Birth story regrets

[DVMmomma]

Hi all, me again. I feel like I'm asking for a lot of advice these days  

We just met with our doula and we're going to get our birth plan in order today and I was hoping you all might be willing to share with me any regrets you have about your experience or even just things you wish would have gone a different way. I have NO idea what a twin birth looks like and my singleton birth didn't really count because it was so damn easy and ain't no way I'm getting off that easy twice (three times?) in a row. THANK YOU.

[kcwalza]

The only advice I have from my own experience is to make sure you are clear on who/ when you want people at the hospital. My husband and I hadn't discussed it, and when my girls came unexpectedly at 32 weeks, I was rolled into my c-section recovery room at 2am to a room full of 10 people, one being my BIL's new girlfriend I'd only met once before.

I hated it, it made an already traumatic experience worse and I really wish I had told people my wishes ahead of time.

[richzep]

Honestly, I don't think there's much you would regret. Once you have your babies, all focus shifts to them and you don't think about the birth much. At least this was the case for me both times. I am curious to see what others would say though.

[dukegirlsc]

My biggest issue was communication between doctors and nursing staff and so I would speak to my OB to ask specifically what their plan for me postpartum was going to be (meds, discharge etc). Maybe it was an issue for me because other OB's were rounding on me daily and it didn't seem like they were communicating between themselves and so I feel like the ball got dropped on several things. I would also make sure you know exactly what to expect postpartum as far as testing for your baby, who will be in and out of your room because mine was like Grand Central Station and it was completely overwhelming!

[dke2010]

This is probably unusual, but I wish I hadn't agreed to get an epidural. I had a drug-free birth with my first that was great! My OB wanted me to have it since I was delivering twins, but it caused extreme blood pressure issues.

[requiressnacks]

I wish I hadn't told my family I was in labor until after I was done. So many uninvited people showed up and I am still haunted by the fact that I had a full room of people when I was attempting to BF for the first time. SO MUCH RESENTMENT.

[jd]

I was put on magnesium for pre-e all through labor and delivery as well as for the first 24 hours after I delivered the babies. That sucked big-time because I don't even really remember the first day of the babies' lives clearly. I was also not allowed to get out of bed for the first 24 hours. It wasn't great, but I was really glad I didn't have a "birth plan" because I would have struggled with the disappointment otherwise. I was just relieved that the babies were healthy and everything went smoothly.

[schmella]

I was very specific about who would be notified and when as far as delivery was concerned. My dad wanted to know "the second it started!" Yeah no. My sister had strict instructions to call him when I had delivered so I would have time alone (he lives an hour away). The hospital we delivered at has a strict 2 visitor policy in recovery so we at least had respite from crazy people that first night.
My only regret really was FTM related stuff. I was in denial about the ACTUAL birth process and only did one BF class. I wish I had paid better attention to what happens in the early days so I could have been better prepared.
Oh and I didn't get to shower for like 30 hrs after birth. 24hrs was due to meds from pre e but the last six was because of a shift change and one shitty nurse- I wish MH had been a better advocate for me but it was pretty overwhelming for him.
I had no expectations... I think that helps. I gave up on all my lofty ideas of natural stuff when I started fertility treatments and got pregnant with multiples. My only goal was for three healthy humans at the end of the day.

[DVMmomma]

Mar 25, 2017 18:43:10 GMT -5 dke2010 said:

This is probably unusual, but I wish I hadn't agreed to get an epidural. I had a drug-free birth with my first that was great! My OB wanted me to have it since I was delivering twins, but it caused extreme blood pressure issues.

This is a big question mark for me too. My first was med free and amazing but with these two part of me feels like an epidural is the right choice in case I need breech extraction or c section. Good to hear you think you would have been ok without it!

[nomnom]

I regret not telling some staff and a bunch of "patient education" people to leave me the F alone.

[jd]

Mar 25, 2017 23:51:17 GMT -5 @feegan said:

I don't go here because I have no birth story regrets; I had no expectations other than get us all to the finish line safe and healthy. They did. I'm normally a very type-a person but I just knew that for this moment, I needed to trust my team so I wouldn't make myself insane with all the what ifs. (I ended up with an emergency cs due to pre-e that was anything but "emergency," was a totally chill experience all things considered.)

What I do regret is not taking more pics. I felt awful from the blood pressure meds because of the pre-e and didn't get a timely shower so I kept waving off any requests for pics. MH snapped one of me holding them both without my knowing and it's so beautiful. I look so terrible, but also so full of joy and love.

I do not regret not telling anyone but immediate family about the birth until we left the hospital and not allowing anyone but our parents to visit while we were there. It was an overwhelming enough experience without an audience.

Like you, I had no birth plan whatsoever. I didn't even make a decision on photos, but my husband took some of the birth in the OR and I value those super intimate photos so, so much, especially because I was horribly woozy from the pre-e meds (also like you).

[elvenqueen]

Just gonna echo what @feegan said almost exactly. I had a rough plan but I was definitely ready to change it at the drop of a hat to make sure the three of us were safe. I went with an epidural just in case there were interventions needed and I'd be good to go, and I'm so glad I did -- I really enjoyed the whole process from start of the epidural to finish.

And I did not take enough pictures. Like, we took photos, but somehow there are only photos of me holding A on his own, not E.

[piccyami]

Mar 26, 2017 9:13:49 GMT -5 jd said:

Mar 25, 2017 23:51:17 GMT -5 @feegan said:

I don't go here because I have no birth story regrets; I had no expectations other than get us all to the finish line safe and healthy. They did. I'm normally a very type-a person but I just knew that for this moment, I needed to trust my team so I wouldn't make myself insane with all the what ifs. (I ended up with an emergency cs due to pre-e that was anything but "emergency," was a totally chill experience all things considered.)

What I do regret is not taking more pics. I felt awful from the blood pressure meds because of the pre-e and didn't get a timely shower so I kept waving off any requests for pics. MH snapped one of me holding them both without my knowing and it's so beautiful. I look so terrible, but also so full of joy and love.

I do not regret not telling anyone but immediate family about the birth until we left the hospital and not allowing anyone but our parents to visit while we were there. It was an overwhelming enough experience without an audience.

Like you, I had no birth plan whatsoever. I didn't even make a decision on photos, but my husband took some of the birth in the OR and I value those super intimate photos so, so much, especially because I was horribly woozy from the pre-e meds (also like you).

This.  And I wish I had taken more photos with not a camera phone.  I don't think we have any pictures of H holding either baby in the hospital.

[requiressnacks]

Mar 27, 2017 8:25:13 GMT -5 piccyami said:

Mar 26, 2017 9:13:49 GMT -5 jd said:

Like you, I had no birth plan whatsoever. I didn't even make a decision on photos, but my husband took some of the birth in the OR and I value those super intimate photos so, so much, especially because I was horribly woozy from the pre-e meds (also like you).

This.  And I wish I had taken more photos with not a camera phone.  I don't think we have any pictures of H holding either baby in the hospital.

YESSSSS. I insisted we use our digital camera for photos of delivery and afterwards and I'm so happy I did. The quality was really nice and I think the nurses were more comfortable taking pics, rather than if I handed them an iphone that could lock, etc. (PS - my whole family makes fun of me because I still use a "real" camera, but honestly the pics are way nicer)

And make your husband take pics of you and the babies.

Also, take some videos if you can. I didn't and I seriously regret not having some video of the babies and their cuteness from the early days.

[Becca]

I regret not having a hospital bag packed- don't wait like I did. I was going to pack it at 34 weeks, but I didn't make it that far. Having DH and my mom trying to find the stuff I wanted/needed when I was stuck at the hospital wasn't ideal. (Though I did manage without it!)

[Deleted]

I wound up with an unscheduled C-section 5 days before my scheduled C-section date due to preeclampsia. (Both babies were breech.) I wound up having them at nearly 10pm at night because I had eaten lunch right before my routine doctor's appointment. No family came to the hospital that night - which was fine, I didn't want anyone there during the birth and our parents live over 2 hours away and would have only been allowed to see the girls for a few minutes at best before being kicked out of the hospital. I did NOT wind up with my first choice in doctors (my practice had 5 doctors at the time). BUT, I DID wind up with my second choice doctor, which made me SO happy. (There was one doctor who I absolutely hated.)

I have zero birth regrets.

As soon as I heard the word "twins" at my first ultrasound at 6w5d, I pretty much said "I don't care how they are born, so long as we all come out of it happy and healthy." So that was my birth plan. I had no ideas of med-free births, or birthing tubs, or playing specific music during delivery or anything. It really helped. Of course, since my girls are IVF babies, I pretty much gave up on the idea of anything being in my control when it comes to pregnancy and birth. (If it was in my control, I would have gotten pregnant for free on our first month off birth control.)

The only regret I have is that I was never able to breastfeed. They refused to latch and I never produced more than a few dribbles of milk. (An hour of pumping would give me, at best, 2oz of milk.) I gave them what I could, of course, but 8 weeks in, made the decision to stop pumping to save my sanity/save me from becoming depressed over my failure, as I saw it.

But the birth? We all came out happy and healthy with no complications, so I'm totally at peace with how it all went down.

[DVMmomma]

Thanks everyone! I'm totally cool with rolling with the punches and it sounds like more often than not that has to be the case! I just wanted to have a general plan for 1. If c-section then... or 2. if vaginal then...

Great points on taking lots of pictures (happily we have a great real camera and a doula for this) and keeping visitors out! I warned DH that I wanted this to be the case and he agreed so that's good.

[Deleted]

@wineandcupcakes - My final straw was when I was at my 8 week PP check and my gyno felt my breasts and was "yeah, I can't feel any milk in there." I tried for a few more days, and was getting MAYBE an ounce per hour of pumping. I felt guilty as hell stopping, but I instantly felt relief too - all that pressure to make time for pumping and bonding and being solo with the girls while DH was working (he went back around 2 weeks after the birth) was gone and I felt so much happier, despite the regret of not being able to provide breastmilk.

Good luck to you as you make this (hard!) decision.

[Deleted]

Also, one thing I wish I'd done is cart my hospital bag along in my car everywhere I went. DH had to run home (30mins each way) while I was getting the epidural placed because we had no idea the girls would be born that day. I had my bag packed for weeks, sitting in my guest room, just waiting to go, so it was easy for him. I know he would have been shooed out of the room as the epidural was going in, but I felt so bad for DH - his dinner wound up being cookies he ate on the drive back to the hospital because he was so afraid he would miss something. (He didn't. We had hours before they were ready to take me into the OR because I'd eaten too recently.)

[piccyami]

Mar 28, 2017 9:58:59 GMT -5 @wineandcupcakes said:

Mar 27, 2017 23:03:34 GMT -5 @twinstars said:

@wineandcupcakes - My final straw was when I was at my 8 week PP check and my gyno felt my breasts and was "yeah, I can't feel any milk in there." I tried for a few more days, and was getting MAYBE an ounce per hour of pumping. I felt guilty as hell stopping, but I instantly felt relief too - all that pressure to make time for pumping and bonding and being solo with the girls while DH was working (he went back around 2 weeks after the birth) was gone and I felt so much happier, despite the regret of not being able to provide breastmilk.

Good luck to you as you make this (hard!) decision.

I haven't pumped since 4:30pm on Sunday. I keep telling myself that "today I'll pump 8 times!" But with getting so little and it taking so much time, ugh. Especially now that they are getting more interactive and requiring some entertainment. I just feel that even if I pump 2ml every 3 days that in somehow doing something. Stopping entirely makes me feel so guilty. It sucks.

Before I got to the point that I was ready to truly give up pumping, I bought a manual pump and managed to get more in far less time for a few weeks.  I pumped more often because it was so much easier to start and stop when I needed to do something (like pick up a baby or go get food).

[piccyami]

Mar 28, 2017 15:22:41 GMT -5 @wineandcupcakes said:

Mar 28, 2017 10:32:05 GMT -5 piccyami said:

Before I got to the point that I was ready to truly give up pumping, I bought a manual pump and managed to get more in far less time for a few weeks.  I pumped more often because it was so much easier to start and stop when I needed to do something (like pick up a baby or go get food).

I've actually felt like I wanted to do this. I'm using s hospital grade pump now but I would end up benefitting more from a manual since I would do it more. Any recommendations?

I bought this one: www.target.com/p/medela-harmony-manual-breast-pump/-/A-528690

It worked pretty well and was easy to clean.  I definitely pumped more often with it than I did with the pisa I had.  I also felt it was more effective and more comfortable (maybe because I could control the pressure easier?)

[Deleted]

Mar 28, 2017 10:32:05 GMT -5 piccyami said:

Mar 28, 2017 9:58:59 GMT -5 @wineandcupcakes said:

I haven't pumped since 4:30pm on Sunday. I keep telling myself that "today I'll pump 8 times!" But with getting so little and it taking so much time, ugh. Especially now that they are getting more interactive and requiring some entertainment. I just feel that even if I pump 2ml every 3 days that in somehow doing something. Stopping entirely makes me feel so guilty. It sucks.

Before I got to the point that I was ready to truly give up pumping, I bought a manual pump and managed to get more in far less time for a few weeks.  I pumped more often because it was so much easier to start and stop when I needed to do something (like pick up a baby or go get food).

I never thought to try a manual pump, just used my electric one.  I did hand express as much as I could and often got a little extra out that way when the pump wasn't getting anything.