TTMA infants and babysitters

[emilie]

So I know everyone has different thoughts on this one, but I would love to hear your experiences about when you chose to leave your infant with a babysitter for the first time. Did you use family? Sitters recommended by friends? How did it go the first time you went out? 

H and I are lucky to live near siblings that we trust - we haven't left DD (3 months) with them yet but I'm sure we will be okay with it soon. However, we are invited to a wedding in a different city in May (DD will be 5 mo old then). At first I thought it would be no big deal for H and I to attend the wedding together for a few hours, and just hire a sitter recommended by our friends in that city to stay in our hotel room with DD. But now I'm having doubts. We would be at the wedding and reception for 3-4 hours max, and the venue and the hotel are 10 min away from each other.  What do you think - is it crazy to leave a 5 month old with someone who you don't know personally, but who your good friends trust as a sitter? 

Our other options would be for me to come on the trip so I can say hi to our friends but stay behind in the hotel with the baby during the wedding (H is better friends with the couple), or for us to leave DD with family overnight several hours away, but I'm nursing and don't think I am comfortable with that yet. What would you do? 

Also - overnights - when did you start taking a night here and there away from your baby?

[Deleted]

By 5 months I think I would be okay with a recommended sitter at the hotel for a few hours. But it would have to be sometime they definitely trusted. I was leaving dd with the girls next door by then for a few hours.

As for overnights, she still nurses a lot at night so I'm not comfortable leaving her overnight until she's nursing less at night. Or at all. I don't know. Overnights will be a long while away for me.

[karabear4409]

My mom has watched both of my kids from early on, by like a month old. I 100% trust her. My MIL has watched my boys like three times ever. Not so much bc I don't trust her, but it's just worked out that way. I haven't trusted anyone else to watch them and don't see it happening any time soon. I'm overly protective though. Personally, I wouldn't be comfortable with someone I don't know watching them. But again, I'm a helicopter mom.

We went away for one night when DS1 was about three months old. He was FF, so it wasn't as big of a deal. We also went to Mexico for five nights when DS1 was about 1.5 years. DS2 is BF and it's a lot harder to ask my mom to watch two kids, rather that 1. We finally went away for DH's work retreat last weekend for two nights. DS2 is six months old. The logistics of leaving an EBF baby were a lot more difficult.

You will cry the first time you leave her. Especially if you ::ahem:: have too much to drink and get a little overly emotional. Not that I would know or anything. But she will be fine. And yes, she will remember you and still remember how to nurse (again, not like those were things I worried about😉).

[shytimes]

We did this for a wedding when BabyShy was 5 months. It was a family recommended babysitter and we were on the same property as the babysitter. Lots of people feel differently, but you know your kid and can talk to the person in advance.

Not sure what city you're going to but I've used a service before to get a babysitter in another city. That might be another avenue to pursue because there would be a background check. (For babysitters we use, I have always preferred a personal recommendation, but I've done the service route too).

For night away, we were at 11 months, but there wasn't opportunity before and I wasn't that motivated since I was breastfeeding.

[bluefairy5]

I am team Do As I Say Not As I Do on this one, because we *still* haven't left WF overnight or with a non-family (non-nanny) babysitter, and now the idea of doing so overnight or in a setting like a hotel/out of town is really difficult. I wish I'd broken that seal much, much earlier.

We're in the process of interviewing babysitters from care dot com (where we met our nanny) and if you're in a reasonably large area, it seems good. A lot of the gals I'm looking at have numerous reviews that start, "We were in the city for vacation and needed to find a babysitter so we could go to a show..." Definitely makes me feel comfortable that out of town strangers had good experiences with these people.

[westiemom]

I left DD with my sister for the first time at 2 weeks for a couple of hours. We have lots of family close so we left for short periods in the beginning and longer periods around 2 months (4-5 hours). I nurse so I usually just left her after I nursed her and returned before her next feeding until she started taking bottles (2-9 months when she quit bottles).

I left her overnight for the first time at almost 10 months.

ETA: we still haven't left her with anyone but family but we have lots of family so that will be rare in her life.

[Amelia]

We still haven't left DD with anyone other than family. We just haven't had a need to yet. My parents are around often enough that they keep her once every 4-5 weeks or so for us to get a date night. But they are two hours away, and eventually something is going to come up that is going to necessitate getting a sitter in a pinch. I just haven't planned for that yet. At 5 months, I probably would have been ok with leaving DD with a sitter recommended by one of my close friends, but I trust their judgement, and DD loves people and hasn't ever had any separation anxiety.
We've left her twice for overnight trips, at roughly 6-7 months. I was still breastfeeding then, so there were some logistics to work out, but it wasn't too big of a deal...and it was nice to get away for a quick trip!

[turquoisequeen]

I think I would be comfortable with that short of time if she takes a bottle fine. A thing I have seen at a lot of weddings is a sitter at the reception venue in a separate small room for anyone that wanted to have their kids sat for but also nearby. Is that an option?

We first left DS with family at 7 weeks to go out to dinner. We are lucky that we have family nearby. And when he was young we did that a few more times. Oh and I also let a friend take him for a few hours at 3 months old when we had to prep for a work party at our home.

ETA: first overnight was at 1 year. He was still nursing at night until 9 mo and I didn't want to make family do that. By a year he was a good enough sleeper and not eating from 7-7 and the opportunity came up to leave him for 24 hrs. Since then the longest we've left him was 3 days/nights (once for a trip and once to have DD).

[rainbowbridge14]

My BFF babysat M a lot early on. I know both her and MIL watched M while H and I went out for a few hours.

I also have used a service. My employer has a backup care program where they will find you a nanny/babysitter from a service. We used it when we were still finding permanant care for her. I felt fine doing that but maybe I am just breezy aab it.

[mrsrodgersaz]

We haven't had anyone but my sister babysit but that's because we have two crazy dogs and I don't want to subject anyone who doesn't know them to have to deal with them.

We did our first overnight away from C when he was about 8-9 months. I was still BFing but I just left bottles for him and pumped while we were away. I made sure there was a fridge in our hotel room and brought a cooler along to transport the milk back home.

[nikiswimr]

I need to get on care.com... I actually would trust someone friends recommend more than care.com but no one has shared their babysitter. Up til now only my mother or sister has watched E. I need to get on finding a babysitter.

[bocaburger]

I say do it earlier rather than later. The longer you wait, the harder it will be. And when they are younger they are less aware - once they hit separation anxiety (7ish months) it can be tougher. The first time I left the babies with someone for a couple hours they were probably a month old, but I had watched her with them in my presence and was very close by in case something happened. When they were 3 months we had a wedding out of town and used a friend of a friend, but we were staying in the hotel where the wedding was.

Recently (6.5 months) we had to leave them with my ILs for 2 days/3 nights. I was honestly terrified but it went way better than expected and now I know I can do it.