TTCAL 4/18-4/24

[ajetter]

::: TW - LC & Loss & just flipping triggers :::

Someone please talk me out of my crazy. I'm sorry to be laying this out on here, but I can't keep it in.

I posted the first part of my loss story on my blog Tuesday. An old friend who also has three children with no history of loss reached out to me and shared that she had a miscarriage last week, and was grateful to have someone to relate to and open up to. I hate that she is in that position but I'm glad I can be here for her.

So then for some reason I stupidly got on the internet and googled loss statistics after living children. I came across a thread of multiple people who had 3 healthy pregnancies followed by recurrent loss. So naturally I'm paranoid that is going to be me. I know I'm being dumb. But I'm so scared. I don't want it to be me.

[smores]

ajetter - I know you know this, but there is no reason to think that your next pregnancy will end in a loss just because your last one did. That being said, I get it. It's hard not to have those thoughts and I struggle with them too.

I'm glad that you are able to be there for your friend and I hope you both get your rainbows soon.

[Rama]

ajetter, one thing that I've been told and has helped me deal with the crazies is that whenever you go to Google looking for something, you're going to find it. So if you search for horror stories, you will find horror stories. Also, the ABNORMAL makes news, not the normal. You don't see articles and forum threads about people getting pregnant on-time (within a year), having a perfect pregnancy, and a healthy baby at the end. You see tragedy, loss, worst case scenarios, etc etc etc

No one else's experience is necessarily going to be your own. Each pregnancy has its own individual risks independent of your history with success or loss. Past performance doesn't predict future results. *hugs* Loss can suck it.

[ajetter]

smores @rama thanks guys. I know the right things, but it is so hard to believe them sometimes.

[Rama]

Apr 20, 2017 12:53:06 GMT -5 ajetter said:

smores @rama thanks guys. I know the right things, but it is so hard to believe them sometimes.

*hugs*  I know.  All too well, I know.

[esgrunner]

Apr 18, 2017 11:39:37 GMT -5 smores said:

QOTW: What is your favorite sweet treat? I certainly cannot pick one! Top three? Donuts, brownie sundaes, and funfetti cake

You are my soulmate. Except replace donuts with gummi candy.

[esgrunner]

How are you doing? OK    

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, about 1 dpo (first cycle after early loss at 7w last month)

Diagnosis (if applicable): none yet, we had our first appt at RE this past Monday so I'm just waiting now to start testing when appropriate

Updates/questions: We'll get some blood tests done first and then the other stuff. Doc did tell me to go ahead and start taking baby aspirin, so I am.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): We're coming off a great spring break but today sucked. I went back to school and saw one of our administrators that is sort of back working for us part time now...*TW death of adult child* her adult daughter died last year (it was really horrible) and left behind 3 kids. Very sad. She and I had a little conversation about loss and what I've been dealing with this year and how she is doing better but it is still really hard. She is a strong woman. *end TW*
I hear you all on the anxiety. Right now I'm trying to keep my cool as I wait for AF to start or maybe it won't. I'm already getting snippy with DH but I don't want to. He did bring home some sorbet tonight, so that helps. We're getting some floors done in our house too, which is requiring cooperation on our part (moving furniture, trying to get some other stuff done etc) but I'm not really Ms. Happy while all of this is going on. But I do love the floors so far!
My co-worker BFF that is also TTC just started AF over the break; it was really tough on her because her cycle was a few days longer than normal.  

QOTW: What is your favorite sweet treat? All of them. 

[nuggetrn]

Long time no see! I have been busy, keep wanting to come back but it's been kind of rough.

How are you doing? I am doing pretty well right now

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Benched by the RE - but should be done with that soon!

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS, RPL

Updates/questions: We are so close to starting medicated cycles. I am excited and I am so hopeful this will do the trick and we will stay pregnant this time. Baseline monitoring and blood work on the 25th and as long as everything looks good we will start femara. I did the SIS on the 13th and my uterus/tubes look exactly as they should!

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Like some others I am also pretty disappointed we don't get a 2017 baby... Much like we didn't get the 2016 baby that we thought we were going to get

QOTW: What is your favorite sweet treat? Chocolate of some sort maybe... Has anyone ever had the butterfinger cups? They are delicious.

[nuggetrn]

mflowers929 I am glad all of the tests so far are coming back normal. Hopefully adding the anticoagulants is what is going to help!

Rama Hugs. I think that is such a big husband worry for all of us. I have so many people to talk to. I encourage DH to talk to others as much as he wants/needs but like you said, it's a hard thing to kind of make small talk about. And do you really want to?

smores I hope that talking to your friend went well for you! I totally understand wanting to tell other people but hoping that your emotions don't completely take over. I would be so much more comfortable telling people things sometimes if I could guarantee I wouldn't also start sobbing. Lol

Hugs Hugs Hugs kariann12. I am so sorry about your loss. I agree with your sentiment... It would be nice to get a second chance as quickly as possible. Kind of as proof that we really can do this. Fx this cycle ends with a positive!!

[rm2013]

mflowers929 hugs. I definitely understand on the waiting.

Rama any chance your insurance has a "virtual" counselor? I think they do it over the phone?

scoutradley I'm sorry. This just happened to me this week, I know it stings.

smores - yay for AF! And I'm in the same boat with OPP. Hugs.

sarahh - FX!!!

misspatty hope you feel better!

kariann12 I hope you don't have long to wait!

ajetter all the hugs 💕

@sparky85 glad you're doing good!

esgrunner hope your testing and follow up appts go well.

nuggetrn good luck with starting medicated cycles!

[rm2013]

How are you doing? Not too hot. I feel bad i've been absent the past week after introing but it's been a little rough. My coping mechanism is withdrawing so I'm trying to work on that.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Benched

Diagnosis (if applicable): none yet, 1st RE appt is 5/3

Updates/questions: Well, I guess a positive thing is AF came this week! 1st post loss cycle so glad at least my body seems to be trying to bounce back. I was supposed to start BC until we are cleared to TTC again but I did not. I'm not sure what that means but I just didn't want to do it.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): ### TW - OPP & LC ###

Found out this week that my SIL is expecting and is due when I was. So the family will still get a grandbaby that month, just not mine. Then found out that my neighbor across the street is due a couple weeks after I was, and another neighbor is KU and finally revealed her bump.

I could deal with SIL since they are in another state but it got me hard with my neighbors because I will have them in my presence all the time. Definitely was a big blow and it set me back quite a bit.

### TW - LC ###

I realized I forgot to mention mine in my intro. I have 4yo and 2yo DDs. Then followed by 2 unexplained losses in 5 months.



QOTW: What is your favorite sweet treat?
Right now, Raisinets and Snickers

[scoutradley]

rm2013 I'm so sorry! So many hugs for you. It's definitely rough going right now.

[smores]

Apr 20, 2017 23:16:07 GMT -5 nuggetrn said:

*snip*@smores I hope that talking to your friend went well for you! I totally understand wanting to tell other people but hoping that your emotions don't completely take over. I would be so much more comfortable telling people things sometimes if I could guarantee I wouldn't also start sobbing. Lol *snip*

Right?! Like, in theory I want to tell everyone about our loss (not randomly, only if "when are you having another?" comes up) BUT until I know I can share that info without sobbing, it's close friends/family only. I actually didn't end up telling my friend. The convos we had just didn't go that direction which I'm ok with. I see her one on one multiple times a month so I'm certain I'll tell her soon. Like I said, I just don't like to randomly bring it up.

[smores]

*TW OPP*

rm2013 - Ugh, that is rough and I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. I wish it didn't have to be so hard sometimes and that so many of us weren't in this boat. I'm here if you ever need someone to vent it out with.

[smores]

Apr 20, 2017 19:15:59 GMT -5 esgrunner said:

Apr 18, 2017 11:39:37 GMT -5 smores said:

QOTW: What is your favorite sweet treat? I certainly cannot pick one! Top three? Donuts, brownie sundaes, and funfetti cake

You are my soulmate. Except replace donuts with gummi candy.

Yes! Gummi candies are delicious too. I'm practically dying right now because there is SO MUCH Easter candy in my house and I'm trying to be healthy.

[mflowers929]

I feel kind of mean right now. When we had our family vacation in October, my mother was a little pushy about letting us know that she's ready to be a grandmother. I haven't told them that we're going to be trying again because I want it to be a surprise for them, but in the meantime I told them that H and I have had to have some "difficult discussions" about it, and that I don't want to talk about it until I'm ready, and to please pass the word to the rest of the family to not bring it up.

I'm pretty sure they're dying to know what's up.

[Rama]

Apr 21, 2017 11:35:23 GMT -5 mflowers929 said:

I feel kind of mean right now. When we had our family vacation in October, my mother was a little pushy about letting us know that she's ready to be a grandmother. I haven't told them that we're going to be trying again because I want it to be a surprise for them, but in the meantime I told them that H and I have had to have some "difficult discussions" about it, and that I don't want to talk about it until I'm ready, and to please pass the word to the rest of the family to not bring it up.

I'm pretty sure they're dying to know what's up.

That's not mean.  Your family planning is NONE of their business.  You are generous enough to share at all, so don't let their expectations for you make you feel any kind of way.

[scoutradley]

Apr 21, 2017 11:44:58 GMT -5 Rama said:

Apr 21, 2017 11:35:23 GMT -5 mflowers929 said:

I feel kind of mean right now. When we had our family vacation in October, my mother was a little pushy about letting us know that she's ready to be a grandmother. I haven't told them that we're going to be trying again because I want it to be a surprise for them, but in the meantime I told them that H and I have had to have some "difficult discussions" about it, and that I don't want to talk about it until I'm ready, and to please pass the word to the rest of the family to not bring it up.

I'm pretty sure they're dying to know what's up.

That's not mean.  Your family planning is NONE of their business.  You are generous enough to share at all, so don't let their expectations for you make you feel any kind of way.

+1 to this

[esgrunner]

mflowers929, I know what you mean about feeling mean, but I think you are doing the right thing if that is what you want to do.

After my loss last Oct, we didn't tell our families if/that we were trying again so when I got pregnant again in Feb, my mom was so excited and told me she was wondering if we would stop trying because the loss was so emotionally hard on me. That said, she never brought it up before we announced the 2nd pregnancy because she didn't think it was appropriate, so I am lucky that she is very respectful of our personal life/decisions.

This time, since we are seeing an RE and need family to help watch E and I had a million questions for my mom about family history, it is all kind of out there now about what we are doing. At least to my mom and my sister, but I'm not sure how much DH has told his family. At this point, I don't care if people know what we are doing, as long as they will be supportive. Same for me with telling friends. The ones I relied on after my mc's are the ones I'm talking to about all of this.

[mflowers929]

Thanks guys. I just really don't want it brought up again. I've been talking with my cousin, because she's been doing all the testing and procedures and has knowledge of family history, but she's the only one in my family who knows.

**TW** I just know it's a little difficult for my mom to, well, sit on her thumbs as it were, because my one aunt has 2 grandkids, and my other has 3 and a 4th coming in July. She loves kids, and we're going to be visiting with all the family on our trip, and then when we get back home we're going to be visiting BFF and nephew, and I just didn't want her, or any other family, getting all "Sooo, what's up with kids for you guys" because everything is still SO up in the air and I don't want to have to explain it over and over again.

[MsG]

I'm a little late to the party this month - for my own mental health I was trying to avoid dwelling on everything the last few weeks. It didn't work, so I'm back

How are you doing?
Better this weekend than I have been in a month. March was a brutally emotional month, so I'm very relieved to be feeling at least somewhat better now.


Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):
TTC


Diagnosis (if applicable):
PCOS


Updates/questions:
I have my first appointment with my OB since we passed the one year mark on May 11. I know it's just a consultation and she's not an RE, so I'm not expecting much. But it is my first step down that road. Granted, it's a road I had hoped to avoid.


Debbie downer (a place to vent):
TW: OPP/LC - I am honestly doing better the last week than I had been last month when my bff gave birth which was way more difficult than I'd anticipated. It kind of blind sided me because I thought I'd be able to separate my own issues from it and was not at all. But I'm getting there. And one of my besties at work also announced her pregnancy to me last week, so that was hard. And who likes crying at work? 

And on top of that, a gift box of formula showed up at my house. Turns out that Similac didn't get the memo that I'd MC'd and sent it to me because I would've been due in a few weeks. So thanks for that reminder Similac. I can only assume that one of my pregnancy apps sold my info back when I was using it to track my pregnancy progress. 



QOTW: What is your favorite sweet treat?
Chocolate mousse. 


TW - OPP/LC

Rama , My husband only just started saying a little bit this month. About a week ago he randomly asked me if it was bad news that I hadn't mentioned pregnancy testing this month - it was just that I was too soon in TWW and then he asked how people could get accidentally pregnant. I was totally taken aback because he really never lets on that it bothers him at all. 

scoutradley , I'm so sorry. Every new announcement cuts me a bit. One of my colleagues (who I love dearly) just started trying at the end of last year and told me this week she was KU. I'm happy for her, truly, but I can't help but be insanely jealous that it happened so quickly and easily. Plus I had just enjoyed finding someone else IRL who I could talk about TTC with.

smores , Your feelings are totally natural. Every BFP from someone else still hurts a bit. *Hugs*

sarahh It is so hard not to symptom spot. Any progress is good progress!

kariann12 , That totally makes sense. That's exactly how I felt first month post-loss. So desperate to get KU and even though I knew it wasn't my fault, it's hard not to feel like you just want another chance.

ajetter , That loss of hope isn't dumb. I've hit that this month too. In March I was feeling all optimistic and like that was the month and then I was devastated it wasn't. And then this month I feel like it's never going to happen. I think I'm spiraling into a little bit of TTC depression (just about TTC - not anything else in my life).

rm2013 I'm sorry. OPPs really do hurt. 

[MsG]

@nevertoomanyshoes Sorry I'm not sure about the testing question, but came here to commiserate on the baby making questions. I hate getting asked about baby plans because I don't want to talk about MC except with a couple people I'm really close to. And I don't want to talk about the fact that we're TTC either, so I usually end up awkwardly smile and say something about maybe some day having a kid. It's the worst. I don't take offense that people ask, but I really wish they wouldn't. I'm in my 30s and have been married for 5 years so I guess everyone thinks it's an appropriate question.

[roma2020]

Sorry to hear about your loses and failures.I also had many failures few years ago.I was trying to conceive from last 10 years but had no luck.Than i went for IUI but i failed at IUI.Then i went for IVF and had few cycles of IVF but failed in IVF too.I was heart broken at my failures like you.But than i came to know about surrogacy.Than i started looking for surrogacy and found a clinic.Now i will move to Ukraine for the clinic.And soon i will have a baby.

[Deleted]

How are you doing? I am not doing that good. panic attacks and nightmares started in 2015 after 5th loss and they went away for a while but started back lately and worse then before.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Not using anything to prevent pregnancy but nothing has happened since 2015

Diagnosis (if applicable): not sure. found out a few things i have in 2016 but they aren't sure they are causes of losses.

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent): May was hard month for us.

QOTW: What is your favorite sweet treat? Reese cups