TTMA Calm Down Spaces

[lonegalathome]

We've never had one, but the kids had the bottom stair or when they were older their room. I used love and logic early magic years, so I would take them to their space and tell them, "It's ok to be upset, but your screaming hurts mommy's ears. You may come back to play/eat/etc when you are ready to be sweet." So I would keep taking them back if they came back still screaming. Pretty quickly they got the idea and coming running back saying "Be sweet, be sweet." Now as big kids I'll tell them, "that behavior is not ok at the table/play time/etc, you may go to your room until you are ready to be sweet" and they take a breath and say "ok i'll be sweet." It's been fantastic in our family but you have to be committed to it in the beginning so the kids know what's going on.

[ncjulia12]

My calm down space is my room, with the door closed, wine, and my phone. I usually need to retreat there ASAP after putting the kids to bed for anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour. If anyone dares to enter my calm down space during that time, they immediately regret it.

[vvvvvfee]

+1 to lawandorder, i think our LOs are just too young to get that concept. they don't know what "overwhelmed" is. they can't name their emotions. i think it would just be lost on them. and distraction doesn't tend to work this young (or really at all when someone is feeling a very strong emotion- doesn't help if someone shoves a calm-down glitter jar in your face when you're crying or yelling ).

i would stick to the sportscasting, using very basic terms ("toddler-ese")- "you are SO MAD! SO MAD! you want that cookie!" or "you want OUT! OUT of the car seat! you want OUT now!" if he's really flipping out, i'd check in with HALT (is he hungry? angry? lonely? tired?) and try to address one of those. at this age, a lot of the time they're tired or hungry but don't know how to express it.

you can always take LO with you to a quiet, dark area and try to rock him to calm him down (i.e., you are the calm-down area). and don't forget you can give yourself a time out- if LO is physically safe at home but tantruming endlessly, say you'll be right back and go into the other room and take deep breaths for a minute.

[ashiscute]

@lawndorder and @vvvvfee covered it. You can introduce a calm space now but I wouldn't expect him to use it that way for awhile. DD does the safe space thing but I don't take her there. I feel like that has to be her decision to choose.

You kind of have to read your kid and go through trial and error to see what works. DS needs calm words and hugs to calm down. DD needs to do it on her own by herself. You'll figure out what works. Keep in mind these are basically babies still so you may find something at some point that works but at this point tantrums are normal and 5-10 mins isn't excessive.

[Deleted]

I would also add, one thing that helps in the sportscasting is to remind the kid that they won't feel this way forever. I think it can be really overwhelming and reminding them that this is just for now and will end seems to help L. E.g. You feel really angry that Mom said you couldn't throw water on the floor. It's ok to be angry. You won't feel angry forever.

[kristhegirl]

I would really like a calm down space. I'd even like a glitter bottle.

[kingsley123]

vvvvvfee, perhaps this is kid dependent, but DS does name his emotions. He'll say, "frustrated. Mama help please" when he is unable to do something that he's been attempting for a while. Additionally, he recognizes emotions in others (e.g. "kid sad crying want outside").

I say this not to humble brag (I know we are ahead verbally and behind in other areas, like gross motor), but to point out that all our kids are developing differently and perhaps sharebear05 DS is ready for a chill space.

In our house, we have started talking about calm spaces and DS is starting to get it. We use the rocking chair with blankets and books nearby. Books are DS's safety blanket. He also likes when I sportscast and to count and sing when he's upset. These methods are working very well so far. So, if your kid seems ready sharebear05, I say go for it. The worst that will happen is he won't use it.

[swarley]

sharebear05, what are the tantrums about?

DS1 could have won an oscar for his epic tantrums. He never benefitted from calm down techniques. Some times, I just had to remove myself from the situation and just let him ride it out, even if it meant that he had flopped on the floor and cried/screamed uncontrollably. It sucked- it was the terrible 2's and then became the even worse 3s but 4 seems to be going well. I made visuals and gave him pillows to hit instead of me and DH. When the crying started to slow down, then I swooped in with hugs.

[Deleted]

Apr 18, 2017 9:08:15 GMT -5 ncjulia12 said:

My calm down space is my room, with the door closed, wine, and my phone. I usually need to retreat there ASAP after putting the kids to bed for anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour. If anyone dares to enter my calm down space during that time, they immediately regret it.

ILY woman.

[Deleted]

Apr 18, 2017 12:06:53 GMT -5 @officedronette said:

I would also add, one thing that helps in the sportscasting is to remind the kid that they won't feel this way forever. I think it can be really overwhelming and reminding them that this is just for now and will end seems to help L. E.g. You feel really angry that Mom said you couldn't throw water on the floor. It's ok to be angry. You won't feel angry forever.

Yes, this is something that I try to do with Nick. His tantrums lately have been a little more frequent, especially when he was working on cutting a molar and his fuse was short. He's still so little, but he understands a lot, and telling him it won't be this way forever and it's okay, it's helped a lot.

[swarley]

sharebear05, he loves his cookies!
Most of those tantrums seem to be very typical of this age- versus let's say a child who goes on to be diagnosed with an oppositional defiant disorder. Obviously take this with a grain of salt- all kids are different yadda yadda. Most of the time, you might not need to do all the sportscasting cause it actually adds fuel to the fire instead of diffusing the situation. By talking about the situation, you're prolonging the situation instead of changing it to something that he is allowed to do or have. And sometimes, this is my go-to on many things- you just sorta have to give in. There are a lot of battles and you just have to choose and triage your battles.

It's good that you know what triggers his tantrums. With DS fatigue is a major contributor to his anger and he refuses to nap. So sometimes that means I have to trick him into running an errand and instead he falls asleep in the car and I enjoy the Dairy Queen drive through or I move his dinner/bedtime up earlier.

[wells2010]

Apr 18, 2017 9:08:15 GMT -5 ncjulia12 said:

My calm down space is my room, with the door closed, wine, and my phone. I usually need to retreat there ASAP after putting the kids to bed for anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour. If anyone dares to enter my calm down space during that time, they immediately regret it.

hahaha +1. I need a calm down space more than my kids. My bed does just fine. With or without pringles. I will soon replace chips with wine though. 

[yelah250]

He's a bit too young for a calm down space- it would feel more like time out. You can sports fast and empathize but the main thing I do is let her know I'm here and stay close.