Relationship Aux: Venting, Questions, Advice, etc

[Deleted]

Hey ladies..


I know a lot of us are dealing with relationship ups and downs and thought it might be a good idea to have one place to share things, discuss issues, offer advice, etc.

[Deleted]

Starting it off..

What relationship help books has everyone read, why did or didn't you like them?

So far.. I've only read All Joy & No Fun -- which was really great in understanding a partner's perspective in parenting but I think we are in the throws of something else entirely with our one-on-one relationship right now and am interested in finding some books to read while we work on our own individual counseling.

[lrmrtn]

See my post in the venting thread... I'd love to hear everyone's book suggestions.

[Deleted]

Feb 18, 2015 9:27:19 GMT -5 lrmrtn said:

See my post in the venting thread... I'd love to hear everyone's book suggestions.

I wrote back to you there, but I'll repost my response

lrmrtn, one thing I have learned with my therapist is to at least acknowledge their feelings, even if you don't agree with them.. kind of the "I see that you are really hurt by this and I'm sorry that you are hurting, it was not my intention.." conversations. I have been trying to do this with DH and it seems to be helping a little..


^ Also, I find it hard to have those kind of conversations when you both are on the defensive. I know that DH won't have this kind of reaction so I just have to try to take the  lead a bit. 

[kendy20]

One book that DH and I both read that has really helped us understand each other better is The Five Love Languages.

It helps show each way people feel loved and teaches us the best ways to show love to our SO based on their love language.

The other morning DH and I had a talk about our lack of intimacy and other things. We had to remind each other of our love language and we both realized we were not doing a good job at showing each other love in the way we receive it. So we are always working on it but it's just good to know what things makes him feel loved so I know where to put the effort in.

[lrmrtn]

@bunannie, thanks for your advice. Not sure what is going to happen at this point. I told him I can't have him resenting me forever. He thinks he can just ignore it but that doesn't solve anything.

[Deleted]

Feb 18, 2015 9:53:37 GMT -5 lrmrtn said:

@bunannie, thanks for your advice. Not sure what is going to happen at this point. I told him I can't have him resenting me forever. He thinks he can just ignore it but that doesn't solve anything.

Such the man way to do things..

I've had about 5 come-to-jesus talks w/ DH since December. And even with us talking so frequently (at my request), DH still thinks that everything will just get better on its own. 

It is such an archaic way of thinking because basically they just want to wait it out while you get over everything and slip into stepford wife mode. 

I have been seeing a relationship counselor (again) on my own since a year before we got married. DH knows this.. he's tried to see psychologists but apparently just wants to discuss theories and not his self. 

I finally had to put it out there that things will not just get better because I am not happy the way things are now and I will not become happy with them if I am the only one putting in work. I insisted that he has to do his part, which means that he needs to have a person to consult with about his own side of the fence so that we can come together with progress.

DH is seeking out a therapist now, but I am to the point where I do think we need counseling because DH doesn't want to talk about anything with me.. anything at all.. not us, not his own personal issues, nothing. And even when I share really heavy stuff with him.. he says nothing. Just sits there blinking. 


He is very affectionate, loving, caring, kind etc.. but man.. I need him to break out of his shell or else I fear we will raise another batch of kids who cannot connect to or share their thoughts and feelings with other people. 

[lrmrtn]

I made an appointment to see a therapist. I can't change DH but I can change my behavior and it'd be nice to have someone neutral to talk to.