50 Shades review

[esmerelda]

So my old English teacher saw the movie and gave his review so I'm going to post it here for your entertainment. This man has showed me some amazing movies over the years and has always been a big movie guy so I take his reviews quite seriously.



★☆☆☆☆ ★☆☆☆☆ All right friends. I've endured the suffering so that you won't have to. Unless you already did. In which case I have nothing but pity for you. This film has absolutely nothing to recommend it. Unless you've never seen a woman's breasts. But seeing that if you're reading this you have Internet access, that should take care of that. I did giggle throughout the entire movie because the things the characters say and do are so hilariously ridiculous that one can do nothing BUT giggle. As absurd as everything in this movie is, the film takes itself 135% seriously. Jamie Dornan takes his role more seriously than cancer, and would someone PLEASE get Dakota Johnson some chewing gum before she gnaws that bottom lip off? Sheesh. Even the score/soundtrack is completely off.

Oh, and "erotic" or "arousing"? Pffffft. Not even close. And the bondage material is VERY vanilla. It's so painfully obvious that this is descended from Twilight.

PS: A "Dominant" would never drink only WHITE wine. Seriously.

PPS: Real men don't go commando in jeans. FAR. TOO. DANGEROUS.

[TheEleventhHour]

HA! Yeah I figured it would be a good laugh. I will totally watch it once it is on Netflix.

[esmerelda]

Feb 17, 2015 18:28:34 GMT -5 TheEleventhHour said:

HA! Yeah I figured it would be a good laugh. I will totally watch it once it is on Netflix.

Oh yea I will get my wine on with some vanilla porn once it's free haha. 

[tonksy]

Feb 17, 2015 18:33:29 GMT -5 esmerelda said:

Feb 17, 2015 18:28:34 GMT -5 TheEleventhHour said:

HA! Yeah I figured it would be a good laugh. I will totally watch it once it is on Netflix.

Oh yea I will get my wine on with some vanilla porn once it's free haha. 

Totally stealing this idea!

[eyenigh]

My very flamboyant employee saw it last Friday and he described it only as "80 minutes of nipple."

[smalltownmoon]

This is brilliant!

[namastebiotches]

Feb 18, 2015 8:47:26 GMT -5 eyenigh said:

My very flamboyant employee saw it last Friday and he described it only as "80 minutes of nipple."

This is what I heard too.
Just boobs. Wow. Kewl.

[helenahhandbasket]

People go commando in jeans? All I can think is of all of that extra laundry that would create.

[TheEleventhHour]

Feb 18, 2015 9:47:47 GMT -5 helenahhandbasket said:

People go commando in jeans? All I can think is of all of that extra laundry that would create.

Right?!

[esmerelda]

Feb 18, 2015 9:47:47 GMT -5 helenahhandbasket said:

People go commando in jeans? All I can think is of all of that extra laundry that would create.

I used to in highschool, underwear of all forms were seriously over rated for a very long time in my world. Looking back way too much laundry.

[BostonKisses]

This is one of the best things I've read all day. Hilarious!

The reviews on rottentomatoes.com are pretty fantastic as well.

[emarieme]

So I saw it....and it was awesome, and also terrible, but stil awesome because abs. Champagne helps.

They are both better actors than I had expected. There were times when it almost seemed like they knew the material was terrible and just went full throttle with it so it almost felt, funny/ironic? I'm not sure what word I'm looking for.

They dropped the non-con stuff From the book, as well as the majority of her terrible self esteem issues. The movie Ana is much more tolerable than the book Ana.

Also, abs.