Advice and Well Wishes for D'17

[emilie]

Well, proving that time flies - we're all about a year out from when we found out that we were pregnant, and, to that end, D'17 is now up and running. Crazy!  

Since the ladies from D'15 were kind enough to do this for us, I was hoping we could put together an advice and good wishes thread for D'17. Post your words of wisdom and good thoughts here, and when we've got a good thread going I will go link to it on the D'17 board!

[mrsp121308]

First, congratulations!! If you are a FTM, this is going to be such a huge adventure for you, enjoy every single second.

-Don't sweat the small stuff. MILs can be annoying, don't get worked up every time they bug you. It will just stress you out.

-Put yourself and your pregnancy first. Want to take a nap but need laundry done, don't be afraid to make your SO help.

-Just enjoy it. 40 weeks seems sooooo long (and trust me, it'll feel long too) but it isn't. D-day will sneak up on you and you'll be holding your baby before you know it. Savor every kick, roll, and punch because there's nothing more amazing than feeling your baby moving inside of you.

-Don't be afraid to do what you and SO want to do. Whether that's, only you guys in the delivery room, no visitors after, or choosing a name. Don't let other people's' opinions get you down. This is your baby, not their's.

Wishing you ladies all a happy and healthy 9 months!!

[Deleted]

All that mrsp121308 said plus:
- Motherhood maternity has sales all the time, don't spend full price there!

- For every person that likes Motherhood's jeans there's someone who hates them, same for Old Navy and H&M. Try before you buy.

- A lot of us found relief from acupuncture and chiropractic care. If you find yourself in pain or uncomfortable, I think many of us would say give them a try.

- Your doctor/midwife will not think you are silly if you call them about something. They would rather you call and it be nothing then the other way around.

- make plans for the major holidays now. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hannukah, New Years. Have a contingency plan too. We had babies born in early November and into January. Some had itty-bitties to contend with, some of us waited through several holidays thinking the baby would be here and they were no shows.

-read the c-section and induction chapters in the pregnancy book. Even if you are planning to go natural or have a vaginal delivery it's nice to have the info just in case.

Happy and Healthy 9 months to all. I hope your board is as great as ours has been.

[requiressnacks]

Congratulations!!! Finding out I was pregnant was such an amazing time. If anyone is carrying multiples and/or a rainbow, try your hardest to enjoy every second that you are pregnant. I know you are probably freaking out, but really - there is nothing quite like carrying a baby (or two!).

Now here's my advice for pregnancy and after you give birth:

1. Get professional maternity pics. I know, I know - they are so expensive and it's all about the baby, right? Well, I was a skeptic and I absolutely love my maternity pictures. Also, +1 for newborn pics.

2. You don't need ALL THE THINGS. If you're feeling overwhelmed the amount of stuff you think you need, always err on the side of less. Carseat? Yes. Most expensive crib ever? No. (At almost 6 months, my littles have literally never slept in their crib. They are still in pack n plays). Along the same lines, embrace consignment/pre-loved items. I have no regrets about getting 2 used cribs, 2 used carseats (from a trusted source!), 2 used swings, and lots of used clothes.

3. Take naps. All the naps.

4. Go on vacations. The best I felt my whole pregnancy was August. I was so happy that we were in Cape Cod at that time. I swam in the ocean every day and took nice, long walks. It was such a great time in my pregnancy and I'll always remember that.

5. Be happy that you are having a baby at such a fun time of year. Don't let people make you feel bad for being due in December or close to Christmas. Your baby is literally the best Christmas present ever. (I had mine in November, but my birthday is 12/22 and I have no issues with it)

6. Don't let anyone be at the hospital that you don't want there. I have regrets in this area, it sucks.

7. Shit will get crazy in your relationship after you have the baby (for the FTMs). If you are married, have a rule that you don't throw around the D word. Just try to work through it and communicate, communicate, communicate. Also, things said in the middle of the night should stay there.

8. Find trusted people to watch your baby and get out of the house. Also, in the early days try to shower daily. It helps.

Good luck, ladies!

[Becca]

Congrats! I hope you all have a wonderful pregnancy.

1 - Pack your hospital bag early! I didn't have one packed yet when my two came at 33 weeks. I survived, but having my own pillow that first night would have been nice.

2 - Take lots of pictures. If you can get professional maternity and newborn photos. I do not regret spending money on these at all.

3 - Take all the date nights, girls nights out and trips you can now. Also, mocktails can be fun.

4 - It is perfectly acceptable to tell you DH to sleep in the guest room/on the couch/etc so you can get a good night sleep. It is also perfectly acceptable to hog the good pillows to support yourself.

5 - Morning sickness is normal. Excessive morning sickness is not. Do not feel any shame in talking to your OB about taking nausea medication if your MS is interfering with your ability to function.

6 - Consignment shops/sales are AWESOME.

7 - It's ok if your pregnancy/delivery doesn't go the way you planned. At the end of the day if you still end up with a happy, healthy baby (or babies) that is all that matters.

[lastnamewithheld]

OMG IT'S BEEN A YEAR ALREADY!!! I MISS BEING PREGNANT!!!!!

Ok, I'm done making this about me! (maybe!)


Everyone has had great advice. Trust your gut, buy/borrow used baby stuff, take pictures/have pictures taken, and make special time with your partner--whatever that means for you as a couple.

Time goes by so fast, enjoy every moment! And if you don't like being pregnant, it *still* goes so fast, and before you know it, it'll be all over and you'll have your new baby in your arms!

Speaking from the other side of the IF world, this is SOOO much easier to say, but honestly, stressing about every little thing doesn't help anything. Get excited. Be excited. Take it one day at a time. Get a doppler. I used mine at LEAST weekly until I could feel movement. (from like 10 weeks through 24 weeks) Take bloat/blump/bump pics. I look back at mine frequently and then look over at the sleeping little boy next to me and I still marvel that this little creature grew (Inside of a body that I've resented for years beforehand; that I constantly felt betrayed by) from a little 4 cell morula to a 7lb 9oz bundle of awesomeness. IF is a tricky beast, and being pregnant after IF is a similar, yet still difficult one. You can do this. TODAY YOU ARE PREGNANT!

Take care of yourself and give yourself a break. Tired? take a break. Hungry? Eat! You're doing something incredible! Make time to do things that bring you joy!

Congratulations, D17! You're all doing a great job, and you're going to be great parents! YOU GOT THIS!!!

[lola]

Yay! December babies! I'm so happy for y'all. Everyone already gave amazing advice, so apologies for any repeats. Here's what I'll add:

-Buy the baby stuff that fits with your lifestyle, not what everyone says you need. We skipped some things that I knew we wouldn't use, and got other things that I knew we'd love. If you're active, go for the nicer stroller (with rubber tires!). And register for the big stuff, even if it feels weird! We had so many generous friends and family who went in together to get our bigger items, and it was a huge help. Also, if you have two cars you use regularly, get the second car-seat base. Those things are a hassle to move.

-Get good photos. Pay for professional photos, unless you've got some photo skills. We took our own photos (I invested in photography lessons), and I was very happy with them. But I also had a backup plan in case they didn't turn out. It's definitely money well spent.

-Make a baby bucket list. Our life isn't that different than it was before. We still do the things we want to do, they just take more planning. So before your babe arrives, make a list of things you want to do and check them off. It's fun bonding time with your partner, and it's good to take advantage of being spontaneous while you can. Again, you can still do everything you did before, it just won't be at the drop of a hat.

-Trust your instincts (AND DRINK LOTS OF WATER). Around 37 weeks, my baby started acting differently than normal (not moving as much), and I just knew something was off. We went into the hospital, and it turned out I was dehydrated. As soon as I downed a bunch of water, she was kicking around like crazy. I know it's easy to get lost in all of the craziness with pregnancy and holidays, but make sure to take care of yourself and drink all of the water.

-If you're interested in breastfeeding, take a class with a International Board-Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC). It really, really helps to be armed with as much information as possible before the baby arrives. And make your partner attend class with you. When you're tired and freaking out, it helps to have someone else know the ins and outs of breastfeeding too. Also, cluster feeding is normal! And it gets better. Don't think your baby will be attached to your boob every two hours for the next year. And if breastfeeding doesn't work out, that's totally fine. Pump or get formula and move on. No shame. Fed is best. Period.

-Have a birth plan, but recognize that you can't really plan. Don't get so caught up in the details that you don't enjoy (ha!) the birth experience. By the time I got admitted to the hospital, I was already dilated to a 7. That was definitely not part of my plan. Advocate for what you want, but realize that babies make their own plans. Also, take the Golden Hour with your baby. Relax and soak it in before you let other people meet the baby. It's such a special time.

-It's been said before, but you're in charge of who visits at the hospital and at home. We had way more house guests that I wanted, and I wish I had just said no. It's a special time, and you don't have to share. Have people around who will help you, not make more work for you. And let them take the baby so you can sleep.

-Don't listen to the idiots who say you're spoiling your baby. It's literally not possible. It's science. Look it up. If you want to hold your baby all day or respond to every cry, then do it! If you need to walk away and let the baby cry, do that too. The most important thing is that your baby feels safe and loved, and can trust you. If anyone else comments, tell them to take a hike.

-December babies are so fun! If the holidays are important to you, stick with your traditions. But also know when to say no (coming from someone who hosted two Thanksgivings at 38 weeks!). It's fine to tell everyone else to do the work while you take a nap or whatever. After you have the baby, all attention shifts to the cutest, tiniest family member. So take advantage of the special treatment while you can.

-Every baby is different, but I swear baby-wearing is magic. During the 6-week growth spurt/peak of crying, the only thing that would calm our baby was being worn in the Ergo Baby. Find a carrier that works for you, and use it. Babies love it, and you can actually put in a load of laundry while you're using it.

-Relax while you're on maternity leave (if you're going back to work). I had so many plans to get stuff done, but most days I was just keeping the baby alive and happy. And that's literally all you need to do. Don't try to reorganize your closet (do that before the baby) or accomplish a bunch of random stuff. Your job during maternity leave is to love on that baby. I promise, you won't regret the quality time and snuggles.

I'm so excited for you! If you have quesitons, D16 is here! We're mostly on Facebook now, but we drop in this page periodically, so feel free to post. Or tag or DM.

[Lucy]

Food will never taste as good as it does in the 3rd trimester.

I will also cause acid reflux from hell.

Drink lots of water all the time. Carry it with you everywhere. Keep a bottle next to your bed.

Absolutely use pregnancy to get out of stuff you don't want to do. When else will you have such a great get out of jail free card?

You're allowed to buy baby things after the baby is born. Don't feel like you HAVE to have every single piece of bouncing/rocking/vibrating baby gear before he/she is born.

Your baby may hate the Rock N' Play.

[littlelion]

First off, congratulations on your pregnancy! There has been such great advice already shared in this thread. I'd like to add a few things for those PgAL. 

1. It's ok to call the dr/nurse for any questions or concerns you have. They are there to help and that includes easing your mind. 

2. Try to embrace the pregnancy joys (baby kicks are one) but like a pp said, it's ok not to like being pregnant. I wanted to fast forward my pregnancies so I could breathe a sigh of relief knowing baby was born and ok. 

3. Focus on the the positives esp the one day at a time, each day brings you closer to baby. 

4. Remember the PgAL mantras:

- Today I am pregnant and I love my baby.

- I am pregnant until someone tells me otherwise.

- My past does not dictate my future. A previous m/c does not mean I will have another m/c.

- Just because something sad is happening to another poster, does not mean it will happen to you. We all know m/c and complications are not contagious!

- Hope does not make bad things happen. You cannot jinx your pregnancy by creating a ticker, getting excited, or telling someone. Live in the positive!

- There is nothing I can do to prevent a m/c from happening. Worrying yourself sick doesn't prevent a m/c. And if (God forbid) it were to happen again, I know I will survive

“Be present in all things and thankful for all things.” ~Maya Angelou

[emilie]

Hi D17! Congrats to you all - hope 1st tri is not kicking your butt too much!

A few more things to add:

- Keep the tags on things/keep things in their packages until you know you will use them. I was dumb and cut the tags off of all the baby clothes I received and washed them before my DD was born. Stupid because she didn't even wear some of them, and I could have returned them for store credit.

- Figure out how to use your car seat before the baby is born. I did not do this and discovered 3 months in that H and I had been putting DD in her seat incorrectly the whole time (I felt reeeeeally dumb). Just a couple weeks ago I discovered that we had also installed our car seat base incorrectly (we had used LATCH in the middle seat, when we should have been using a seat belt). So yeah, look into this stuff.

- Take a babymoon. Even if it is quick and inexpensive and close to home. It's not impossible to travel with a little baby, but it certainly is tougher, especially if you are used to packing light

- Try to stay connected with your partner about sex, especially during 3rd tri and during the first few postpartum months, when things will very likely be not like they were pre-pregnancy. It is easy for both parties to get frustrated about sex or lack of, so communicate, and remember that there are lots of ways to be intimate that are not P in V.

- When you grow out of your "skinny clothes", put them in a bin and mark it "not to be opened until baby's 6 month birthday." Seriously. You will not want to look at those or god forbid try to squeeze into them 1 or 2 months postpartum.

- Research your insurance and budget for your hospital bill based on your copay or coinsurance amounts. Some things to keep in mind: you or your baby may need additional services beyond just the run of the mill birth stuff. Keep a cushion for this if you can. Also for some of you, your baby could be born in January, so keep that in mind as deductibles reset when the new year starts. Also, please know that once your baby is born, a fair amount of the bills are billed under THEM and not YOU. So if you have a per-person deductible on your insurance, this matters.

- If you want to breastfeed, educate yourself about it in advance - take a class, read stuff online. Breastfeeding is tough and though some people do it with no problem, a lot of people run into issues along the way. The Breastfeeding board here is amazing. Also, put nipple cream (Motherlove is great) and gel pads (Lansinoh or Ameda) in your hospital bag. Don't be afraid to ask your nurse in the hospital to have their lactation consultants come by to meet you as soon as possible.

- This is random, but one really useful thing they had in the hospital that I never would have thought to buy for home are these 4" x 4" gauze squares. You can wet them and use them as baby wipes for newborns, or you can use them as dry wipes along with wet baby wipes, or you can use them to wipe boogers, tears, whatever. As soon as I got home from the hospital I ordered a ton of these from Amazon - I keep a stack of them on the changing table and I still use them every day.

- Buy yourself some cozy winter slippers for the hospital and to use when you get home.

- Others have addressed this but it is so important to keep an open mind and to roll with the punches as they come. In May 2016 I was getting excited about having a natural birth with a midwife, doing lots of prenatal yoga, and being able to exclusively breastfeed. I ended up having a breech baby that led to a scheduled C-section, I had a preterm labor scare in 2nd tri that banned me from working out, and I was diagnosed with low milk supply. None of these things were the end of the world, though they were all disappointing for a little while. A healthy, full-term, fed baby is the ultimate goal, and it's important to keep that in mind when you're feeling down about things not going as planned.

- If you have a c-section, buy some cotton granny panties. You will not want anything low-cut near your scar for quite sometime. Also, a belly binder can really help with your stability and also not feeling like your insides are going to fall out.

- A month before your due date, make sure your house is stocked with lots of snacks. Whether or not you're breastfeeding you will need lots of snacks. Nuts, granola bars, chips, crackers, fruit, whatever.

- Prune juice and Colace. Life savers in the first month post partum.

- One last thing - having a baby at the holidays is great! I had mine the week before Xmas, and many family members were off work for Christmas and New Years, so we had a lot of helping hands around that may not have been there otherwise.

Big hugs to you all and wishing you an easy and happy rest of the year!

[Deleted]

This is such a good list. Thanks everyone!

emilie - you speak the truth re underwear. I bought up ALL of this amazing high waisted not quite spanx granny panties post-surgery and they were amazing. And +1 on the binder. I can't remember if I wore it for a month or longer, but it was so key for support and reshaping.

[tez]

This was such a thoughtful thing to do!

[notelsie]

Thank you all so much for this ❤️❤️