TTCAL 5/2-5/8

[scoutradley]

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive, after a loss, every week.

Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.

**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**

How are you doing?

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent):

QOTW: What is your favorite place to shop at (in general, don't have to be clothes/shoes).

[elsiemae]

Hi ladies! This is my first time checking in on the TTCAL post, so I thought I'd give you my history. I've had two losses. I had a NMC in 2012. And I had a MMC in the fall of 2014. That one was especially difficult, because my husband was out of town for the entire thing. We had decided to relocate to a different state, and he had already moved up there and started his new job. I was still back in our hometown packing up our things and getting everything ready for the move. I also had a lot of bleeding post D&C, which was hard to deal with as well. For the past two years we have gone between TTA and NTNP.


How are you doing? Meh. Today is CD1, so I'm just chugging along today, until I can drink wine this evening

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Updates/questions: Anyone have any advice for relieving stress and anxiety? I usually take low dose Paxil, but I'm in the process of weaning myself off of it. I'm a little concerned about how this will affect my anxiety levels.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Yesterday was my the anniversary of my loss in 2012. And the 23rd is would have been my due date for my loss in 2014. So May is just a shitty month in general for me :/

QOTW: What is your favorite place to shop at (in general, don't have to be clothes/shoes). I really enjoy shopping at thrift stores and garage sales. Mainly because I'm cheap

[mflowers929]

How are you doing? It's weird, this past week. I feel really good, and then I get really anxious and stressed. I know it has to do with my parents being here, and even though I love and miss them, I really can't wait for them to go home so I can have some peace about this all.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Benched

Diagnosis (if applicable): RPL

Updates/questions: Pretty well went through it above. Went to my family doctor yesterday for my lungs, and we were discussing what the specialist had said, and telling him that I'm really glad that I'll actually have something that I can actively do the next time.

Debbie downer (a place to vent):

QOTW: What is your favorite place to shop at (in general, don't have to be clothes/shoes). I think I mentioned this before (lol) but the fabric store XD It's going to get bad. My parents are building us a loft bed while they're here, and I'm getting a woman cave/sewing nook underneath, with space to put all my sewing stuff, and yeah... I can see this getting out of hand quickly.

[scoutradley]

How are you doing? I'm okay.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): PID

Updates/questions: I asked my dr if we start looking into how affected my fertility was by the PID in October which would be one year of trying or in February which would be my loss month. Of course it's February. Sigh.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): see above.

QOTW: What is your favorite place to shop at (in general, don't have to be clothes/shoes). Lowes Home Improvement. Even though I don't own a house. I love it a lot.

[ajetter]

elsiemae I'm sorry for your losses and that it's CD1.

[ajetter]

How are you doing? Fine this week.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Feeling very just eh right now. I got a wave of hope with some strong signs of ovulation, but then my brain tells me I'm dumb for being hopeful. Wish I could go back to being a naieve 23 year old who though sex = babies. TTC was way more fun then.

QOTW: What is your favorite place to shop at (in general, don't have to be clothes/shoes). I spend most of my money at Target and on Amazon. I love going to Home Goods though.

[rosey06]

First time in this thread for awhile so a quick history. Started TTC last May. Had a MC in sept. Then a MMC around Xmas with a D&c right after New Years.



How are you doing? I'm good.



Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): benched



Diagnosis (if applicable): --



Updates/questions: I'm really anxious to get my TSH rechecked this weekend. I'm praying it's atleast close to normal again cause I'd like to get off that bench next month. We also decided I won't be picking up the new pack of BC pills this week and I'll start charting again. Wooho! I really hate BC pills.




Debbie downer (a place to vent): my first MC due date was last week. So that kinda crappy. But I'm ok.



QOTW: What is your favorite place to shop at (in general, don't have to be clothes/shoes). Target!

[scoutradley]

May 2, 2017 14:54:13 GMT -5 misspatty said:

May 2, 2017 9:06:10 GMT -5 scoutradley said:

How are you doing? I'm okay.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): PID

Updates/questions: I asked my dr if we start looking into how affected my fertility was by the PID in October which would be one year of trying or in February which would be my loss month. Of course it's February. Sigh.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): see above.

QOTW: What is your favorite place to shop at (in general, don't have to be clothes/shoes). Lowes Home Improvement. Even though I don't own a house. I love it a lot.

Really? I have been told I should seek treatment after 1 year of trying without a successful pregnancy, not one year from our loss. Is this an OB or an RE? Just curious. Maybe there are different schools of thought on this and I wasn't aware. 

It was my OB. She said that they typically count from start of trying, but not if I actually got pregnant. In that case, they start the count over at my last pregnancy (or if I have 3 losses).

[ajetter]

May 2, 2017 14:54:13 GMT -5 misspatty said:

May 2, 2017 9:06:10 GMT -5 scoutradley said:

How are you doing? I'm okay.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): PID

Updates/questions: I asked my dr if we start looking into how affected my fertility was by the PID in October which would be one year of trying or in February which would be my loss month. Of course it's February. Sigh.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): see above.

QOTW: What is your favorite place to shop at (in general, don't have to be clothes/shoes). Lowes Home Improvement. Even though I don't own a house. I love it a lot.

Really? I have been told I should seek treatment after 1 year of trying without a successful pregnancy, not one year from our loss. Is this an OB or an RE? Just curious. Maybe there are different schools of thought on this and I wasn't aware. 

This is what I have heard as well. Especially if the loss wasn't just a random chromosomal abnormality.

[kariann12]

How are you doing? Ok, been a bit up & down lately

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): unexplained IF

Updates/questions: CD1 was finally Sunday, so now I can start over. I have been thinking about jumping back into temping/OPKs again, which I haven't done in well over a year. It's been encouraging that I "can" get pregnant. So I'm not sure if doing those things will put too much stress on TTC or not.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Everyday I keep thinking how far along I should be. I'm not sure that'll ever go away, but it's been harder lately than it had been.

QOTW: What is your favorite place to shop at (in general, don't have to be clothes/shoes). Not sure I have an absolute favorite, but I do love a good yarn store, Target, and Gap outlet.

[ajetter]

kariann12 I struggled a lot with thinking about how far along I should be at first. I think it toned down around the 6 or 7 week mark post loss. But a few of the ladies did tell me it never really goes away. It just gets easier to deal with. Hugs.

[MrsRC88]

I haven't posted in a while, but figured I'd chime in. I'm on mobile, so I can't tag- but I will pass out some support love .

My history is in my sig, if anyone needs a refresher.


Kariann- I still occasionally think about "how far along I'd be"... I don't think it ever goes away. It doesn't help that I have friends that are due about the same time I was.



How are you doing? Eh. I'm reaching 6 months post-loss. It sucks. I'm just trying to stay busy.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC/NTNP

Diagnosis (if applicable): Unexplained, after having fibroids removed 5/15.

Updates/questions: Nothing really... CD19. Just plugging along. A week to CD1.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): *warning* OPP/MC mentioned.



So my brother texted me last night out of the blue. He never does this. Last time he did it, he told me his gf was pregnant (and that was about a year ago). She had a mmc a couple weeks later. I was so worried he was going to tell me she was KU again, but nothing. I'm still uneasy about it. Like he's just trying to soften the blow. He's younger than me, they were not trying previously. I was so jealous and upset last year, and I hated that I felt like that.



QOTW: What is your favorite place to shop at (in general, don't have to be clothes/shoes). Anywhere! Outlets and consignment shops are my favorite.

[esgrunner]

How are you doing? OK, CD1, so....you all know how that feels. Big hit to the gut/heart.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): Right now, just recurrent miscarriage and we start testing tomorrow to see if there is anything else going on.

Updates/questions: As I just mentioned, I'll start my initial bloodwork and u/s tomorrow with the RE then go in next week for another sonogram and more bloodwork. I'm nervous and excited to be starting this phase of TTC.

Debbie downer (a place to vent):AF took awhile to actually start and I got a faint positive on a Wondfo on Monday so I was hopeful for a couple of days but then spotting picked up yesterday and I knew this wasn't our month. I think it was a false positive though, so I might just toss the rest.

QOTW: What is your favorite place to shop at (in general, don't have to be clothes/shoes). Target and Banana Republic (usually the BR outlet)...pretty much my whole wardrobe is Target and BR!

[elsiemae]

esgrunner I'm so sorry about the false positive. ((Hugs))

And good luck at your appointment tomorrow!

[scoutradley]

@nevertoomanyshoes could you ask your mom to just not tell you. You don't have to explain why if you don't want to. And maybe avoid BFP threads for a time. No one would blame you. It's not worth the hurt.

[scoutradley]

May 3, 2017 17:05:22 GMT -5 @nevertoomanyshoes said:

scoutradley MH offered to call her to let her know. I think I should let her know, but yeah, it's not something she understands so she does this thing where she tries hard to be genuinely supportive but if I don't respond how she thinks I should then she gets fixated and doesnt back off.

I don't know why I find it hard to tell people. In my head I have it all planned. I don't want people's sympathies, just want people to know if that makes sense. Like, early and late pregnancy loss are sadly things that have happened to many of my work colleagues, but I even find it hard to say to them. My boss has been there and knows about my first loss, but the other day she asked me when we would TFAS and even though we have a very candid relationship, I couldn't even drop a "just had a miscarriage so not sure". The words just physically wouldn't come out.

Sorry for the word vomit. Bad days just sneak up on you sometimes.

Word vomit whenever you want. That's what we're hear for. So many *hugs*. I can't tell people either. My grandfather asked the other day when we would be trying for another, I didn't tell him we miscarried. My doula (who I'm also friends with because we have known each other for years) asked me the other day about having another, I didn't tell her either. I have a really hard time telling too, even though I don't want my baby unknown to people. Idk how it makes sense either. I can't stand the thought of all the "I'm sorry's" or the sympathy, I just want them to know I have another. I think it's me hanging on the the idea that I have another baby, by for some reason the sympathy makes me sadder.

[smores]

elsiemae - Welcome and I'm so sorry for your losses. Big hugs through May as you have to deal with those milestones.

rosey06 - Hi and welcome! I'm sorry for your losses.

misspatty - I need to remember to shop at J. Crew more often. For some reason I always forget about it, but I always like a lot of their stuff! Hugs as you hit your year mark.

mflowers929 - I wish I knew how to sew (more than a button). It's definitely something I want to learn how to do well once I have some more free time... so, like, when I'm retired, haha.

ajetter - We spend our money at the same places! Sorry your feel "meh" this week.

scoutradley - Ugh, sorry they are making you wait. I know it's the same at my practice. Basically the one year "clock" resets if you get pregnant and have a loss (obviously different if there are multiple losses). The waiting is frustrating.

kariann12 - I still subconsciously track how far along I would have been too. Solidarity hug.

MrsRC88 - I love shopping at outlets! It pains me to shop at those "regular" stores because I always know I could get basically the same thing for like half price at the outlet.

esgrunner - Sorry for CD1 and the false positive. Hugs.

[smores]

@nevertoomanyshoes - I'm still trying to figure out how to tell people. I really think it just has to be one of those "the moment is right" type of things. My parents and in laws knew I was pregnant before my first appointment. After the appointment I texted my parents to let them know. MH called his parents to let them know. The week of my D&C I had a group thing planned with friends that I had to cancel. One of them, my BFF, started asking me why (friendly-like) via text and I also told her over text. I have told all of one person face to face. It was a really good friend who was asking about our TTC situation while we were hanging out and I had planned to tell him at some point anyway. So when he asked, it was in person and blurted it out and had a crying meltdown in the middle of the bar... so that went well. I find it really hard to actually say the words, too. Idk. I guess I'm not much help other than to say I'm right there with you. If you feel like it would be easier for you to text your mom about it then I would. Just be prepared for her to maybe want to have a convo over the phone or in person after you break the news. Mine did. But at that point they obviously already knew and so it was easier to talk about with them once the news had already been "broken" via text. I hope that makes sense.

[mflowers929]

May 3, 2017 3:38:09 GMT -5 ajetter said:

kariann12 I struggled a lot with thinking about how far along I should be at first. I think it toned down around the 6 or 7 week mark post loss. But a few of the ladies did tell me it never really goes away. It just gets easier to deal with. Hugs.

kariann12, ajetter is right. It does sort of settle down after a few weeks. I find that, for me, it's the worst around the EDD. For instance, the fact that my first baby should have been 2 in December, and my reaction to that, is what finally prompted me to decide to hop off the bench again.

[smores]

How are you doing? I'm doing fine this week.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC - CD17

Diagnosis (if applicable): N/A

Updates/questions: I'm not charting or doing OPK's this cycle so idk where I'm at really this cycle. Pre-loss I would O somewhere around CD16-20 so maybe I'll try and OPK tomorrow just for fun. We've been doing every other day sex or every other, other day sex since CD9 though and plan to for the rest of the cycle so I know we will hit at least once or twice in my FW, whenever it is.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): None this week really. I find I'm having less and less sad days. I definitely still have sad moments, I think about it every day, but I think it's getting easier to deal with.

QOTW: What is your favorite place to shop at (in general, don't have to be clothes/shoes). I love the outlets! But most of my money goes to Target & Amazon.

[mflowers929]

smores, I've been sewing for about 8 years now. Not soon after I met my now BFF, she kind of got me into it. My first few projects were absolute disasters, but I'm stubborn and kept at it and got better quickly =)

[mflowers929]

Aaand another post. Two things.
1. When we were working on putting together my bed today, my mom, dad, H and I were getting frustrated because we were trying to describe our ideas of how to put it together and it just wasn't working because there's not enough floor space to lay it out. So I mentioned that I happen to have the key for the apartment next door which is currently empty and suggested that we lay the wood out over there to figure it out. We carried the wood over and apparently MH has never seen the apartment over there, because he just looked at me and goes "Why don't we move over here??". It's a little bigger than our current place, but laid out differently, and I guess it does work better. So looks like we'll be putting in a call to our landlord to see what sort of deal he can make us for all the crap we've put up with in our currently apartment.

2. I'm thinking that we might start trying a little earlier than anticipated. I still can't really try until after my oral surgery in July, but I think I'm going to call early next week to make an appointment to get my IUD out. My parents are going to be able to move up here sooner than anticipated, and we were looking at a gorgeous house the other day - just outside the city, with a 3 bedroom main house and a 3 bedroom in-law suite. It's pretty much a dream house and the sort of place where I'd love to raise a family.

[MrsRC88]

May 3, 2017 16:53:04 GMT -5 @nevertoomanyshoes said:

On topic off topic, but who and how did you tell people about your loss(es) when you were/are struggling or need people like family or friends to tone down the unintentional triggering?

I've wanted to say something a few times but just couldn't get it out.

Is it inappropriate to text my mum to let her know because I don't want to talk about it I just want her to be aware so as to not tell me about other people's pregnancies. But my mum can be a bit extra and will want to talk even if I say I don't want to.

I think this is a very personal decision. I told my parents, in-laws, BFF and siblings within 24 hours. I was on vacation at the time, so I sent my supervisor at work an email to let her know what was going on, and asked her to share with our department. I didn't want to return to work with "how was your vacation?!" questions, since I had to cancel. Plus, my entire department was going to be in that next week for our holiday party. Otherwise, I may not have told them.

I told a few close friends, simply because they either knew I was pregnant, or they asked "why didn't you go on your trip?". I also shared a viral Facebook post in regards to miscarriage, several weeks after, and so some people saw that. But I pretty much don't have anyone to talk to about it, since no one understands.

I have told people that, while I am happy for you, I don't need to know about others pregnancies or about their little children. Sometimes this comes out very nice, other times I end up getting piss drunk and ugly crying. At work, I simply walk away and leave the conversation.

Totally appropriate to let your mom know your feelings, but also take into account that you don't want to be blindsided either. I'd rather find out via text or Facebook, so I can deal on my own, in private, vs in person.

[MsG]

How are you doing? Ok

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS

Updates/questions: I have a consultation with my OB on the 11th since we're past a year of trying now.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Last month, similac delivered a sample pack of formula. Today they delivered another one (literally as I typed this update). My original EDD was coming up in about a week, so I can only assume this is why. It's so annoying because I keep getting formula but I am not having a baby. Also because I can only assume one of my pregnancy tracking apps sold my info about pregnancy but the MC news didn't get passed along. Thanks for continuously reminding me of the loss Similac. Really effing appreciate it.

QOTW: What is your favorite place to shop at (in general, don't have to be clothes/shoes). I love Nordstrom Rack and Home Goods.

[esgrunner]

*TW OPP*
Rough morning here...my work BFF got a BFP and told me first thing this morning....I am glad she told me but I left right away and came into my classroom to cry. She came and found me and started crying too...I had a pretty rough weekend and I've been feeling depressed anyway since one of my would-have-been EDDs is this Friday. She feels awful but I tried to reassure her it is not her fault. We check in every morning on what our status is on OPKs and HPTs so it would have been weird if she just stopped telling me that stuff anyway. I just didn't expect it to hit as hard as it did.

[scoutradley]

esgrunner oh *hugs* honey. That is so rough. What awful timing. Don't feel bad about responding that way. My friend and I were TTC buddies and I found out right away when she got her BFP too. We just made an agreement that if I was having a hard day, that I would let her know that I couldn't talk pregnancy that day. Maybe you can make a similar pact with your friend. It helps to know I always have the option of shutting down the conversation without hurting her feelings.
Also so many hugs about Saturday! What a crummy weekend for that to fall on. Make sure to take time to do something to treat/take care of yourself.