are great grandparents but were super irresponsible parents both financially and when it came to building their kids' character (DH is the only brother of the 4 who turned out decently) and my mom is...so hard to explain. She's one of those parents who is perennially disappointed in you if you don't do things exactly her way, which equals crazy religious rules and regulations, and has no ability to see things from anyone else's perspective or realize when she is being irrational/is wrong. However both sets of parents are convinced they are the ONLY choice and have made it clear they will do everything in their power to take custody regardless of our wishes. Thanks guys.

My sister will eventually be guardian for both kids, once she is financially stable and has established a foundation for herself (she graduates college this May). Until then, we've asked my BFF to do it...which would be a huge imposition since she has 3 of her own kids but I can't imagine any of DH's brothers/SILs taking them. We really need to get all this into a legal doc before LO comes!!!

[jennyelf]

Many of the people here are concerned about the financial impact upon those who they ask to take guardianship of their children, a very fair concern. If it's in your budget, consider a term life insurance policy that pays to a trust for your children (your lawyer can help you figure out how to do this). At least then, some of the expenses can be mitigated.

[rosesquared]

Thanks everyone for the great feedback! I have another random question for STMs... Would you have been able to go to a small wedding 2-3 weeks after your first was born? I clearly would not bring the baby and would leave every 2 hours or so to nurse but I'm wondering if you would have felt up to it? Also it's like a 2.5 hour drive away... But it's my bff who is literally like a sister so I can't imagine missing it!!!! Ugh kinda annoyed at the date since it's a last minute thing but her fiance's family are all coming in from Brazil that time so it makes sense.

[katie0919]

Mar 20, 2017 15:03:17 GMT -5 sleepymonkey said:

katie0919 , my parents are also too old to take the kids (71 and 75) even though they're in good health. My in-laws are younger and could do it but a big reservation I have with that is that I don't think they would make it easy for my family to still be involved in my children's lives. I could see my parents trying to see their grandchildren and my MIL acting like it's always an inconvenient time. Nope.

If you don't have a will, what happens to the kids? Do they automatically go to a family member and if so how is it determined? Or do they go to foster care until it's decided? Now I'm starting to worry because anything can happen at any time

sleepymonkey - I'm honestly not sure what happens to kids if there is no will. I think even if you type something up very informal like "in the event of my or (husbands name) death, we want our children to be under the care of (insert name here) and have in notarized....I think that could very informally handle the children aspect if you can't get to making a will yet....maybe google to see if there is any info out there on it? Sorry I'm not more helpful!

[PirateCat]

Guys, we are gonna have a real bed soon, and before the baby comes! We've had our mattress on the floor forever and commissioned our friend to make us a bed, which was taking a while. I knew he's been feeling the pressure since I got pregnant but I was getting a bit nervous. I feel like we're finally going to be adults.

Oh and H is going to make me a co-sleeper!

[sleepymonkey]

rosesquared, it would've been very tough for me to go to a wedding 2 1/2 hours away 2 weeks after delivery but I had a c-section after 15 hours of labor and my recovery was pretty rough (I couldn't walk completely upright for more than a few minutes for weeks). But if it was someone very close to me, I probably would've done it anyway, especially if it is small and they're understanding that you may need to leave early.