TTCAL 4/11-4/17

[Rama]

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive, after a loss, every week.

Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.

**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**

How are you doing?

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent):

QOTW: What do you most look forward to on vacation? Sights, attractions, food, entertainment?

[Rama]

How are you doing? Okay (and I mean it, too)

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): IDFK

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS, EP, MMC, oglio-/anovulation

Updates/questions: I think I've turned an emotional corner this week/end. I do feel a lot better, more like myself. I'm happy for that. **nerd alert** I think that's seriously attributed to playing Halo last weekend and a new event starting today in Overwatch. Usually, I just cuddle with MrRama on the couch while he plays whatever game atm. But being hyped up and excited for something has kind of reset me and it feels good. I still need to clean the house some and clear off my desk to play Overwatch tonight, but that seems much less daunting now that I'm in a good mood.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I don't really have one. MrRama still gets sad moments every few days, so my downer is that I wish he had people to talk through this with like I do. He doesn't have a problem with forums, but he isn't much of a contributor, either, which is why I'm pretty sure he hasn't been gung-ho to join TCF. There may also be a thing about it being "mine", but I don't think that'd matter if he really did want to join. I know everyone here and on the Dads boards would welcome him with open arms. He's just not social enough.

QOTW: What do you most look forward to on vacation? Sights, attractions, food, entertainment? Attractions and entertainment for me. When I go on vacation, I go to do things.

[mflowers929]

How are you doing? TTC wise? I'm starting to get really anxious

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Benched

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions: My appointment is next week, so hopefully I'll actually have something more to say then. I'm thinking that the first thing that will happen is my going to get my IUD out and getting my cycles regular again so we can see what needs to be done

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I'm still f-ing dizzy and I'm so over it!! I was going to go with H when he went to the gym so I could go to the store and just walk home, but he had me shake my head, and yeah... So here I sit, folding clothes and wishing I could go further than my front porch.

QOTW: What do you most look forward to on vacation? Sights and food! I love seeing the different scenery, and yeah, I'm a bit of a foodie lol. I actually gained 10 lbs in my 10 day trip to Holland in October, oops!

[ajetter]

How are you doing? Overall good, though I still have my moments.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, CD30/11DPO, BFN yesterday

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions: Some religion talk, but by no means trying to argue anything... At church on Sunday the message was about unmet expectations with God and where to go from there. It was actually really good for me. I've struggled a lot with thinking that I was being punished (or just having some bad karma) for not being the best Christian, or not being the best mom, etc. Things I know aren't true but are sometimes hard to shake.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): During the message he asked people to raise their hands if they'd gone through certain hardships in life. Sickness, loss, divorce, etc. When he said 'raise your hand if you've suffered a miscarriage' I just freaking froze. I've talked about it openly with some people, but not in a truly public setting. I couldn't breathe and I couldn't move. It wasn't a reaction I expected from myself.

QOTW: What do you most look forward to on vacation? Sights, attractions, food, entertainment? I think it really depends on where we are going. I love food, but if we were going to, say, vegas or new york I'd be more excited about entertainment.

[Rama]

Huge hugs, ajetter. That's a normal reaction to have.

[kariann12]

How are you doing? Pretty good, much better than last week.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): waiting for first post m/c period, but not TTA by any means.

Diagnosis (if applicable): unexplained IF

Updates/questions: No updates really. My sister came to visit last weekend and it was great to hang out. She has been super supportive, so it was nice to have her around.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I still can't believe this happened. When I think about it, it's almost like I'm reading about someone else's life. It's so weird.

QOTW: What do you most look forward to on vacation? Sights, attractions, food, entertainment? Food for sure!

I'm glad you're doing better Rama. I hear you on turning that corner, I feel like I've done it too.

Sorry for the unexpected reaction ajetter. I'd probably do the same thing. I do well when I have time to plan a response.

[Rama]

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better, too, kariann12! Yay for a good weekend with your sister! <3

[scoutradley]

How are you doing? Decent, other than a headache today.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): PID

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent): its CD4 and I was irrationally disappointed that I didn't get a BFP. I knew our timing sucked but I let my friend get my hopes up. That is a definite no next time. It definitely was a close to tears moment when AF showed. I'm definitely going to be careful to not get my hopes up next month.

QOTW: What do you most look forward to on vacation? Sights, attractions, food, entertainment? I have only been on four vacations, two of which were to Disney:Universal, so idk. It's not the food. At Disney/Universal, it's the attractions.

[mflowers929]

Apr 11, 2017 19:53:01 GMT -5 scoutradley said:

How are you doing? Decent, other than a headache today.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): PID

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent): its CD4 and I was irrationally disappointed that I didn't get a BFP. I knew our timing sucked but I let my friend get my hopes up. That is a definite no next time. It definitely was a close to tears moment when AF showed. I'm definitely going to be careful to not get my hopes up next month.

QOTW: What do you most look forward to on vacation? Sights, attractions, food, entertainment? I have only been on four vacations, two of which were to Disney:Universal, so idk. It's not the food. At Disney/Universal, it's the attractions.

I'm sorry you had such a rough go with AF. The clusterfuck that was my emotions at the end of every month during TTC was a big part of the reason H and I decided to put it on a shelf for a little while. It really is it's own special kind of hell after a loss =(

[Deleted]

How are you doing? OK. I blew up at DH on the weekend about something trivial. I was trying to control things that weren't control able, and I apologized so we are good now.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): ?? My blood tests are now coming back at <1, and I have a Dr appointment tomorrow (Thursday). I assume I'm benched, but I will confirm at my appointment.

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS, hypothyroid, RH neg

Updates/questions: (see status)

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I'm in a much better place after getting the blood work results. Before I got those I was worried that every ache was some sort of issue.

QOTW: What do you most look forward to on vacation? Sights, attractions, food, entertainment?

I love seeing new places and eating all of the delicious food

[scoutradley]

@nevertoomanyshoes I had a loss at about 6 weeks. I was told that as soon as I stopped bleeding that we could TTC again. I personally decided to wait for the first cycle AL to start TTC again because I just couldn't handle trying that same month.
Also welcome, I'm so sorry you find yourself here.

[scoutradley]

Rama I'm glad you're doing okay. Feeling a little normal is a good step. My H had a hard time with the loss as well. I've mentioned before that we had a stomach virus when I miscarried. Well when I was miscarrying he was in the throes of the worst part of the virus. It made me feel really alone because no one could come to help and because H was so sick he was in no condition to comfort me or fully grieve himself. Once he went back to work it hit him hard but he mistakenly thought I was over the worst part of my sadness and didn't want to bring it up and make it worse again, so he started smoking again to handle to stress. Thankfully he did quit just 3 weeks later. Anyway, I guess I'm trying to say that it seems men have no real outlet for the pain of loss and tend to be overlooked in these situations and it's very sad.

mflowers929 it's definitely a roller coaster of emotions. Part of me is already ready to let go of actively TTC and start NTNP just so I don't feel so crazy every month but the other part doesn't want to give up so quickly.

[mflowers929]

@nevertoomanyshoes, welcome, and I'm sorry that you find yourself here.
As for the info, it really is whatever your OB says. They all have differing ideas of how to heal, but as a general rule, with a CP, if you're ready to try again right away, then you're pretty free to go for it.

[sarahh]

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): Unknown infertility

Updates/questions: I bought some Wondfo OPK this cycle to pinpoint when I ovulate and it's right in the middle of the fertility period that I was getting from online ovulation calendars. I was kind of hoping it was outside the window so I would have something to change this cycle and hopefully get KO.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Another friend is pregnant. I am happy for her because she had a late term loss many years ago, but its hard for me to not think negatively. I just feel like everyone is pregnant.

QOTW: What do you most look forward to on vacation? Sights, attractions, food, entertainment? Depends on the trip. Food and drinks for sure.

[ajetter]

@nevertoomanyshoes , I'm sorry you're finding yourself here. I agree with PP that the general rule is to use your OB's guidelines. However I will say the ACOG website (American College of Obstetrics and Gyn or whatever...) states that with a natural first trimester loss, there is no need to wait to try again, except possibly for dating purposes. I'll share my CP experience...

SPOILER: Click to show

SPOILER: Click to show

{Anecdotal CP story...}
I had a CP similar to what you're describing in 2014. Definite lines, a couple days past 5 weeks, not a 'I tested super early' CP. We started trying again as soon as I stopped bleeding and conceived our third on that cycle. I debated whether or not to wait, but ultimately I'm glad I didn't for obvious reasons. Obviously trying immediately doesn't mean you'll get pregnant immediately, but do you think you'll regret not trying that cycle? Admittedly the beginning of the pregnancy wasn't very exciting for me, I was still emotional from the CP. But it all turned out well.

[Rama]

Apr 12, 2017 15:45:39 GMT -5 @nevertoomanyshoes said:

Thanks everyone, it's nice to be somewhere so supportive even though it really sucks we even need this place. Hope that came out right!

I'm scared to try again but I think I we will. After my first loss I tried somewhat obsessively, don't want to be like that again!

*hugs*  You can always come to us when you need us. <3

[mflowers929]

@nevertoomanyshoes, that's definitely a sentiment that many of us here share, so no worries *hugs*

[mflowers929]

Wooow, just read something kind of depressing... apparently having two consecutive losses only happens to about 4% of women. Definitely not a statistic I wanted to be part of...

[Rama]

Apr 12, 2017 19:27:23 GMT -5 mflowers929 said:

Wooow, just read something kind of depressing... apparently having two consecutive losses only happens to about 4% of women. Definitely not a statistic I wanted to be part of...

*hugs*  Statistics can go diaf.

[Rama]

So I'm attempting to revive the CAL board to get some more traffic and make it another safe place to be when GKU isn't the right place for the day. If any or all of you would like to jump in on the thread I made today, feel free!

I hope there's enough need there to help people when they're going through or trying to bounce back from a recent loss. <3

[scoutradley]

***TW BFP, LC and abortion mentioned**
Today someone who is in a horrible relationship, who doesn't hold down a job, who doesn't have her own place to live, who uses her kid against her SO (who is yet again her ex-SO) and who is very young told me she is KU and was being pressured by her ex to abort. Makes me mad that they were TTC considering how completely horrible their relationship and circumstances are. It also makes me mad that I had to tell her she should not make a decision to abort based off of pressure from her ex. I just lost a baby. I am not in a good place to be talking about abortion. It's depressing to me that she can get pregnant and people who are doing all "right" can't. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

[scoutradley]

**so many TW** misspatty I hope everything works out for her too. I wouldn't want her to get an abortion because someone else want is threatening/pressuring her. I just asked her to take her ex's pressure out of the equation and think about how she felt. She isn't a stellar mom and her and her ex play petty games and manipulate a lot, but no one needs to be threatened to make a decision like that. I'm just trying to give healthy advice and keep my emotions out of it. Thankfully coming here and venting it helped a lot.

[rm2013]

Hi ladies, I've been lurking for a bit and wanted to finally intro. I had a loss last month and a loss in October, both around the 9w mark and resulting in D&Cs.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Benched

Diagnosis (if applicable): none yet for me, waiting on genetic testing results for the baby

Updates/questions: Have a RE appt in May, hoping to get some answers

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Just having a hard time coming to terms with everything, I bounced back quickly from the first one but this one is hitting me extra hard. Add me to the 4% club 😞

QOTW: What do you most look forward to on vacation? Sights, attractions, food, entertainment? Food first, the sights!

[Rama]

*hugs* rm2013

[scoutradley]

rm2013 I'm so so sorry. *hugs**

[rm2013]

Thanks ladies. Heck I want to hug you all too.

[ajetter]

rm2013 I'm so sorry for your losses

[esgrunner]

Hi rm2013! Glad to see you found your way over. Sorry you are here.

[esgrunner]

I don't think I posted yet this week. Excuse me if I did...to lazy to go back and check!

How are you doing? Actually, having a great weekend. I'm off until next Thursday and the weather is beautiful so I'm enjoying each day as best I can.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): none yet, going to see RE for first appt on Monday

Updates/questions: found out it took my grandmother 7 years to get pregnant (not sure if I came to mention that here); also found out my dad had a mystery brother I never knew about, he died around age 5 before my dad was even born but that was weird to hear about, my mom thinks he had some sort of condition like maybe CF

Debbie downer (a place to vent): nothing yet, I'm using opks this month still even though my cycle may be way out of whack so I might get annoyed with those. CM looks like it is ramping up to o though

QOTW: What do you most look forward to on vacation? Sights, attractions, food, entertainment?
Sights, experiencing a new culture (including the food!)....we are doing a family trip to Iceland for our 5 year wedding anniversary trip this summer and I can't wait to see the landscapes and geological formations! 

[scoutradley]

@nevertoomanyshoes yep always!